Final Fantasy X, Unlimited Edition
by EXkii
Summary: This is just Final Fantasy X at its Unlimited Edition. You wanna know what REALLY happens when they're directing this movie? Then take a peek here! LATEST: Tidus can say hard words? Rikku goes overboard! Lulu finally SNAPS. Kimahri's a ninja?
1. Zanarkand

Title: Final Fantasy X, Unlimited Edition.

Disclaimer: Hey. Tis Tifa-chan here. :D Everything from here on, I do not own. It belongs to the Squaresoft company. ^^ (But I own some of the corny jokes that might appear here!!) Hehe. ;P

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Chapter 1: Zanarkand 

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*The Zanarkand theme song plays in the beginning. You know, the one when Tidus starts walking on the rock and everybody else is gathered around the bonfire? Well, our epic story starts from there…*

(All is gathered around the bonfire, finally making it to Zanarkand. What are they thinking about now?…)

Rikku: ::Sigh::_ With a bonfire like this, we should toast marshmallows! _^^

Wakka: ::Giggle:: _Lulu's breasts keep popping out… Hehe. And it's a good thing nobody suspects me of looking at them bounce up and down too! _=^^=

Lulu: ::Tries to cover her cleavage:: _Ugh… That disgusting orange-head blitz ball player… Am I the only one that knows that he keeps looking down here!?_

Kimahri: _Well, this is another well done paycheck for not doing anything in this scene. _^^\/  
Auron: _Damn these young kids. In my days, we wouldn't be sitting around here and looking at this blazing light of danger! … What am I talking about? I love the light… _*_*

Yuna: _When are we going to go make out?…_

Tidus: _Gosh, why does Yuna have to keep staring at me? Not sexy enough for you, am I!? Well, I'll show you…_

(Tidus stands up, walks over to Yuna and puts his hand on Yuna's shoulder. Yuna replied by closing here eyes and touching his hand. Tidus then walks away to climb the rock.)

Tidus: ARGH! ::Slips off::

All: …

Rikku: Umm… You need any help with that? O.o The director did say that he oiled it to make it shiny…

Tidus: No, I do not! U_U _Dammit… I need help getting up there! _::Tries again and slips::

All: …

*And so, 15 minutes pass by as Tidus tries to climb up that damn rock. And finally, he makes it.*

Tidus: ::Looks around at the sunset sky:: _Listen to my story…_

*This is Zanarkand, the birthplace of Tidus. Some fans of his are awaiting for his arrival.*

(Fan girls scream.)

Fan Girl #1: Like, oh my gosh! It's him! It's Tidus!!

Fan Girl #2: Really? Oh my god. It is! OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.

(Tidus comes over to his fans with a grin on his face.)

Fan Girl #1: OH MY GOSH! TIDUS! YOU ARE SUCH A CUTIE! WILL YOU AUTOGRAPH MY BALL!? 

Tidus: Alright.

(Fan Girl #1 hands Tidus the blitz ball.)

Tidus: ::Signs it::

(Fan Girl #2: ::Hands him her blitz ball::

Tidus: ::Signs it too::

Fan Girl #1: Good luck tonight.

Tidus: Thanks.

*The three little boys comes up to Tidus.*

Boy #1: Can you sign my blitz ball? ::Hands one to Tidus::

Tidus: Sure. ::Signs::

Boy #2: Me too!

Tidus: Alright then.

Boy #3: And me!

Tidus: Take it easy.

(Tidus finished signing the blitz balls.)

Boy #1: 1, 2, 3...

Boys: Teach us how to blitz!

Tidus: I can't. I have a game.

Boy #2: Ok. Then how about tomorrow?

Tidus: Sure.

Boy #3: Promise?

Tidus: Promise.

*And Tidus runs off to the big game. And while he was on the way, he sees his father, Jecht's face on a flat screen.*

Tidus: ::Looks up at it and starts to run::

__

"Last night, I came home soo drunk. I didn't know what to say! Well, there's my son, Tidus; whom I've always loved inside of me. But he was always such a crybaby. That's not a good thing, folks. So anyways, maybe this isn't the time to mention this. But I saw that whore again. She loved me, I loved her and so on!…"

*Tidus finally reaches the dome and sits there in the water, waiting for the game to start. The music starts and all that.. Tidus jumps into the blitz ball stadium and plays his hardest. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… Yeah. So anyways. Ahem. Sin then attacks, destroying the stadium and leaving some escaping survivors. Tidus is one of them.*

Tidus: what the fuck was that? I was gonna score that shit god dammit… ::Squints to see a swaying figure in red:: Auron? ::Runs over to it:: Auron! What are you still doing here?

Auron: Hmm? ::Turns:: Hic! 

Tidus: …Are you, drunk?…

Auron: WHAT WANTS TO KNOW, HUH!? Hic! ::Faints::

Tidus: Umm… Auron?…

Auron: ::Stands up, completely normal this time:: Ok. Let's get this show on the road, boy.

Tidus: ?…

Auron: We go this way, fight Sin and then you get transported to a beach. Alright?

Tidus: Umm… Ok.

Auron: Good. Now follow me. ::Starts walking::

Tidus: ::Follows::

*And so, they meet up with a Sinspawn. And, they beat it. Moving on to the next one. They beat it. And here comes that big one.*

Tidus: Ugh. What the fuck is that!? O_o

Auron: It's a sinspawn you moron… 

Tidus: Apparently a big one too…

Auron: Well, I shall show you the Overdrive.

Tidus: … The what?

Auron: Some gay name Squaresoft gave us in replacement of Limit Break.

Tidus: Oh. Alright then.

Auron: Ahem. HWUAAA!! ::Uses Dragon Blade:: Ta da!

Tidus: Sugoi… O.O But it's still not dead. ::Points::

Auron: Aaw. Darn it!

*And so, they fight it and then reaches the other Sinspawns. Todus makes the bridge blow up, and then Tidus hangs onto a cliff for dear life.*

Tidus: Ugh. Auron! AURON! GOD DAMN YOU, YOU OLD BASTARD! HELP ME OUT HERE!

Auron: … And just for that, I ain't helping you. U_U But…it is in the script. So, ahem. ::Grabs Tidus by his shirt collar:: This, is your story. ::Lets him go::

Tidus: AAAAAAAAH!!!…

~~~


	2. Meeting the Al Bhed and to Besaid

Disclaimer: Once again, I dun own.

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Chapter 2: Meeting the Al Bhed and to Besaid

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*After being thrown off by his drunk guardian, Auron, he lays in the ruins of Baaj Temple. He wakes up after a bird kept pecking at him.*

Tidus: Oww, oww, oww! HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM!? CAN'T GET YER OWN FOOD, YOU DUMB SCAVENGER!? WELL, BEAT IT!! 

(Umm…yeah. ^_^;;)

Tidus: ::Breathes in, and then out. Then sighs:: Why the hell did that old man throw me out? Yeesh. Not like he owns Zanarkand or anything. ::Looks around in the water:: Hello? Anybody home? ::Starts swimming forward::

*Tidus then finally reaches the pathway to the Baaj Temple.. He steps out of the water and starts walking the path.*

Tidus: ::Walk, walk, walk::

*Something from underwater then looks up at Tidus…*

(The JAWS theme starts playing.)

Tidus: ::Stops walking:: Umm…that can't be good…

*The three fishy demons jumps up from the water and knocks the path apart! Tidus falls in.*

Tidus: HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS YER PROBLEM!?

Fishy #1: Oh, hey. We were getting a bit lonely down here anyways…

Fishy #2: Yeah. After listening to #1 here yak away?

Fishy #1: U_U

Fishy #3: We're here to fight you.

Fishies: ::Nodes head::

Tidus: Hahah. You've GOTS to be kidding. You and what army?

*Growling comes from behind the fishes.*

Fishies: GORGEANO! ::Swims away quickly::

Tidus: ? What?…

*The huge, carnivorous fish swims out to greet Tidus with its dangerous self.*

Tidus: … You've GOTS to be kidding…

Gorgeano: Nope. The name's Gorgeano; G for short. ::Puts umm…fin?…out::

Tidus: ::Swims backwards slowly::

Gorgeano: Oh, I get it. Afraid of us big fishes… ::Swims away slowly and then SNAPS back with its teeth quickly:: It's alright. I get that a lot.

Tidus: O_O Umm…what do you want?

Gorgeano: Well, technically, I came out here cause I smelled human in the water.

Tidus: Oh.

Gorgeano: So. Now I shall eat you! 

Tidus: O_O! ::Swims away::

Goegeano: OH, NO YOU DON'T! ::Swims after::

*Since Tidus was a lot smaller and faster, he crashes into a small hole; a secret entrance to the insides of Baaj Temple. And Gorgeano just hit's the place. He couldn't fit. ^_^;;*

~~~Inside Baaj Temple…~~~

*Tidus pushes over a large boulder that was blocking the way and walks to the center of the room. He looks down, and sees that there could be a fire built in the bundle of burnt ash. He sets off looking for some materials to start a fire with…*

Tidus: ::Follows his compass and map:: Well, if I follow this red arrow over here… I should be able to find something… ::Walks into a room with flowing water and spots an open drawer with flint in it:: Hmm. This could come in useful. ::Takes it and leaves::

(He follows the other red arrow on his compass to the other room to get a withered bouquet.)

Tidus: Hey. What's-… OWW! ::Trips over some rocks and gets back up:: I'm alright! …Why am I talking to myself? I'm the only one here anyway… ::Continues to walk and spots a flower vase to his right:: Heeey. Dead flowers. ::Grabs it and walks out of the room to start his bonfire:: 

*While Tidus's bonfire started, he sits back and complains about his need for food…*

Tidus: UGH! SO HUNGRY! I want food! You know what? I can actually use some of my mom's crappy cooking right about now. Yeah. Like Thanksgiving, the burnt turkey, cranberry sauce that's been dropped onto the floor 4 times, and stuffing, that actually looks like my neighbor's dog… ::Sighs:: Good times, good times.

(He starts snoring)

*And while he sleeps, he dreams about his dad…*

__

"Ugh… What are you _looking at? Yeah, you. You're always looking at me like you want a piece of my leg. Oh god… No. NO! GET AWAY FROM MY LEG! AAH! HELP! HE'S BITIGN ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!…"_

*Tidus wakes up with sweat all over his face*

Tidus: OMFG. My dad was eating my leg! ::Looks at his leg:: Phew. Just a dream. ::Looks at his tiny bonfire:: ! MY HOLY FIRE! AAH! NO! DUN BURN OUT! Argh! I'm fresh out of those dead thingies I found in a vase! Hold on, I don't know where I can get wood in a crappy place like this, but I'll be right back! ::Stands up and starts running::

*And from the top of the temple, the spider-looking demon jumps down in front of Tidus, blocking his path*

Tidus: AAH!

Demon: AAH!

Tidus: O.o Hey… Don't I know you from kindergarten?…

Demon: Hmm? Oh yeeah… Tidus, isn't it?

Tidus: Yeah! And you're, Spider, aren't you?

Demon: Hell yeah! What's happening, my brother? ::Hi-5's Tidus::

Tidus: Nutti'n much. I just play blitz ball now.

Demon: Uh huh. Where?

Tidus: In the very heart of Zanarkand, of course!

Demon: …Za-nar-kand?

Tidus: Yeah. That's where you and I went to school, bro!

Demon: Umm…Tidus. There is no more Zanarkand.

Tidus: …Say what?

(Bell rings)

Demon: Oh! Break's over. Now I've got to destroy you. Sorry.

Tidus: … Alright then. I understand what you're going through. Now, ::Takes out Longsword:: let's go!

*They go into battle and the demon starts first. They keep battling until a blast comes through an entrance of the temple. A whole crew of Al Bhed busts in. A girl in armor fixes her gloves and stands next to Tidus*

Tidus: Whoa. Hey, hottie, which part of Spira are _you _from? ;]

Girl: … Oui ghuf fryd? Crid ib! (You know what? Shut up!)

Tidus: Umm…come again?

Girl: ::Sighs and steals a grenade from the demon::

Tidus: Cool! You're on my side?

Girl: ::Sighs:: Drec eteud ec cu tisp… (This idiot is so dumb…)

Tidus: Umm…right. ::Attacks demon::

*And the cycle goes on until the demon is dead.*

Tidus: ::Looks at the blonde::

Girl: ::Takes off her helmet to reveal her face::

*The other dudes holds onto Tidus*

Tidus: Hey, hey. Let me go! You KNOW, you can't pay for this hair, right? ::Smoothes his droopy spikes out::

Al Bhed #1: Rao, muugea! Yh ikmo hygat suma nyd! (Hey, lookie! An ugly naked mole rat!)

Al Bhed #2: Fryd yna oui dymgehk ypuid? Ed'c lmaynmo y tavunsat risyh! (What are you talking about? It's clearly a deformed human!)

Tidus: Whaaat?…

Al Bhed #2: … Yht tnihg! (And drunk!)

Girl: Rao! Hu syddan fryd, fa'na dygehk drec kio pylg du uin creb. (Hey! No matter what, we're taking this guy back to our ship.) ::Walks up to Tidus:: …Cunno.

*The girl punches Tidus in the stomach, knocking him out cold.*

~~~

*Tidus is awakened by the roars of an ocean. He slowly opened his eyes to see that he was on a ship…with the same people that knocked him out.*

Al Bhed #1: Rao! Ced tufh. (Hey! Sit down.) ::Knocks Tidus back down with the end of the machine gun he was carrying::

Tidus: Oww! Alright, alright. I'll sit back down!

*The 2 Al Bheds get closer to Tidus.*

Tidus: …and be quiet…

*The same girl who knocked Tidus out comes out of a door with a tattooed man. They walk up to Tidus.*

Guy: Kad res ib. (Get him up.)

*The 2 Al Bheds gets Tidus up and holds onto him*

Guy: ::Starts making weird grunting sounds and signs::

Tidus: Err…are you constipating?

Guy: Ruf nita... (How rude…) ::Does it again::

Tidus: I said I don't understand!

Al Bheds: Cdyo tufh! (stay down!) *Is ready to strike Tidus with their machine guns*

Girl: Fyed! (Wait!) ::Turns to Tidus:: He said if you want to stay here, you're going to have to work.

Tidus: ?! You can talk!?

Al Bhed #2: Gaab xiead! (keep quiet!)

Tidus: Alright, alright. I'll get to work.

*They free Tidus*

Tidus: ::Walks over to the girl::

Girl: We've discovered an ancient ship in the bottom of the ocean. It's pretty old, but we're sure it still works! We're going to go down there and operate it. Ok, let's get to work!

*Tidus and the girl dives underwater to the ancient ship*

Tidus: ::Sees the operating panel and swims to it. Since he didn't know how to read ancient language, he presses a button and nothing happens. Presses another button and nothing happens. Finally gets mad and starts bashing ALL the buttons:: $*@$&@$^(*6(!

Girl: … *Sweat drop* ::Swims over to a button near the girl and presses on it::

*The door opens*

Tidus: … *I knew that…*

*They continue swimming to the mainframe of the machine*

*Tidus then finds the mainframe and kicks it. I think that's hot the machine got started… O_o;; Ok, so it works again. Hallealeaugh! Ok. They swim back out and a giant squid attacks them. So they attack it, and blah blah blah… Then they go back up to the surface.*

Guy: Yvdan ymm draca oaync, fa'ja vehymmo vuiht ed! (After all these years, we've finally found it!)

Al Bhed #1: Oac. Ysywehkmo, ed cdemm fungc. (Yes. Amazingly, it still works.)

*The two guys walks towards the door and Tidus tries to follow*

Al Bhed #1: Hu. Oui cdyo. (No. You stay.) ::He pushes Tidus back::

Tidus: Hey! What's the big idea? I helped too, didn't I!?

*The door closes on Tidus and he decides to take a rest*

Tidus: I need food!

*The girl kicks Tidus and gives him a tray of food.*

Tidus: ::Sits up:: Alright! ::Starts eating::

Girl: ::Crouches next to him:: You're going to choke if you eat too fast.

Tidus: ::Starts choking::

Girl: …This is funny. =)

Tidus: -_________-** ::Takes bottle of water from her and drinks it::

Girl: Hey!

Tidus: Aah… ::Stands up:: Hello. What's your name?

Girl: Rikku.

Tidus: Hahah! You understood me! ::Starts dancing around::

Rikku: … 

Tidus: ::Finishes laughing:: Say. Why did you hit me anyway?

Rikku: Oh. It's cause we thought that oui was some deformed human…

Tidus: 'Oui'?

Rikku: Oh, it means "you", in Al Bhed".

Tidus: Oh…

Rikku: So, where'd you come from?

Tidus: Zanarkand. I'm the star kicker of the Zanarkand Abes!

Rikku: …Did you say… 'Zanarkand'?

Tidus: Uh huh.

Rikku: Umm… Zanarkand was destroyed a 1000 years ago, by Sin.

Tidus: Come again?

Rikku: Zanarkand was destroyed a 1000 years ago, by Sin.

Tidus: …Huh?

Rikku: Grr!… ZANARKAND WENT KAPLOOEY 1000 YEARS AGO, YOU RETARD!!

Tidus: …oh…

Rikku: -_______-;; Or, you just got too close to Sin's toxin.

Tidus: …Excuse me?

Rikku: They say when you get too close to Sin, you'll get sick and have like this amnesia.

Tidus: Sin? Toxin? 

Rikku: Argh… ::Shakes her head and starts walking around:: How about, we take you to Luca?

Tidus: 'Luca'?

Rikku: Mmm hmm. You're bound to meet somebody familiar there!

Tiuds: Uh…why not?

Rikku: Great! I'll go tell everyone! ::Starts walking and stops:: Oh, and don't tell anyone you're from Zanarkand. Yevon says it's a holy place!

Tidus: 'Yevon'?

Rikku: Ugh… ::Walks away::

__

Sin? Zanarkand? Yevon? These are things I didn't understand… It'd be best to just pretend that I know nothing…

*Al Bheds come out onto the deck*

Al Bhed: SIN!!

*A great tidal wave washes the ship*

Tidus: ::IS taken by the great wave and into the ocean::

Rikku: ! ::Tries to reach Tidus::

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	3. Washed up on Besaid

Disclaimer: Tifa-chan will never own… --

Chapter 3: Washed up on Besaid…

Tidus is floating in the water with his face in it

A blitz ball then hits him on the head and he wakes up, all clue-less

Dude with Orange Hair: Hey! You okay?

Tidus: ::Squints:: Omg… It's either me, or it's a giant orange pineapple talking to me! … AAH! SWIM AWAY! SWIM AWAY! ::Tries to swim away but the currents washes him up to the beach::

Dude with Orange Hair: Uh…you ok? It looks like you just saw a giant orange pineapple… Oo;;

Tidus: ! OO AAH! I SEE IT NOW! I SEE IT NOW! STAY BACK, I SAY. STAY BACK!! ::Does cross thingy with fingers::

Fat Guy: Uh…coach. Maybe it's your hair…

Dude with Red Hair: Yeah, you're right. Your hair does always has the tendency to drive Lulu to getting a razor to shave it off…

D.O.H: Ok, ok! We get the point! TT;;

Tidus: … Wait a minute, that's your **HAIR?! **… AHAHAHAHAHAH! ::Starts laughing uncontrollably::  
All: …

D.O.H.: Jamaican accent This ain't funnay, mon. TT;;

Tidus: ::Keeps on going::

All: …

D.O.H.: I SAID, "THIS AIN'T FUNNAY, MON!!" /

Tidus: O.O;;

D.O.H.: There, much better. I'm Wakka.

Tidus: … Is that some kind of fruit? O.o

Wakka: … No, mon. It's my name. It _symbolizes _a fruit in my language.

Tidus: And what language do you speak?…

Wakka: "Halawookin".

Tidus: …

Wakka: …

Tidus: …

Wakka: …

Guy with Red Hair: Uh…don't mind him. He's our blitz ball coach.

Tidus: Oh! Really?? You guys play blitz ball??

G.R.H.: Hell yeah. Do you?

Tidus: Definitely! ::Gives hand out to shake:: Tidus.

G.R.H.: Botta. ::Shakes hand:: And you've already met our pineapple hair-looking coach, Wakka.

Wakka: Hey! I resent that!

Tidus & Botta: … Yeah…

Tidus: So, you guys play blitz ball?

Botta: Definitely! We're the famous team, Besaid Aurochs!

Tidus: Oh, nice. So, what's the whole team's scoring average then?

Botta: … Well, to tell you the truth, all we've been doing is losing…

Tidus: … Hahah… You're kidding, right?

Botta: … TT

Tidus: Oh… Umm… Hahah. ;; Ok then. Ahem. Since you're my new friend, I'll help you guys win a game! When's the next game you're gonna play?

Botta: Next week.

Tidus: …Then you guys definitely need my expertise!! ::Takes ball from Wakka:: Observe! ::Places it on his head, flips, and then kicks it across the ocean!::

Wakka: Wow… You're no amateur. Whose team do you play on?

Tidus: The Zanarkand Abes.

The other starts mumbling about something…

_Oh, crap. Rikku told me not to mention anything about Sin! Umm…_

Tidus: Uh…I got too close to Sin's sexiness and now I think I'm sick…

All: ::Stare:: Oo;;

Tidus: … Oh, what am I talking about?…

Wakka: Don't worry. It must be Sin's _toxin._

Tidus: Huh? Oh yeah. Sin's 'toxin'. Yeah. Heheh…. ;;

_Wow… I'm stupid. --;;_

Wakka: Dun worry. It happens every time. Now let's get you back to the village. ::Starts walking ahead::

Tidus: Hey Wakka, watch out for that-!…

Wakka crashes into a coconut tree

Tidus: …tree…

Wakka: Xx ::Falls dead on the floor::

All: …

Botta: …Keepa! We told you not to eat so many coconuts! You constipate too much… ::Shakes his head::

Fat Guy a.k.a. Keepa: B…but… I can't help it! The sweet milky taste of coconut milk rushing up my nose when I'm not aware that I'm drinking from the nut… The chewy and dangerously sharp meat that tears through my mouth when I chew… Yum… ==

Tidus: …

_I thought about a lot of things before…but never as crazy as this!! Oo;;_

Wakka: ::Gets up:: I'm ok! Let's umm…goooooo….hMm…which way was I gonna go?..

Tidus: Uh…Botta, did he get amnesia all of a sudden?

Botta: Hmm? Nah. It happens all the time. ::Whispers:: His mom dropped him on the head too many times…

Tidus: Oh… Wow. I feel for him. That's why I give blondes a bad name. ;;

Botta: …

Wakka: ::Shakes his head out:: Oh! Now I know, come over here, Tidus.

Tidus: ::Comes over and his stomach grumbles:: Aheheheh…

Wakka: What? You hungry already? We'll get you something to eat back at the village. ::Starts walking::

Luzzu and Gatta is seen talking to Wakka and then leaves

_I just gotta ask him…_

Tidus: Hey, Wakka.

Wakka: ::Stops and turns:: Ya?

Tidus: Umm… Zanarkand wasn't really destroyed 1,000 years ago, was it?  
The camera focuses on the ruins of macchina in the water with birds circling them

Wakka: Yep. It's true. It was. Now look what happened to our village. Thanks to the war with macchina, we have to atone for our punishment. ::Looks back at the left-over macchina from the war in the water and then laughs:: But you from Zanarkand? That's a good one!

Tidus: Umm…yeah…

Wakka: Now come on, you want some food or not?

Tidus: Wait!

Wakka: What now?

Tidus: I Still have…one more question to ask you…

Wakka: Shoot.

Tidus: How…how… How did you get your hair to be so spiky when I keep using Nature's Prescription Gel to flat-spike mines?! O.O

Wakka: … ::Laughs:: So that was the big question?

Tidus: ::Nods::  
Wakka: Well…it's a secret but…since you're a forgettable blonde, I'll share my secret with you. ::Puts his arm around Tidus's shoulder in a Half-Nelson form and whispers:: I use coconut milk mixed with pineapples!

Tidus: But…doesn't that attract the birds and stuff?…

Wakka: You're damn right it does! ::Takes off a wig to reveal baldness::

Tidus: AAAAAAAAAH!! OO

Wakka: ::Quickly covers his head:: Now let's go, shall we? ::Keeps walking::

Tidus: OO ::Follows slowly::

Wakka: Hey, this way!

Tidus: ::Follows Wakka to a cliff and looks down:: How are we supposed to get back to the village this way?

Wakka: ::Slowly goes behind Tidus, tries to push him off sneakily while reviewing the plan in his head 415 times::

Tidus: ::Sniffs the air:: Hey…I smell hibiscus! Ooh! They're they are! ::Quickly turns just in time for Wakka to miss and fall of the cliff himself::

Wakka: Waaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!……

SPLASH!

Tidus: Is sniffing the flowers Mmm… I should gather some more to make gel. Huh? Where's Wakka? OO;; ::Starts looking around frantically:: Wakka? Wakkkaaa??

Wakka: DOWN HERE!

Tidus: Where?

Wakka: Here!

Tidus: Where is here?

Wakka: There!

Tidus: There is where?

Wakka: Right here!!

Tidus: I am here.

Wakka: No you're not. I'm there!

Tidus: Where's there?

Wakka: In the water you moron…

Tidus: So…where's the water then?

Wakka: …………….. Can we do this scene again for the stupid blonde? TT;;

_Scene 3, take 1_

This time, Wakka goes behind Tidus correctly and pushes him into the water

Tidus: Whoa! ::Falls in and makes a big splash:: Hey, what's the big idea!?

Wakka: ::Splashes in after him and motions for him to follow::

_And so, Tidus follows Wakka leading him to the way to the village. And for those of you who has played the game, you can grab some items underwater by holding the "O" button, and then opening them with the "X" button. Lolsz. Just some game-playing tips. ;; Anyways… Wakka finished leading Tidus to the way to the village, but is now nowhere to be seen… Oo_

Tidus: Wakka? ::Turns around to look for him::

Jaws theme music starts playing behind Tidus as the camera zooms in

Tidus: W…wakka? Why do I hear the Jaws thingy?… OO

Wakka: ROWR! ::Starts choking Tidus::

Tidus: A…ack! XX

Wakka: Hey, I got a question to ask you! ::Lets go::

Tidus: Then why couldn't you ask like a normal person?… ::Floats on his back::

Wakka: Well, the blitz ball tournament is going to start next week and we can use a person like you….

Tidus: So you want me on your team?

Wakka: Umm…yeah.

Tidus: …

Wakka: Come on, whaddya say? It'll be taking place in Luca and there'll be lots of people. Maybe you'll find someone you recognize, ya?

Tidus: …Yeah, whatever… ::Continues swimming::

Wakka: And maybe you can buy me some cotton candy and balloons there on the way…

Tidus: What was that? O.o

Wakka: Nothing! ;; Let's keep going. Heheh… ::Sighs:: Y.Y

Heyhey! Tifa-chan here! :D Sorry for not updating for such a long time. Just ignored this fic for awhile while waiting for the reviews to come in. Hehe. Lolsz.


	4. Besaid Island

1Disclaimer: Hi. I don't own Final Fantasy X, Square Enix does. :\ I own the Director in herre though! ;;

Chapter 4: Besaid Island

As Tidus and Wakka are walking, Wakka stops at a cliff's edge with fencing around it. He then points down to a village

Wakka: Besaid village. I've lived here since I was born. I started playing blitz when I was 5 and joined the team at 13. This place has been my hometown…my passion…my existence! TIDUS! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS::Turns around to see no one behind him: … Tidus?... :Looks around:

Tidus happened to have fallen off the cliff after trying to catch a feather that blew his way. --;;

Tidus: Quietly …Help me.

_oK… Ahem. Scene 4, Take 2…_

Wakka::Clears throat: Besaid village! I've lived here ever since I was born. I started playing blitz when I was 5 and joined the team at 13. 10 years…and we've never won a game… :Shakes and scratched his head:

Tidus: 10 years without a win would do that to you. So, what's our goal?

Wakka: I don't care, as long as we do our best. I'm fine…

Tidus: …:Glares at him and hits him on the head with a fan from nowhere: WHEN I SAY, 'WHAT'S OUR GOAL?', YOU SAY "VICTORY, YOU DUMB ASSWIPE! \/

Wakka: ;.; You serious::Rubs head:

Tidus::Throws fan away over the cliff, which hits a bird: Of course!

Wakka: WoW! Sensei, you're sooo cool!

Tidus: I know. So, let's go!

And so, they are off, once again, on their way to Besaid…

…And THEN, they meet up with Luzzu and Gatta.

Luzzu: Ah, the one from the sea.

Tidus: Aah! Loser and Goat Boy! The ones ALSO from the sea:D …Am I correct? .

All: … Sweat drop

Wakka: Umm…it's Sin's toxin acting up again. ;; This is Luzzu::Points to the one with red hair: and the other one is Gatta :Points to the Afro-American xD:.  
Tidus: Oh… Nice to meet ya, again. :

Luzzu & Gatta: Sweat drop

Luzzu: Anyways…there are fiends on the road today, so be careful. There's more than usual.  
Wakka: Will do.   
Luzzu and Gatta then leaves

Tidus: Who are they exactly anyway?

Wakka: Luzzu and Gatta, Crusaders.

Tidus: …Crews of what? o.O

Wakka: Crusaders. Don't tell me you forgot too!

Tidus::Looks down on the ground:

Wakka: Hey, dun worry about it. Crusaders are just people who dedicate their lives to defeating Sin. They have a hut in the village. When we're there, I'll show you.  
Tidus: Ok…  
And into Besaid…  
Wakka: Welcome to Besaid.

Tidus: Is there any food here?

Wakka: Sure. We'll grab you something to eat a t my hut. :Points to the middle on to the right: Just come by over there when you're hungry, ya? Luzzu and Gatta's hut is just yonder. :Points to the last hut on the left side: And make sure you give some prayers to the temple summoner. :Starts walking away and then comes back: Come over here.

Tidus: What's up::Follows along:

Wakka: You _do _know the prayer, don't you?

_You can choose either one, but you're gonna have to do the prayer anyway._

Tidus: Umm…

Wakka: Here, let me show you. :Takes a step back, bends one knee a bit, spreads both arms out, and then brings them together slowly while he is standing up like he is holding a snowball: Now you try.

Tidus::Tries to do it, but messes it up:

Wakka: Eh, nah bad. Now you know the prayer. Well, see ya. :Walks away, leaving Tidus in that position:

_Of course I knew this prayer…if was a sign for victory for blitzball players… So many things have changed here!_

_Just a few hints, just below Luzzu & Gatta's hut are three treasure chests in a little home that was destroyed by Sin. And there is also one right in front of the first hut on the left. These things are helpful in case you don't have enough money to go shopping yet:P You can go to Luzzu & Gatta's to find out more about the Crusaders if you want. But to my opinion, it's all just a big bore if you've played it like, 3 times. ;; So, if you have nothing to do, just head all the way forward to the temple!_

Enter the temple

_Tidus steps into the Besaid temple to see people praying. He then walks up to a large statue of a man._

A priest comes to him

Priest: Finally, after all these years, we receive a statue of our temple of High Summoner Lord Braska. :Does the prayer:

Tidus: Uh…what's a 'High Summoner'?

All::Gasps and turns to look at Tidus:

Tidus: Erm…uh… I got too close to uh…Sin's toxin. And my memory's all erm…fuzzy-like.

All: Oh… :Does the prayer:

Priest: Praise be to Yevon that you are still alive.

_It was funny to hear myself make the same excuse all over… Funny, and sad. Well, it's like that time I was ordering some food at Taco Bell's, I forgot that I ordered a Big Salad Burrito, and I had to tell the guy at the cashier that it was Sin's toxin that made me forget what my lunch was. …Then the guy looked at me weird and said that it's just from a stupid game called, "Final Fantasy X". …The one that I star in! --;; Anywaysz…back to the plot before they deduct another 0 from my paycheck like two weeks ago. ;;_

Tidus walks outside the temple and into Wakka's hut

Wakka: Sorry bro, not time for lunch yet. Take a nap, you look bushed.

Tidus: Sure, thanks. :Goes to bed:

_The priest then comes inside to Wakka's_

Priest: Aren't you going to check on them?

Wakka::Gets up: We can't interfere, it's a rule. :Then walks out after the priest:

Priest: But it's been nearly…

_Scene changes to when Tidus was a child in Zanarkand_

_Man: But it's been nearly…_

_Camera gets closer to the back of the man's head… …Umm…maybe a bit TOO close… ;;_

Man::Turns around: Hey! Why're you looking at the back of my head?

Director: Back up… --;; :Sighs: I so have to fire that cameraman.  
_…Umm…right. ;; Scene 4, Take 2..._

_Man: But it's been nearly…_

_Camera gets closer CORRECTLY_

_Man: ...It's been nearly a day already._

_Tidus' Mother: Will you go look for him?_

_Man::Nods and leaves:_

_Tidus' Mother: Thank you…_

_Tidus: Oh, whoopee… He's lost. He's not a little puppy, you know. He's probably out drinking again and hooking women, as always. --_

_Tidus' Mother::Turns around: DON'T SAY THAT! OO JECHT'S NOT LIKE ANY OTHER MEN!_

_Tidus: I know. Other men don't drink as often as him. ;;_

_Tidus' Mother::Starts crying and runs off the set:_

All: … Sweat drop

Director: Umm…little Tidus… We didn't want you to make her CRY. --;;

Tidus::Shrugs: Sorry. I couldn't help it. :D  
Director::Sighs and shakes head: Ok. Rewind the camera! Eleya, come back to the set right now!

_Scene 4, Take 3…_

_Tidus: …Who cares if he's gone?_

_Tidus' Mother: But what if he never comes back?_

_Tidus: Fine. Let him::Looks on the ground:_

_Tidus' Mother::Kneels down: Do you…hate him so?_

_Tidus::Nods: _

_Tidus' Mother: But if he never comes back, you'll never be able to tell him how much you hate him._

Tidus wakes up screaming and noticing that Wakka has gone

Tidus: Wakka::Gets up and out to the temple:

Tidus then enters the Besaid Temple, where Wakka and the Priest is standing in front of a flight of stairs

Tidus: So, what's up?

Wakka: The summoner isn't back yet.

Tidus: Wha? OO

Wakka: It's been nearly a day already since the summoner's been inside praying.

Tidus: ..Eh blegh? Oo;;

Wakka: Summoners go inside to pray for the Aeon.  
Tidus::Files his nails: Uh huh…Ya… That's nice, honey. :Blows at his nails: Anything else?

Wakka: … Sweat drop Umm…ya… Do you just wanna go in now?

Tidus: Yes please.

Wakka: …Stop saying 'please'… And take off those clip-on earrings. :Points to Tidus's ears and yanks the clip-on earrings off:

Tidus: AAAAH! THESE WERE FROM CLAIRE'S YOU IDIOT::Cries and runs up the stairs and through the door:

Wakka::Looks from the door and back to the earrings and picks them up. He then drops them in his gloves and laughs evilly: Mwaha…who said I had to travel all the way to America to get them? xD :Runs up after him:

Tidus: WHEE! Ooh. This place is pretty…

Wakka: Sweat drop This is like taking a 5-year old to the candy shop…

Tidus: OOH! I LOVE THAT SONG! _I'll take you to the Candy Shop. I'll lick you like a lollipop_

Wakka::Rolls eyes: Oh, god. Shut up. :Goes ahead and touches the glyph, and does the whole process…:

Tidus: After Wakka pushes the pedestal into the end So…where we going, Mommy::Licks a lollipop:

Wakka: Down to the Chamber of the Fayth where… :Looks at Tidus and raises an eyebrow: I didn't take you to the candy shop. oO

Tidus: I know.

The elevator starts moving down and Tidus screams in fear and clings onto Wakka's legs

Tidus: OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD. WE'REGONNADIE. I'MHYPERVENTALLATING NOW. WE'REGONNADIEAQUICKANDPAINFULDEATH. YESSIREEE… THAT'SUSALRIGHT…

Wakka: --;; Why did we hire this guy anyway?...

A/N: I'm nah gonna be that descriptive on every single thing ne more cause it'll take too long. I'll just get to the humor.

Wakka and Tidus finally reaches the chamber. They see Lulu and Kimahri, and Wakka tries to walk, dragging Tidus across the ground at the same time.

Tidus: Oww. Oww. OWW. MOMMY! MY KNEES ARE BEING TEARED BY THE GLASS ON THE GROUND!

Lulu & Kimahri: … OO;;

Lulu: What the hell are you doing to that guy?

Wakka: I don't know, ya. He's just clinging onto me. :Kicks him off to Lulu's feet:

Tidus: Oww… :Looks down to see a shadow: Huh? It's nighttime already::Looks up to see Lulu's boobs in the way as the shadow: Whoa… You have such huge coconuts…

Lulu: … 'COCONUTS'? I DIDN'T SPEND 3 HOURS STUFFING MELONS DOWN BY THREE BRAS TO HAVE THEM CALLED 'COCONUTS'! … OO :Blinks and sees everyone staring at her when she just realized what she just said: Umm…continue. ;; :Steps back and folds arm across chest:

Wakka::Picks Tidus up and whispers: I knew they were some bigger fruits!

Tidus::Nods and dusts himself off: Where am I?

Wakka: We're at the Chamber of the Fayth. We're waiting for the Summoner to come out.

Tidus: When will he come out?

Wakka: The Summoner's a she.

Tidus: Oh. …When will the she-male come out?

Lulu::Snickers:

Wakka: Hey. You're the one who told her she can go for that Extreme Makeover thing on TVB. And _look_ what they did!

Lulu: So? I didn't tell them to make her a transsexual! --;;

Tidus: Wha? OO

Lulu: Nothing. YY;;

The door then opens to reveal Yuna coming out. She walks out slowly, and starts descending the stairs…and then trips and falls! ;; She rolls down the stairs and hits the floor face-on.

All: OO;;

Tidus: Umm…was that supposed to happen::Points:

Wakka::Laughs: This happens to her every morning whenever she wakes up from another one of Gackt's concerts!

Yuna::Jumps up: THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! \/ KIMAHRI! WHAT HAPPENED TO CATCHING ME!

Kimahri: … :Stares at her and shrugs:

Director: Umm…guys… Can we get back to the making of this movie?...

Yuna: NO! I DEMAND TOTAL RESPECT CAUSE I'M **BRASKA'S **DAUGHTER! YOU HEAR ME! B-R-A-…

Tidus: HAH! You spelled "bra"! xDD

Yuna: --;;

Director: Uh…can we just move on, Yuna? We're not here for another version of Sesame Streets, Dirty Version…

Yuna: Grr… FINE. In a low voice But Lulu stuffs _hers…_ :Coughs:

Lulu: What was that?

Yuna: Nothing. UU Now, let us all go outside so we can all worship my super animal skills. :Walks out and trips again: D'OH!

All: … --;;

Director::Shakes head and rolls eyes: Why didn't I hire that girl Rinoa?...

And so, Yuna gets up and walks outside CORRECTLY, with everyone else following her

_Wow. That girl, she's hott. OO I never knew that Summoners can be girls. I thought they were old geezers like Kimahri, cause he's really a retired cop in a blue lion-looking thingy costume that no one knows about except for me, cause I saw him stripping before at a club… ANYWAYSZ! ;; I'll get back to the story before the Director replaces me with that Cloud guy…_

Tidus walks out the temple and Wakka is calling for him to come over

Tidus: What are we looking at?

Wakka::Grabs Tidus by wrapping his arm around his neck and then drags him over:

Tidus: AAAH! LET ME GO! I'M SUFFOCATING! ;;

Wakka::Lets go and Tidus hits some people: Ssh!

Tidus: WHAT? YOU'RE 'SSH'-ING ME WHEN YOU WERE THE ONE TRYING TO KILL ME?

Wakka: Hey, grow up will ya? A lotta people wants to kill you in this movie anyway. --; I'm just doing my part. xD

Tidus: --

Wakka: Anywaysz, shut up. The show's about to go on.

Tidus: What show? OO

Wakka::Points to Yuna and Lulu in the center. Lulu then walks backwards into the crowd:

Lulu: Yuna.

Yuna::Turns to Lulu and nods: I'm ready. I'm always read. Cause ya know what? I'm **BRASKA'S **daughter!

All: … Sweat drop

Tidus: God…she's so full of herself…

Yuna::Does that move to summon Valefor, her first Aeon:

Valefor::Growls lowly and comes closer to Yuna:

Yuna: … OO AAAH! A DEMON! BACK, YOU MONSTER::Starts whacking poor Valefor with her rod:

Valefor::Roars and flies away in pain: _I'll get her when she summons me in a tutorial battle… Heheheh…_

All: …Sweat drop :Then claps: YAAAY!

Yuna: And what?

Tidus & Wakka: … Sweat drop

_I've never saw anything like that before…some weird monster thingy coming down… And some girl smacking it when it just comes… oO Animal cruelty… Anywaysz, then later that night, that was the first time we talked…_

Wakka brings Tidus over to the Besaid Aurochs to meet them again

Wakka: Guys, this is Tidus. He's gonna ensure victory to our team. And if he doesn't… :Cracks knuckles and puts on an evil grin:

Tidus: OO;; That's not how it goes in the script…

Director: Wakka…get rid of the intimidation. --;

Wakka: Oh. Right. ;; :Wipes that smile off his face and clears his throat: Ahem… Tidus here says we're gonna win.

Botta: You serious?

Wakka: Yep. And if we don't… :Cracks his knuckles again and smiles evilly again:

Tidus: Sweat drop :Runs away this time to Yuna:

Besaid Aurochs: Sweat drop

Director: QUIT THE INTIMIDATION ALREADY!

Wakka: Heheh. Sorry.

Tidus ran to Yuna, where they talk for the first time

Yuna: YOU! DID YOU SEE IT::Points at Tidus:

Tidus: …Sweat drop Uh…the summoning thingy? Yeah. It was cool. ;;

Yuna: …WHADDYA MEAN 'COOL'? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE "SUPERB", OR "MAGNIFICENT"! NOT 'COOL'! \/

Tidus: OO;; I'm sorry… God…why's it so hard to talk to girls with big egos?...

Yuna: WHAT'D YOU SAY! \/

Tidus: Nothing. ;

Yuna: Anywaysz… :Clears throat: Ahem… We're going on the same boat, right?

Tidus: Huh?

Yuna: We're going to go to Kilika together, right?

Tidus: Umm…I guess…

Yuna: Good. I'll see you tomorrow then. Good night… Oo Loser… :Coughs and walks away:

Tidus: … --;

Wakka::Comes over and nudges him: She's cute, ya?

_You get three choices to choose from. No matter what you choose, you're warned by Wakka on habbing her. xD_

Wakka: Well…you can't have her! TT

Tidus: Why not? OO

Wakka: Cause…cause… I'M IN LOVE WITH HER::Shows him his "I Love Yuna" T-Shirt he made:

Tidus: … Sweat drop

Wakka: AND HERE! HERE! AND ALSO THIS TOO! TAKE A LOOK AT ALL THESE::Throws him random Yuna merchandises he bought off of E-Bay until it covers Tidus in a pile. Takes a deep breath and pants for air: Now…you…see…why…you can't…have…her…

Tidus is buried underneath all the merchandise and tries to say "Yes"

Wakka: Good. I made a bed for you. So tell me when you wanna go to bed, ok::Walks away:

Tidus: Muffled How about now?...

_Tidus goes off to bed to have his dream_

_Tidus runs down the pier to the boat that'll take everyone to Kilika. He sees Yuna there, waiting for him._

_Yuna: Everyone will find us if the boat doesn't come._

_Tidus::Breathes: Yeah.._

_Yuna: Will you…take me to Zanarkand?_

_Tidus: Sure. :Starts jogging in place:_

_Rikku then appears and runs towards Tidus_

_Rikku: TIDUS! HONEY::Glomps him:_

_Tidus: AH::Falls front as Yuna stares down at him and Rikku:_

_Yuna: 'Honey'? oO Who is she?_

_Tidus: Uh…Rikku, meet Yuna. Yuna, Rikku._

_Rikku: Hi. _

_Yuna: …Wait…what is _she_ doing here? I thought you were taking me to Zanarkand for a party at the end of this chapter._

_Rikku: Wha?... You said you were gonna take _me!_ :Looks down at Tidus:_

_Tidus: Well…uh…_

_Jecht appears_

_Jecht: What? You can't even handle a blitzball, and now you're trying to handle women? Hah. You'll never be the pimp that I was._

_Tidus: I didn't say that I wanted to be a pimp… --;_

_Jecht: Pssh. I read your diary. Don't lie to me. It's all in here::Shows his pink furry-covered diary:_

_Tidus: OO WHERE'D YOU GET THAT!_

_Yuna: Oh! Tidus keeps a diary::Runs over to Jecht to read it:_

_Rikku: OoH! I wanna see toO::Gets off of Tidus and runs over as well:_

_Tidus: NOOO! ;.; :Starts crying:_

_Jecht: Ahem. "Dear Diary, I told this girl that I liked her. She was really reallllyyyy pretty. But Daddy came along and pimped her away from me. -- Now I'm really reaalllllyyyyyy sad. Daddy's always pimping all the girls I want. And she said she never liked me back that way. ;.; I cried again after she told me that. I cried for 2 hours straight. Mommy said that if I kept crying, she'd take away my Game Boy privileges. :\ And again, I cried in secret." HAH! This was only two weeks ago too!_

_All::Laughs at Tidus crying again:_

Tidus then wakes up from his nightmare with sweat running down his face and him screaming…

Tidus: I HATE YOU! ;; :Starts crying again until he hears Lulu outside. Gets up and walks to the front of the hut to eavesdrop:

Lulu: Uh…is it just me, or is that blonde looking at us? Oo

Wakka::Turns to look at Tidus staring at them: Umm…I think so.

Tidus then comes out, thinking that he's "invisible"

Lulu & Wakka: … Sweat drop

Lulu: Whatever. We get paid for acting ya know… Ahem… Chappu's dead, you idiot. TT How many times do I have to tell you that?

Wakka: I derno. :Shrugs: I dun think he's dead. I think he went into a pretty place where all the ponies are at.

Lulu: …Uh…Wakka… He's dead. Sin came and sat on him… And he died… oO;; And uh…why's he getting popcorn now?

Wakka::Sees Tidus munching on popcorn with his "invisibility skills": Sweat drop I derno… Anywaysz…can't we just pretend he never died? ;;

Lulu: NO! That's enough, Wakka::Turns and walks away as Wakka stares down at the ground:

Tidus: Uh oh. He's gonna catch me out of bed… :Runs back inside:

Wakka: Sweat drop I already know he's out of bed… oO :Walks inside the hut as well:

Tidus: So, what was that all about?

Wakka: You were there. You saw everything. Now go to bed. -- :Walks past Tidus to go to bed:

Tidus: …Don't tell me the Invisibility Pills I bought don't work. --;; It cost me 1,000,000 Gil. ;.;

So, I finally updated. : Next chapter might be up soon.


	5. To Kilika

1Disclaimer: Sadly, I'll never own Final Fantasy X. :\ So I'll just pretend I do for now and make up a Director dude. : lolsz.

Chapter 5: To Kilika

The next day, Tidus wakes up and runs outside to see Wakka and Lulu waiting for him and everyone else

Lulu: Good morning.

Tidus: Yeah, you too. :Yawns: When's breakfast?

Lulu: There is no breakfast...

Tidus::Points to her chest: What about the melons you stuffed in your bra? Can we eat hose?

Lulu: ... --;; Just give him the damn sword, Wakka...

Tidus: Ooh! I get a new toy?

Wakka::Nods: Mmm hmm. And don't you dare shove it up your ass or whatever. -- :Throws it at him:

Tidus: OO AAAAH! RUN AWAY::Runs away before he gets hit by the Brotherhood sword:

Lulu & Wakka: ... OO;;

Lulu: Uh...wasn't he supposed to catch it? Oo;;

Wakka::Nods: Uh...Tidus... Would you like to come back and pick it up now? --;;

Tidus: Yes, sir. :Comes back and picks up the sword: Ooh. Pretty. What did you put in here to make it so bubbly?

Wakka: I derno. I didn't make it. Oo;

Lulu: That sword belonged to Chappu...

Wakka: OMG. YOU KNOW WHAT, LULU? I DON'T **CARE** IF IT BELONGED TO 'CHAPPU', OK? YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT 'CHAPPU'! YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? RIGHT::Gets in Lulu's face:

Lulu::Slaps him: Oh, grow up. -- It's not my fault he's supposed to look like Tidus.

Wakka: ;.; Yes, ma'am. :Rubs face:

Yuna comes out of the temple with suitcases

Wakka: OO Nu uh...I'm not carrying any of those. So you better just leave them here...

Yuna: ... How many times did I tell you? I'm Lord BRASKA'S daughter!

Wakka: Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Let's go, Yuon... :Walks away:

Yuna: It's "YUNA". --;;

Everyone exits the island and starts on their way to the beach. A tutorial battle appears with Wakka and Tidus in place. A Dingo is their enemy.

Wakka: Hey, you. Use that sword on it right now.

Tidus: Why? TT

Wakka: Cause I said so?...

Tidus: And?... You're not my Father. --

Wakka: No...but I KNOW your father. 

Tidus: OO You wouldn't dare...

Wakka: Wouldn't I?.. We already know he's Sin, so technically, you're the devil's spawn.

Tidus: NO! SHUT UP! It's not true. ;;

Wakka: Don't make me say anymore... Cause I dun really wanna spoil anything for people who haven't even completed this game yet, ya?

Tidus::Sighs: Fine. :Runs up to the Dingo with his Brotherhood in hand and tries to slice it, but instead, it grabs onto the sword with its fangs and growls, tugging on it: Hey! YoU! Let go::Tries to pull the sword back:

Dingo: Grrr... ROWF::Barks and starts chasing Tidus around:

Tidus: AAAH! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME::Runs around in circles:

Wakka: ... Sweat drop Can we get a replacement here?

Ok...let's try it again. ;;

Wakka: Try using that sword I gave you.

Tidus: Ok. :Slices the Dingo correctly this time: YES! Hahah. Who da man? XD

Wakka:

A bird then comes in

Wakka: Aah. A flyer. My kind of customer. :Throws his blitzball at it, causing it to die: Boo ya!

Back to walking until _another_ enemy occurs. This time is the Water Flan

Wakka: Oh boy...

Tidus: Hah! Watch this. :Slices it, and instead, the flan absorbs the sword and sucks Tidus into its body as well: AAAAAH! SAVE MEEE!

Wakka: ... Ok... Another one please...

Take this one again as well. ;;

Tidus::Dries himself with a towel: Ok... Watch this...again. :Pokes it with his sword and runs back to his spot: Huh?

Wakka: Only magic can hurt that thing. You gotta hit it with an element it don't like!

Tidus: Huh? 'Magic'? 'Element'?

Wakka: Let's have our Black Mage, show you what I mean. Lu, you're up!

Lulu comes in with a Moogle doll in her arms

Tidus: Hey! How come _you're_ not using the Yuna doll you have, Wakka?

Lulu: What::Looks at Wakka:

Wakka: ... Uh...nothing. Just shut up and go on, will ya? Sweat drop

Lulu: ... Ok... Anyway, clueless, are you?

Tidus: Well, duh. Didn't you hear me asking what 'magic' and 'elements' are? --;;

Lulu: --;; You just have to hit them with the opposite element. Like, fire and ice. This one is water, so what do you think we should use::Looks at Tidus:

Tidus: ... :Tries to think:

Lulu: ...Never mind. :Hits the Water Flan with a Lightning spell, and it dies:

All::Does victory poses:

Lulu::Leans in to expose her chest:

Tidus & Wakka: OO :Leans in closer to try to get a closer look:

Lulu: Hey, back off bitches. -- I'm not the one who wanted to do this, ok?

Back to walking again to the intersection with a statue dealy

Wakka: We stop here. :Walks to the statue and begins praying:

Tidus: Huh? Why we stopping here?

Yuna: Whenever someone leaves this island, they pray here for a safe journey.

Wakka: Chappu missed his boat that day. Forgot to pray here, ya?

You can pray with him or just stare at him crazy. Then you hab to go on your way to catch that boat.

As Tidus enters this jungle-like place though, a quick shadow from above jumps down in front of him. It's Kimahri, that blue lion thingy. He pounds the ground with his fists and roars. It's time to battle. Don't waste **ANY** of your Potions or Hi-Potions! He's nah allowed to kill you, so just keep hitting him back with your sword.

Wakka: That's enough.

Kimahri::Stops attacking and shakes his head silently, walking away:

Tidus: Ugh. What's _his _problem?

Yuna::Giggles: He's Kimahri Ronso. Kimahri doesn't talk much.

Tidus: Uh huh...

Yuna: But, he has protected me ever since I was a child.

Tidus: Yeah, whatever... Why do I care? TT;;

Yuna: \/ Cause...I'm... YUNA!

Tidus: ... Uh huh. Whatever. ;; Can we keep walking?

Yuna: ... :Takes out a tape recorder and whispers to it: Note to self, take over world and make them kiss my feet one day. Mwahahah... ... :Puts it away and follow everyone else:

And everyone continues walking once again...and runs into another battle! There's a huge bird-looking demon.

Tidus: A flyer! That's your department, right?

Wakka: Uh...

Tidus: ...

Wakka: ...

Tidus: I KNEW IT! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FAKE TRYING TO ACT LIKE A HERO! ;.; And to THINK! I used to IDOLIZE YOU::Runs away and Yuna comes into place:

Wakka: ...That works. ;; Anyway, are you ready? This is your first battle, so show us some style!

Lulu: Show us what your training has taught you.

Yuna: Ok. :Summons Valefor:

Valefor swoops down on Yuna and starts pecking at her

Valefor: _This is for what you did to me earlier! MWAHAHAHHA! _:Roars evilly:

Yuna: AAAaH! I'M IN PAIN! IT HURTS::Runs away:

All: ... Sweat drop —They're all hiding behind some bushes o0;

Tidus: Well...she kinda deserved that for what she did earlier...

All::Nods:

Wakka: And yet... Director! We need another Valefor!

Let's start again with a Valefor that doesn't have anything against Yuna...

Yuna: Is wrapped up in bandages :Summons Valefor again and cautiously, approaches him, stroking his beak and then patting him lightly, letting fly up into the air to get into place: My name is Yuna, please to meet you.

All::Is seated comfortably, eating popcorn and watching this:

Lulu: This can get interesting...

Kimahri::Nods:

Tidus: Yeah, yeah. But watch her mess up. Right, Wakka?

Wakka: Ya.

Yuna: Heard everything HEY! ALL OF YOU BEHIND BUSHES, SHUT UP AND LET ME DO MY JOB AS YUNA THE GREAT!

All: ... Sweat drop

Yuna: Thank you. YY Anyways...Valefor, use Sonic Wing!

Valefor keeps using Sonic Wing as Yuna instructed him to do every single turn until the end of battle, which finally killed the demon. This made everyone, of course, fall to sleep due to no new moves since all Yuna knew how to use was "Sonic Wing". Sad, huh? And so, Valefor does _his _victory pose

Walking... And they finally reach the beach! Hehe! I rhymed. :P I'm such a dork. XD

And while you're here, you see all the people running around? Yeah. Make sure you talk to all of them. Everyone has something to give. And then follow everyone else to board the boat.

Yuna: HAHA! SO LONG LOSERS! I, YUNA, BRASKA'S DAUGHTER, SHALL BE RULING THE WORLD INSTEAD OF THAT STUPID RELIGION, YEVON! MWAHAHAHAH!

All: ... Sweat drop :Stares at Yuna: 0O;;

Yuna: ... :Takes out tape recorder again and whispers: Note to self: State domination of world in a secret place... :Puts it away and does the prayer thing as the boat starts off to Kilika:

Yeah. Yuna's such a weirdo now. OO She's obsessed with ruling the world now. So, whatcha gonna do ab it? XD


	6. In Kilika

1Disclaimer: Again and again...I don't own Final Fantasy X. Square Enix does. All I own is the Director.

Chapter 6: In Kilika

Tidus grows impatient on the boat ride to Kilika Island. He decides to have some fun to keep himself from falling into the pits of boredom. He does a handstand on a sailor's shoulders and then flips off to the railing

Sailor: Hey!

Tidus: Haha. :Spots another sailor using a pair of binoculars. He quickly goes over and grabs them out of the person's hands, and starts playing with them:

He first sees Wakka, scratching his butt because he couldn't hold it anymore. He sees Kimahri on a cell phone, talking to his manager. And then he stares at Lulu stuffing tissues down her bra this time. Oo;; And then he sees Yuna talking to her tape recorder, as always. She sees Tidus and waves, walking over to the head of the boat where she is envelopped by a crowd

The sailor looks back up at Tidus impatiently, demanding his binoculars back silently

Tidus: Eheheh... :Gives the binoculars back and then jumps down and walks to Wakka: Is Yuna's father like, famous or something?

Wakka: ...

Lulu: ...

Kimahri: ...

Wakka: Don't tell me you weren't paying attention to her running her mouth off about being Lord Braska's daughter since you've met her... OO;;

Tidus: ...

Wakka: ...

Tidus: ...OH! So that's what all that rambling was about! I finally get it now! O

All: Sweatdrop

Lulu: Lord Braska…he was a High Summoner. Yuna's the heir to that legend.

Wakka: Ya. Yuna's famous now, ya know.

Tidus: Yeah…it must be hard to have a father that's famous too…

Wakka: Huh?

Tidus: Nothing!

Tidus tries going over to talk to Yuna, but too many people are in his way. He goes back to Wakka, Lulu, and Kimahri.

Tidus: So, where we going?

Wakka: To Kilika. Yuna's going to pray for the next Aeon.

Tidus: I'm still lost on the Aeon thing… The authoress skipped too many important facts in this fic. --;;

The authoress, Tifa-chan, then appears next to Tidus

Tifa-chan::Taps Tidus's shoulder: Boo!  
Tidus: WAH! ;; :Climbs up the mast:

All: … Sweat drop

Tifa-chan: Ok… I neber thought that he was _that_ scared. Oo Anywaysz, I hab an explanation for the explanation of things! o

All?

Tifa-chan: God…you people here are slow. --;;

Director: Hey! Who invited you to this scene! YOU'RE RUINING THE MAKING OF THIS MOVIE!

Tifa-chan: Oh, grow up… --;; I'm the one controlling everyone's lives in herre! MWAHAHAHA!

All: Oo;

Tifa-chan: Anywaysz…the reason why everything isn't detailed like it's supposed to be is cause I don't rememeber anything. :D

All: …

Tifa-chan: Yeppsz. So see y'all! And Tidus, you can come down now. --;; Disappears

Tidus::Slides back down and hits his butt on the ground: Oww… 

All: --;;

Wakka: So…who was that? Oo;;

All: … OO;;

Lulu: Oh god… One dumb blonde after another… :Shakes head:

Tidus: Hey, you don't even know half the secret to his hair… :Points to Wakka's head:

Wakka: Shut up. -- You're supposed to forget since you're a blonde.

Tidus: I know. :D

Kimahri::Shakes his head:

Lulu: Why don't you go talk to her? I'm sure you two might have something in common.  
Tidus: How do YOU know?

Lulu: I don't. ;; I'm just reading from the script. :Takes out a copy of her script:

Tidus: … Oh. Ok. :Walks over to Yuna, where the crowd is now empty: Hi. How are you?

Yuna: … Just fine… OO Why are you here?...

Tidus: Uh…cause…Lulu told me to come over…to uh…talk to you?...

Yuna: Oh, right. So…how's Jecht?  
Tidus: … How do you know Jecht? Oo

Yuna: He was one of my father's guardians.

Tidus: What? OO Really?

Yuna: Mmm hmm. He came to Spira just 7 years and 6 months ago.

Tidus: What?

Yuna: Yes. Together, him, my father, and Sir Auron defeated Sin.

Tidus: Wait. Auron too? OO

Yuna: Yes. You know him?

Tidus: I know everyone you listed, 'cept for your dad there.

Yuna: Oh… :Takes a step back and does the prayer thing: Then it must be destiny, that we have met. And praise be to Yevon that you are still alive.

Tidus: Oh…right… ;;

Yuna: HEY! YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME YOU KNOW! CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? CAUSE I'M **BRASKA'S** DAUGHTER! I'M B-R-A-S-K-..

The boat is pushed to the side by some strong force

Random Dude: ICE BERG! EVERYONE GET INTO THE LIFE BOATS!

All: … Oo;;

Sailor: Uh…it's Sin, you idiot. --;;

All: … :Screams and runs around:

Yuna: Everyone, stand back! I'll summon::Takes out rod:

Lulu: Uh…Yuna… Wrong scene.

Yuna: What? OO :Takes a look at her script: Oh. Sorry. ;; I went ahead. xD  
Sin then comes up, splashing the deck with water and knocking Yuna off her balance

Tidus::Tries to catch her, but she ends up slipping and holding onto a harpoon-ish thingy:

Kimahri jumps off to help Yuna, while she stares up at Sin

Yuna: Eew…he's a whale.

All: …

Yuna, Kimahri, and Tidus gets into battle. Three sinspawns fall off of Sin's body and lands in front of the three

Tidus: Eew… What are these?

Yuna: Uh…didn't you see them in the first chapter?

Tidus: …Right. I'll think about that… Thinks

All: --;;

Yuna: We'll need to attack the sinspawns first. :Runs up to it and keeps whacking it with her rod, in hopes of it to die soon: HEEE-YAA! DIE YOU FAGGOTS! YOU'RE IN MY WAY TO KILIKA!

Sinspawn: Oww! This hurts. ;.; :Runs away:

Yuna: HAHA! One down!... Huh?

Another one takes its place

Yuna: Wha?... Didn't I just kill the other one?

Tidus: It's no good. They just keep on coming back. :Looks up at Sin: Have someone attack him!

Yuna: Why? TT

Tidus: Cause…it's the only way to win?

Yuna: Pssh. You wish it was.

Tidus::Rolls eyes: Fine, fine. I'll call Lulu out. Kimahri, call Wakka, ok?

Kimahri::Nods:

Tidus disappears and Lulu comes out

Lulu: Uh…I heard that you were whacking it…Yuna?

Yuna: And?...

Kimahri disappears and Wakka comes out

Wakka: That won't work, ya?

Yuna: Says who? TT  
Wakka::Points to the "Help" bar on the top of the screen while hovering it over Sin: That. It says to use magic or my ball to attack.

Yuna: …Shut up. --;

Lulu: Your Valefor can be pretty useful now too.

Yuna: Yeah, yeah… I know I'm too good for you guys, seeing that I, YUNA, is the only one who can summon AEONS. Ahem. STAND BACK!

Lulu & Wakka: … :Walks away:

Yuna::Summons Valefor: NOW! BEHOLD MY ULTIMATE WEAPON! MWAHAHAHAHA! ATTACK WITH SONIC WINGS!

Wakka: Uh…is that the only move she knows?

Lulu: It's the only move she learned in that tutorial battle in the last chapter.

Wakka: Oh.

And so, Yuna keeps attacking Sin with Valefor's Sonic Wing, and eventually, he's done for. And Sin rushes up in the waters to attack Kilika

Sailor: NO! Everyone, grab a harpoon! Sin's going for Kilika!  
Yuna: And?...

Sailor: And he's gonna attack the people there!

Wakka: Whaddya think you're doing? Stick a harpoon in him and we'll all be dragged under, ya!

Sailor 2: Our families are in Kilika… Forgive us, Lady Yuna…

Yuna: Yeah, yeah. As long as whatever Wakka said'll happen to us.

Sailor 2: … Sweat drop Just fire then. --;;

Two or three harpoons fire and sticks onto Sin. They get dragged across the sea. But when Sin crashes into Kilika, waves covers the deck, and Tidus is missing.

Yuna: Hey, where'd he go? OO

Wakka::Looks around for him and then jumps into the water:

Yuna: Oh. Go, doggy!

All: …

Underwater…

(Tidus is attacked by random Pirahnas, but Wakka attacks them with his blitzball. They then swim away as Wakka throw a Phoenix Down on Tidus to revive him. Wakka give him the thumbs up sign, and Tidus does the same. Two dolphins then swims by quickly as a jellyfish-looking Sinspawn comes along. Time for another battle. The correct way to win, I think, is not to attack any Pirahnas. They'll only come back and disappear themselves when they ram into you, so don't waste your time on them. Have Wakka cast Dark Attack on the jellyfish and Tidus keep attacking. And I think, if you have Haste, cast that on both characters too. The jellyfish should be dead by then.)

Back on surface… Tidus is resting on Yuna's lap

Yuna: I will…defeat Sin. I must…defeat Sin.

Tidus: Yu huh. :Plays with a chocobo feather: That's nice.

Yuna::Gets up, having Tidus's head hit the floor:

Tidus: Oww!

Yuna: AND SOON, I SHALL RULE THE WORLD! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

All::Stares at her: OO;

Yuna: … Oh, shut up. --;;

Everyone gets off the boat

_Seeing Yuna's determination to defeat Sin…it kinda scared me. Cause you know what? It's not everyday that you meet a cute girl that wants to take over the world…constantly. ;; It's just unreal…_

Some random village people comes up to Yuna when she disembarks

Man: Are you a summoner?

Yuna: Yes, I am Yuna, a Summoner from Besaid. :Does prayer: If no other Summoner is on this island, I would like to perform the Sending.

Woman: Yes, please. We fear that our loved ones will become fiends.

Yuna; Just lead the way.

Man: This way, Lady Yuna.

They all go follow the old people

Wakka: Ok, me and the Aurochs are gonna go see what we can do to help around the village.

The Aurochs and Wakka scatter to help other people as Tidus goes off to follow Yuna and them

Tidus::Sees Lulu and walks to her: What's the 'Sending'? Are we going anywhere?

All::Stares at him:

Tidus: Uh…

Lulu: The Sending…is where the dead goes off to the Farplane. Their souls will still rest on Spira, and they will eventually turn into fiends, resenting and envying the ones that still live. :Walks down a step to see Yuna getting ready for it:

Tidus: Oh.

_There's a lot of things in Spira that I don't understand… But I'm about to find out what a 'Sending' is._

Yuna: Hehe…I shall walk on water and prove that I am God. Cause you know what? Only GOD can walk on water! MWAHAHAHA!

All: … Sweat drop

Yuna: Ok. Let's get it on… :Starts walking on water slowly for a moment, and then falls right under:

All: OO

Lulu: Will someone help her? Yuna can't swim!

Tidus: What? Why was she trying to walk on water then?

Yuna is drowning

Man: Uh…still…does someone wanna help her? We can't have a Sending without a Summoner.

Tidus: Oh. Right. :Goes off to save her:

Director: Start the scene over. -- What happened to the wires that was supposed to hold her up::Glares at the backstage people:

Backstage People: ;; Coffee break? xD

Director: --;; Take this scene out and restart…when someone rescues Yuna. --;;

Yuna err….eventually died in the water and floated back up the surface. ;; RIP? xDD

Take this scene again…  
Yuna, with the help of the guide wires…CAREFULLY, starts walking across the water until she reaches the center. She looks at all of the coffins that lay to rest sadly and then turns around, performing the Sending as pyreflies begin to arise

Tidus: Whoa…

Lulu and Kimahri are not surprised, but a flame turning blue surprises Tidus a bit, sending him to a corner to cry…again. --;;

Lulu & Kimahri: --;;

Lulu: Why did the Director hire _him? _  
Kimahri::Shakes head as Tidus finally recovers when Yuna summons a circling wave that raises her up:

The Sending has ended, and Yuna looks tired, but satisfied with her work.

Yuna: So, how was it? Good.

Lulu: You did fine. :Strokes her head:

Yuna: Good. Cause everyone _knows_ that I'm YUNA, Lord BRASKA'S DAUGHTER. UU

All: --;;

Lulu::Stops stroking her hair and turns around to curse in Al Bhed:

Yuna: Sorry? Oo

Lulu: Nothing. : You were wonderful.

Tidus: Is still amazed

_I wanted there to be no more death…no more Sendings for Yuna. And no more Sin. But, just because I'm asking for all these, doesn't mean I can get it. …No way._

Tidus is then sent to bed. The next day…

Tidus comes downstairs from the inn, stretches, and yawns. He then goes outside to find everyone else. Instead, Jassu comes by  
Jassu: Hey, you…

Tidus: Me? Yes?

Jassu::Punches him in the face:

Tidus: OWW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR! ;; :Holds his face:

Jassu: I don't like you… :Glares at him for a moment, and then falls down, sleeping:

Tidus: …

Wakka then comes by

Wakka: Oh. I told him to get you, ya? Seems like he stopped by the pub for awhile. :Looks at the pub that's _next_ to the inn:

Tidus: --;; Never mind that! My beautiful face is in pain now! ;.; It's been destroyed!

Wakka::Rolls eyes: Gee. Main characters, so full of themselves sometimes. Like Yuna, ya?

Tidus: Oo I'm nowhere near that idiot, ok? -- Her ultimate goal now is to "take over Spira. MWAHAHAHA". --;; Remember?

Wakka: Oh, yeah. xD That's our Yuna!

Tidus: --;;

Wakka: Ok. Let me call the Aurochs over. ;; Yo! Aurochs! HUDDLEEE!

The Besaid Aurochs comes over to join Tidus and Wakka, and then looks down at Jassu in confuzzlement.

Aurochs: Oo;;

Wakka: Eh. Don't mind him, ya? He just had a few drinks.

Aurochs: Oh…

Wakka: We're going to go to the Kilika Temple, to pray for victory, ya?

Aurochs: Yeah! They run off to the Woods, where they have to pass through to get to the Temple

Wakka: Yuna is there waiting for us too, ya? Let's get going.

Tidus: What about my plastic surgery? TT

Wakka: For wha? Oo;;

Tidus: … :Points to his redden and bruised face:

Wakka: Oh. :Shrugs: Let Square Enix take care of that. xD :Runs off to join the others:

Tidus: --;; :Follows:

Whee! Another chapter done:P


	7. Kilika Temple

1Disclaimer: Only when I rule the world, I shall proclaim this country... AMERICANA! MWAHAHAHA! I also own only the Director, but nah the Final Fantasy X crew.

---

Chapter 7: Kilika Temple

---

Tidus and Wakka reaches the Kilika Woods, where Kimahri, Yuna, and Lulu was waiting for them.

Lulu: Yuna has something to ask you.

Tidus: Who? Me::Looks at Yuna:

Yuna::Nods: I would like you...to become my guardian.

All::Gasps:

Wakka: Yuna! What did you say::Looks at her:

Yuna::Looks up at Wakka and then back down: Not a guardian then. I just want him...close by.

Wakka: Why? So he can rape you later? oO

All: …

Wakka: What? Just a hunch.

All: …

Wakka::Sighs: Ok then… :Goes off to a tree and screams silently…don't ask me how. xDD:

Tidus: So…where we off to now?

Wakka: To pray for victory at the Kilika Temple. And there, Yuna's going to pray for the second Aeon.

Lulu: Let's go then. :Turns to leave:

Kimahri and Wakka also follows after Lulu. Tidus does so too, but then stops to take a look at Yuna

_I wonder why Yuna wanted me "close by". Maybe it all had to do with Jecht? If Sin haven't brought me here, we would have never met. …Why does she keep staring at me?_

Tidus: Yuna, let's go.

Yuna::Nods:  
And off the whole gang goes. There is a tutorial battle where Lulu, Tidus, and Kimahri are up  
A er…plant thing shows up! XD;;  
Lulu: Kimahri, why don't you try "Lancet" on it?  
Tidus: What's a… 'Lancet'?  
Lulu: Usually, when a human uses it, it's an ability that heals both the user's life and magic points. But when a Ronso uses it, they can sometimes learn the fiend's ability as well.

Tidus: Cool!  
Kimahri uses Lancet on the plant thing and learns **Seed Cannon.** This is what we call Blue Magic, which is taken from enemies. Defeat the thing and keep moving!   
_And they keep walking until…_

They try to go straight forward, but Lord Ochu is blocking their way, along with the Crusaders…:

Tidus: Heeey! Loser and Goat Boy! Long time no see! o

Luzzu & Gatta: … OO;;

Wakka: Toxin.

Luzzu & Gatta: Oh…

Gatta: Well, halt!

Luzzu: Beyond is Lord Ochu, lord of the forest.

Tidus: Hence the name, 'Lord'. --;

Luzzu: TT Can you shut up?

Tidus: Fine… --

Luzzu: Anywaysz…you can't pass through Ochu because he's a tough fiend.

Gatta: We've had trouble with this one before.

Luzzu: It's best if you go around.

_Pssh…as if I was gonna pay attention to _him _because he was a red head and I wasn't_

Tidus runs forward to Lord Ochu with his Brotherhood out, as Luzzu and Gatta scrams. We're engaging into battle, folks

Tidus: WOW. OO That thing is HUGE!

Yuna: …Then why'd you want to fight it?

Tidus: I didn't. ;; I just wanted to show off my "skills" in combat. :Puts on some shades and grins:

Yuna & Kimahri: Sweat drop

Yuna: Ok… Let's just scram now. :Escapes:

Tidus: Huh? Hey, Yuna! Come back!

Kimahri::Leaves as well:

Tidus: Wait! Kimahri! You too? TT;; Oh, pooey… :Follows everyone's example:

Outside of battle…

Luzzu: I told you he was too strong for you.

Tidus: Oh…shut up white boy. --

Luzzu: …You're white too. OO;;

Tidus: Pssh. Who told you I'm not Michael Jackson's cousin?

Luzzu: Sweat drop :Steps away from Tidus:

Tidus: Good. D :Walks _around_ this time to reach the temple steps:

And if you do this instead of defeating the Ochu, look around for random treasure chests.

---

Tidus finally reaches Wakka, the Aurochs, Lulu, Yuna, and Kimahri at the beginning of the steps to the temple. The Aurochs are stretching

Wakka: These steps have a history, you know. Lord Ohalland used to train on these steps.

Tidus: 'Lord Ohalland'?

Wakka: What? Don't tell me you don't know him too!

Tidus: … I think you know the answer to why I "don't". --;  
Wakka: Oh. Ok. ; Well, he was a Summoner.

Tidus::Looks at the Aurochs: Aah…so you wanna race?

Aurochs: Heheh.

Wakka::Nods: Mmm. You in?

Tidus: Let me at'em!

Wakka, Tidus, and the Aurochs get ready at the starting line

Wakka: Yuna, if you may.

Yuna::Walks up the first flight of stairs and puts up her hand: On your mark!... :Runs off like the Roadrunner:

All: OO;;

Lulu: …Well, she sure is no Speedy Gonzalez…

Tidus: Uh…this _does_ mean she wins, right?

All::Nods:

Yuna then comes back down

Yuna: Hey, how come you guys didn't come? OO;;

All: … We forfeit.

Yuna: MWAHAHAHA! I KNEW MY SUPER RUNNING SKILLS ARE SUPERIOR TO ALL OF YA'S!

All: … Sweat drop

Yuna: Now, go up there. I saw a Sinspawn. ;;

All: 'SINSPAWN'? OO :Runs up there like the Roadrunner as well:

Yuna: …Gee. Everybody decides to run up _now._ :Walks up the stairs:

Tidus, Yuna, and Kimahri are in battle once again

Tidus: Aah…why do they keep coming?

Yuna: Cause it's part of the script.

Tidus: You know, I wonder how they can make such huge costumes to stuff 20 people in there. OO;;

Yuna: Uh…you think they're costumes?

Tidus: Mmm hmm. I know so. o

Yuna: ...

Kimahri's up first, and he switches in for Lulu

Lulu: Why aren't you two doing anything?

Tidus: Oh, cause we were discussing about how big those costumes are to fit 20 people inside.

Lulu: He thinks?...

Yuna::Nods:

Lulu::Rolls her eyes: Whatever. :Casts Thunder on the big shell-looking thing, but the magic attack is absorbed by the tentacles in the back: What the-::Takes a look up at the Help bar: Oh… It absorbs my magic, eh?... :Turns to Tidus: You!

Tidus: Yes?

Lulu: Help Wakka attack those tentacle in the back!

Tidus: But Wakka's nah out herre. Oo;

Lulu: I know. Yuna, get your ass outta herre!

All: OO;;

Lulu: …What? I was forced to watch **Eminem's 8 Mile** DVD. TT;;

Yuna: Oh…ok. FINE. I see how it is… But don't you worry, you'll be needing my super great animal-calling skills soon enough! MWAHAHAHA!

All: …

Yuna: …Ok, see ya.

Yuna is switched for Tidus

Wakka: So, what's the sitch, Wade?

Lulu: We're not on Kim Possible here, Wakka…

Wakka::Shrugs: I know. But I can dream, ya? xD

All: --;;

Lulu: Just throw the ball…

Wakka: Yes ma'am. :Attacks the tentacle in the back:  
The tentacles takes their turn into whacking Tidus's ass, making him run everywhere in pain and girly screams

All: Sweat drop

Wakka: You know he's supposed to stay in one spot, ya?

Lulu::Nods:

Director: Aah…just let him run. This is hilarious. XD I hope you're getting all this on camera::Looks at Camera people:

Camera People::Nods:  
Lulu: Umm…Thunder::Tries casting it, but the tentacles absorbs it: Damn… Get Yuna out here, Wakka!

Wakka: Right.

Wakka is changed for Yuna

Lulu: Yuna, call on Valefor and use his Overdrive to attack the tentacles.

Yuna: Ok. Step back::Summons Valefor as Lulu runs away and Tidus is _still_ running away: Now, Valefor, use Sonic Wings!

All: Sweat drop

Lulu: Er…Valefor can use different moves too, Yuna. Oo;

Yuna: Didn't hear that

And Yuna and Valefor wins cause he keeps using Sonic Wings, over and over again… --;;  
Yuna does her victory pose as Lulu and Wakka stares at her

Yuna: What? We won!   
Lulu & Wakka: Ok… --;;

And so, everyone else comes back as Tidus is huffing and puffing

Tifus: Gah. What was that?

Wakka: You didn't even do anything! TT Why are YOU so out of breath!

Tidus::Glares at him: The tentacle…

Wakka: Oh… I knew that. And that was a Sinspawn. You gotta get to them quickly or else Sin'll come back and claim them, ya? You did pretty good for a first timer against fiends.

Tidus: Really?

Wakka: Yeah, you have potential. Might even become a guardian one day. :Walks away with everyone else:  
_That day…when Wakka told me I had potential, I was happy. Cause Daddy was always yelling at me and calling me a loser whenever I missed the ball. ;;_

Tidus arrives at Kilika Temple with everyone else, as three guys from the Luca Goers come along  
Wakka: You came to pray for victory too?

Bickson (Red-head): Us? 'Pray for victory'? Everyone knows that the Luca Goers _always_ wins.

Graav (Dirty Blonde): So, what's your goal this time? "To do your best"?

Wakka: This time, we aim for victory!  
Two of the Aurochs nods their head and agrees

Bickson: Hah. Just remember, even little boys can play too.   
The three Luca Goers walks away  
Tidus: Who were them bitches? Oo

Wakka: Hey. Watch your language in this fic.

Tidus: What? It's rated T for Teens.

Wakka: Oh? Really. Well, in that case then… I HATE THEM SO $)$$)#&)&($))#(#!)#&()#$&($&())& MUCH! THOSE MOTHER (&$)&(&#$$($#&(#!)!#&!#&# DESERVE TO $(&(!&#&&$(&&(&(&($($$ BURN IN HELL!

All: Sweat drop

Person: This is a temple!

Wakka: Oh. Sorry. ; So, let's all go inside now, ya::Walks ahead:

All::Stares at him for a moment, and then follows:

Yuna: That was weird… Oo  
Lulu::Nods: The only other time I've seen him burst like that was when I tried to shave his hair off in the middle of the night…

All::Stares at her: OO;;

Lulu: …What? That thing is very annoying. ;;  
Yuna: … OK! Onto the temple instead of listening to my very ANNOYING Guardians talk about useless things when they're not talking about::Sighs dreamily: ME!  
All: oO;;

Yuna: ONWARDS::Runs inside, laughing like a maniac:

Tidus: … What an ego-maniac. :Goes inside as well:

Tidus: Whoa…   
_They are now inside the Kilika Temple, where some Kilika Beast team members are praying at_

Wakka::Goes off to pray: Lord Ohalland, guide our feet!

You can either choose to watch him or pray with him

_Donna Major Slut and Barthello Big err…air head? xDD;; then steps out from the entrance to the Cloisters of Trials  
_Donna: Ah. :Sees Yuna and goes downstairs to go meet her: You're Lord Braska's daughter right?  
Yuna: Yes. I am the Summoner Yuna, from the Island of Besaid. :Does prayer:

Donna: Donna. :Then motions over to Barthello: My, my. What a load of Guardians you have… What are they? Your fan club?

Yuna: …:Whispers: Yes, they are. They're only following me because they know that I'll rule the world soon.

Donna: Sweat drop Ok… So, what's up with so many at once? I only need ONE guardian, Barthello.

Barthello::Nods:

Yuna: …Pssh. Why the hell do you care? Don't bother me anymore! Because I am YUNA! THE GREAT RULER OF THE WORLD! MWAHAHAHA!

All: … Sweat drop

Priest: This is a TEMPLE, Lady Yuna. :Walks on by:

Yuna: Oh, right. Ahem. To have so many guardians is a blessing. I trust each and one of them, as they trust me as well. So, Lady Donna, I ask you to leave. I'm not even considering of asking you what _your_ ideas of having guardians are.  
Donna: Fine. Barthello?

The two leaves  
_Yuna then turns to smile at Tidus_  
_To have heard Yuna say that…does she really trust me that much? Why is she smiling at me?  
_Wakka::Gets up: Well, let's go then.

Lulu: The Cloister of Trials. Ready, Wakka? Kimahri?

Wakka & Kimahri::Nods and steps onto the elevator thingy with Yuna and Lulu:

Tidus::Steps on as well, but Kimahri lifts Tidus up with one arm and walks him back outside to the entrance of the temple: AAAAAAHH! LET ME GO! KING KONG IS KIDNAPPING MEHHH!

All: OO;;

Lulu: Uh…all he had to do was push him off…

Wakka::Nods: What's he gonna do now? Find the Empire State Building in New York::Laughs, but Yuna and Lulu's eyes widened and they stare at him: Oh. Uh oh…

_Kimahri is seen, roaring on top of the Empire State Building as various news presses, medias, police, SWAT teams, the whole Square Enix people, Tifa, and Hikari showing up_

Tifa: Sweat drop Uh…I thought Tidus was a guy…

Tidus::Cries: HELP MEEEEEEE!

All: Sweat drop

Hikari: Nope nope! What an embarrassment to Square Enix and allsz!

All::Nods:  
Hikari: Ne waysz…we should get back to the chapter already. ;; Fans are getting impatient, and they wouldn't wanna be reading something verrRRRRrrrRRRrrRRRrrrrrRrRrryyyyYYYyyyyYYYy longg.

Tifa: Err…right::Claps: OK, people! Back to the set!

Everyone, including Kimahri leaves, except for Tidus…who was desperately tied up on the tower

Tidus: …Umm…hello? …Anyone?

_Ahem…back to the scene. ;; Tidus is standing on the elevator with everyone, once more_

Kimahri::Then pushes him off:

Tidus: Wah::Turns: Hey! What's the big deal!

Lulu: You're not a Guardian yet.

Yuna: Uh…we'll be back as soon as we can.

_The elevator starts descending_

Tidus: Oh, yeah. Sureee. As soon as we can like with my ORDER OF FRIES AND CHICKEN WINGS, EH! THAT'S RIGHT, YUNA! I STILL DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT WHEN YOU WORKED AT THAT CHINESE RESTAURANT DOWN ON MY BLOCK!

Yuna: OH, SHUT UP! WE'LL JUST BE F'N BACK, OK!

All: Sweat drop

Tidus: Yeesh. :Stands around, waiting for the elevator to come back so he can yell about his order of food some more:

_The elevator comes back up, but Tidus has his doubts about going down on it too. So he steps on it, and then stops, stepping back when Donna and Barthello come in_  
Donna: Oh? Where's Yuna?

Tidus: She went down to the Cloister of Trials. Eyes drift _downwards_ to something else and then back up

Donna: Uh huh. And what are you doing, staring at my sexiness? TT

Tidus: Oh! Umm…err… I have no clue. ;;

Donna: --;; Then why aren't you down there with Yuna?

Tidus: Hey. I'm not a guardian, and only guardians can enter, right?

Donna: Hmm…not a guardian you say?

Barthello immediately goes over to Tidus and carries him over his shoulder

Tidus: Hey! Lemme go!

Barthello::Drops Tidus on the elevator and goes back to Donna's side:

Tidus::Stands up: Hey! What's the big idea?

Donna: Oh, just a little game.

Tidus: What?

_The elevator starts descending, leaving Tidus no where to go_

Tidus: Uh oh…this is bad.

_Tidus had finally reached the entrance to the Cloister of Trials, where a new puzzle awaits him_

There are two options listed, but you hab to choose the one to go in no matter what. Cause you know what? You can't use the elevator to go back up. xDD

Tidus: Hmm…well, I've come this far already. No use backing out. :Pushes the doors open and enters the puzzle:

You do this by yourself or grab yourself a walkthrough. --;; I hab bad memory and I don't intend on playing the game again for you… xDD For a complete walkthrough and instead of reading this uber fan fic for spoilers, go to w w w.g a m e f a q s. c o m . Not FAQS. I hab to type it up that way cause of my sucky formatting programming thingy. xDD;; But when you want to access the site, just type it TOGETHER! xDD And remember to pick up the Knight Armlet! And now, let us continue with Tidus "finishing" the Cloister of Trials and entering the Chamber of the Fayth.

_Enter a person who is burnt to a crisp and breathing deeply, gasping for air… No doubt that it's Tidus. xDD_

Wakka: WHOA. WHOAAA. OO WHAT ARE **YOU** DOING HERE? You can't be in here!

Tidus::Coughs out some ashes to the ground, trying to respond:

All::Follows the ashes down to the ground and looks back up at Tidus:

Tidus: I KNOW I CAN'T! YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO EVEN PASS THE _FIRST_ DOOR?

Wakka & Tidus::Thinks back to the first door:

_Wakka passes through the Cloister of Trials with a breeze with Lulu's help. He puts up a peace sign at the entrance of the chamber as his new victory pose. He then goes in with everyone else_

While with Tidus…

_Tidus: AAAAH! IT'S BURNING! Has touched the burning doors after he inserted the Glyph Sphere into the slots :Runs around crazy, screaming: WHERE'S 911 WHEN YOU NEED THEM?  
_AFTER, he passes the doors…  
_Tidus: AAAAAHHH! IT BURNSS! Has decided to walk through the fire, believing that he was "Yevon" --;; :Runs around crazy in the fire until the Director finally decides to use Waterga to extinguish the fire for Tidus:_

THEN, after the Walk of Fire…

_Tidus: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! THIS TIME, IT BURNS EVEN MORE THAN THE OTHER TWO TRIALS! BUT I HAVE TO GO BACK FOR THE KNIGHT ARMLET! AAAAHHHHH! Err…has touched the entrance door that was burning to the Chamber of the Fayth. He then realized that he forgot to use the Destruction Sphere to get his prize, and then walks back to get it:_

And now…

Tidus & Wakka::Sighs:

Tidus: And THAT'S what happened.

Wakka: Wow. All that from your stupidity? OO

Tidus: --;; No! All that was for Anima, Yojimbo, and the Magus Sisters!

Wakka: SSSH! The readers aren't supposed to know about them yet!

Tidus & Wakka::Looks at the camera and grins nervously:

Wakka: Edit that part! We don't need the viewers CHEATING their way to the game, do we?

Tidus: --;; Whatever… Back to the script now…

Wakka: Oh, right. AHEM. WHOA. WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU? YOU LOOK LIKE ONE OF KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN'S REJECTS DURING THE FRYING PROCESS!

Tidus: --;; I meant we SKIP that part as well.  
Wakka: Oh. Right. xDD

Lulu: Now Yuna'll be the one to suffer the consequences!

Tidus: What consequences? Oh yeaH! That idiot who worked at the Chinese restaurant! Oh yeah, she'll be suffering some 'consequences' alright! \/

Lulu::Rolls eyes and scoffs:

Tidus::Tries entering the Antechamber of the Fayth, but Kimahri pushes him back: Hey!

_After Tidus tries to enter the Antechamber of the Fayth 200 times, with Kimahri injuring him BADLY, he finally gives up- in stitched, crutches, and all. --;; He then wobbles over to Lulu_

Lulu: OO;;

Tidus: Uh…this song.

Lulu: Oh! Umm. It's the hymn of the fayth.

Tidus: Ooh… It sounds familiar…

Lulu: Just stand still and listen. It'll calm your mind.  
_The two listens to the hymn together for awhile_

Tidus::Then wobbles over to Wakka:

Wakka: This is bad! Yuna's gonna suffer the consequences…

Tidus: So, what is she doing in there?

Wakka: Yuna prays for a way, with all her heart, for a way to defeat Sin. And the only way she can defeat Sin, is by calling out for the Final Aeon.

Tidus: 'Final Aeon'?

Lulu: The Final Aeon…it's the only way to defeat Sin.

Tidus: 'Aeon'?

Lulu: They're spirits. They yearned to live on with the living, so they willingly let Yevon take their souls and send them to statues. So now, they are spirits that beckon when Summoners call them.  
Tidus: Ooh… I get it.  
_Now you're done talking with everyone. Now leave the room and Yuna'll come out, collapsing again, with Lulu and Wakka running over to her  
This hymn… As I listen to it, it sounds a lot familiar to me… But there's no use trying to remember where I've heard it.  
_Now you get a new pet! His name is Ifrit, the Aeon of Fire. Name him, and then exit the temple

_As the group exits the temple, there is a whole crowd of people who is outside, waiting for Yuna. This reminds Tidus of when he was back home, where all his cheering fans were before his big blitzball match. Then, when the whole crew starts exiting, Tidus stops walking and looks at the ground. Yuna stops with him and looks worried_

Yuna: A-are you ok?

Tidus: I don't know…

Yuna: Umm…what do you want to do?

Tidus: Ring your freaking neck FOR BEING LATE WITH MY ORDER OF CHICKEN WINGS AND FRIES::Whips out his sword and starts chasing Yuna around with it:

Yuna: GAAAAAAHHHH! YOU CAN'T REVOLT ON YOUR MASTER::Runs away:

Tidus: HEY! COME BACK HERE! MY DAD GROUNDED ME FOR BEING LATE WITH HIS DINNER, YA KNOW! YOU IDIOTTT!  
All: Sweat drop

Director: Erm…very touching story… No wonder he took the job when he saw her. --;; Cut! Someone throw a leash on Tidus!

_Act 7, Scene 12, Take 2_

Yuna and Tidus is now seen with black and blue bruises all over as they glare at each other

Director: Now, children, if you don't do this scene CORRECTLY, I'm taking a 0 off your paychecks!

Yuna & Tidus::Gasps: YOU WOULDN'T DARE!

Director::Raises an eyebrow: Or would I?... 

Yuna & Tidus: --;; :Sighs:

Director: Ok, ready… ACTION!  
Yuna: A-are you ok?

Tidus: I don't know…

Yuna: Umm…what do you want to do?

Tidus: To scream really loud.

Yuna::Giggles:

Tidus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

All::Turns around to see what happened:

Hikari: Hihi: Hikari-chan herre, telling you that Tifa-chan is too lazy to do ne more walkthroughs for the Cloister of Trials! O So good luck trying to pass them all! MWAHAHAH!

Tifa: Huh? WHAT! REALLY? IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE!

Hikari: --;; It's cause she has bad memory. ::Whacks Tifa with a hammer from nowhere:

Tifa: XX :Falls:

Hikari: Enjoy the upcoming chapters, please!


	8. To Luca

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is related to Final Fantasy X. I only own the Director…and whatever else I can make up. xDD  
Tifa: Hmm…due to my bad memory, I'm thinking about playing the whole game all over when I get bored.

Hikari: _Sweat drop_ That has GOT to be the most stupidest idea ever… Oh! And to all the Final Fantasy X readers right now, I am Hikari-chan aka Hikki-kun! _Bow _Please to meet ya!

Tifa: _Rolls eyes_ She's only an extra, my other self in chibi.

Hikari: Aaw. Tifa-chan's jealous.

Tifa?! WHAT? ME! JEALOUS? WHAT KIND OF IDIOT LIE IS THAT!

Hikari: You're also getting a scary anime face on! xD

Tifa: Grr… I'LL SHOW YOU SCARY! _Grabs a stick from the ground and starts chasing Hikari around_  
Hikari: _Runs away _Please enjoy this chapter of **Final Fantasy X, Unlimited Edition,** onegai!

---

Act 8: To Luca

---  
_(Tidus and the gang exits Kilika Forest. Be sure to check around for extra treasure chests and what-not's before leabing the island. You may also do some shopping on the way out from this old woman on the side where there's a hut with a treasure chest in the middle. Then board the ship to be on your way to Luca)_

---  
_It is nighttime. Tidus is below deck with the rest of the Besaid Aurochs in their cabin. He gets up to walk around. And I think that there is a treasure chest in the back…or that may be in the Luca Goers' cabin. But any who…exit the cabin to be greeted by a strange man_

Man: _Comes up to Tidus_ Aah. What strange clothing you got there. _Starts examining him_

Tidus: Huh?

Man: Ack. Filthy, filthy. Nope, that isn't gonna do.

Tidus: Hey? Since when did I hire you to be my maid?

Man: … 'Maid'? Do you know who you're talking to?

Tidus: I don't know. But if my clothes are dirty, then you gotta do the laundry for me. Here. _Starts stripping off his clothes_

Man: ACK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Tidus: Uh…you did say that they were 'filthy', right?

Man: Yes, and what of it!

Tidus: Then clean them for me! Here's the laundry money… _Takes out 10 gil and gives it to the guy. Then bends down in his boxers to pick up his clothing and stuffs them in the man's arms_ Here. Don't come back until there's not **ONE** piece of lint on it!

Man: … Umm…ok… _Walks away and snickers _Sucker…

_Tidus didn't know it, but he had just helped pay 10 gil of this guy's debt!_

Tidus: Now I'll just wait until he comes back… _Leans against his cabin door to await the man's return with fresh, clean clothes_

_(Tidus stands there, in that same spot, waiting for exactly half an hour until Yuna, Wakka, and Lulu comes down from deck)_

Yuna: Hey! You! Where the heck have you been? …And why are you in your boxers? Oo

Tidus: Oh, this guy said he'll wash my clothes cause they were filthy. And it's been half an hour already.

Lulu: Umm…Tidus…you _do_ know that there's no laundry room on this ship, right?...

Tidus: …A wha?

Wakka: No clothes-cleaning room on floating vehicle!

Tidus: I understand what a laundry room and a ship is, Wakka! _Glares at him_

Wakka: Heheh. Good. I thought that it might be just the toxin. xD

Tidus: … So…dude comes up to me, takes my clothes when there's no laundry room, and just disappears somehow?

Lulu: The ship doesn't land until morning at the piers in Luca. There's no way that the man already disembarked.

Wakka: Let's send out a search group and look for this guy!

Tidus: Yeah! I'm freezing in my undies. _Shivers_

All: … _Sweat drop_

Yuna: Err…earth to people! Tidus was late for the scene upstairs for half an hour already! Can't he make do without his clothes?

Lulu & Wakka: Oh yeah… _Looks at Tidus_

Tidus: … What? You guys expect me to march up on deck without my clothes and be made fun of? Pssh. You wish.

Lulu, Wakka, & Yuna: … _Keeps looking at him and then gets closer with their hands out_

Tidus: Wait. Wait! OO I'M TOO BEAUTIFUL TO BE RAPED! _Cries while wrapping himself up in a ball_

All: _Sweat drop_

Man: Hey! _Comes back, still with the dirty clothes in hand_

Tidus: HEY! _Bounces up and glares at him_ Where were you? Did you know that there is NO laundry room on this ship!

Man: Whoa, whoa! I know that there isn't! I looked for one everywhere! So, here. _Hands him back his clothes _Sorry, mate. I tried.

Tidus: … _Takes clothes back _Heheh. And to think! I was going to murder you too! _Puts them back on_ Oh, what's your name?

O'aka XXIII: O'aka XXIII, Merchant Extraordinaire!

Tidus: Huh?

O'aka XXIII: _Sighs_ Guess I'm not that all popular here in Spira. Say…how about helping O'aka here with a little "debt"? Wait, you already did. So, too-ta-loo! _Runs away_

Tidus: … ? I already did? OO … OH YEAH! HEY! MY TEN GIL! THAT'S ALL I HAD!

Yuna: Wait, whaddya mean "all you have"? oO

Lulu & Wakka: Yeah!

All: _Crowds around him once more_

Tidus: Umm…uh… I blew the other 10,000 we all saved up for Potions… _Laughs nervously_

All: …

Wakka: May I speak first?  
Lulu & Yuna: _Nods_

Wakka: Ahem. … YOU SPENT ALL OUR $(&&#&$&$&& 10,000 GIL ON SOME MEASLY $&$($&(&$&($$&$$ POTIONS! WHAT THE $(&$&$$)!&#$ IS WRONG WITH YOU? HUH! WERE YOU ON A (&&(&(&#(&(#&( HANGOVER TODAY?

Tidus: …Umm…maybe? Heheh… Oh! Look at the time! I'm 40 minutes late for the scene now! Heh… DIRECTOR-SAMAA! _Runs away_

Wakka: Hey! COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH!  
All: _Runs after Tidus and chases him around the ship_

Director: Hmm…it's always Tidus getting tortured in this fic. I like it. D

---  
_Act 8, Scene 4, Take 221. Yuna, Wakka, and Lulu kept beating Tidus up for spending 10,000 Gil for Potions._

_Tidus walks up the stairs to enter the deck. He passes by some stairs and sees Wakka & Lulu conversing. He goes part-way up to listen in_

Wakka: ….So, Yuna thinks he's from Zanarkand?

Lulu: That's what she said that he told her.

Wakka: But Zanarkand was destroyed 1,000 years ago… There's no way he could've just popped out here! _Gasps_ UNLESS!-

Lulu: _Turns around to glare at Wakka_ If you say that Chappu can just "POP" out here like Tidus did, I'm going to wring your neck and throw you overboard!

Wakka: … _Shuts up_  
_Tidus turns to leave, but the two continues_

Lulu: She also said that he is Sir Jecht's son.

Wakka: 'Sir Jecht'!

Lulu: Mmm hmm.

Wakka: But, that's impossible, right?

Lulu: Well, Yuna thinks that it's fate that they have met. And that he also hates him.

Wakka: Hmm. To hate your own parents, sounds like a luxury to me. I can't even remember my parents!

Lulu: I…was 5 then, so I remember a little.

_Again Tidus turns to leave, but they continue _again

Wakka: _Punches ground _Damn! Why does Sin always have to take everything away!

Lulu: …

Wakka: But say, why does Yuna want to keep him close by anyway? He's a great guy and all, but he's a newbie against fiends.

Lulu: It's like asking you why you brought him here.

Wakka: Hey, I couldn't say no, ya? The guy need our help!

Lulu: Maybe if we take him to Luca…you think he'll recognize anyone from where he came from?

Wakka: I guess… So, whaddya wanna do? Just dump him at Luca?

Lulu: We have no choice, do we?

Wakka: Yeah, but…

Lulu: That's enough, Wakka.

_The two have finally finished their conversation. You can go upstairs to talk to either of them, but it's full of nothing-ness then. xD So head to the front of the deck to see a blitzball. Here, you'll have to complete the Jecht Shot. If you don't complete it, it's alright. But if you do complete it, Wakka'll throw a ball at you and ask you to show him that again. And this move can be used later on in any blitzball games. I'll just do the scenario on when he misses._

Tidus: Damn… _Turns to see Yuna, who had been watching him the whole time _Oh.

Yuna: That was…the Jecht Shot, wasn't it?  
Tidus: Yeah, how do you know?

Yuna: _Rolls eyes _Cause OBVIOUSLY, he showed it to me, you dolt!

Tidus: …

Yuna: … And I came here for the tutorial before you started. xDD

Tidus: Ooh… Ok.

Yuna: He called it the "Sublimely Amazing Jecht Shot, Mach 1"… He said there were also 2 others.

Tidus: Hah. _Goes over to the railing and sits on it_ You know, there was never a "Jecht Shot, Mach 2", or a "Jecht Shot, Mach 3". They were just made up to get the fans hooked on so they'll come back the next night.

Yuna: _Walks up to him_ So, about Sir Jecht, why do you hate him so?

Tidus: Uh…cause I felt like it maybe? Why don't you shut up with the questions already? DON'T YOU NOW THAT THEY'RE KINDA ANNOYING?

Yuna: … _Glares_ HEY! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO, HUH! I'M YUNA, THE GREAT ANIMAL MASTER CALLER TAMER! YOU'RE ONLY HERE CAUSE WAKKA PICKED YOU UP FROM THE SHORES OF BESAID LIKE A LOST PUPPY! AND IF HE DIDN'T, YOU WOULD STILL BE THERE, SHAVING COCONUTS FOR HIM AND HIS POSSE!

Tidus: OO Y…you're lying! _Eyes start tearing_

Yuna: Nope. That's why Wakka brought you along with us, to shave coconuts for him to drink.

Tidus: OO WAKKAAA! _Looks up to where Wakka would show up_

Wakka: Ya?

Tidus: IS WHAT SHE SAID TRUE! YOU ONLY BROUGHT ME ALONG TO MAKE COCONUT MILK FOR YOU?

Wakka: What? Didn't you hear me and Lu's conversation?

Tidus: … M…maybe!

Wakka: _Rolls eyes_ Whatever.

Tidus: Wait! Don't leaveee meeee! '(

Yuna: _Rolls eyes_ So, why do you hate Jecht?

Tidus: _Sniffs and wipes tears away_ Cause Daddy…he was always out, never came back home. That's what made Mommy said all the time.

Yuna: Uh huh…

Tidus: Blitzball, was much more important to him than my mother and I, I guess. My old man, he was such a whore!

Yuna: But the Sir Jecht I met was a kind and gentleman! That probably wasn't the reason anyway!

Tidus: So? I hate him!

Yuna: But Sir Jecht-!

Tidus: Like I care? He's MY old man, so I get the right to hate him! SO SHUT UP BRASKA'S GIRL!

Yuna: … IF MY DAD DIDN'T BAIL _YOUR_ DAD, HE'D BE DEAD IN BEVELLE ALREADY!

Tidus: SHUT UP! IT'S CAUSE HE WAS **DRUNK.**

Yuna: I know that.

Tidus: _Breathes in deeply and then looks at Yuna_ So, what's up with your dad?

Yuna: Well, I never hated him even if he was away from me.

Tidus: But, isn't like all this pressure of being High Summoner Braska's daughter all like, nerve-wracking? Don't you ever feel like breaking down?

Yuna: Yes, it's true, that being my father's daughter and following in his footsteps will be quite hard, but it also gives me hope. Everyone has faith in me because I am my father's daughter, and because of what I can do, despite that fact. Being able to live up the name of Lord Braska, High Summoer, who, with his two guardians, Sir Jecht and Sir Auron-…

Tidus: Wait! Auron? You know Auron?_ Jumps up from where he's sitting_

Yuna: _Nods_ Yes, I met him the exact day I met Sir Jecht.

_It can't be…the Auron that _she _knows, is the same one that I know- from Zanarkand._

Yuna: Since tomorrow's the big game at Luca, there's bound to be some people you know there. Maybe even Sir Auron!

Tidus: Hmm…true… And hey, how come you're not so ego-maniac right now?

Yuna: Huh?

Tidus: I mean, right now, we've been talking for awhile, and you haven't mentioned one thing about "ruling the world! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA", yet.

Yuna: Uh…didn't I tell you that I was the "Great Animal Master Caller Tamer" just before we started this whole convo?

Tidus: … _Thinks_ …

Yuna: _Sighs_ This can take awhile…

_(Tidus thought about whether if she said that before or no for an hour…)_

Tidus: ……..

Yuna: _Yawns_

Tidus: _Starts to say something, but a ball hits him in the ribs_ Oww! _Looks up in Wakka's direction to see him waving_

Wakka: Time for bed, children!

Tidus: Stupid dad…

Yuna: Hah.  
_And so, as the two runs off to the cabins, Tidus quickly runs upstairs to throw the ball at Wakka and starts beating him up. Lulu tries desperately to stop Tidus with some **Fire** spells, but ends up burning Wakka as well._  
---  
Tifa: Hahah! Stupid Tidus! But poor Wakka!

Hikari: _Shrugs and sips some tea_ It's nah our fault that Wakka hit him and that Tidus's fuse is as short as a ticking bomb, right?

Tifa: Umm…yea! Of course! xDD;;

Hikari: Ooh! And I also wanna say that **Gackt-san** is uber sexy! )

Tifa: I know he is! D Right now, I'm watching **Gackt's BLACK STONE** Music Video (MV).

Hikari: He looked even hotter than usual with that long hair of his!

Tifa: I KNOW! And… _Starts yammering away about **Gackt**_  
Hikari: Oh! And thanks for reading Act 8 of **Final Fantasy X, Unlimited Edition!** Bai bai! D


	9. The Arrival in Luca

Disclaimer: Tifa and Hikari-chan does not own ne thing that is Final Fantasy X or X-2 related, they are all owned and copyrighted by Square Enix.  
Tifa: Hahah! Back by popular demand! It looks like that we're developing a new chapter everyday, Hikki-kun!

Hikari: _Nods_ Mhmm. Hai, hai!

Tifa: So, how was that date with Krad-sama? ;)

Hikari: Oh! It was great!  For those of you who don't know Krad-sama… He's this guy that I went out with just today. xD

Tifa: … That doesn't help. --;;

Hikari: I know! o Now let's get back to **Final Fantasy X, Unlimited Edition**, onegai!  
Tifa: And if you're really interested in who Krad is, visit our other fan fiction, from the series, **DN Angel, **titled: **A Step For All**! 

Hikari: …But who wants to read crap like _that_? --;;  
Tifa: … _Glares at Hikari and gets out a bazooka_ I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT'S CRAP! _Starts chasing her around with it_

Hikari: AAAAAHHHH! R&R, ONEGAI SHII MASZ!

---  
Act 9: The Arrival in Luca  
---  
_An overview of Luca city is shown as the ship that Tidus and the crew are on closes into to dock at the piers. Tidus is seen smiling at how big the city is and stands on the railings while holding onto a pole to prevent him from falling off. …But…I guess that was a bad idea…_

Tidus: Whoa… Look at all the people! It must be cause they've heard that Tidus, Star Kicker of the Zanarkand Abes came today! Well, I'll give these people a great show today! _Llets go of the pole_ I'm king of the-!  
_(Wakka pops up from behind him)_

Wakka: Hiya, buddy!

Tidus: WAAAHH! _Is surprised by Wakka's sudden voice and then goes overboard_

Wakka: …Oops. Uh…he can swim, right?

_(The camera zooms into the water to see if Tidus was still alive. Luckily, he was.)_

Wakka: Heheh… Sorry, buddy!

Tidus: _Glares at him _And when I get up there-!

_(Tidus floats right into a buoy and gets knocked out, which causes him to sink into the water)_

Wakka: …Does that mean he's dead?  
Director: Man! They already messed up the FIRST scene of a new act? How low can they go! _Sighs _Oh well… Get Tidus out of the water…

_(Tifa-chan and Hikki-kun then comes in)_

Tifa: AAH! Director-samaa! _Runs off to glomp him_

Director: Ay! Who are you?

Tifa: Aaww, Director-sama. How can you be so cruel? I'm your biggest fan! _Cuddles him_

Director: ACK! Whaddya mean? I have no fans!

Tifa: Cause underneath…you truly are… _Grabs his face and pulls off his mask to reveal Gippal from **Final Fantasy X-2** _MY LOVERBOY! _Huggles him tightly_

Gippal: ACK! HOW DID YOU KNOW!

Tifa: _Looks at his nametag, which says, "Gippal from Final Fantasy X-2, A Super Sexy Al Bhed"_

Gippal: --;; I knew I forgot to take off something. _Takes it off and dumps it in a nearby trash can_ Look, I'm very happy to have a fan girl on me right now, but what would Rikku say if she saw me?

_(Rikku from Final Fantasy X-2 then comes in and gasps, pointing at Gippal & Tifa)_

Rikku X-2: GIPPAL! YOU WHORE! _Stomps away_

Gippal: W-wait! RIKKU! I DON"T EVEN KNOW WHERE SHE CAME FROM! _Tries to run after Rikku, but Tifa was in the way_ Uh…do you mind?

Tifa: Oh, of course not. _Gets off_

Gippal: Thank you. Wait up, Rikku! _Runs after her_

Wakka: …Umm…who's gonna direct this scene then?

Hikari: _Takes out a director's hat and puts it on her head_ Me, of course!

Wakka: _Shrugs _Works for me.

Hikari: Now somebody fish Tidus out of that water, we have work to do, bebay.

---  
_Act 9, Scene 1, Take 2_

_Tidus, this time, is _still_ standing on the railing as their ship is closing in_

Jimmy (Or Bobba, I'm nah sure. xD): Welcome folks! To our annual blitzball game here in Luca!

Bobba: Yes, and there seems to be quite a crowd gathering here at the docks! Why, it's the competing teams that have just disembarked! Let's go see who they are!

---  
Jimmy: Here at the first pier is the Kilika Beasts, straight from Kilika Island!

Bobba: Yes, wasn't their island just attacked by Sin recently?

Jimmy: It sure was. So they're going to have to play their best today, don't they? Our next team is…the horrendously-ill fated, Besaid Aurochs! They've never won a game!

Bobba: Only a few die-hard fans are out here to cheer today. On to the next!...

Jimmy: Our next contestants are our very own Luca Goers, returning home! Just look at the crowds, Bobba! Just look at the crowds!  
Bobba: Yes, there's our Goers. They have speed, they have team, and they have yet to be defeated! There's no doubt that the Luca Goers are this year's favorites.

---  
_Tidus, the crew, and a few of the Besaid Aurochs are seen standing near their ship. Tidus, not being able to handle the fact that his team were just a bunch of losers (thanks to Wakka, Cough, cough) grabs a megaphone from a box and climbs on top of it, turning the megaphone on to deliver a speech_

Tidus: Stop right there, Stoppers!

All: … _Stares at Tidus_

Wakka: Umm…Tidus, it's "Goers".

Tidus: Oh. I knew that. xD Ahem. Lemme try that again. … "Stop right there, Goers!"

All: _Is still staring at him_

Tidus: What? Stop staring at meee! My body is too beautiful for you to stare at! _Curls up in a ball_

All: _Starts laughing_

Wakka: _Shakes head _Oh, boy… _Pulls Tidus down from the box and gets up there himself. Picks up the megaphone from the floor and turns it on _Ok, you! $()&($&( people who dissed us back at Kilika Temple!

Bickson: WHAT did he just say?_ Glares at Wakka_

Graav: Calm down, Bickson. Here, just be amazed by your own semi-naked splendor for now. _Gives him a mirror_

Bickson: Ooh! Oh, yes! You sexy thing! _Smiles at himself in the mirror and strikes a pose in the mirror _Hah! How do you like _that_? HMPH. _Throws mirror away and fluffs his hair, letting the press take pictures of him and taping him. But the sphere is concentrated on Wakka and _his _posse_

Abus (Black guy on team.): Uh…I think they just discovered that Bickson's gay.

Graav: _Nods_

Wakka: Umm…ok. You guys better watch out! Cause my $)$ homies herre, are gonna take back THA CUP from ya looSerRS! HAH! So prepare to lose, BITCHES! HAH. HAHAH. AHAHAHAHAHA!

All: OO;; _Starts taking pictures of Wakka madly  
(The screen then blackens, and someone grabs Wakka down from the box)_

Wakka: Hey, hey!

---  
_Still standing in the same place_

Tidus: Argh! What did you think you were doing?

Wakka: Just telling them to be careful this year in the sphere pool! _Grins_ Smart, ya?

Tidus: UGH! NO! I MEANT THAT YOU JUST $)$$ STOLE MY (#&)$&$ LINES, ASSWIPE! _Picks up the megaphone from the ground and starts beating Wakka with it  
_Wakka: AAAH! AUGH! PLEASE, STOPP! MOMMY! _Runs right behind Lulu as Yuna starts laughing madly_

_(Unfortunately, for them, the megaphone was still on, so everyone in Luca _kinda_ heard what was going on. Tidus and the gang are about to make the front cover of the Spiran Times later on…)_

Person 1: Hey! Maester Mika's ship just arrived!

Person 2: Really? Maester Mika!

Person 3: Where?

Person 1: There! At Dock 4!

_A crowd of people are running to the other docks to the right_

Tidus: Maester Mika?

Lulu: 'Maester Mika' is the maester of all of Spira.  
Yuna: _Turns to Tidus_ So, let's go!

_Tidus runs to where everyone else ran to "greet" Maester Mika at the docks as well. When they arrive, a crowd of people have already gathered in front of Mika's boat. Maester Mika shows up as the creatures on the side begins playing his theme song…which happens to be **Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl**_

All: Huh? What's happening…? Hey! Look at Maester Mika! _Turns to stare at Mika in disbelief, cause he's dancing and singing to the song…_ OO;;  
Mika: _This shit, is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! This shit, is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!_ _Ooh…this my shit, this my shit. Ooh…this my shit, this my shit… Waves his IPod around in his hands as he does some funky twists_

All: Ooh…

_Seymou, a very ugly funkily-blue-haired Guado dude shows up behind Mika and raises an eyebrow at him  
_Seymour: Umm…Lord Mika… _Taps him on the shoulder and he stops twisting, but is still shaking his hips to the song_

Mika: Y-yes, Seymour?

Seymour: Err…your music… _Points to everyone who is still staring at the maester of all of Spira dancing_  
Mika: … _Throws his IPod to the side where two monks behind Seymour, where one of them catches it and quickly puts it away in his sleeve. He then goes up to one of the creatures and pulls the cat's nose, which opens up to show very complicated gadgets and what-nots in there._ Hmm… Ah, I see! Someone put a speaker chip into my IPod! Heheh. Sorry for all of Yevon's people to witness me dancing! But I always listen to this song when I work out. _Pops the nose back in and then clears his throat_ Now, bow down everyone so we can get this scene started!

All: --;; _Bows down, except for Tidus_

Tidus: Huh? I have to bow to this geezer who was just dancing to Wakka's routine song? --

Wakka: HEY! BOW DOWN NOW! _Pulls Tidus's head down like everyone else_

Tidus: Oww!

Mika: Now, people of Yevon, rise.

All: _Does so_

Mika: I present to you, the son of Lord Jyscal Guado, Seymour Guado. _Steps aside to let Seymour walk down the plank_

Old Women: WHOO! LORD SEYMOURR! YEA! SHAKE THAT THINGG!

All: … _Sweat drop_

Seymour: _Starts waving, smiling, and grinning like an idiot, mouthing the words, "Thank you, thank you!" to his "adoring fans". Then stops at the middle_ I LOVE YOU, NEW YORK! Thank you! _Continues walking and then trips on his robe_ OOF!

All: …  
Mika: Err…rise, Lord Seymour!

Seymour: _Gets up and brushes himself off _I meant to do that, and it was for all my fans. _Winks at them in the crowd  
(One old woman squeals and faints)_

Tidus: Gee…and he isn't even _that_ good looking either…  
Person 1: Isn't he a Guado?

Person 2: No, he's half.

Mika: People of Yevon, I present to you, Maester Seymour of Yevon.

Person 3: 'Maester'?

Person 2: That Guado's a maester?

Seymour: I am Seymour Guado. My father was Lord Jyscal, leader of the Guado. During his lifetime, my father worked hard to form a unity between the Guados and humans. And, it worked. I will be forward to looking upon the people of Spira. And I hope you will all do well to accept me as your new leader. _Bows and then stands up, catching Yuna's eye_

Yuna: _Blushes and shivers_

Tidus: Wait, why is she blushing? Wakka?

Wakka: Uh…you wouldn't know! Lu? Lu!

Lulu: _Is hypnotized by Seymour _So…handsome…

Tidus: WHAT? OO Do you guys need prescription contact lenses!

Yuna & Lulu: _Glares at Tidus_ WATCH WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!

Tidus: --;;  
Wakka: Ok then, let's get ready for the game!  
---  
Hikari: Eh? Seymour-sama, 'handsome'! OO What's wrong with them?

Tifa: Heheh… That's cause he's REALLY!... _Whispers it into Hikari's ears_

Hikari: EH? FOR REALSZ? OO Then he really **IS** handsome! _Sighs dreamily_

Tifa: Yeppsz. Stay tuned for the Blitzball game in Luca:D


	10. In Luca

Disclaimer: I own nothing that is of **Final Fantasy X**-related. Everything is owned by **Square Enix**…except for Hikari-chan. xD

Hikari: That's a bad thing!

Tifa: --

---  
Act 10: In Luca

---  
_Tidus, Lulu, Wakka, and the rest of the Aurochs are in the Aurochs' Locker room, where Wakka was going over the play. Wakka offers to review everything about playing blitzball with you. (You can choose to practice if you're a first-timer, but you can skip over it if it's too much for you.) Tidus then yawns from boredom as Yuna and Kimahri comes into the room_

Yuna: Ah! There you are!_ Walks over to him_ Someone said that saw Sir Auron in a café!

Tidus: Wha? _Stands up_

Yuna: _Nods_ Maybe it really is him. Let's go look for him!

_What? _My _Auron?_ Here, in Spira? Maybe Sin…nah.

Tidus: _Gets up and nods, going for the door_

Wakka: Hey hey! Where do you think you're going, man?

Tidus: Heeey. Don't worry. I'll be back in time for the game, I promise.

Wakka: Ok then…

Tidus: Hey, Wakka. _Walks up to him_ You look tense. Loosen up your face and relax.

Wakka: _Holds his face_

Tidus: Just relax.

Wakka: _Breathes in and out_ Alright… Just be back in time for the game, ya?

Tidus: _Nods and leaves with Yuna and Kimahri_

---  
_And that's just when everything started to make sense…_

_Tidus is seen outside of the locker room, nodding while Yuna talks to him  
_Yuna: …And remember! I like my coffee **only** from Dunkin Donuts at 7 AM sharp! And, I only want the vanilla Manager's Special donut as well. You got that?

Tidus: _Keeps nodding like a bobble head _Uh huh, of course I do. Can we look for Auron now?

Yuna: Oh, right. Ahem. Well, meet ya outside! Kimahri?   
_Kimahri follows Yuna out as Tidus starts walking. He then sees two Al Bheds talking amongst themselves on the side_

Al Bhed 1: Edc dra myto cissuhan! It's the lady summoner!

Al Bhed 2: Fa sicd nabund pylg du dra creb! We must report back to the ship!  
Tidus: _Walks up to them_Hey, Al Bhed Psyches right? This girl Rikku, she picked me up in her ship, and gave me food. And then Sin took me in, so I'm wondering if she's ok.

_The Al Bheds ignore him_

Tidus: And uh…I guess say hi and thanks to her for me if you see her, ok? Oh, and as for the game, may the best team win! _Walks away_

Al Bhed 1: Fryd yh eteudra aqbaldc ic du nabmo pylg du res eh Ahkmecr. What an idiot…he expects us to reply back to him in English.

Al Bhed 2: _Laughs_ Pmuhtac draca tyoc… Blondes these days…

Al Bhed 1: _Glares at him_

---  
_Tidus comes outside, where Yuna and Kimaheri awaits him. Yuna runs up to Tidus_

Yuna: Let's go!

Tidus: _Nods_  
_(And so, Yuna is tagging along Tidus, who is desperately trying to outrun because she has her rod in her hand and is chasing Tidus around the city with it)_

Tidus: GAH!

Yuna: Come back herrreeee! Try to yell at me for being late with your chicken wings and fries, eh? Well, I'll show you! YAARRGHHH!

All: _Sweat drop_  
---  
_(After running around the fountain for so long, the woman and the cameraman there was filming them that whole time, and now, they were panting for breath as they both glared at each other)_

Yuna: Fag!

Tidus: Idiot!

Yuna: Moron!

Tidus: Slut!

Yuna: How so?

Tidus: Oh! Yeah. "Just look at me, I'm Yuna, High Summoner Braska's daughter who wears this special bra to push up my boobs so everyone can see it!" Psssh!

Yuna: _Growls at him_ Well, "look at me, I'm Tidus, Jecht's super "cute" son who cried a lot as a little boy and LOVES exposing his body to women!" Ugh!

_(Tidus and Yuna are then growling, having a stare-down against at each other as the people around them starts betting on who will win. Of course, they chose Yuna cause they heard about her ego.)_

Kimahri: _Shakes his head and separates the two_

Tidus & Yuna: Hey!

Tidus: You mute oaf! Why'd you get in the way?

Kimahri: _Glares at him_

Yuna: Yeah! You idiot dyed lion! Move it so I can conquer him!

Kimahri: _Growls at Yuna  
(The two goes back to their argument)_

Yuna: Freak!

Tidus: Whore!

Yuna: Stupid!

Tidus: Ho!

_(Finally, Kimahri couldn't take it anymore and grabs the two, swinging them over his shoulder, and he stomps off to the café to look for Auron)_

Tidus & Yuna: _Looks at each other and shrugs  
_Tidus: Oh, and in case we get separated. _Whistles_

Yuna: Whoa! What was that?

Tidus _Laughs_ It's what we do to cheer on the players in the blitzball sphere. Put your fingers in your mouth, lye 'his! _Shows her_

Yuna: _Tries to do it as well_ Lye, 'his?  
Tidus: Yeah, and then blow.   
Yuna: _Tries_

Tidus: Hahah! Don't worry, you'll get it soon enough. But when you practice and finally get it, when you whistle, I'll come running. Use it in case we get separated.

Yuna: Yes, sir.  
Tidus: But for now, I don't think we need to be worried about getting separated. xD

Yuna: _Laughs_

---  
_Yuna, Tidus, and Kimahri makes it to the shopping area, where Tidus stares up at a monument right in front of him_

Tidus: Whoa.

Yuna: What? You've never been in a city before?

Tidus: No, I just thought that all towns on Spira were tiny islands, like Besaid and Kilika.

Yuna: Towns…don't usually get bigger than this.

Tidus: Huh?

Yuna: When they do, lots of people start to gather, so they're an easy target…

Tidus: When Sin comes, right?

Yuna: Mhmm. _Nods_

Tidus: But still, I can't believe it! The buildings here are as big as the skyscrapers in Zanarkand!

Yuna: Oh. _Looks up_ But don't you get dizzy looking at them all the time?

Tidus: Ahah hah hah. Naw, you'll get used to it sooner or later. So let's hurry up and look for Auron, ok?

Yuna: _Nods_

_The three enters the café that is north of their present location_

---  
_When Tidus enters the café, there is no one looking like the original Auron sitting there. He sighs_

Tidus: He's not here.

Yuna: Let's go ask around. _Goes off to ask the people in the café about Auron's whereabouts_

_While Yuna is asking about Auron, Kimahri meets up with two of his old "friends"… Tidus stops by to watch Kimahri converse with the other two Ronso's_

Biran The Ronso With No Yellow Hair, err…the one that looks like a dude on crack xDD: Kimahri! Long time no see! Why do you not speak to us, homie?

Kimahri: OO;;

Yenke Ronso with Yellow Hair: Yo, chill out, B-Man, thA Yizzlesz gots this covered. _Looks at Kimahri_ Yo! Homaaaay! How's it hanging?

Kimahri: … _Backs up a little_

Biran: We taught you a lot, my nigga. Remember the time during horn molt?

Yenke: Forget good homies, Biran? Forget Yenke? We taught you how to pick up women! HUMAN ones too!

Biran: Hah, leave little Kimahri alone then. Kimahri is _small_ Ronso.  
Tidus: Take' em on.

Kimahri: _Puts up his fists and takes a step back_

Yenke: Hah, I'd like to see you try, little man.  
_Kimahri quickly delivers an uppercut punch to Biran, knocking him backwards_

All: Hey!

Bartender: Take it outside, the game's about to start!

Tidus: The game! _Then takes a look around_ Kimahri! Yuna's gone!

_Kimahri looks at where Yuna was supposed to be, so Yenke takes the change to punch him across the face. Kimahri looks angered, he growls, but knows that his job as a Guardian is more important than this little quarrel. He and Tidus runs outside the café to see if Yuna is there_

---  
_Instead of Yuna being there, Lulu shows up_

Lulu: There you are! The Al Bhed Psyches kidnapped Yuna. And in exchange for her safety, they want the Aurochs to lose the game.

Tidus: Hah! As if we need to!

Lulu: Our first priority now is to make sure Yuna comes back now. Since they're only blitzball players, I doubt they'll do anything drastic.

Tidus: What about the game?

Lulu: Wakka told us that getting Yuna back first is more important right now. He said he'll deal with the game for now.

Tidus: Got it.

Lulu: Then let's go to the docks.  
_The three of them run off to the docks to find Yuna_

---  
_As Tidus, Lulu, and Kimahri are running, they run into two Mech Scouters. It's time to engage into battle, bebe. xD_

Tidus: Whoa! What are they?

Lulu: Ancient machina forged by the Al Bhed. They are most vulnerable to Lightning.   
_Lulu goes first and she casts Thunder on a Mech Scouter, shattering it to piece. The team then moves up to surround the remaining Mech Scouter. Tidus and Kimahri takes turn massacring the machine until it's Lulu's turn again. She uses Thunder again, but this time, on Tidus_

Tidus: OWWZA! HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

Lulu: …I hit the wrong one? OO  
Tidus: _Points to his all-black and fried hair_ Uh…obviously. Do you not smell what's cooking in the kitchen, chef?

Lulu: _Squints at Tidus and then takes out her red contacts, revealing all black eyes_

Tidus: GAH!

Lulu: _Takes another look at Tidus_ Oh, you're right. Your hair _is _all black. Hahah. How silly of me to make _such_ a mistake! _Slips the contacts back in  
_Tidus: Wait, do your eyes are really _black?_

Lulu: Mhmm hmm. And what of it? Oh, watch your back.

Tidus: Huh? WAAAH! _Starts running around in circles as the Mech Scouter chases him  
_Kimahri: … _Shakes head_

Lulu: Oo Hang on! I know exactly what to do! _Starts conjuring up a Thunder spell_

Tidus: WAIT! LULU, NOOO! _Looks around to grab an object, and grabs the Mech Scouter to "block" Lulu's attack_ O … Huh? I'm alive? _Looks around to see that the machine has been sizzled to a crisp_ Ooh. Good work, Lulu. _Throws it to the side as the victory poses starts coming in_

_Lulu puts her right hand into a gun position and then blows on it. She winks at the screen_

Tidus: So, no exposing those big hooters of yours then for today? xD

Lulu: … _Growls at Tidus and starts casting Fire on him_

Tidus: AAAAHHH! WAAAAAIIIIIEEEE! IT'S BURNINGGG! _Runs around crazy, but then stops to stare at the sphere on top, but is still burning_ Hey, the game's starting!

---  
_The water in the sphere pool starts filling up as the fans starts cheering. Mika then shows up at the balcony to address the beginning of the game_

Mika: Let's start the games! _Throws his arms up in the air and **Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl** starts playing_ Oops! _Puts his arms back down and smiles_ May the best team win today, but all, bringing glory and hope to Yevon's people today!  
_The fans start cheering even wilder than before, and the games officially start._

_(But a drunken man comes in, _looking _like Auron, with that samee jar of sake in his hand, swaying back and forth up the stairs.)_

---  
Lulu: Wakka can handle himself for now. We have to get to Yuna.  
Tidus: Right.   
_And so, the three are off again to look for Yuna_

---  
_…And this time, they meet up with uh…I think 5 Mech Scouters? They quickly defeat them with the exception of Lulu still striking Tidus "by accident". Something else shows upon the sphere from the blitzball game_

---  
_Wakka get the ball and has the 3 Al Bhed Psyches swimming towards him, tackling him so he'll drop the ball. He hold his stomach and groans_

Jimmy: Wakka's taking a real beating out there, Bobba.

Bobba: Yeah, but the referee doesn't call the foul!  
Jimmy: He'll feel that one in the morning!  
---  
Lulu: _Shakes head_ He'll never make it, he's always like this!

Tidus: _Places a blonde wig over his head, fixes it, and then looks at Lulu_ Hey, have a little faith, will ya?

Lulu: Excuse me?

Tidus: Uh…can't you just believe in him a _little?_  
Lulu: Hmph. Look! The ship's leaving the dock!

_And with that, the three Guardians runs up to the dock and jumps right onto the ship's deck to await their next challenge_  
---  
Tifa: Ooh, guess what! You get a filler episode next!

Hikari: Joy! No more thinking about what happened during one scene again! _Jumps around for joy_  
Tifa: Tune in next time to **Final Fantasy X, Unlimited Edition**!

Hikari: Bai bai!


	11. Mayhem at Besaid

Dislcaimer: I don't own anything pertaining OR relating to **Final Fantasy X**. All rights are reserved by **Square Enix**, formerly known as **Squaresoft**. :P

---  
Chapter 11: Mayhem at Besaid

---  
_Hi guys! Pleased to meet ya! I'm Rikku! I'm the official peppy, happy, go-lucky-girl, cheerer-upper, coolest Al Bhed, immature thief, and uber duper super cousin of Yunie, the summoner! Unfortunately, I don't get to make my OFFICIAL appearance in this fan fiction again until like…Act Chapter 15I OO So, I decided to "beg" my way into adding one chapter that is devoted to everyone's FAVORITE character- **ME**! And without further ado, here's Chapter 11 of **Final Fantasy X, Unlimited Edition** by yours truly, Tifa-chan and HiKaRi iNc! Domo! _(Bows)

---  
_It was originally a peaceful morning here in Spira, in the heart of Besaid Island. Let's take a look at what our favorite characters are doing this morning in order to prepare for the new day, shall we?_  
---  
Tidus: _(Starts singing and dancing to **Michael Jackson's Beat It** in his bathroom, carrying a bottle of gel as his microphone) Just beat ittt Beat it. Beat ittt Beat it. La la la la la la la la…really not scared. Beat it (Starts gelling his hair and then tried to pull his hands off his head) _… Hyah! _Tries to pull his hands off his head again_ … HYAH! _Tries again_ … Hmm…I think someone has misplaced my gel to be their superglue… …HYAAAAH! _Tries again and then finally pulls off a chunk of his beautiful, blonde hair. He looks at it in his hands and then looks in the mirror, looking at his HUGE bald spot_ … KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!..._   
_(Lesson be learned Tidus, "never play a **Michael Jackson** song at the same time while doing your daily morning routines, it KILLS ya". xD Now, let's take a look at Yuna, shall we?)

---  
Yuna: _Is receiving a pedicure and a manicure while on someone holds her cell phone up to her ear so she can talk_ What? No, no, no. Wait… Absolutely not! Nu uh. …Oh, oh… So, you wanna have it like _that_, eh?... Well, I'll show you! _Spits on the phone_ Hang up, woman!

Woman: _Snaps the Motorolla cellular phone shut and looks at Yuna_ Shall I dispose of this, as always, madam?

Yuna: _Rolls eyes_ Betty, you've been working for me for 5 years already… What do _you _think?

Betty: _Bows _As you wish, Miss Yuna. _Tosses the old phone aside into a recycle can and whips out a new one_ So, who was it that you were arguing you, your superior-ness?

Yuna: Ugh. It was horrible… McDonalds REFUSES to deliver to a remote island in a place that they've never heard of!

(…And this is Yuna's lesson, never call a McDonalds that had _just_ cancelled its delivery services. Next up is Kimahri.)

---  
Kimahri: _Is reading the newspaper that is given out every week on Besaid Island, which is titled, "The Weekly Besaid". He then eyes an article and stares at it. After taking 10 seconds to skim, he growls, throws the paper aside, and then roars. …He then starts tearing everything up in the room. Oo;;_

Article Title: A Hero For Another Zero!

Picture of **Squall Leonheart **from **Final Fantasy VIII** next to his **Kimahri** outfit right under the headline. The first line of the article below reads, "Here's everyone's favorite hottie, **Squall Leonheart** from **Final Fantasy VIII**! But wait, isn't he in the wrong fantasy? Well, that's not completely wrong folks, cause **Squall Leonheart,** after his paycheck was deducted by one "0", he needed another job to earn back this $100,000, to boost it back up to 1,000,000! (Details inside on how this superhero convinced his bosses to get him this job!)   
(Well…umm…Kimahri, I mean "**Squall**", it's always about time until the presses get you! P.S. – I do not own **Final Fantasy VIII** either! xD And now, to Wakka's morning.)

---  
Wakka: _La la la la la… _Hmm…oh my, dolly, somebody shaved off your hair! Well, never fear, Ms. Wakka, Beautician Extraordinaire will style you up! _Is err…currently playing with a plush of himself, but somebody seemed to have shaved off the orange afro. Oo No doubt that it was Lulu, but in this case, since Wakka is too thickheaded to know, he decides to go on to find a mini wig for his doll. He then drops his doll and screams, there were _no more _replacement wigs! Is his doll doomed to be bald forever? xDD Err…like him? xDD;;  
_(For Wakka, never use coconuts for your hair _or_ your doll's again. --;; Now onto Lulu!)  
---  
Lulu: Mwahahahahah… _  
Err…she's nowhere to be seen in her room. Let's take a look in her closet…_

Lulu: Heheheh… Finally! I can now complete the ritual to destroy that egotistic summoner! Heheh… _Is seen in a candlelight with a box and a jar of needles on the floor. Rubs her hands together_ Now, let's get right to it! _Blindly takes out a doll and stabs it quickly with 10 needles! _MWAHAHAH! Is she dead yet? _Opens her eyes to see that it's a… LULU VOO DOO DOLL!_ KYAAA! WHY AREN'T THEY THE YUNA DOLLS THAT I'VE BEEN USING FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS! _Takes a look inside to see a full box of Lulu dolls_ AAAHHHHHH!...

(Lulu…next time, make sure to conceal your dolls in a safe place…and uh…don't practice anymore black magic in the closet. xDD;; Onto Auron!)  
---  
Auron: Ugh…god, never drink sake made by Guado's again… _Just woke up from a hangover_ Maybe if I just take some Tylenol… _Reaches into his night table's drawer and pulls out a bottle of Tylenols'. He takes out one, puts it in his mouth, and then makes a sour face. He screams_ THIS ISN'T A TYLENOL! WHO SWITCHED MY MIDOL?  
(And for Auron!... Well…uh…there's really nothing to recommend. And now, onto Rikku…)

---  
_Rikku isn't seen in her room_

Say, where's Rikku?

---  
_Rikku is at the beach in Besaid, in the small area where you can find the Moon Crest, one of the items that are needed to power of Yuna's Nirvana rod. She is laughing malevolently, surrounded by Tidus's hair gel, a piece of paper with McDonald's phone # on it, a spare Kimahri suit, a whole box full of mini Wakka wigs for his dolls, a whole box of Yuna voo doo dolls, and a bottle of Midol_

Rikku: Hehehe… I finally got my revenge from when they excluded me from the beginning of the game! How're they gonna survive without THESE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

(_Sweat drop_ Umm…right. We'll think about her for awhile… Now, back at the center of the village where Yna first called out Valefor…)

---  
_Yuna and Tidus stomps out of their huts first, with Yuna holding her phone and Tidus holding a chunk of his hair_

Yuna: McDonald doesn't do deliveries anymore!

Tidus: Someone switched my hair gel for crazy glue! _Shows Yuna the hair in his hands_

Yuna: UGH! Disgusting, Tidus!

_Lulu and Wakka then come out, Lulu with the voo doo doll she was using and Wakka with a bald dolly_

Lulu: How can this happen? This was supposed to be full of Yuna voo doo dolls! Say, Yuna, do you feel any pain today? Oo

Yuna: Nope. AND WHADDYA MEAN 'YUNA VOO DOO DOLLS'! _Glares_

Lulu: _Sweat drop_ Erm, right.

Wakka: So? You don't have it as bad as Trina! _Shows everyone his bald doll_

All: _Gasps_

Yuna: My god! She's bald! Like Tidus! xD _Points to Tidus's hair and bald spot_

Lulu & Wakka: Eew…

Tidus: Shut up. --;;  
Wakka: _Sniffs_ My poor dolly is bald!

Tidus: … You play with _dolls?_ Oo;;

Wakka: …Uh… So does Lulu! _Points at her_

Lulu: Hey! At least I have a reason! Sorry, Yuna.

Yuna: It's ok.

_Kimahri then comes out with evil-looking eyes and starts destroying everything in his path_

All: _Sweat drops_

Lulu: The press found out?

Yuna: The press found out…

_Auron then comes outside of his hut, swaying, groaning, and holding his head. He walks lopsidedly to the rest of the crew and falls down on the ground before even saying a word_

All: …

Tidus: _Pokes him with a stick_

Yuna: I think he's on a hangover…

Auron: _Then cries and grabs Tidus's legs_

Tidus: GAH! Get off of me, you old and drunk pervert! _Tries to shake him off_

Auron: Someone… SOMEONE… **SOMEONE **SWITCHED MY MIDOL FOR SOME TYLENOL'S! _Sobs_

All: --;;

Wakka: Uh…aren't they both the same?

Auron: _Stops crying and stands up, right in front of Wakka's face_ You got a problem with that?

Wakka: Uh…n-no, man!

Auron: Good. _Goes back to crying_ MY TYLNEOL!

All: --;;;

Lulu: Say, where's Rikku?

Yuna: Still sleeping?

Wakka: Nah, Rikku's not a late sleeper.

Tidus: Then where's she go?

All: _Looks at each other as they watch Kimahri run into Rikku's hut, destroying everything in there…_ OO;; _They all go to see if she was in there_

---  
Yuna: Rikku's not in here?

_It's true, Rikku was not present in her room. All that was left was…uh…technically nothing since Kimahri came in to trash it. --;;  
_Lulu: _Walks over to what remained in the room and picks up a Rikku mask_ Hmm…an impersonator?

Yuna: _Rolls eyes_ I doubt it.

Lulu: Oh? And why's that?

Yuna: Cause…who the heck in the world wants to be **RIKKU**? I mean, I'm **YUNA**, the almighty Lord Braska's daughter, ya know! You'll get a lot more benefits from being me than _her_.

All: --;;

Wakka: Well, whoever it is, Trina's still BALD! _Points to his doll_

All: --;;;

Tidus: Why don't we just go look for Rikku and ask her what's happening?

All: Ok. That's a good idea.

Yuna: Way ta go, blonde. You're finally useful for _something_. Hmph. _Walks outside_

Tidus: Grr…

---

_Rikku then steps out of the temple, yawning and stretching_

Rikku: Aah. Nothing beats taking a nap in the Chamber of the Fayth. Hehehe. _As she steps down from the steps, she sees err…_herself?_ Running past the temple and right in front of her eyes!_ Eh? OO But, ain't I? _Looks at her hands and sighs a sigh of relief_ Good, I'm not a spirit like Tidus is. ! Oops… _Looks at the screen and smiles nervously_ You didn't hear that from me! But I think that that girl was just a crazy fan of mine… Yeah! I'll go meet up with her! HEY! MY FAN! _Runs after the other Rikku_  
_The others then sees Rikku running off into the jungle_

Tidus: There she is!

All: _Chases after Rikku_

---  
Rikku: _Turns around_ GAH! How'd she find me? _Tries to speed up_

Rikku: OYYY! FAN PERSONN! WAIT UP! _Speeds up as well_

Yuna: Faster, people! She's getting away!

All: _Speeds up_

---  
_The Rikku Impersonator is then seen swimming across the oceans on Besaid Beach, followed by Rikku who is on a motorboat, _followed_ by Tidus and the gang who are taking a ride on **Leviathan**, from **Final Fantasy VIII**, thanks to **Squall** who conjured him up_

---  
_The whole thing then turns into a "Chase Me If You Can" scene, with everyone traveling all over Spira; from Besaid to Zanarkand, and then BACKWARDS! They all finally corner each other in Rikku's room…_

Rikku: EH? Why are all of you in here?

All: OO There's **TWO** Rikku's?

Yuna: As if one wasn't enough…

Rikku & Rikku: --;;

Tidus: Hmm…which one is real?

Wakka: AND WHICH ONE OF YOU MADE TRINA BALD!

All: --;;

Rikku: 'Trina'? OO Ooh! Hang on! _Digs under her bed for a box and pulls out a Rikku doll_ Here's Rikku 2! Say hi to Trina, Rikku 2.

All: … --;;

Lulu: Then there's no doubt about it… _Points to Rikku?_ YOU'RE the fake!

Rikku: _Rolls eyes_ Finally, you people know! _Uses a dress sphere to change back into the Rikku from **Final Fantasy X-2**_

Rikku: Hey! Future me! Wait…hey! FUTURE ME? WHY'D YOU DO SUCH MEAN HORRIBLE POOPIE THINGIES TO MY FRIENDS!

Rikku 2: _Rolls eyes and pushes Rikku back to playing dolls with Wakka_ Look, I got tired of waiting for a scene in this fan fiction. I mean, I don't even show up until Chapter 15!

Yuna: So you decided to make some fun to kill some time, eh?

Rikku 2: Duh. It makes sense though, doesn't it?

All: _Glares at her_ NO.

Rikku 2: What?

Yuna: Rikku, how come you're so mean and slutty in the sequel game? Oo

Rikku 2: Oh. Look who's talking! Miss, "I'm too good to pick up McDonalds for myself just because I brought everyone the Eternal Calm"!

Yuna: Well, yeah…

Rikku 2: And you! _Pokes Tidus in the chest_ You have icky droopy spikes! I mean, who in the world has 'droopy spikes'?

Tidus: Well…Yuna does in X-2!

Yuna: --

Rikku 2: _Moves onto KimahriI_ Sorry, hun. I just gotta break it to the press. What would little kids think if blue lions existed?

Kimahri: _Growls_

Rikku 2: And you… _Goes to Lulu_ Always exposing yourself to all the male players of the game… Well, you know what? I'm exposing EVERYTHING now in the sequel! HAH! Beat that!

Lulu: -- I'm a mother in the sequel… I can't be such a whore anymore.

Rikku 2: …Well, you always will be. And you… _Grabs Wakka_

Wakka: Umm…yes?

Rikku 2: Your HAIR is disgusting…

Wakka: _Gasps_ It's only a wig though!

Rikku 2: Yeah, yeah. _Pushes Wakka back to playing dolls with Rikku_ You…

Auron: Yes?

Rikku 2: I don't know. I just like torturing you. xD

Auron: _Cries in a corner_

All: --;;

Rikku: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time out. So…what was this all for again? oO

Rikku 2: For you, silly! I can't just have a major role in a trio as a super cute and preppy heroine in a sequel game, while my old self has to sit around and wait until it's her turn to come on!

Rikku: Uh…but…I get free spas when I don't come on… OO And that's for 4 more chapters.

Rikku 2: … Oh. I see. Well then, see ya!

All: WAIT! WHAT ABOUT THE THINGS YOU DID TO US!   
Rikku 2: Oh…as for that… … Umm…

All: _Glares at her_

Rikku 2: _Sighs_Will you be taking cash or credit?

All: _Smiles_

---


	12. To Hitting the Ol’ Mi’ihen Highroad

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is **Final Fantasy**-related. Everything is copyrighted and owned by **Square Enix**.  
---  
Act 12: To Hitting the Ol' Mi'ihen Highroad  
---  
All: _(Gasps)  
_Lulu: It's you!

Tidus: What the heck are _you_ doing here?

Kimahri: … _(Rolls eyes and zips out of the Kimahri suit)_ Rinoa, what are you doing here on the **Final Fantasy X** set?

Lulu & Tidus: _(Looks at Kimahri)_

Tidus: Put your suit back on! You're not **Squall **right now!

Squall: _(Rolls eyes)_

Rinoa: _(Smiles and runs up to hug Squall)_ Squall-kun!

Squall: --;;

Lulu: So, _this_ is Rinoa-jo, his girlfriend?

Tidus: Seems like it.

Lulu: But I thought it was Yuna for a second. Oo

Tidus: _(Shrugs)_ They were both played by the same motion actress.

Lulu: Oh…I see.  
Rinoa: _(Looks at Lulu & Tidus, and then back at Lulu, raising an eyebrow at her)_ Who's _she_, Squall-kun?  
Squall: Co-worker, black mage, right?

Lulu: _(Nods)_

Rinoa: Hmph. Looks like a flimsy hoe to me…

Lulu: _(Glares at her)_ Excuse me?

Rinoa: Hmph. _(Looks away from Lulu and then up at Squall)_ Squall-kun! When are you coming back to the **Final Fantasy VIII** set?

Squall: It'll only be awhile. Just be patient.

Rinoa: Hmph! You said that the last time!

Squall: Well, I'm sorry, but there are a lot more acts to go through.

Rinoa: _(Starts crying and runs off the set)_

Lulu & Tidus?

Squall: _(Shakes head)_ Never mind her, let's just get back to the show. _(Zips suit back up)_

_(A macchina then comes out to the stage, another battle begins)  
_Tidus: Hey! There's a crane! _(Goes to see if it still works)_

_(Now, the battle can go easy, or it can be a bumpy ride. If you want to defeat it quickly, have Lulu use Thunder on the crane at least 4 times to power it up. Then have Tidus use it, and you can just continue battling. Or, just keep hitting it.)_

_(After the battle was over, the door then opens, as everyone sees Yuna pulling off some kung fu moves on an Al Bhed, which sends him flying in Tidus's direction)_

All: OO Sugoi…

Yuna: HEE-YAH! AND THAT TEACHES YOU TO TRY TO KIDNAP YUNA, THE GREAT ANIMAL MASTER-CALLER TAMER WOMAN! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

All: … _(Sweat drop)_ Kowai…

Yuna: Oh, hi guys. _(Waves)_

All: _(Waves back)_

Lulu: Were you hur-… Wait, why am I even asking you that question? --;;

Yuna: Oh, but the answer was no, because I had to pull off some of my "SUPER DUPER MUPER KUNG FU MOVES!" MWAHAHA!

All: --;;

Tidus: _(Takes a look around)_

Yuna: What's wrong?

Tidus: This ship…I was on one before when these team of Al Bhed people saved me. This girl, Rikku, she gave me food. But in the end, I was washed away by Sin. I was hoping that this was the same ship, but it isn't.

Yuna: Umm…was there a man named, "Cid" on that ship?

Tidus: I derno. They were all speaking that "Al Bhed" language.

Yuna: Oh… I see.

Tidus: So, what's up with this 'Cid'? _(Sits on the railing)_

Yuna: Cid, is my uncle, from my mother's side.

Tidus: Wait, so that means you're Al Bhed?

Yuna: Well, half. My mother told me that if I ever needed help, to seek Cid.

Lulu: Don't tell Wakka about Yuna's lineage. You know him, he never had much love for the Al Bhed.

Tidus: _(Then jumps up from the railing and starts jogging in place)_ Ah! The game!

Lulu: I thought I told you _not_ to tell him!

Yuna: _(Gasps)_ The game!

Lulu: _(Glares at her)_ You want Wakka to know that you're half Al Bhed too, Yuna?

Yuna: Noo… I meant, the _game_. The _blitzball _game.

Lulu: Now you really wanna lose a guardian… _(Sighs and shakes head)_

Tidus: No, you dolt! THE GAME THAT I HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN!

Lulu: DO YOU WANNA GET YUNA KILLED?

Tidus: ARGH! FORGET YOU, YOU OVER-BREASTED MAGE!

Lulu: Excuse me?... _(Growls)_

Tidus: Ah, I'm late already! _(Starts running off the deck and tries jumping to the dock… Of course, he failed and falls right into the water)_

All: …

Lulu: You know, he has to get to the stadium to play…

All: --;;

Lulu: Lemme take care of this. _(Uses black magic to transport them all to the dock)_

---  
_(Wakka is on the sphere, he gets the ball, but an Al Bhed swims towards him. Instead, Wakka takes the opportunity to jump on the Al Bhed and then scores a goal.)_

Jimmy: The Aurochs are in the finals!  
---  
Tidus: Yes!  
Yuna: We're in the finals!

Lulu: Ugh. Not a graceful win… _(Shakes head)_

Tidus: Hey, can't you give him _some_ credit?

Lulu: _(Looks at him)_ Excuse me.

Tidus: Well, uh…he _did_ try the best he could, ya know.

Lulu: Hmm…talking back to me, that's a first.

Tidus: Heheh… Maybe it's cause you're just a scary big whore… _(Coughs)  
_Lulu: WHAT WAS THAT! _(Glares)_

Tidus: Nothing. _(Smiles innocently)_

---  
_(Wakka is lying down on his back on a bench with his teammates surrounding him)_

Datto: You sure you can continue?

Wakka: Yeah…I'm sure. _(Tries to get back up, but is in pain and falls over, dropping his ball)_

_(Tidus, Yuna, Lulu, and Kimahri comes in. Tidus puts a foot on the ball and kicks it up to catch it)_

Tidus: Missed me? _(Throws the ball at Keepa to catch)_

Yuna: All this because of me. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! _(Bows)_

Wakka: How'd you let a bunch of Al Bheds kidnap you?... Whatever. Next time, don't go off by yourself like that again, ok?

Yuna: _(Giggles)_

Wakka: _(Stands up) _

Botta: Am…am I warming the bench again?

Wakka: _(Takes the ball from Keepa)_ I'm warming the bench this time. He's taking my place. _(Hands the ball to Tidus)_ And after this game, I'm retiring.

Aurochs: _(Gasps)_

Wakka: I'm going to devote the rest of my life to being a full-time guardian then. So do your best, ya?

---  
_(The rest of the Aurochs, Tidus, Yuna, and Kimahri have left the room, leaving Wakka and Lulu _alone.

Lulu: I…saw you on the sphere, floating in the water.

Wakka: Aaw. Damn. You weren't supposed to see that.

_(Lulu and Wakka gets closer to each other slowly, but Wakka suddenly feels pain from what has happened before in the sphere, and falls onto Lulu)_

Lulu: AAAH! WAKKA! YOU'RE TOO HEAVY! GAH! _(Falls over with Wakka on top of her)_

All: OO;;

Lulu: You must've…gave it your all to put all this weight on me now… _(Faints)_

_Erm…not exactly a "romantic" scene like we expected, but this'll have to do for now. xP_

---  
Tidus: What are we gonna do?

Aurochs: Win!

Datto: For Captain Wakka.

Aurochs & Tidus: _(Nods)_  
_(The Aurochs have already entered the sphere, which leaves Tidus who goes in afterwards.)_

---  
_(The Aurochs and the Goers meet in the sphere pool, with Tidus and Bickson in the center. Bickson uh…blows a kiss at Tidus, displaying his gay affection for the rival. --;; Tidus gets scared and backs off. All of them go to their starting positions to start the game)_

---  
_(Wakka is over Lulu, who are looking at a signature on the wall.)_

Jimmy: And here we go, folks! The moment you've been waiting for! The showdown between the Aurochs and the Goers!

_Written on the Wall: "My best memories lie here." – Captain Wakka, of the Besaid Aurochs_  
---  
_(Ok, if you didn't go ober the whole blitzball tutorial thing that Wakka offered to teach you, then I'll teach you the basics. As soon as the first person on your team gets the ball should be the center field, immediately press the** Triangle button** if you want to do this manually, or just don't press it if you want to do it automatically. But I'm warning you, if you leave it to automatic, there's no chance that your team will win. So when you're set on manual mode, immediately start swimming by using the **Control Pad**. The goal of this game is to get to the other side of the sphere to the opponents' goal. Simple? No, it isn't. Each character on the Luca Goer's team has **Techniques** which can be used to take you out almost immediately. So, be careful when you're around someone from the opposing team._

_First off, if you want to pass or kick for a goal, I think you press the **Square** button; and if I'm wrong, it's **Circle.** xD If you want to pass, make sure you're not near a Luca Goer, by looking at the mini map and observing your position with the little circle thingy. Make sure that they are not _in_ the circle with you, or else they'll block. Start passing to a person that is closest to the goal and swim. The best strategy to use since it's the first time you've played blitzball is to pass and swim. This way, you'll get closer to the goal without the opponents touching you. After the first round is over…)_

---  
Wakka: Stick to the offense, boys! There's only one more match after this! Give them everything you got!

Aurochs: Yeah!

Datto: The Goers are going down!

Auroch: YEAH!

Tidus: Uh, what about me?

Wakka: You, get the ball and shoot like crazy!

Auroch: YEAH!

Tidus: Uh… SHOOT LIKE CRAZY! X

Wakka: Ok, hustle.

---  
_(Let the second round begin. I don't think it matters if you win or not, cause afterwards, all you get is a niiiiceee biggg trophy. Lolsz. Anywaysz, during half of the second round, the crowds then begin to call for Wakka.)_  
Crowds: Wakka! Wakka! Wakka! Wakka!...  
Jimmy: The crowds seems to be calling for….Wakka!  
Bobba: The fans are getting impatient.

_(The players in the sphere pool look up. Tidus then swims backwards to enter the locker rooms)_

Jimmy: Wait, there seems to be one player going back! He may be injured, folks!

---  
_(Tidus is seen talking to Wakka, who is shaking his head and heading towards the sphere pool himself. Tidus looks on.)_

_I felt like I was taking the team away from the crowds… This was _their_ game after all._

---  
_(The crowds start cheering as they see Wakka swimming out)_

Jimmy: Well, it seems to be Wakka! And he's back in the game, folks!  
_(Wakka high fives Botta when he comes out. And let the games begin.)_

_(I think it's best if you use only Wakka to try to score a goal, because he has **Venom Kick**, a technique that will probably poison the players who try to block you, and the goalie too. Whether you win or lose, good job for your efforts. xD)_

_(Wakka floats on his back as Tidus swims out. Wakka smiles and gives him the thumbs up sign when he comes closer. The crowds start screaming as fiends start appearing! The two immediately goes into action to defeating these baddies! Afterwards, they make their way up to the surface)_

---  
_(Yuna, Lulu, and Kimahri are seen up on surface as the fans are running away from the sudden attack of fiends.)_

Yuna: W-what's happening?

Lulu: It appears that the fiends have attacked.

Yuna: Uh…no SHYT, Sherlock. --;; It was a "RHETORICAL" question.

Lulu: --;; Uh…yeah. Of course.

Kimahri: _(Shakes head)_

---  
(Auron is seen near a balcony, whipping out his sword and putting on some kind of show… Oo;;)

Auron: _(Strips off his jacket and throws it to the screaming fan girls hiding at the stairs)_ _Everybody was kung-fu fighting! HAH! Those kicks were fast as lightninggg! HWAH! Na na na na na na na na! _

(The fiend that is in front of Auron has a big question mark on its face)

Fiend? Ahsz wellsz. I'm only getting paid to stand here anyway.

Auron: Hey! I HEARD THAT! DON'T LET MY FREE STRIP SHOW FOR THE GIRLS BE FOR NOTHING, YOU OVERGROWN LIZARD! _(Is uh…using **Provoke**? Oo;;)_

Fiend: WHAT? I'LL SHOW YOU!... _(Fumes as Auron whips out his sword and quickly rids of it with one slash.)_

Auron: Hmph. _(Fixes his glasses, and puts his sword over his shoulders and continues walking)_

(Tidus and Wakka then comes along)

Tidus & Wakka: GAH! AURON! SIR AURON?

Auron: Hmm? _(Turns to look at the two)_ Oh. I thought it was just a pair of sexy fan girls. --

Tidus: --;; _(Looks at Wakka)_ You _know_ this guy?

Wakka: _(Nods)_ Best guardian there ever was. …And apparently, stripper as well. --;;

Auron: Hey, don't be hating cause you don't got this! _(Points to his abs)_

Tidus: WHAT? I'll show you… _(Starts to unbuckle his err…suspenders? xDD;;)_

Wakka: Wait! Not there…

Tidus: _(Looks at many eager old women)_ Gah! _(Quickly buckles it back up)_

(One of them flying bird fiend thingy comes in now. All three of the guys work together to finish this fiend off. …Uh…actually…)  
Tidus: Hey! What're you talking about, old man? This is MY kill! I happened to have lowered its HP to 170, thank you very much! _(Puts hands on hip)_

Auron: So? Like you could've done it without me slaying it down with a 729-DM attack! HAH. _(Puts hands on hip as well)_

(And so, the two starts to bicker as Wakka shakes his head and defeats the fiend.)

Wakka: Ya-hoo!

(The victory poses comes in, but Auron and Tidus are _still_ fighting. And Wakka, of course, strikes his pose. xD)

---

_(Seymour then appears at the higher boxes of the balconies and summons his aeon, Anima. Anima wipes out all of the remaining fiends with her, yes, _her_, **Pain **attack. This will be explained in the later chapters as the Extras! All are awed by the maester's powers)_

---  
_(Yuna, Lulu, Wakka, and Kimahri are at the bottom of the staircase that leads to Mi'ihen Highroad.)_

Lulu: Thankfully, Maester Mika was ok. He escaped, thanks to Maester Seymour.

Yuna: Maester Seymour's aeon…it was so powerful…

---  
_(And apparently, Auron and Tidus are off having their _own_ conversation back at the docks as well)_

Tidus: This, this is all your fault! Sin appearing, destroying Zanarkand, Spira, Luca, everything! EVERYTHING! _(Breathes in deeply)_

Auron: Maybe it was because he wanted to show you something.

Tidus: What?

Auron: You felt something strange when you came into contact with Sin, no?

Tidus: Well, yeah… Wait…no… No…

Auron: Yes. "Luke, I am your **FATHER**."

Tidus: WHAT? NOOOOO! IT CAN'T BEEEE! ;; _(Runs off to go cry alone behind the boxes)_

Auron: _(Sweat drop. He then laughs)_ Hah! Stupid kid. I'm kidding. _I'm _not your father! And thank god I'm not! xD Your father is, Sin.

Tidus: What?

Auron: It's true. Sin is Jecht.

Tidus: …H-how can this be?...

Auron: It was years ago. When Jecht fought besides Braska and I, he…changed gradually.

Tidus: …So, my dad morphed into an overgrown, disgusting, winged whale? OO

Auron: Umm…yeah. That's about it. xD

Tidus: --;; Ahsz wellsz. xD Not like I could do anything about it.

Auron: Uh…you couldn't. You were still in Zanarkand, remember? --;;

Tidus: Oh. Ok.

Auron: So, let's go then. _(Turns)_ Oh, and don't tell Yuna about Sin being your father.

Tidus: Well, obviously I won't. -- I don't wanna scare the ego-manic in any way.

Auron: 'Ego-manic'? Oo Are you sure you got the right Yuna?

Tidus: Well, yeah! …Right? OO;;

Auron: oO Whatever. As long as we have a Yuna. xD Let's go to the others. Oh, and I promised Jecht to show you Spira.

Tidus: Whatever…

_(And Tidus and Auron walks to where everyone is.)_  
---  
Yuna: I wonder where Tidus and Sir Auron is… _(Turns to see Auron and Tidus walking towards them)_ Oh!

Wakka: Whoa. Sir Auron!

Auron: Yuna, do you accept me to be your lawfully wedded husband?

All: WHAT? OO

Yuna: W-what? _(Blushes)_

Tidus: Hey! That's MY job!

Auron: Actually, that's Seymour's. xD

Tidus: -- You ruined it for the newbies.

Auron: _(Shrugs)_ Whatever. xP

Tidus: --;;

Auron: _(Laughs)_ Actually, what I mean to ask is, "Do you accept me to be your guardian"?

Yuna: Oh. --;;

Auron: Do you accept?

Yuna: Oh! Of course! It's **SUCH** an **HONOR** to have you! _(Smiles sweetly)_

Auron: Stop with the sarcasm. --

Yuna: --;; But why?

Auron: Cause I promised Braska.

Yuna: You promised…my father?  
Auron: Oh, and this one comes along too. _(Drags Tidus to the front)_

Tidus: Ahehheh… Uh…howdy!

Auron: That one, I promised Jecht.

Wakka: YAAAAYYY!

All: oO;;

Auron: Uh…ok… So, _(Goes to Lulu)_ where we going? _(Winks)_

Lulu: Oo Sorry, you're too old for me. _(Walks away)_

Auron: --;;

Wakka: We're going to **Mi'ihen Highroad,** old **GEEZER**. HMPH. _(Goes over to join Lulu)_

Auron: --;;;

Yuna: Hey, come over here for a minute!

_(Screen blackens out and Tidus is with Yuna at the balcony)_

Yuna: Hey, watch this! _(Puts fingers together and whistles)_

Tidus: Hey! …You've been practicing.

Tidus: Sure…

Yuna: What's wrong?

Tidus: Everything…

Yuna: Wanna scream really loud?

Tidus: Naw…it's not gonna work this time.

Yuna: Well, whenever I feel down, I practice smiling.

Tidus: 'Practice smiling'?

Yuna: Yeah. Give it a try!

Tidus: Uh… ok…

_(And so, Yuna teaches him how to smile)_

Tidus: It's not working.

Yuna: …How about laughing out loud?  
Tidus: What?

Yuna: Come on, just try it!

Tidus: Ok… _(Starts laughing out loud, and everyone starts staring at him)_

Yuna: Umm…you probably shouldn't laugh anymore.

Tidus: _(Continues laughing, even louder this time)_

_(Yuna then joins in, and the both of them laughs. They then stop and laugh at themselves)_

Yuna: I want my journey, to be full of laughter.

Tidus: Huh?

Yuna: A summoner and her guardians, they're like Spira's ray of light. Don't you think?

Tidus: Sure. Let's get going now.

Yuna: _(Nods)_

_(The two of them turns to be greeted by everyone's faces)_

Tidus: What are you staring at?

Wakka: We were afraid that the two of you might've gone crazy.

Yuna: Sorry. Now then, let's go through the **Mi'ihen Highroad, **to the temple in **Djose.**

---


	13. Reaching Mushroom Rock

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is **Final Fantasy**-related. They are all owned by **Square Enix**-sama.

---  
Act 13: Reaching Mushroom Rock  
---  
_(Tidus runs up the stairs to arrive at the entrance of the Mi'ihen Highroad. This place has a lot of fiends that are much stronger than you, so I advise you to save whenever possible. As soon as you start your journey through this place, be sure to talk to everyone you meet on the road. That's right, everyone, because each person has items or equipments to give out to you for a safe journey. And be sure to take a look at the map to see that there are big spaces in which treasure chests lie, and a summoner, Belegimine is waiting for you. And this is going to be a pretty short chapter, considering that you're gonna be walking for most of the way… So, let's skip to the part when Tidus and the crew meets Belegimine. But before you go to her, make sure that Valefor's Overdrive is full. You'll need it.)_

Belegimine: Ah, a summoner.

Yuna: Oh. I am Lady Yuna, Summoner from Besaid Island. AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT! BWAHAHAHA!

Belegimine: _(Sweat drop)_

Auron: _(Chuckles a bit nervously)_ Err…don't mind her. She has a bit of "hysterics", ya know? _(Nods his head)_

Belegimine: …Oh. OH. Ok then. Well then, are you willing to have a contest of Aeons with me?

Yuna: 'A contest with Aeons'?

Belegimine: It's quite simple, really. Each Summoner will be able to use a number of Aeons to battle with. Whoever's aeon loses its life first, will determine the summoner's loss.

Yuna: Oh.

_(You get to choose whether you want to fight with her or not. But you can only challenge her on the road 3 times. The other times will be later on.)_

Yuna: I accept your challenge.

Belegimine: Very good. Ah, before we begin. _(Raises her hand up and a sparkle thingy surrounds Yuna)_ There. I have healed you and your Aeons. Shall we begin?

_(Engage into Aeon Battle.)_

_(Belegimine gets to choose her Aeon, which is Ifrit. It is now your turn to choose yours. But you can **only** use Valefor because the opposing summoner has chosen Ifrit. There is only ONE aeon available to any summoner.)_

Belegimine: Show me what you got.

_(Now, if you had Valefor's Overdrive filled up like I told you to, use it immediately. It should take Belegimine's Ifrit out if your Valefor is strong. If it doesn't, let's just hope that your aeon can stand against Ifrit's attacks for now. xD;; They will also teach you about the Boost and Shield commands that will come in handy. Do NOT use the Boost command! At this point, your aeon will not be able to survive against Ifrit's attacks. So take a look to the right at the battle sequence thingy and see when you can use Shield. And in the end…let's pretend you won. xP)_

Belegimine: Not bad. You have what it takes to become a real summoner. Here, your reward. _(Gives Yuna I think…a ring? I derno. xP)_

Yuna: Thank you. I look forward to meeting you along the way to defeat Sin.

Belegimine: I…cannot.

Yuna: Huh?

Belegimine: I've already failed. It is up to you now, Yuna. _(Walks away)_

Tidus: Hmm. What's up with her?

Yuna: Heheheh…

All?

Yuna: AHAHAHAHAHA! It's obvious that she couldn't stand my superior awesome skills as a summoner monster animal-caller woman! MWAHAHAHA!

All: _(Sweat drops and leaves her)_

Yuna: H-hey! Come back here! _(Runs after everyone)_

_(And somewhere along the road, you meet up with Luzzu and Gatta, and a chocob-drawn wagon carrying a sinspawn. I forgot what they say when you talk to them, so forget it. xD Moving on until the Chocobo Knights appear!)_

Luceil: Lady Yuna, I presume?

Yuna: Yes?

Luceil: I am Captain Luceil of the Chocobo Knights.

Elma: I'm Elma, and that's Clasko.

Luceil: Please be aware on the road if you are to rent any Chocobos. There's a fiend on the road that likes to eat them.

Yuna: Oh. Alright then. Thank you.

Luceil: Until then, Lady Yuna.

_(And they ride away!)_

Tidus: Hmm…a fiend that likes to eat Chocobos, eh? Let's get it!

Wakka: Why?

Tidus: Cause it's the right thing to do.

Auron: _(Chuckles a bit)_

Tidus: What? I said something wrong?

Auron: Jecht…used to say the same thing.

Tidus: Oh…

_(And on until you reach the rest house)_

Auron: I'm a bit tired. We'll stay here for the night.

Wakka: WHAT? This is an _Al Bhed_ rest house!

Auron: And?

Wakka: Well, uh…they're Al Bhed!

Auron: SO?

Wakka: Uh…they have green eyes with swirls in them!

Auron: What else?

Wakka: And uh…they're GAY.

All: …

Auron: … Ok. That was useless. I'm going in. See ya, dolt. _(Walks away from them)_

Wakka: Hey! Didn't you hear me? I said they were 'GAY'!

Yuna: Err… Sir Auron's just worried about our health. …I think.

Wakka: I'm not tired ONE bit.

_(Everyone ditches Wakka for the rest house)_

_(Later, Tidus steps out to see the sunset)_

Tidus: Whoa… _(Spots Yuna doing something and walks over to her)_ Hey, whatcha doing?

Yuna: Oh! _(Tucks something in her sleeve and smiles at Tidus)_ Nothing.

Tidus: _(Sits besides her)_

Yuna: It's beautiful, isn't it?  
Tidus: Yeah. But if we were in Zanarkand, we'd never be able to see this.

Yuna: Really?

_(A/N: Err…I dun remember this part really well, so dun blame me. xDD)_

Tidus: Mmm hmm. Yuna, I'd really like to take you there one day.

Yuna: _(Smiles) _I would like to go there too.

_(Auron then steps out from the inn and is behind the two)_

Auron: You'll get your chance pretty soon. Now come inside, Yuna. _(Turns around to leave)_

Yuna: Y-yes. _(Gets up, bows to Tidus and heads in the same direction Auron is heading to)_

_(Tidus follows, but stops and turns to take one more look at the sunset. He then follows along and returns to the inn)_

---  
_(Tidus wakes up the next morning yawning and stretching. It is time to leave the inn. A person comes up to him and gives him an item for Yuna. Now it's time to leave. But as he does, he bumps into an Al Bhed)_

Al Bhed Man: Excuse me.

Tidus: Huh?

Al Bhed Man: I'm sorry. I meant to say "excuse me", but it came out in Al Bhed.

Tidus: Oh. So, you're an Al Bhed?

Rin: Yes. My name is Rin, I am the owner and establisher of this agency and of many others. Nice to meet you.

Tidus: Wha?...

Rin: _(Sighs)_ It's a shame. But if you are interested in learning our language, _(Goes over to the book shelves, pulls out a book and hands it to Tidus) _then please have this.

_(Tidus receives an Al Bhed primer. But if you already did that thingy to get all the Al Bhed primers in the beginning when you were in Baaj Temple, then it doesn't matter.)_

Rin: Please take it as a commemoration of our meeting. I will be waiting so we may converse in the future.

_(Rin goes off to the side and Tidus can exit. But…)_

Voice: Ah! Someone help! The chocobos!

_(Auron comes in)_

Auron: That's our cue. _(Leaves)_

_(Rin then comes up to Tidus again)_

Rin: The fiend outside is very dangerous. Please take these. _(Gives him some items… xDD)_

Tidus: Huh? _(Leaves the inn)_

---  
_(This is a pretty touch fight. Depending on how well you do, you either get to take the shortcut- or the longcut. Be sure to have Auron, Lulu, and Tidus out, and you'll be fine. I'll do a follow up during the story with what to do. …If you understand, that is.)_

Tidus: Holey moley kaploey oley traloeeeny yoey nelllyY! _Just saw the Chocobo Eater up on the roof with a chocobo in its hand_

All: …

Wakka: Umm…was his line that long?

Aruon: He wasn't even supposed to have that line to begin with…

Yuna: EVERYONE SHUT UP SO WE CAN GET ON WITH ME POSING WITH MY SEXINESS TO DEFEAT THAT THING! BWAHAAHA!

All: …

Lulu: You know what, she's even worse! No wonder they were made for each other in this game! YEESH.

Kimahri: Battle…

Wakka: Shut up Kimahri, no one cares what you think.

Kimahri: … _(Walks away)_

_(The Chocobo Eater jumps down from his position after the chocobo bites him and runs away. It's time to start the battle. You _can_ use Yuna…but it's not the best to just summon. But do switch for her when you have the chance when you want to heal.)_

Tidus: Yo…how come all the bosses get uglier and uglier?

Auron: Like your face?...

Tidus: Grr… THAT'S IT! _(Thrusts his sword into the ground and then rolls his imaginary sleeves up)_ Put' em up, old man! I've had enough of your insults since the beginning of this game!

Auron: Hmph. I don't want to fight dolts like you. Oo Besides, you're sooo immature… Oh, here it comes. To you, Tidus. xD

Tidus: Eh? _(Takes damage)_ Oww! HeY! You cheated!

Chocobo Eater: Hey, the fight already started when you started yapping, **chocobo.**

Tidus: 'Ch-chocobo'? _(Looks up at his hair and pushes it back)_ Oh yea… It's a special gel… But anyways! _(Picks his sword back up)_ En garde! Touché! MWAHAHAHA!

Auron & Lulu: … _(Sweat drop)_

_(The main key here is to use Lulu's Fire magic or her Overdrive, Auron's Dragon Blade or Shooting Star if you have it (which I doubt), and Tidus' Cheer. If you have Delay Attack, use that too.)_

Lulu: Now, time to get things heated! _(Uses her Fire magic spell)_

_(The Chocobo Eater gets singed a bit and then roars, pushing the gang back near the cliff. You see this? Yeaaa, the end of your demise! Mwahaha! … Ahem… Yea. This is the trouble, you want to try to keep from falling off, cause that'll make you take the long way around. So do everything you can to try to delay the monster and use all the power you have to push _him_ off. Yes you can do the same. I'll do the winning scenario.)_

Chocobo Girl: Thank you so much for saving the chocobos!

Rin: Yes, and as a token of our appreciation, you may ride a chocobo free of rent.

Tidus: _(Whispers to Wakka)_ That's a good thing since I wasted all my money last night on Al Bhed hookers…

Wakka: YOU WHAT? 'AL BHED HOOKERS'!

All: …

Tidus: … Umm…hehehh…

Wakka: No! That is like, soooo bad! Cause you know what! _(Points to Rin) _THEY OVERPRICE YOU BY 1000 GIL!

All: OO

Wakka: … Umm…did I say that out loud?

Tidus: _(Nods)_

Wakka: Heheh… Forget what I said! Tidus, let us go forth on our journey on the chocobo! _(Runs off)_

_(Now that you have acquired a free chocobo, start riding it around! But scan the roads carefully, because there are some yellow chocobo feathers that you can examine with the X button to pick up free items. But you **must** be on a chocobo in order to activate it. And for those of you who ended up being kicked off… …Oh well. xD Go south of the Save Sphere and O'aka XXIII to get the Mars crest for Auron's weapon After you got it, go back to the save sphere and head north. I will continue from the winning POV. But as you edge closer to where you need to go, remember to pick up these treasure chests that surrounds the fork road.)_

Soldier: Is this the last of them?  
Luzzu: Yes.  
Soldier: Good. Then you may enter.  
Gatta: _(Waves back at Tidus)_ Teach me how to blitz sometimes!

_(The Sinspawn and Luzzu and Gatta passes through the gate as the gang just arrives. Switch over to Donna and Barthello, who had just arrived as well.)_

Donna: Ugh… Can't you let me through? Pretty pleeaseee?

Soldier: Nope. No can do. Sorry, ma'am.

Donna: Ugh. But I am a SUMMONER. Please?... I'll reward you in a very…_special_ way… _(She winks at him)_

Soldier: _(Blushes and clears his throat, trying to remain his image)_ No can do, ma'am. I cannot accept any bribes from summoners- even if they have experience as hookers before they became summoners of Spira…

All: _(Stares at her)_

Donna: …Uh…that's not true! You're telling lies! Insolent man! _(Points at the soldier as Yuna and her own gang comes in)_ Oh, it's you guys… Well, they're not letting any summoners in, so you might as well give up. Oh Barthello I think I'll be taking my nap. _Now._

_(Donna and Barthello runs off)_

Yuna: Pssh. Lemme show you how it's done. _(Rolls up her sleeve thingies and signals her posse to step back and to watch her perform. The first thing she does is…fall down in front of the man...)_ Oww! Oh… _(She looks up with innocent anime eyes)_ Mister…could you please help…me?

All: _(Falls anime-style, but still holds on to see what the man's move would be)_ Oo

Soldier: Hmm? _(Looks down to see Yuna in her "innocent" pose- but actually was looking down her breasts!)_ Umm… _(Turns red)_ Ahem! Why uh…certainly, young miss. What's your name? _(Lends out a hand)_

Yuna: _(Looks up in disbelief, mouth gaped open and then glares)_ WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? _(She jumps up immediately)_

All: Uh oh…

Donna: _(Pops out from behind the wagon thing with only her bra on)_ What? What happened?

Soldier: Umm…you're alright now then?  
Yuna: NO. WHAT DID YOU SAY BEFORE? YOU DIDN'T KNOW MY 'NAME'? HUH!

Soldier: Umm… Well, yea. I've never seen you before. So…isn't it the right thing to do to ask a stranger their name when you want to help them?...

Yuna: HELLO NO. ESPECIALLY WHEN MY NAME IS YUNA, THE EXPERT SUPER COOL REALLY BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS ANIMAL TAMER! YOU DOLT! _(Whacks him out cold)_ … Oh. Did something just happen to him?

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Tidus: You know, we better get out of here before someone _(Turns around to be greeted by Seymour's face)_ Iiyah! When did you get here! _(Points at him)_

Seymour: _(Laughs)_ Just a moment ago, my dear love!

Tidus: _(Sweat drop)_ Who's your 'love'?...

Seymour: Now, my children, what is the-?... Oh. …The guy's been knocked out.

All: _(Nods)_

Seymour: This must be my dear Yuna's action, is it not?

Yuna: It's LORD YUNA-SAN TO YOU. Hmph. _(She turns away and heads off herself)_

Seymour: _(Scratches his head)_ Well, I did my part. _(Shrugs)_ Well then! My children! Until next time! BWAHAHAHA! _(Throws some smoke bombs onto the ground- but it ends up bouncing back up and colliding with his face- allowing it to go off and knocking him out cold)_ XX

All: …

Wakka: I say we get outta here, ya? Who knows what his monkey people will do to us!

All: _(Nods in agreement and runs, leaving Seymour and his two Guado followers knocked down on the ground)_

_(Note that if you talk to the soldier, you can contribute to the operation and receive items in return.)_

Donna: _(Steps out from her location)_ Damn. And no one waited for my finale dance on the strip pole!

---


	14. Operation Mi'ihen

Disclaimer: Note that I do not own anything **Square-Enix** related- rather, just the irrelevancies that appear in this story. XD

**Please note that even though I said that Rikku will not appear until Act 15, there will be a slight speed-up or delay in that chapter. Please wait peacefully until I have fully completed it. **O ** Domo.**

---

Act 14: Operation Mi'ihen

---  
_(The three have finally arrived at the beginning of Mushroom Rock, where Yuna is greeted by Clasko)_

Clasko: Lady Yuna?

Yuna: _(Sighs and points at him)_ At least **someone** knows my name!

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Clasko: Umm…yes… Anyways, _(Clears his throat)_ please use the elevator to the next floor. The Crusades (That's that they're called, ne? OO Please correct me if I'm wrong.) will be needing your assistance in "Operation Mi'ihen".

Yuna: I shall. Onwards, my lowly servants! _(Marches off into the direction of the little passage that was pointed to)_

All: …

Lulu: Is it just me, or is her arrogant ego _still_ getting to everyone here besides me?

All: Oh no. We've all pretty much gotten used to it. Yea. It doesn't bother me anymore. Right? Yeah.

Lulu: _(Vein pop)_ I…see…

_(Proceed onto following with path. I must warn you, the monsters ahead are very dangerous if you do have at least Yuna out to summon your way out of these situations with Ifrit. Make sure you save when you see the Save Sphere and as you progress to each level, be sure to search around for treasure chests. The crew finds themselves watching Seymour delivering an encouraging speech to the Crusaders)_

Seymour: Everyone!

Tidus: …When did he make it up here before we do when he knocked himself out with his own smoke bombs?

All: _(Shrugs)_

Seymour: Here, we shall defeat Sin!

All: YEAAAAAH!

Seymour: And in order to do so, just remember- I believe in you all and that each and everyone of you Even though you may die will be doing a bit of good for Spira in your own way!

All: _(Starts looking at him confused)_

Seymour: Umm…do your best everyone! You're dismissed.

All: Yes! _(Leaves as Wakka steps up to him)_

Wakka: Sir…

Seymour: Yes?

Wakka: Why is your…beautiful…uh…graceful…intellectual…vein-popping self presently _present_ here today?

All: _(Groans and smacks themselves in the head for Wakka's stupidity)_

Seymour: Please, speak to me as you usually would.

Wakka: Umm… Aren't you gonna do anything to stop them? They're using forbidden macchina, ya? Isn't that against the teachings?

Seymour: Yes, I suppose I should…

Wakka: Looks hopeful

Seymour: But I won't. You see, they are also doing something that Yevon has instructed them to do- to defeat Sin with everything they can.

Wakka: But, the macchina!

Seymour: Hmm? I'll just pretend that I didn't see them.

Wakka: _(Gasps)_ You…you hypocrite!

Seymour: Yes, I suppose I am. Now, if you'll excuse me, I shall be leaving right now.

Wakka: That…that darn man…

Tidus: We know, we know. Let's keep going.

_(And so, they continue with their quest to save the Skittles! Oops. I mean Spira.)_

Yuna: Oh god… This is tiring… SOMEONE START CARRYING ME!

All: …

Kimahri: _(Offers to carry her)_

Yuna: NU UH! NO MONEY MAN IN A BLUE SUIT IS GONNA CARRY **MEH!** For I am…YUNA THE GREAT! BWAHAHA!

Kimahri: --

Auron: Walk yourself you annoying brat…

Yuna: AAH? DID YOU JUST SAY THAT! _(Points at him rudely)_

Auron: We're not waiting for you, ya know…

_(Luceil then comes up to the crew on a chocobo)_

Luceil: Lady Yuna?

Yuna: Yes?

Luceil: Please proceed up to the upmost floor so we may begin the operation. You may take that lift up to get there.

Yuna: Thank you. We will. _(Turns to crew after Luceil leaves)_ Ah hah! You heard that, servants! Let's get a move on it already!

All: …

Lulu: Does anyone…?

All: …

Lulu: ArgH! Forget it you little miscreants! _(Storms off on her own)_

Tidus: 'Mis…creants'?

Wakka: Your brain is at a capacity level where you wouldn't understand all this, ya?

Tidus: What? Are you Jamaican?

Wakka: -- I rest my case.

Tidus: You can rest suitcases! OO

Wakka: --;;

_(And so, when you reach the uppermost floor, explore the place before you leave to find some items. Head south of the machinery to find a little piece of land where Loser is standing. I mean Luzzu.)_

Lulu: So, you're going to participate in this operation?

Luzzu: Yea…

Wakka: And didn't Chappu do the same, ya? And that's what got him killed too.

Luzzu: Chappu… I told him to enlist in the Crusades…

Wakka: You what?

Luzzu: 'I TOLD HIM TO ENLIST IN THE CRUSADES'. NO COMPRENDE?

Wakka: --;; I know, I was just saying that to add some drama…

Luzzu: Oh, sorry. _(Clears throat)_ But yes, I told him to do so.

Wakka: …_(Growls and punches him in the face, sending him flying to hit the ground)_

_(Everyone gasps at this sudden action whilst Tidus is trying to hold Wakka back from murdering him)_

Tidus: Wakka! That's enough, Wakka!

Wakka: _(Calms down a bit)_ Chappu… Chappu would always say that when he won the blitzball tournament, he would propose to Lulu and make her the happiest woman ever. But instead, on that day, he got himself killed by Sin.

_(Lulu blushes)_

Luzzu: _(Slowly gets up, rubbing his jaw)_ And Chappu also told me…that he wanted his girl to be safe and happy. So he died for a good cause, right?

Wakka: _(Growls again)_

Luzzu: Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go now. _(Starts walking but Yuna stops him)_

Yuna: Sir Luzzu, please!

Luzzu: I have to, Lady Yuna…

Yuna: OH HO HO HO! **_He_** knows my name as well! What a big world we live in!

Luzzu: _(Sweat drop)_

Tidus: Uh…don't you mean 'small' world?

Yuna: _(Glares at him)_ Is Spira _that_ small?

Tidus: _(Sweat drop)_ I derno. It's my first time here, remember?

Yuna: Oh. Ok…

Auron: Let him go, Yuna. It's the man's duty. Hic! Oops! Cat's outta tah bag! Tee hee!

All: …

Wakka: _(Gasps in a girly voice)_ Sir Auron! Have you been _drinking _again?

Auron: …NooOoOooOoooo…. _(Puts his sake bottle away and hiccups again)_

Luzzu: _(Shakes his head)_ Idiots… I wonder how _he_ ever became the greatest Guardian ever known too! _(Leaves)_

Auron: Ugh. I am like, sOOOooOoooOoo insulted!

All: …

Yuna: Kids, we have to move on. _(Leaves)_

---  
_(Make your way onward to where the operation will take place- and make sure to purchase some items from O'waka XXIII.)_

_(A/N: I forgot how this scene went and I even had to look up the Maester's name! So bear with me as I make up this scene. xD)_

_(The whole gang has arrived at the scene where Operation Mi'ihen would begin. A fat, short, bald stocky man comes up to them)_

Auron: …Kinoc?

Kinoc: Oh dear! My, it's Auron! YO WHATSUP, HOMIE?

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Auron: AMEN TO THAT! How you been, homaaayy? Been hustling lately?

Kinoc: Damn right!

Auron: Heh. And I see that you've made yourself a Maester of Yevon- aside from that Guado boy.

Tidus: Who the-…?

Lulu: Maester Wen Kinoc, one of the four Maesters of Yevon and commander of all of the Crusades.

Tidus: Aah… I see. And they seem to be good friends too.

Lulu: _(Sweat drop)_ Really?...

Auron: You know this isn't gonna work, Kinoc.

Kinoc: _(Laughs)_ Although it might not, these fools know that their lives were on the line from the beginning already. You see, I have _anticipated_ this to happen. Sin will always come back for his spawns, so why not use it to lure him out?

Auron: _(Gasps)_ I should've known that this was all your doing!

Kinoc: …Well, duh… I told you that it was my idea in the beginning…

Auron: No you didn't.

Kinoc: I didn't? _(Looks over to Lulu and Tidus who shakes their heads)_ Oh. I see. Well, I did now. So, hah! In your face! So, let us chat about old times sake, shall we? _(Brings Auron over to the edge of the cliff)_

_(Now use this time to chat with everyone if you wish to do so, search for all the chests available in the preparation area, and to shop from O'aka. Then talk to the guard near the masters after you have finished- not before you've saved though!)_

Guard: Ok. Then stand back. The Operation shall begin.

_(The guards releases the sinspawns, which draws Sin closer to shore. The Crusades and the Chocobo Knights will fight the monsters that are near shore, while others starts firing cannons at Sin, and lastly, leaving the Al Bheds to charge up their super duper mega buster cannon dealy to shoot Sin. Now, since the Sinspawn has been awakened- it joins together to create Sinspawn Gui. It's time to fight.)_

---  
_(You should have Yuna, Lulu, Auron out for this battle. Yuna, with her Aeons can attack the head of the boss- the weakspot of it that uses magic and she can also heal. Lulu, with her magic furies (Overdrive) can weaken the various places of the Sinspawn's body. And for Auron, he can get rid of the arms, rendering the boss defenseless- for awhile. When the arms are gone, you can start attacking the stomach all you wish.)_

Tidus: Shyt, this thing is huge.

Yuna: HEY! WHY'D YOU COME OUT AFTER I'VE SUMMONED MY BIG MONSTER BIRD THING!

_(Valefor turns to glare at Yuna for awhile, ready to attack if she hurls out one more insult at him)_

Tidus: _(Shrugs)_ I derno. I was just bored since the authoress didn't recommend me into the fight. _(Smiles innocently)_

Yuna: --;;

---  
_(After Sinspawn Gui is defeated, everyone that was involved in the operation will be annihilated during Sin's Gravity spell. Auron will say that Sin is about to strike, while Yuna wakes up to find herself in a completely destroyed command center. The Sinspawn Gui is still alive, but Seymour and Auron rushes in to save the day- and the heroine!)_

Yuna: Eewww. Where's all the hot fanboys that should be trying to protect me as of this moment! _(Looks at Seymour and Auron in disgust)_

Auron: -- Fine, if you don't want my volunteered services…then I shall leave. You're the 'GREAT ANIMAL MASTER SUMMONER MONSTER TAMER, YUNA', correct?

Yuna: _(Sweat drop)_ Wow, it's a miracle that you've even remembered that. I even had to change a couple of words or add some to it to make it make sense! xD

Auron: --;;

Seymour: So, how shall we take care of this, my lady?

Yuna: You shut up. Damn mofo…

Seymour: ;-;

_(The Sinspawn is weakened this time, so just use Seymour to whoop its ass with his powerful magic. You can wait for his Overdrive to charge, but trust me, it's not worth it. --; Use Yuna to heal, Auron to attack the arms, and Seymour to thrash away. After the creature is defeated, the Al Bheds finally release their ultimate attack with the cannon provided. But they find, to their dismay, that it does nothing and Sin counters one last time to destroy that machine. Once again, Sin is victorious…)_

Tidus: Is on the beach and had just woken up Augh… What just happened? _(Rubs his head and sees dead bodies surrounding him)_ … Face turns pale EEEK! MOMMYY! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!

_(A vulture starts pecking at dead people as Tidus shivers. He stands up and heads north to see Gatta, cuddled near the rock wall in fear)_

Gatta: Luzzu…Luzzu he…

Tidus: What happened to Loser, Goat Boy?

Gatta: _(Looks up at him with tears)_

Tidus: Oh… Well, sorry… But what happened to him?

Gatta: He…was torn apart…bloody and guts and all… His flesh! Just thrown across the whole beach! _(Screams and cries)_

_(Sin is at the waters, turning around to swim away)_

Tidus: Grr… Hey! Don't you go anywhere! _(He starts running after his father, swimming after him)_

_I don't know why I ran after him that day. I was trying to chase him down like a thief at a market. I was angry, really angry. All those deaths of all those people- was it really his fault? All I knew though that day, was that I really wanted to go home. …Home, where I belong… But without all the crime and violence, ya know? Cause Zanarkand was on the "Top 1 Most Dangerous Cities"- namely, Zanarkand was also the only city on that list as well._

(_Tidus is seen sitting at the beach, watching Yuna performing the Sending for all the people that were lost. Move left to watch the scene and to pick up a treasure chest as well.)_

Auron: You knew this wasn't going to work.

Kinoc: Of course. That's why I sent _them_ to do it. DUH.

Auron: TT Is this really the time to be acting retarded?

Kinoc: Uh…but I'm nah acting…

All: …

Auron: …That would explain it.

_(Kinocs leaves and Seymour then comes up to Yuna)_

Seymour: Oh, great and _beautiful_ Yuna! This is the scene where I declare my undying love for you and you agree with it in harmony! _(He dramatically twirls around and lands on his face on the sand)_

All: _(Starts snickering as Seymour tries to get back up)_

Yuna: _(Rolls her eyes)_ Ya know, if you really wanna propose to me, do it **CORRECTLY**! ALRIGHT! _(She storms away)_

Seymour: Ah! Yuna-sannn! _(He finally gets up and chases after her)  
(Tidus walks to Auron who is standing to the LEFT- Wait, I think this whole scene was before the whole suggesting proposal scene, so I'll just stick this in…)_

Auron: Jecht came you know.

Tidus: I know.

Auron: He came to see you.

Tidus: Yea.

Auron: And he said, "Come back home Tidus! Come hooomeee!"

Tidus: Wtf? Dude, just shut up. I get the point!

Auron: Oh, right. Let's just move on since you're being annoying.

Tidus: Hey! I'm NOT annoying, alright? Ask anyone on the set!

_(Random people passes by Tidus, muttering comments like, _"Idiot, moron, retard, crybaby," _and much much more. A defeated look comes on Tidus' face and he sighs. And all the way to the left where Yuna did the Sending for awhile, look for some treasure chests. Now it's time to go to Djose Temple!)_


	15. Djose Temple

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing made by Square-Enix- cause I just don't. xD

---  
**Act 15: **Djose Temple

---  
_(Before leaving the area, you can ask Shelienda to heal you- but you'd be better off using the Save Sphere. And use your Sphere Grid too. xD Anyway, after the dreaded Operation Mi'ihen that failed _miserably, _the gang moves onto crossing the Djose Highroad to reach the Djose Temple. Everyone except for Kimahri and Tidus stops at the start of the road. Kimahri turns around to tell Tidus…)_

Kimahri: Mother sticker!

Tidus! Kimahri! You talk! It's like, an Animal Miracle on Discovery Channel! _(Tidus is in too much awe and shock to make another move)_

Kimahri: _(Shakes his head)_ It's **your** fault that everyone died, useless featherhead boy!

Tidus: _(Is struck with an arrow with the words, "Your fault" on them)_

Kimahri: And it's **your** fault that Yuna will never smile again!

Tidus: _(Is struck again)_ M…my fault…?

Kimahri: So it's **your** job to make her smile again! So smile for her, alright! Look! **I'll** smile too! _(Tries to smile, but turns out to be an evil grin)_

Tidus: Gah! _(Shields himself)_ That looks like something from **The Grinch!**

Yuna: Hey! We're gonna leave without you! AND THAT MEANS TO HURRY UP YOU DUMBASSES. CAUSE WE DON'T PAY YOU TO FOLLOW ME WITHOUT RESPECTING THE LAND THAT **I **WALK ON!

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Yuna: _(Breathes in and out and then smiles)_ Now then team, shall we go? Djose Temple is just up ahead!

All: _That's the smile of the devil…!_

Tidus: _(Follows after Kimahri, and they move on)_

_(A lot of people along the Djose Highroad have items to give, so be sure to talk to everyone as you journey north. Keep on going north when you hit the parting of the path north, to reach Djose Temple. Upon your arrival, you see Lucil, Elma, and Clasko with a chocobo at the bridge.)_

Yuna: Oh dear, that bird certainly looks a lot like Tidus!

Tidus: _(Looks at the bird and then up at his droopy spikes)_ What? I see no resemblance.

Wakka: _(Takes a closer look as well and gasps)_ You're **right!** Damn, Tidus, maybe you were a Chocobo in your past life, ya? _(Laughs)_

Tidus: _(Starts sniffling)_ That's not nice…comparing me to a bird that sounds like chocolate….

_(The chocobo squeals)_

Lucil: Are you **birdbrains** finished with harassing our bird yet!

All: _(Silenced by Lucil's sudden insulting outburst to the chocobo)_

Chocobo: _(Glares at her)_

Lucil: _(Sighs)_ I'm sorry, but it's just that, Clasko's too much over you like some perverted old man…

Clasko! _(Looks around)_ H-How'd you know that I was into birds! _(Cries and runs away)_

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Elma: But anyway, this little guy is the only one left.

Yuna: Pssh. 'Little'? Do you perhaps need **glasses!** YOU BLIND WHORE!

Elma: _(Shocked)_ 'W-whore'!

Yuna: I mean, look at the **outfits** that you're wearing! _(She points to them both)_

Lucil: Ok, don't even start with us… Look at what you **two** are wearing! _(Points to Lulu and Yuna)_ You must have guys **hounding** over you like no tomorrow.

Yuna: _(Looks at herself and then at Lulu)_ I see nor problem with mine.

Lulu: _(Glares and mutters)_ Push-up bra…

Yuna: What!

Lulu: Nothing…

Lucil: Well, anywho, we gotta get going now. So long! _(Takes off on her bird as Elma runs after her)_

_(Anywho, just cross the bridge and go off to the temple. When you arrive, Tidus is awed, and Yuna starts doing her prayer thing. The Lightning Mushroom Rock is presently covering the temple. As you approach it, it blows up.)_

Tidus: Whoa… That's dangerous, you know? _(Dodges a flying rock)_

Yuna: _(Runs up to the front)_ Then that means…that there's another summoner in there.

Auron: Then let's hurry, children.

Yuna: _(Raises an eyebrow at him)_ 'Children'? Excuse you, Mr. "I was supposed to be sent or whatever, but ended up killing myself in some weird way"!

All: _(Gasps)_

Auron: That was supposed to be a secret…!

Yuna: _(Shrugs)_ You forgot that I didn't keep secrets or something? Now then, let us go.

_(Before entering the temple, check out the left in this little circular space to see a chest. Then go to the far right to fight a chest as well- and Gatta.)_

Gatta: I can't take this anymore… I'm gonna go back to Besaid.

Wakka: Gatta…

Tidus: Goat boy… It's alright to cry…

All: _(Stares at Tidus)_

Tidus: …Did I say something wrong?

_(Leave Gatta and proceed to enter the temple. When you enter, three people descend from the Cloister of Trials.)_

(Insert Stranger's Name. XD): Lady Yuna, the summoner? Lord Braska's daughter?

Yuna: What? How do you know me? …Oh wait, why am I even asking that question! OF **COURSE** YOU KNOW ME! After all, I **am** Yuna, the Great Animal Master Tamer Caller…

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Issaru: My name is Issaru. And these are my brothers.

Maroda: I'm Maroda, his guardian. And so is Pacce.

Tidus: _(Looks shocked) _There are more than one Afro American around here!

Maroda: _(Sweat drop)_

Issaru: See? I told you not to get a skin color change! I mean, how can you even be my brother!

Maroda: Oh, shut up, Issaru! It's not my fault that I'm a Michael Jackson fan!

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Issaru: _(Clears his throat)_ But anywho… Lady Yuna, you must have your father's talent in you.

Yuna: You knew…my father?

Issaru: Nope. How could I have met the legendary man himself?

Auron: It's true. How could he? xD

Issaru: So, then you must be racing your way to defeat Sin, eh?

Yuna: Why, of course! Why would I not? And we all know that **I,** would defeat all of you first with my super skills! _(Laughs)_

Issaru: … So, a race. Let us race to see who defeats Sin first, Lady Yuna.

Yuna: Pssh. Race **yourself!** I'm not falling for **that** one!

Issaru: …Dammit… Well then, I shall go. Good luck on your journey, Lady Yuna. _(Prays and leaves with Maroda and Pacce following him)_

_(Everyone else except for Tidus went ahead to the Cloister of Trials. As Tidus approaches it, a voice calls him back.)_

Issaru: Hey, you. You're a guardian too, right?

Tidus: Umm…yea.

Issaru: Maroda's heard something really interesting that I think you should know… _(Looks very concerned)_

Tidus: _(Eyes widen)_ Wh-what is it…?

Maroda: _(Looks at Tidus and clears his throat)_ Yuna…is…

Tidus: She is…?

Maroda: …The lady Yuna is currently…suffering from…

Tidus: From…?

Maroda: AHSTMA!

Tidus: …

Issaru: …

Maroda: …_(Looks at Issaru)_ That wasn't it?

Issaru: _(Shakes head)_ The **other** news.

Maroda: Oh, right. _(Clears throat again)_ There are summoners disappearing on the road these days, so it's best that you be careful.

Pacce: Hey! What're you talking about?

Maroda: We're talking about being a good guardian.

Pacce: Hey, I'm doing good. Right, big brother?

Issaru: _(Nods and then turns back to Tidus)_ So, surprised?

Tidus: _(Sighs a sigh of relief)_ Well, thank **Yevon!** I mean, we were all waiting for that annoying $$ **beep** to be taken away by someone. _(Laughs and hugs Maroda)_ I love you, my black brother! Thanks for helping us out! I owe ya one! _(Clicks tongue and runs up to join the other at the Cloister of Trials. He keeps waving until he hits the door)_

All: …

Tidus: Hahah… See ya! _(Goes inside)_

---  
_(A/N: I'm not going to do anymore on the Cloister of Trials, so look it up. XD)_

_(Dona is seen examining Auron)_

Dona: This guy…is soo old.

Auron: No shyt, Sherlock. And just to tell you, I'm not interested in **whores. **But in your case- **ex-Playboy Magazine girls.**

All: _(Gasps)_

Dona: _(Looks around with a red face) _Wh-what's so surprising about it? Surely you all must've known about my **other** job!

All: Oh yea, that's true though. She was Ms. July, wasn't she? Super hot!

Dona: _(Growls) _Could everyone just shut **up? **_(Turns to glare at Auron)_ You damn…ruffian!

Auron: _(Gasps)_

Dona: Come on, Barthello, we're leaving.

_(Barthello is busy gawking at Auron)_

Dona: Barthello, you know him?

Barthello: …You're…Sir Auron, right? I became a guardian because of you! May I…rape you?

Auron: …Excuse me?

Barthello: Oh! Excuse me, my crazy twin sister inside of me must've slipped out of excitement. _(Clears his throat)_ What I meant to ask was, "May I shake your hand?"

Auron: Oh. _(Chuckles and lets his hand out)_

Barthello: _(Shakes his hand) _What an honor! _(Laughs like a little kid and goes back to Dona to show his hand in her face)_ Lookie at what I got! I'm never gonna wash my hand…

Dona: Oh, shut up and grow up! And you better not **touch** me with that either! Are you listening to me!

_(Yuna then comes out of the Chamber of Fayth and is surprised to see Dona there)_

Yuna: Wtf! Why's that **ex-Playboy Magazine girl** here!

Dona: Dammit! How'd you know about that too!

Yuna: _(Points to Auron)_ He showed me his copy.

Auron: What! Absurd! And to think, I was gonna show you my **September** issue!

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Yuna: …But I'm not lesbian…

_(Wakka crawls over to Auron and hands him 1000 Gil. He clears his throat and puts his hand out to signal the coming of the magazine.)_

Auron: Stupid, you're gonna be someone's papa ya know.

Wakka: _(Is surprised)_ Absurd! How could you **say** such a thing! _(Stomps off)_

Dona: …Anywho… My, my, my, all these guardians, **and** Auron too.

Auron: It's **SIR** to you, Missy!

Dona: Oh, shut up ruffian!

Auron: _(Cries)_

Yuna: So, why's it **your** problem?

Lulu: Uh oh, ego alert.

Yuna: **First **off, I don't **care** if you only need **one** guardian, alright? And besides, I think Barthello over there counts as **two!**

Barthello: _(Gasps)_ How'd toy know that my twin sister lives inside of me?

Yuna: I don't. And **second,** who are **you** to come over here when I'm busy praying for a freaking horse! You disrupted my praying times god dammit!

Dona: …Why not? It's a free country, isn't it?

Yuna: No…you must be talking about America. This is a communism, run by Yevon.

Dona: … Hmph. _(Walks away with Barthello trailing after her)_

Yuna: _(Breathes in and out)_ Well, **finally.** She's so annoying, you know? And her **ego,** like god! You guys know what I'm talking about, right?

All: …

Yuna: **Right!**

All: Oh, oh yea! Sure. Yea, that Dona. Pssh. So annoying. Always trailing after us like some kind of stalker!

Yuna: Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for my beauty sleep. _(Steps out of the room)_

---  
_(The gang by the next day is already outside the temple. But where's Yuna?)_

Tidus: Hey, is it just me, or can we just leave her? Cause I mean, you know…

All: Oh yeah. Sure. Definitely. I would **love** to ditch her!

Wakka: But wait! We can't go on a pilgrimage without a summoner, ya?

All: Well, that's true. We certainly can't ignore that fact! They'll be suspicious!

Auron: Then it's been decided. Chicken boy, go get the girl. When she's here with us, we'll all leave.

Tidus: What? Me! What if she tries to bite me!

Auron: That's ok. Just go.

_(Tidus goes, but mutters some curses under his breath. When he's out of the area, Auron quickly turns to Lulu.)_

Auron: So, still working on that Tidus Voo Doo doll?

Lulu: _(Grins)_ But of course. _(Shows a super cute voo doo doll of Tidus that has two thousand needles stuck in it)_

---  
_(Tidus walks up to Gatta)_

Gatta: I give up… I'm going back home, where Sin won't dare to strike me…

Tidus: Uh…you sure about that?

Gatta: Oh, shut up! Go get your girl!

_(Tidus shrugs, and walks off to fins Yuna. She's in one of those rooms to the side.)_

Lady: Please be quiet. The lady has been working since dawn, sending the dead.

Tidus: Oh…I see. …Oh well! _(Pulls the covers off of Yuna)_ Wake up, sleepyhead!

Yuna: _(Quickly opens her eyes to glare at Tidus. She sits up in bed with a murderous aura around her)_ What do you **think** you're doing, **commoner…?**

Tidus: _(Puts on a scared face) _A-Auron told me to come get you…ma'am!

Yuna: _(Growls)_ Listen up, I went to bed at 5AM, and my blood sugar is really low… So I advise you to **leave me alone.** _(Huddles up in a ball)_

Tidus: _(Sweat drop)_ Ok, whatever floats your boat. _(Shrugs and goes outside, and then Yuna sits back up)_

Yuna: _(Yawns)_ Miss, what time is it?

Lady: _(Sweat drop)_ 11AM, Lady Summoner.

Yuna: …! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO! HOW **DARE** YOU NOT WAKE UP THE GREATEST ANIME MASTER TAMER CALLER OF ALL TIME, YOU IMBECILE! KYAAA!

Lady: Aaah!

---  
Lulu: So, where's Yuna?

Tidus: Huh? Oh, low blood sugar.

_(Yuna then runs out of the temple with bed head. She gasps for breath when she reaches everyone.)_

Yuna: I…I'm here. Whew. I made it just in time.

All: Aaw…

Yuna: Hey, hey. You **need** a summoner, remember!

All: Yea, yea…

Lulu: Here, your hair.

Yuna: _(Puts up a fighting pose as soon as Lulu touches her hair)_ What do you think you're doing?

Lulu: …Fixing your hair…?

Yuna: Nu uh, no commoner's going to touch Master Yuna's head like that!

Lulu: …

Yuna: _(Fixes her hair and turns around to leave)_ Now then, shall we go?

Lulu: …Do you guys…

All: …

Lulu: Oh, screw yourselves! _(Storms off)_

Wakka: Yeesh, what a grouch, ya?

---  
_(They meet up with the Chocobo Knights once more)_

Lucil: The nuns at the temple were kind enough to give us a place to stay.

Elma: Yea, even though our operation screwed up **big** time.

Lucil: Elma!

Elma: What?

Yuna: Hahah! She's got that right! You guys just plain **sucked!**

Lucil: _(Glares)_ Well then, Lady Yuna, farewell. Come on, you two.

_(The Chocobo Knights leave)_

Auron: Babe, you really should stop scaring people off.

Yuna: _(Raises an eyebrow) _Who do you think you are, calling me 'babe' so casually, you dork? _(Walks away)_

Auron: Dammit…

---  
OMG! An update from me: I 3 you guys, so here's the chapter! And besides, I got an inspirational PM to continue this! I forgot her penname…but if she would kindly review this chapter and include her penname, I will be forever grateful to her!

**edit**

A **SPESHUL** (XD) thanks to **DarlingKittyStar,** who made this chapter possible. : If it wasn't for her, none of you would be reading this story, cause I was sure that I was gonna stop! XD So thanks again for bringing inspiration back to me! I **lubb** you toO!


	16. Ambush at the Moonflow

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything related to Square-Enix, once again.

---  
**Act 16: **Ambush at the Moonflow

---  
_(As the crew exits Djose Temple, they are heading for the other path to cross the Moonflow.)_

Tidus: Ah, where are we going again?

All: …

Tidus: What? I thought you guys knew where we were going! Oh my god, are we lost! Cause if we are…I think we're gonna have to eat Kimahri first then.

Kimahri: _(Glares)_

Lulu: We're going to cross the Moonflow and then head to Guadosalam.

Tidus: _(Turns to Lulu in shock)_ The moon **flows** and the rocks are made of **salami!**

Lulu: … _(Sighs)_ What is wrong with this guy?

Yuna: This is what being blonde does to you. Too bad he didn't go brunette like I told him to. _(Flicks her hair)_

Wakka: Or orange!

All: _(Stares at Wakka)_

Wakka: Umm…I got to close to Sin's toxin…?

Auron: That's not **your** line, idiot.

Wakka: Oh, haha! I knew that!

All: _(Ignores Wakka and goes on to the road to the Moonflow)_

---  
_(And during this time, you will encounter Belegimine again, so charge up Valefor and Ifrit's Overdrives. The crew walks on until you see Shelinda.)_

Shelinda: Oh, lady Yuna! Are you going on to Guadosalam?

Yuna: Out of my way, loser. _(Pushes Shelinda into the high grasses)_

Shelinda: Kya! _(Falls in)_

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Lulu: Shouldn't we…

Yuna: No time, Lulu! She's just a commoner who can't serve me on the pilgrimage! _(Hurries off)_

Lulu: …

Tidus: _(Scratches his head)_ Well, she **is** right.

Lulu: Ugh… Whose **side** are you on anyway? _(Walks away as well)_

Tidus: … _(Is shocked)_ Was it my breath that threw her off! _(Breathes into his hand)_

Wakka: It's got nothing to do with your breath, brudda. She's just like this. …Or maybe it **is** your breath! It stinks like coconut lime!

Tidus: Oh, like the scent of the shampoo that you use on your head?

Wakka: _(Gasps)_ How absurd!

Tidus: Why is everybody saying 'absurd'!

Wakka: I derno. It makes me sound **professional.** _(Holds his head up high and follows everyone else.)_

_(And as the crew continues on, they end up meeting Biran and Yenke, the same Ronso's that were hanging out in Luca.)_

Biran: Hey, homeboy! What's up!

Kimahri: …

Tidus: Act like you don't know them!

Yenke: What are you talking about? Didn't we **pimp** them lady ronsos together?

All: _(Stare at Kimahri)_

Kimahri: _(Shakes head)_ That's not true.

Biran: Look at him now! He won't even acknowledge that **we** were the ones who taught him all that!

Yenke: Yeaaa.

Kimahri: _(Looks away)_ Please stop embarrassing me while I'm working…

Biran: Hmph. Fine, if it's gonna be like that! _(Whips out some flashcards and puts a pair of scholar glasses on. He starts reading off the cards.)_ Well…just so you know…the summoner…**ers** are currently…umm… What's this word, Yenke?

Tidus: Yankee?

Yenke: _(Pays no attention to him and continues for Biran)_ …disappearing. So you better keep your guard on, since we know that you can't protect the summoner since you're so **small.**

Tidus: _(Looks shocked)_ You can see his **size!**

All: …

Lulu: Umm…I think he means **physically** in height.

Tidus: Oh. …Ohhh. I knew that. _(Looks around)_

_(Biran and Yenke finish off with some laughs and runs away.)_

Tidus: So, it is true…

Auron: Oh dear, that's awfully dangerous…

All: _(Stares at Auron)_

Wakka: Sir Auron, when did you start saying that…?

Auron: Ever since I started taking my steroids…

All: …

Auron: But anywho, let's all go on, alright? And remember to be careful, cause there's a lot of dangerous things on the road! Ready? Ok!

All: … _(Sweat drop)_

Lulu: Is he…inventing some kind of new cheerleading move?

Auron: _(Stops and clears his throat)_ Ok then, let's go on.

---  
_(Grab the chest nearby and keep walking until you see Belegimine)_

Belegimine: Ah, Lady Yuna. You're back for more, I presume?

Yuna: Uh…

Belegimine: Then let us waste no time. _ (Does that arm wave thingy to heal Aeons)_ Your Aeons have been healed. Any questions?

Yuna: Yes, why the heck are we rushing through this!

Belegimine: Don't worry, you'll see why. Now let's d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-uel!  
All: …

Belegimine: …Ok, let's start.

---  
_(Since Belegimine is going to summon Ixion, you can only use Valefor and Ifrit. Now if you did what I told you to in the beginning, then you'll have no problems. But you'll see that Ixion will use haste on itself to speed itself up. I told you that's why Belegimine's r ushing the battle. XD But with just two Overdrives to wipe that pony out, you'll win for sure.)_

Yuna: Hah! Beat that!

Belegimine: Very good, Yuna. Now, shall I teach you about teaching your Aeons abilities?

Yuna: Pssh. I don't need **you** to teach me!... _(Quickly hides to open a FFX guidebook to teach her.)_

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Lulu: She **does** notice that we can see her, right?

All: _(Shrugs)_ No idea. Who knows? Oh my god! She'll yell at us if she knows that we can!

Yuna: _(Pops back up)_ **Silence,** fools!

All: …

Yuna: _(Smirks back at Belegimine)_ Thanks, but no thanks, Ma'am. But I know perfectly well how to teach my Aeons abilities. You can run along now.

Belegimine: Hmph. I doubt you'll know what to do next time. _(Runs away)_

All: What a liar… She **so** didn't know how to use it… Yea! Is Ms.Rikku alright!

_(Everyone turns to see Rikku who was huddled in within the group whispering.)_

All: Rikku!

Rikku: Ssh! That's not my name! I'm Super Dooper Agent 007!

Tidus: _(Sweat drop)_ But this isn't your cue yet…

Rikku: Oh, you mean you still haven't made it to the road yet!

All: No…

Rikku: Ugh. Then get going, slowpokes! _(Stomps off)_

All: …

Yuna: She's **so** random.

All: _What about you…!_

Yuna: Let us continue on our journey for a new utopia. Onwards, troop! _(Walks on)_

---  
_(Don't forget about the chest in the little space in the left when you almost enter the river. And then Yuna and her gang reach the Moonflow banks, where they admire the beauty of the river…?)_

Yuna: Wow…it's so pretty…

Lulu: The Moonflow? Of course it-…

Yuna: No! I was talking about the diamonds on my necklace! _(Points out a 24k diamond necklace on her chest. It shines in the light.)_ Seymour's gift to me.

Lulu: Ah! The light…! The light! _(Runs away)_

All: …

Wakka: Lulu's melting?

Auron: No, maybe her boobs were. _(Laughs with a sake bottle out)_

Tidus: Auron! Are you **drunk!**

Auron: That's right, Tidus. I **am** drunk! Got a problem with it!

Director: Auron, what do you think you're doing? It isn't drinking time yet!

_(The authoress, Exkii, moi, appears next to the director with her arms around Gippal's neck- almost choking him to death.)_

Exkii: Wrong, wrong, **wrong!** Auron, drinking time's in an hour! Just wait for a little bit longer!

Gippal: Can't…breathe…

Auron: But, I can't take it anymore! _(Goes up to Exkii, pushes Gippal, and throws his sake away.)_ Exkii-san…marry me!

All: Eh!

Exkii: EH?

Gippal: …Yes…! _(Faints)_

Exkii: …You know, as the authoress of this fic, I can **kill** you if so needed to.

Auron: …Dammit! Exkii-san! This is why I **drink** everyday! It shows how much I've suffered without you!

Exkii: Please, you were just a one night stand. And besides, you're **old.**

All: _(Gasps)_

Yuna: Wow…how dramatic.

Wakka: Ohh! This is my most favoritist soap opera ever!

Tidus: Hey, you think Auron's gonna smack her?

Exkii: People over there, mind your own business, and continue with the show! _(Pushes Auron back and seats herself with the Director)_ Auron, you're a celebrity and I'm not. Just go on with your life.

Auron: So are you! I just can't anymore…Exkii…!

Exkii: Shut up! Go away already! Gippal's my lover now!

Auron: …'Gippal'? _(Turns to him and glares)_

Gippal: _(Is out)_

Director: Guys, there'll be no movie if you're not acting. Let's continue with the crew admiring the beauty of the Moonflow. Action!

Tidus: …Hey, I know! Once we defeat Sin, we'll come back and have a picnic by the Moonflow!

Wakka: Ooh! A picnic! Shall I bring fruit salad?

All: …

Wakka: What? Oh…I hear ya. _(Clears his throat and puts on a seriously mournful face on.)_

Director: Too serious!  
Wakka: _(Puts on a regular quiet face now)_

Tidus: …Huh? Did I say anything?

Lulu: Let's just go on with our lives…

_(Wakka takes Tidus over to the side)_

Wakka: Hey, if we don't hurry, we're going to miss the shoopuf.

Tidus: 'Shoo…puf'?

_(They look up to see a strange bluish gray elephant creature with a curled trunk, walking to the boarding place.)_

Tidus: Whoa. WHOA. WHoaaa. WhoOooaAaaa. Whoaaaaaaa. WHOAAAAAAAA! WhooOooooOoooooaaaaaa. WhoAaaaAaaaaa.

Wakka: …Dude, I get it! Shut up already!

---  
_(Tidus approaches Yuna and Kimahri.)I_

Yuna: Shoopuf! I haven't ridden one in so long!

Tidus: You've been on one before?

Yuna: Yea. Me and Kimahri. Although I've hated the smell when it took dumps in the river in a few minutes…

Tidus: …

Kimahri: Shoopuf shake before. Yuna fall out into river. Shoopuf scoop Yuna up with long nose. Yuna jumped back in for fun. _(Shakes head)_

Yuna: Heheh…

---  
_(Proceed to the next area, where Auron is waiting Speak to him for a scene)_

Auron: Shoopufs…they bring back so many memories…

Tidus: You rode one too?

Auron: _(Glares at him)_ What? You think I **swam** my way to Guadosalam? You retard!

Tidus: _(Sweat drop)_ Ok, ok… Chill out already. _(Sniffs the air)_I have you been...**drinking** again?

Auron: Ah! How else could I forget about her? She was everything that I wanted…

Exkii: When you were younger!

Auron: Ah…such despair… This is even worst than the time Jecht stabbed that same shoopuf when he was drunk…

Tidus: My dad did that…?

Auron: Oh yea. And you better pay up! Cause me and Braska had to pay all of that off **for** him. It's 1000000 Gil.

Tidus: Pssh. As if. _(Walks away to the next area.)_

_(And around here are a lot of Merchants, so stock up on healing items and new weapons for Tidus and Wakka only- you'll see why later. The Chocobo Knights, Chocobo, and Lulu are in the next area.)_

Hypello: Imposhibibble. Chocobo cannot board shoopuf!

Elma: Why not? It's not that big!

Hypello: Imposhibibble!

Lucil: Then we have no choice then to cross by foot.

Clasko: But aren't **you** the one on a chocobo?

Lucil: That is correct, Clasko. Therefore, you two shall **walk,** while I ride the chocobo! "When there's a will, there's a way".

Clasko: Wtf!

Lucil: Hya! _(She runs away)_

Elma: Come on, Clasko! _(Chases after them)_

Clasko: Gah! Not fair! _(Chases after them all)_

"_When there's a will, there's a way". What kind of stupid quote is that! That must describe Hitler's will and he was able to command all of Germany for awhile!_

_(Go to Lulu for the next scene.)_

Wakka: Shoopuf! I can't wait to get on it!

Lulu: Ugh. How can you be so **excited** about going aboard a morphed elephant?

Wakka: It's just some things that kids can't grow out of.

Wakka & Tidus: Right?

Lulu: Ugh…

---  
_(Make sure you save and go back to that same area to board the shoopuf. Let the next scene commence!)_

Wakka: Hey, look down in the river.

Tidus: Huh? Why?

Wakka: Just do it!

Tidus: Alright, alright. Chillax man… _(Does so)_ Whoa. An underwater city?

Wakka: Nah, it's just that some idiots wanted to build a city on a bridge with macchina. And guess what happened?

Tidus: Uh…it sunk?

Wakka: No DUH!

Tidus: …I knew that too…

Wakka: It's because they didn't listen to the teachings, ya?

Tidus: Shut yer religious ass up already. It's always "Yevon this" or "Yevon that". Get a life already!

Auron: Ooh…a challenge.

Tidus: Quit being drunk! Exkii-san's never going to return your feelings!

Auron: _(Cries)_

Tidus: But, aren't we to blame as well? We still use macchina, like the blitzball stadium.

Lulu: Yevon, it decides which macchina we can use, and which we cannot use. Operation Mi'ihen should've taught you which kind of macchina we **can't** use.

Tidus: I see.

Wakka: And the Al Bhed are the reason why Sin is here. Sin came to punish us for using these macchina!

_(The shoopuf then stops all of a sudden. He rocks and the Hypello goes, "Whaaaaa…?". Everyone stands up all of a sudden.)_

Auron: Sit down.

Yuna: I'm sorry! Kyaaa! _(An Al Bhed just kidnapped Yuna!)_

Wakka: Yuna!

_(Tidus and Wakka jumps in to save the day?)_

---  
_(The two are underwater to see Yuna inside a machine-type thingy…! Oh my!)_

Yuna: Get me out of here! _(Starts banging on the glass and everything)_

Tidus: … _(Looks at Wakka and to start sign languaging him)_: Should we help her?

Wakka: _(Does the same to reply)_: Well, without her, we can't continue, remember?

Tidus: (But wouldn't it be better off if she stayed there and they return her to us later?)

Wakka: (Ah, good point, good point.)

Yuna: _(Taps on the glass and sign languages the two)_: If you two don't help me, I'll be sure to have you fired and sent to the **Final Fantasy X-2** set.

Tidus: _(Turns to Yuna to reply)_: But I don't show up unless there's 100 completed? Only my twin brother would show up!

Wakka: (You have a twin brother?)

Tidus: (Yeah. His name's Shuyin…)

Yuna: _(Taps the glass again and sign launguages them furiously this time)_: If you guys get sidetracked again, I'll be sure to slap you so hard, I'll slap you into another nationality!

Wakka: …(Is that possible?)

Yuna: (Hell yea!) NOW GET GOING, YOU MORONS!

Tidus: (Right away!)

_(Ok, my plan was to have Tidus have Cheer and Haste at his side. Cast Haste on both characters right away, and then use Cheer for Tidus for about 4 turns. Have Tidus heal if necessary with Potions while Wakka uses his attacks and skills, along with his Overdrive. Aim for Lightninig-based attacks, because they will weaken this boss by a lot. But when the boss goes up to the surface and stays up there for awhile, I recommend healing quickly if you get the chance to, and then going into Defense mode. Trust me; it's worth wasting your time for. And after the boss has been defeated, it blows up!)_

---  
Wakka: Damn those Al Bhed, kidnapping Yuna! What could they possible want with **her!**

Yuna: _(Glares at him and kicks him off the shoopuf)_

Wakka: Wahh-!... _(Falls into the river)_

All: Wakka!

Yuna: Hmph. That's what you get when you imply that I'm not worth **anything.** _(Brushes her hair back)_

Auron: Well, that's what you get for not being careful, little missy.

Yuna: _(Stares at Auron)_ Stop talking to me! I'm too **popular** for you!

Auron: _(Gasps and cries)_

Tidus: Umm…maybe you shouldn't blame the Al Bheds, Wakka. They just do what they want, right?

Lulu: And your point saying…? _(Gives him a stern look)_

Tidus: _(Turns red)_ Lulu, your boobs get bigger when you sit like that…

Lulu: Huh? _(Looks down at her own boobs and realizes that she was pushing them up while leaning forward)_ Oh. _(Chuckles)_ I knew that. Thank you for reminding me. _(Sits up straight)_

Kimahri: _(Growls lowly)_

Tidus: But you know, all we have to do is protect Yuna from anybody, right?

Lulu: Oh, confident.

Tidus: … Quit leaning on your boobies, Lulu! _(Dives off the shoopuf into the river as well)_

Lulu: …Does he have virgin eyes or something?

Yuna: I dunno. But how come he stares at **yours** when I've been wearing a push-up bra all this time!

All: _(Stares at Yuna)_

Yuna: What? Are you saying that push-up bras are out! _(Glares at all of them)_

All: Oh no, they're perfectly fine. Perfect for your boobies, Yuna! Although they're a bit small…right? No wonder she needs to wear them… Yea, I totally agree!

Yuna: Alright, enough!

Hypello: Ish everyboboddy ok?

Yuna: Yes, god dammit! _(Stands up again)_

Auron: Yuna!

Yuna: Oh! _(Sits back down quickly)_

Hypello: Then shmooth shailing ahead.

_(The shoopuf continues on, leaving Tidus and Wakka crying "Overboard, overboard!".)_

---

_(Now is also the time to go shopping! Before you leave, notice that there is a crowd of Yuna-adoring fans surrounding her.)_

Yuna: Ohohohohohoho! No need to shove! There's plenty of Yuna to go around for everyone! Ahahaha! Thank you, I love you too!

Tidus: _(Sweat drop) She's so…_full_ of herself!_

_(Anywho, continue on left into the next area and the next part of the game. When you continue along that road, you notice a person washed up on the shore. You can choose to examine the person, or continue ahead- but they'll call you back anyway. And here you will witness…a stripper!)_

_(The person immediately stands up, frightening Tidus, and they stare at him for a bit. All of a sudden, _she_ whistles to cue some strip teasing music to go on. She begins unbuckling her outfit.)_

Tidus: Whoa… _(Fumbles some Gil out of his pockets as Wakka, Kimahri, and Auron does the same.)_

Wakka: Yea baby! Whoo! Take it **all** off!

Auron: 1000 Gil!

Kimahri: 10000.

Tidus: Dammit! I'll buy her for 4000!

Person: Ugh. We're not **buying** me!

Guys: Aaw. Dammit…

_(The person is revealed to be…Rikku! Finally, her appearance is made!)_

Director: Would all the hormone-raging men go back to their places?

_(Tidus goes with them as well, but Exkii grabs him by the arm.)_

Exkii: Tidus-kun! Where are you going? You're supposed to be in this scene with Rikku-chan!

Tidus: Huh? Oh, I knew that.

Director: Roll tape again! Scene 16, take 2! Action!

_(Rikku just finished stripping, and she falls to the ground on her hands and knees. Tidus starts laughing uncontrollably out of joy.)_

Tidus: Rikku! You're Rikku, aren't you?

Rikku: _(Looks up at him and points)_ Yea, and thanks a lot you big meanie!

Tidus: Huh? For what?

Rikku: _(She stands up with her hand to her head)_ For beating me up, you doofus. That really hurts you know!

Tidus: Wait, Rikku…**you** were in that macchina earlier?

Rikku: Uh huh…

Tidus: But why?

Rikku: Well…

_(The rest of the gang arrives.)_

Wakka: Hey, is that someone you know?

Tidus: Yeah. Guys, this is Rikku, she's the one who saved me earlier.

Wakka: Hahah. Then that means that you owe her your life, right?

Tidus: Hahah…

Rikku: Pleased to meet you, I'm Rikku!

Wakka: And you're still alive after being washed up on shore? Praise be to Yevon. _(Prays)_

Rikku: _(Stares at him and scratched her cheek a bit)_

Tidus: She's an Al Bhee-…

_(Yuna and Lulu gasp after seeing Rikku.)_

Lulu: Could you please come over here, Rikku?

Rikku: Okie doke!_ (She follows Lulu and Yuna to a corner. Wakka tries to follow as well, but they stop him.)_

Wakka: Eh? Why not?

Auron: Yea, why why? Are we going to talk about **boys?** _(Giggles)_

All: …

Tidus: Yo, Auron, are you sure you're not taking any **estrogen?**

Auron: Ohhh. All of a sudden, Tidus has a **big** vocabulary, eh? Well, for your information, I am…taking estrogen.

All: _(Gasps)_

Auron: It was by accident! Someone switched my steroids with them! And now I'm getting hot flashes…and all emotional over Exkii-san… Oh god!_ (Runs away to cry)_

All: …

Lulu: Anywho, Rikku, let's talk.

Rikku: Sorry, girls only! Boys wait over there! Tee hee! _(Joins Yuna and Lulu to talk.)_

_(And after awhile, when the three are finished speaking, Yuna brings Rikku over to the recovering Auron.)_

Yuna: Yo, you, stop crying. I have a question for you!

Auron: _(Sniffles with a tissue in his hand)_ Yea?

Yuna: I want her to be my guardian, that way, I'll be more invincible and have more slaves to command! Right?

Rikku: Huh? Heeey! That's not what we agreed!

Yuna: Well, tough luck, ok? **I'm** the summoner, and you're the "Guardian". It's another word for **slave,** ok?

Rikku: _(Gasps)_ I want out!

Auron: _(Sniffs one last time and throws the tissue away)_ Ok then. Show me your eyes.

_(Rikku has them closed)_

Auron: Open them…

Rikku: _(Opens one, and then other)_

Auron: _(His eyes widen)_ Wait, your eyes are blue!

Rikku: Huh?

Wakka: Uh…what's wrong with that?

Auron: It's supposed to be gr-…!

_(Tidus and Lulu pushes him to the side.)_

Tidus: It's nothing! Right, Lu?

Lulu: Yes, the color of the eyes don't matter!

Rikku: _(Takes off her blue contacts and throws them away)_ Ok! I fixed them!

Tidus & Lulu: Gah!

Yuna: Ok, my newest slave, welcome!

Rikku: But I don't want to be a slave…!

Yuna: Well, too bad! **My **rules! Onwards!

_(Yuna continues on, and the crew has no choice but to follow. A tutorial battle about Rikku is shown.)_

Rikku: Ooh. A treasure chest! I wonder what's inside?

_(Basically like the beginning of the game, use the Steal command to steal items from both treasure chests and fiends that you find on the roads. I think Rikku find Bomb Cores in the chest.)_

Rikku: Hurray!

_(A fiend then comes in to hit Rikku)_

Rikku: Oww! Just you wait! I'll give you your just desserts!

_(For Rikku's Overdrive, Mix, mix any two items you want to create various items! Who knows, the effects might be to your benefit in a battle when needed most. So just mix the two items you just found to create Firestorm, a deadly attack that'll kill the fiend.)_

Rikku: Woo hoo!

_(Tidus and Wakka comes in late.)_

Tidus: Whoa! That was awesome!

Rikku: Wasn't it?

Wakka: W-what'd you do?

Rikku: I can mix items like this and they'll have super neat effects on the enemy!

_(Battle poses, even though Tidus and Wakka did nothing. XD After that battle, continue on up the road, but as you go along the road, be sure to steal from the chests and enemies that you encounter. And this'll be a good time to level Rikku up, because you'll need her later. After doing that for as long as you like, continue up to enter Guadosalami… I mean Guadosalam.)_

_---  
_Another post, my dear readers. Enjoy!


	17. Surprise at Guadosalam

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything by Square-Enix- all Final Fantasy things belong to them. XD

---  
**Act 17: Surprise at Guadosalam**

---  
_(The group arrives at Guadosalam; a beautiful place made of wood, trees, plants- and stained glass.)_

Rikku: God, like, this place is so **natural!** Well, except for the glass of course. Ooh! Must be so expensive though…! _(Tries to touch the glass, but Tidus hold her back)_ H-hey! What're you doing?

Tidus: Behave yourself, Rikku!

Rikku: Uh! But I was just-…

Tidus: Just do it…

Rikku: … _(Sighs and shakes her head. Tromell, Seymour's right-hand arrives to greet the gang.)_

Tromell: Lady Yuna! We are glad that you were able t-…

Yuna: Out of my way, **big** hands. _(Brushes past him to Seymour's manor)_

Tromell: …Lady Yuna! What has gotten into her?

Lulu: Oh, I feel **so** bad for the viewers and the by standing characters. _(Chuckles)_

Tromell: But umm... _ (Clears his throat)_ Lord Seymour has invited you all to attend a luncheon in his home, and to discuss something with the lady.

Rikku: Ooh! A free luncheon! _(Claps her hand)_

Tromell: Now, this way if you please. _(He leads the gang towards Seymour's home, the one on the same floor in the center. …All I'm saying is you _can't_ miss it!)_

_(But before you enter, Rikku stops and turns to Tidus.)_

Rikku: Oh, I almost forgot.

_(Here, Rikku teaches you about customizing. I suggest not doing anything until you've collected a whole supply of items that Rikku has stolen. But it's your choice.)_

Rikku: Pretty cool, huh? And then, if there's more items in his home…

Tidus: **No,** Rikku. Lay low for awhile.

Rikku: Aaw… But you've been here with them for awhile! And you **still** haven't napped anything from them yet?

Tidus: Well, I'm trying to…but you're not giving me enough time!

Rikku: _(Takes out a pocketknife)_ don't try to be smart with me, mister! I'll do things my way when I have to!

Tidus: Gah! Chill out, Rikku! I'll be sure to have the 50000 Gil by Macalania Temple! I swear! Please don't chop my balls!

Rikku: …Eewww. Why would I want such a thing? I was gonna nap your eye**balls.**

Tidus: Oh, that's ok then.

Rikku: _(Puts away her knife into her pocket tied to her leg)_ Now, we better get going before they get suspicious! _(Skips away to the rest)_

Tidus: Phew…

_(You can explore the place a bit before heading inside with the rest. You can save right now, but you don't _have_ to… So go on ahead inside when you're done exploring the place.)_

Tidus: Whoa… What's up with all these old geezers up on the wall? Are they magic mirrors or something?

Lulu: … These, were the past maesters of Yevon.

Tidus: …Do they **talk** to you?

Lulu: Oh! _(Turns to Tidus with a frustrated look)_ Now, **why** would they do something like that, you imbecile?! Can mirrors actually **talk?!**

Tidus: No ma'am. _(Sweat drop)_

Lulu: _(Clears her throat)_ But anyway, the **last** master of Yevon… _(The screen shifts over to the other side of the room for another wall of portraits)_ …wed a human, and their son is Maester Seymour.

Yuna: Is that why he dresses like a gay?

All: …

Wakka: Yuna! How can you say that about him?!

Yuna: Well, are **you** the one he proposed to at the beach in a sad way?! I mean, he **fell** while proposing!

All: …

Wakka: Maybe he was nervous, ya?

Tidus: No, seriously, do you see the way he **dresses?** Like, F.A.G. 911!

Wakka: Tidus! You can't assume a maester's sexual preference just by the way he dresses!

Rikku: Hmm? Seymour? Who's that?

Yuna: My future fiancé.

Rikku: Ooh! Yunie's getting married!

Yuna: _(Stares at her)_ Who in the world are you calling 'Yunie'? My name is "Master Yuna, the Greatest Animal Tamer" ever! And **you,** are my servant!

Rikku: _(Gasps)_ W-why is this happening to me?! _(Runs off upstairs to open a chest)_

All: _(Sweat drop)_

_(There's a treasure chest upstairs in the little space there. So take it and then go back downstairs, waiting for Tromell's arrival.)_

Tromell: Please enter. Maester Seymour will be out with us shortly. _(He ushers everyone to go inside a banquet room. Everyone is doing something, so talk to everyone to continue with the scene.)_

Auron: Exkii-san! _(Sobs)_

Tidus: Gosh Auron, chill out… You know the age difference is **huge.**

Auron: Hey, I am free to live and **love,** alright? And besides, I don't like Seymour…

Tidus: Is it cause he's gay?

Auron: _(Nods his head)_ Damn right!

_(Tidus speaks to Wakka)_

Tidus: Hey, chill out. It's not like Seymour called just **you** here.

Wakka: W-what? Really?! That's not fair!! _(Cries)_

Tidus: …

_(Tidus speaks to Kimahri)_

Kimahri: Kimahri have bad feeling about this.

Tidus: Hey, why do you refer to yourself in third person?

Kimahri: _(Looks shocked)_ Kimahri is insulted!

_(Tidus speaks to Rikku)_

Rikku: The payment… _(Takes out her little pocketknife again)_

Tidus: Gah! Rikku, I **promise** you I will have the payment to you ASAP!

Rikku: Oh, ok. _(Puts it away and eats)_ These are…really good!  
Tidus: …

_(Tidus speaks to Lulu)_

Lulu: There's nothing here at Guadosalam, so summoners usually pass through here to the Thunder Plains.

Tidus: _(Laughs)_

Lulu: What's so funny?

Tidus: It's just that, I didn't even ask you anything yet, and you start telling me everything.

Lulu: Well, it's just that…maybe you **did** come from a different world.

Tidus: Huh? You believe me?

Lulu: Pssh. As if!

Tidus: …

_(Tidus speaks to Yuna)_

Yuna: I wonder what he wants to talk about… Oh wait, why am I even asking myself that question? Of **course** I know why he wants to talk to me! Yeesh, this must be the stupidest blonde line ever!

_(Tidus and Rikku touch their hair. Tromell then reappears.)_

Tromell: _(Takes out a parchment and clears his throat)_ "Lord Jyscal was a…dad a dad da… And he has reunited us Guados in a short time… Blah blah blah… And then his son…blah…"

_(Seymour comes out)_

Seymour: That's enough, Tromell. Must you always praise me so?

Tidus: What praise?

Seymour: _(Ignores him and then goes up to Yuna)_ Oh, Lady Yuna! I am pleased that you are here with me today! Those eyes of yours, one like a glistening sapphire and the other, rare emeralds! And your fair, light-colored skin, how beautifully you shimmer in the sunlight like a goddess!

Yuna: FINALLY! AT LEAST **someone** feels the same way about me like I do!

All: …

Seymour: Would you like to take a look at something that I made- especially for **you?**

Yuna: _(Looks excited)_ A new 24-karat diamonds ring to accompany the 24-karat diamond necklace that you got me?!

Seymour: Umm…no.

Yuna: _(Turns sad)_ Then…why do you even bother talking to me?! _(Cries as everyone is ushered into a dark room)_

---  
_(The room is immediately illuminated as soon as Yuna steps onto the floor, lighting up a scene from Zanarkand. All is awed as Seymour explains.)_

Seymour: Ahem… Oh, my dearest love! This is the scene in which I propose to you- my undying love yet again! Do you ace-? _(Gets pushed over by Wakka and Rikku who have microphones in their hands)_

Rikku: Hello boys and girls of Spira! This is anchorgirl Rikku…

Wakka: And anchorman Wakka! We're here to bring you…

Rikku: …a very special report from Maester Seymour's own home in Guadosalam! If you would please take a look behind us…

Wakka: We are now witnessing a scene from 1,000 years ago, Zanarkand! The best blitzball team resided there, ya know?

Rikku: But anyway, let's take a look at how Zanarkand 1,000 years ago looked like, created by Maester Seymour and his cheap slave labor! _(She steps aside and starts pointing to the people walking by)_ Years ago, people back then had **such** an exquisite style! Notice what they are wearing is way different compared to us! Who wouldn't want to wear a sleeveless with a nice pair of short shorts?

Wakka: But that's not all! Take a look at their hair! No creativity at all, ya? Zanarkand back then must've been a communist place!

Tidus: Argh, Zanarkand is **not** communist!

Rikku: But anyway, it seems like Zanarkand was just like New York City, "the city that never sleeps"! Just look at all those neon lights and people humbling and bustling around like they don't need to sleep at all!

Tidus: I bet you that state stole it from us…

Wakka: But wait, that's not all! Zanarkand was also known as the best entertainment place in Spira because of their well-known **brothels…**

Tidus: Wait a minute! Zanarkand did not have 'brothels'! Get your facts straight dammit!!

Rikku: Oh! And look who we have here! It's Lord Zaon with his lover, Yunalesca!

Yuna: Whoa… I was named after **her?!** Daddy must've been on a hi…

Wakka: …I **love** her hair. What kind of gel did she use?!

All: _(Turns to stare at him)_

Wakka: Ah ha… Never mind…

Rikku: These two were the first saviors of Spira, hand in hand even in their death- they remain so close to each other even to this day!

Wakka: How romantic! Ara? Maester Seymour is making his move again to Yuna?! Will he succeed?

_(Everyone turns to see Seymour trying to propose to Yuna, but she smacks him and marches off. They sigh.)_

Auron: Haha! That's right, girlfriend! Show him you ain't taking him without any riches!

Lulu: Gold digger…

Rikku: Well, that's all the time we have to report about Zanarkand for now! This is anchorgirl Rikku…

Wakka: And anchorman Wakka! Please join us next time…

Rikku: …for…

Wakka & Rikku: ..."Zippity Zapped Thunder Plains!" This is Rikku and Wakka signing out!

---  
_(Everyone then exits the room and goes into the banquet hall once again. Seymour smiles weakly.)_

Seymour: Please…consider my offer yet again, Lady Yuna!

Auron: Yuna has no time for your silly little games.

Yuna: Hmph, that's right! _(She leaves with everyone after her except for Tidus and Auron)_

Seymour: Well, excuse me if you may…but you don't belong here do you?

Auron: _(Flinches)_

Seymour: Oh, I'm sorry. We Guado have a very keen sense of the Farplane…

Tidus: _(Starts sniffing Auron)_ Eew… Auron, you still smell like sake!

Auron: Th-that's because I…oh! Exkii-san!! _(He runs out the door crying)_

Tidus: … _(He follows after him to end up outside the manor with the crew waiting for them.)_

Yuna: I'm…I'm going to go see my parents in the Farplane. That'll help me clear my head.

Lulu: Yuna, you know love doesn't have to be based on m-…

Yuna: What? Not on **money?!** I don't want such a broke ass man in my life! Hell no! I mean, what's going to happen when I spend most of his fortune on lavishes for myself, huh?! I mean, if we (God forbid) have ugly little children that look like him, how will we feed them? I mean, would **you** know what to do, Lulu? Huh? Huh?!

Lulu: Alright, alright. Chill woman…

Yuna: _(Sighs and flicks her hair to the side) _Now then, shall we get going so I can rub my status in my parents' faces? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! _(She laughs as she heads upstairs to visit the Farplane)_

Lulu: You guys…

All: _(Ignores her this time and follows after Yuna)_

Lulu: W-what happened to our "I Hate Yuna" alliance?!

All: We quit that sort of thing a long time ago! Well, it was because the Director found out about our little plot… It's ok, I don't really mind as long as I'm getting paid! I just ignore her. Director-sama threatened to take of a '0' on my paycheck!

Lulu: _(Vein pop)_ You fools… Wait until we get to a rest stop… I'm going to prepare a **little** something for **all **of you… _(Laughs evilly)_

---  
_(As the group steps into the Farplane, only Auron and Rikku stay behind. Tidus goes over to Rikku who is eating an apple.)_

Tidus: Why aren't you going in?

Rikku: …Because…

Tidus: 'Because'…?

Rikku: …_ (She shows the apple she stole from Seymour's banquet table)_ The dead…can't **eat.**

Tidus: …Hai…? _(Sweat drop) This girl is too difficult to comprehend…_

Rikku: Actually, there was this memory of these Al Bhed people I used chill with, right?

Tidus: Right… What kind…of memories?

Rikku: …**Gangster** memories…

Tidus: …

Rikku: But anyhow, we all used to be mad close. The only things that I want to remember about them are all in my head.

Tidus: …You're mentally ill?

Rikku: _(Vein pops)_ No! They're memories!

Tidus: Ohh. You mean in your **heart.**

Rikku: No, memories reside in your brain. It's all a very educational process!

Tidus: Uh huh…

Rikku: _(Sighs)_ Memories are nice, but that's all they are. You know?

_Yea, I knew what she was talking about. Like memories of jac-… Never mind._

_(Tidus approaches Auron this time.)_

Tidus: What about you?

Auron: I don't…like that place. So I'd rather stay out here.

Tidus: Why not? Was it the insult Seymour hurled at you that's still residing in your ears? Oh, you poor thing!

Auron: _(Vein pops)_ No, it isn't! Fool, just get in there!! I don't need you to worry because I'm just being cautious!

Tidus: Ok, ok. Gosh, I was just trying to help… _(He goes in as well to see everyone at different sections of the Farplane. He approaches Wakka first, but sees that he is talking to his deceased brother, Chappu.)_

Wakka: Hey, Chappu. Long time no see, ya? Well, sorry about that… I was just busy doing stuff, ya know? Let's see…to catch up on old sake's time… Ah! Let me start with when I last saw you! _(He takes out a diary from his pants and a pair of scholar glasses. He dons them, flips to a page in the book, and begins reading.)_ Well, March 31- Trisha has lost her hair, but that's ok. I've decided to remodel her hair into something like **mine!** Ah, a week from March 31, this guy from Zanarkand came. He looked just like you, Chappu! Maybe he's your reincarnation? Although it's highly unlikely, hahaha.

Tidus: _(Sweat drop)_ Please excuse me…

Wakka: …Ah! He really liked that sword of yours too, Chappu! The one that I gave to you and you left behind when you departed. I'm telling ya, this kid has potential. Haha!

_(Tidus' Brotherhood sword glows. It had just received its full power.)_

_(Tidus approaches Lulu this time, who has been watching Wakka the whole time.)_

Tidus: Lulu, you heard all that right?

Lulu: Yep.

Tidus: Hey, how come you're not calling anyone?

Lulu: No need.

Tidus: _(Sweat drop) God, what's up with all these cold answers…?_ But umm…Lulu… Do you think it's right for Yuna…to marry for the happiness of Spira, and not out of love?

Lulu: Love…is what turned me into this mess!

Tidus: Eh?

Lulu: You see the way I'm dressed? Chappu said that he liked it when I showed more "cleavage", but he decides to off and die on the shore of the beach when we ask about him! I mean, what did our love mean? Was it just an illusion? Was it just a fake reality? I don't get it! What does this 'love' really mean?! That 'love' Chappu and I built together shattered into a million pieces when he departed this world, leaving just **me** alone in this cruel, cruel world…! _(She cries)_

Tidus: I-I'm so sorry! I didn't know that that happened to you! Does Wakka know?

Lulu: I don't want him…to know.

Tidus: Why not?

Lulu: …Just leave me alone already. Love is useless. All women need are lavishes and riches, just like Yuna said!

Tidus: Wait, I thought you were against her 100...?

Lulu: I change my mind! You know, that brat actually makes sense some of the time…

Tidus: _Who is this person?!_ Th-then, I'll go over to Yuna… _(He does so.)_

Yuna: Tidus…I've decided and swore in front of my parents already. That's why…_ (She turns to him with tears in her eyes)_ you shouldn't try to stop me any longer!

Tidus: Nani?! W-why're you crying? This isn't a K-drama you know…

Yuna: …It…isn't?

Tidus: _(Sweat drop) She forgot that she was still on the FFX set…?_

Yuna: Oh, in that case then. _(She wipes the tears away and grins evilly)_ The world is ripe for the taking once I become his wife… Heheheh…

Tidus: _S…so evil!_

Yuna: And of course, my parents won't be able to witness such a plan being put to work successfully. _(She sighs)_ It's such a shame!

Tidus: Have more respect for the dead man… Eh? Mom? Why is she here even though nobody performed the Sending for her?

Yuna: Obviously, she decided to accept her fate and is now sent to paradise.

Tidus: …**This** is paradise? Umm…I'm sorry to say, Yuna, even though there are really nice clouds and an ethereal style to this place with that waterfall- this is no 'paradise'.

Yuna: What? Are **you** dead? How would you ever understand such a genius idea when you've never died before?!

Tidus: …Right… Anyway…

Yuna: _(Sighs)_ Call your dad.

Tidus: …It's not going to work.

Yuna: Exactly! Let's go!_ (She leaves)_

Tidus: Eh…?

---  
_(As Tidus and the gang are exiting the Farplane, people gasp at the steps.)_

Person: L-Lord Jyscal!

_(Everyone turns to see the unrested soul of Lord Jyscal, trying to escape the Farplane)_

Yuna: Father-in-law?!

Tidus: _S-so quick to call him that!!_

Yuna: _(She steps up to him and takes out her wand, sending him back to where he belongs. He drops a sphere on the ground after his departure. She picks it up and tucks it away as Auron comes up to the steps)_

Auron: L-let's go…

Yuna: Huh? Why're you sweating and panting and look like you're in pain?

Auron: It's…

Yuna: …Oh…my…god. Sir Auron! That's disgusting!!

Auron: Eh? What is?

Yuna: Oh my god… I can't believe you were doing such a thing to **Rikku** while we were gone!

Auron & Rikku: EH!?

Rikku: H-hey! Don't be jumping to conclusions like that!

Auron: That's right! I wouldn't bang such a little girl!

Rikku: …Are you saying that I have no sex appeal…?

Auron: Eh? Wait a minute! I'm way too old to be thinking about that anyway!! Let's just go already! _(He leaves and everyone else follows after)_

_(As they leave, they discuss Lord Jyscal rising from the dead…)_

Rikku: Maybe…Seymour didn't save the biggest piece of chocobo meat for him for a snack!

Yuna: That's too dumb. I bet you his father caught Seymour stealing some riches for me…

All: _(Stares at Yuna)_

Wakka: When he's dead…?

Yuna: _(Shrugs)_ His lingering spirit caught him?

Lulu: Maybe he caught Seymour having an affair…

Yuna: That doesn't matter either, Lulu! It's just the riches that I care for!

Lulu: _(Sighs) _As usual…

Tidus: I think…it's because something…like a very strong memory allowed him to come back?

Wakka: Ahahah! You actually have a brain, ya? _(He gives Tidus a noogie)_

Tidus: H-hey!

_(Yuna then goes back into the manor to give her reply to Seymour. Use this time to socialize with everyone.)_

Tidus: So Lulu, about that conversation…

Lulu: Don't talk to me.

Tidus: Eh?

Lulu: Go somewhere else. Your presence is disgusting.

Tidus: _(He gasps)_ 'D-disgusting'?! But, Lu! This isn't about me! This is about Yuna!

Lulu: Who gives?

Tidus: …D-didn't you just agree with her a few minutes ago…?

Lulu: Well, if she marries for riches, then it's ok; but if she is also marrying for the happiness and world peace of Spira- then that's ok too. It's as long as someone gets a bargain at either end, Tidus.

Tidus: … You treat this marriage thing like a joke, Lu.

Lulu: It is. Weddings cost too much anyway. It's better off for the bride to be happier than the groom anyway!

Tidus: _(Sweat drop)_

_(He talks to everyone else as well.)_

Rikku: Yunie getting married? It doesn't matter…unless you can swipe some riches from her as a best man… _(Her eyes glint)_

Kimahri: …Marriage…good. Good for personality.

Auron: Oh…_ (Sobs) _Exkii-san!!

Wakka: Marriage huh… Well, I hope their children won't come out so ugly like their fahther…

_(After listening to everyone's opinions about this, Tidus then heads over to the entrance to the Thunder Plains. Shelinda comes out.)_

Shelinda: Oh, Tidus-san! Are you looking for Maester Seymour?

Tidus: Eh? I thought he was inside the manor…?

Shelinda: Oh dear, no! He's hiding from Yuna-sama's cruelty for the time being.

Tidus: 'Hiding'? _Lucky bastard!_ Well, where'd he go then?

Shelinda: He went to Macalania Temple. Please pass this message onto the rest. _(She bows and leaves)_

Tidus: _(Runs back to the rest to tell them the news)_ Hey guys! Seymour beat us to ditching Yuna!

All: W-what?!

Tidus: He ran away to Macadamia Temple!

Wakka: "Macalania". But he was prepared then… Let's all go now!

_(Everyone leaves, ignoring the fact that Yuna was still inside the manor. She steps out to find that all her servants have left.)_

Yuna: …_(Her eyes burn with fire as she clenches her fist)_ Just you wait and see…I'll destroy you when I meet up with you all… Kukuku…

---  
Whoa…a long awaited update from me. :O I hope you guys enjoy it!


	18. Zippity Zapped Thunder Plains

**Disclamer:** Anything FFX-related belongs to Square Enix. XD

---  
**Act 18: **Zippity Zapped Thunder Plains

---  
_(When you first step into the Thunder Plains, a tutorial on how to dodge lightning bolts will appear.)_

Tidus: Pssh. Me, learn how to dodge **lightning bolts?** As if they could ever stri-…

_(Tidus gets zapped by a lightning bolt and gets knocked out on the floor.)_

Yuna: Well, certainly, you have plenty of room for some improvement. Isn't that right, servants? _(She turns to the rest of the group with a whip in her hand.)_

All: _(Gulps)_ O-oh yes! That's so right! Why'd you have to act like you know how to do everything, ya? You poopie head!

Tidus: I-I get it guys. Gosh, all of you are so extreme when criticizing me!

Auron: That's because…

Lulu: …you are definitely…

Kimahri: …a…

Wakka: …blonde, ya? Ahahah!

Tidus: _(Twitches and touches his hair)_

_(Continue on through the plains and use the Save Sphere provided. After using it, Machean is standing near a tower in the east. You can talk to him to learn more about the plains if you wish. After you have listen to his story, head north, hugging the walls to your right until you reach a small area containing a treasure chest. Open it and resume following the trail until you meet up with Shelinda.)_

Shelinda: Oh, is it true?

Tidus: What is?

Shelinda: That Lady Yuna is to be married with Maester Seymour!

Tidus: …Pfft! Ahahaha! Who thought up with **that** kind of rumor?! Yuna, marry someone? Haha! She looks like she's most likely to die alone! Ahahah!

Shelinda: Oh dear, you shouldn't say things like that! Yevon will curse you!

Tidus: Pssh, I'm not a Yevonite! So Yevon can't possible touch **me!** _(He gets struck by lightning again.)_

Shelinda: …I see Yevon has made his way to you. _(She prays for him.)_

Tidus: _(He struggles to get back up to ask Shelinda…)_ S-so, who's been spreading that uh…rumor?

Shelinda: The Guados; they were quite overjoyed when they heard of such news! It's definitely a cause to celebrate!

Tidus: Uh huh…

_Whoa… What kind of a rumor is that? It's more like horrible news for the Guados once they get married! Haha, I feel so bad for them…_

_(Eventually, as the crew progresses through the plains, Rikku gets a little shaky and stands in her spot, laughing nervously. Everyone turns to look at her.)_

Rikku: A heh heh heh heh heh…

Tidus: W-what's wrong, Rikku?

Rikku: A heh heh heh heh…

Tidus: Uh…Rikku, you're kinda freaking me out…

Rikku: C-Can we take a rest at that inn over there…?

Yuna: What? Are you trying to dessert your job as a slave in the middle of our quest (contract)?! I won't allow it!

Rikku: Heheh… I wish… _(Sweat drop)_

_(The lightning strikes and Rikku cowers- and then gets into a crawling position.)_

All: Eh?!

_(She makes her way to Tidus' legs and grabs onto them as the lightning strikes again.)_

Rikku: I-I wanna go home now! Please?!

Tidus: H-hey! …Ah, Auron…

Auron: …

Tidus: Hey, Auron… W-wait! Are you scared of the thunder and lightning too?!

Auron: _(His face reveals quivering and tears as he stubbornly shakes his head)_ N-no! Why would I, the greatest Guardian there ever was be afra-… _(The lightning strikes and it sends Auron to cower and grab onto Tidus' other leg.)_ I…I wanna go home too!!

All: …

Lulu: …For a moment there, he sounded a bit like you, Mistress Yuna.

Yuna: Hmph, of course my servants would start to sound like me once they've been around me for too long! And why are you calling me, 'Mistress'?!

Kimahri: Inn, we should go to.

Wakka: Wah! Kimahri said something intelligent for once!

All: _(Stares at Wakka)_

Wakka: …What?

_(Enter the inn using the exit on the left. While inside the inn, Rikku tells everyone about her lightning phobia.)_

Rikku: Ok, ok. Are you all ready? It's going to be a scary one…

Tidus: …How does a scary story relate to your phobia?

Auron: O-or mine!? _(Quivers)_

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Rikku: Well, I'm telling it to you **honestly,** not some crazy loser story!

Auron: B-but mines is simple! Short and simple…yea, that's it… _(He rocks himself back and forth as everyone backs up from him.)_

Rikku: Ok, anyway. Let me continue with a regular trip to Djose Beach. I was just swimming innocently in my adorable little tankini that I had just picked out the day before!

All: … _What does that have to do with the story…?_

Rikku: But anyway, let's continue. After I jumped into the water with my father snapping pictures of me for my personal album…

All: _…Again…_

Rikku: But that doesn't matter! Actually, when I jumped into the water, I felt something wrapping around my silky stubby little legs…

Auron: _(Starts screaming and then passes out himself)_

Rikku: It was all slimy and icky and pulled me under the surface!

All: _(Gasps)_

Wakka: W-what did you do, Rikku?!

Rikku: Well, I struggled in the water for awhile when I opened my eyes to see that it was a jellyfish!

Lulu: But if it was a jellyfish, wouldn't you be dead already…?

Rikku: Oh! Umm…never mind, it wasn't a jellyfish then! It was an umm…uh…Shamu! Yeah, that's right. Shamu attacked me at the beach on that faithful day!!

Tidus: Umm…excuse me. But Shamu doesn't exist in Spira.

Yuna: What is this, a tall tale?!

Rikku: No, dammit! I swear it was Shamu!

Wakka: Maybe you went somewhere else, ya?

Kimahri: Djose have **piranhas.**

Rikku: …K-Kimahri…you're not helping one bit…

Yuna: Continue Rikku, because I fail to see what this story has to do with your condition right now.

Rikku: It's not a 'condition'! It's just a phobia that I'll be able to get over! _(Lightning strikes outside and she cowers again.)_

All: _So you think you will…_

Rikku: B-but…anyway! Yes, Kimahri, 'piranhas' attacked me at the beach! A whole swarm of them started gnawing at me like "Argh!"

Tidus: Ooh! Like a pirate?

Rikku: Umm…yes! Then a pirate came on his ship and grabbed me from behind!

Lulu: This whole story is ludicrous…

Rikku: N-no it isn't! Because then, my father stopped snapping pictures of me and then fainted! My brother though, he decided to try to be a hero and cast a Lightning spell!

Lulu: Ah, your brother knows his stuff.

Rikku: Umm…I guess he did…after he struck me along with the pirate and not the piranhas… It was just so…scary!

Auron: _(Wakes up)_ Did I miss something?

All: …

Rikku: And so, that is why Rikku is afraid of lightning to this very day.

Tidus: …_(Raises his hand)_

Rikku: Yes?

Tidus: What happened to the piranhas?

Rikku: …It got scared and swam away I guess…

Tidus: Ah, ok.

Yuna: …This story has made me al bored and tired. _(She yawns and goes up to the clerk at the desk.)_ I am going to take a room forcefully because I am Lord Braska's daughter, ok?

Clerk: Umm…alright, I guess?

Yuna: Thanks…**not!!** Ahahahaha! _(She skips inside to get herself a room.)_

All: _(Sweat drop)_

_(Rin then appears.)_

Rin: _(Sees Rikku)_ Ah…!

Rikku: Ssh…!!

Rin: _(Looks around)_ Oh, I see. _(He approaches Auron)_ Ah, Sir Auron! It is so great to see you.

Auron: …Exkii-san?!

Rin: Umm, no. You must be mistaken sir.

Auron: ….Oh…

Rin: I was a bit surprised when you left the inn in that **condition.**

Auron: Ssh! No one needs to know…

Rin: But you could've said something…so I can hand the bill to you personally. Ah! As a matter of fact, I have it on me right now! _(He digs into his pockets to pull out a piece of paper and hands it over to Auron.)_ This is the bill I've been meaning to give to you ten years ago, Sir Auron. _(He smiles)_ I've charged you for everyday that you haven't personally and physically checked out.

Auron: … Whoaaa…. Th-there must be some mistake here, Rin-san…

Rin: _(Shakes his head)_

Auron: …H-how about I give you one of my children?!

Tidus & Rikku: WHAT!?

Auron: L-like those two! _(He points to Tidus and Rikku)_ Those are the only blondes in our crew, so it's like a special offer!

Tidus: H-hey, I already have a father…

Rikku: M-me too!

Rin: I'm sorry, we do not accept slave labor like we used to in the old ages. It's either pure gil- or Visa, Mastercard, or Debit please.

Auron: _Sh-shit… I don't have anything like that! And as for Gil- Kimahri always held onto it... (He turns to look at Kimahri, who is browsing through books on the shelf.)_ U-umm…h-how about I give it to you tomorrow…?

Rin: Anytime is fine as long as you can pay it off. Ah, Tidus. How is your Al Bhed going along?

Tidus: My Al Bhed?

Wakka: _(Glares at him)_

Tidus: U-umm… Ahahah! It's funny you should ask, Rin. Cause it's going ok…

Rin: That's good. So here, take this and pursue the knowledge of the Al Bhed! _(He skips away, leaving Rikku, Tidus, and Wakka speechless.)_

Wakka: Tidus… What is this that I just heard about you learning Al Bhed…? _(Cracks his knuckles)_

Tidus: Ahahah…n-nothing… Rikku!! _(Hides behind her)_

Rikku: Hey! Don't bully Tidus just because he wants to expand his knowledge!

Tidus: Rikku…

Wakka: That's not the point!

Rikku: Then what is, huh?!  
Wakka: …_ (Frowns)_ It's just that…no one ever taught me anything new before… _(Cries)_

Rikku: _(Gasps)_ Oh! You poor dear! Wait, wait! Here's Trina! _(She takes out Wakka's doll with the same orange afro.)_ She says, "not to worry, Wakka"! Cheer up!

Wakka: _(Sniffles)_ Th-thank you, Trina…

Tidus: _(Sweat drop) Ok… I never knew Wakka was into dolls… Well, this is a good time to check up on Yuna... (He sneaks away)_

---  
_(As Tidus creeps around to look for Yuna's room, he hears something and sees a light coming from one room with an almost open door. He goes over to it full of curiosity and with his eyes brimming widely.)_

Tidus: God?!_ (He then falls into the room with Yuna chucking something out the window.)_

Yuna: T-Tidus… Ahah… What a surprise… _(She changes her nervous smile into a dangerous glare and malignant grin.)_ Well, I suppose we'll have to do something about this, won't we…? _(She takes out her whip again.)_

Tidus: W-wait, Yuna! I don't even know what that was all about!

Yuna: _(Stops)_ Oh, really? Well, let me brief you in on it then. That sphere was just Lord Jyscal's sphere, his last words to whomever it was that was supposed to have picked it up. He wanted the viewer to take care of his gay son, Seymour. Get it now?

Tidus: …**You're** going to take "care" of Seymour?

Yuna: You have a problem with that…?

Tidus: Uh…no…

Yuna: Then I'll take my leave. Hmph. _(She leaves the room and Tidus stands up to look out the window in search of Jyscal's sphere.)_

_(Wakka then comes in as Tidus is searching and grabs him in a Half-Nelson position and noogies him.)_

Wakka: I knew it! You were spying on Yuna, weren't you? Saw something good?

Tidus: What?! Wakka! I would never do such a thing! But I heard something el-…

Wakka: Yea, yea, yea. Save it for later, bud!

Tidus: Owie!

---  
_(The crew is gathered in the inn lobby once again. Rikku is still cowering a bit though.)_

Rikku: A-are you sure that we have to go? How about we stay a _little_ bit longer?

Auron: Don't follow if you're afraid then. _(He leaves)_

Tidus: I thought he was afraid too…?

_(Auron comes running back in, clinging onto Tidus' leg once again.)_

Auron: L-let's stay in here…

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Yuna: _(Sighs)_ You guys are so useless. I'm going to go ahead. Servants… _(She leaves)_

Rikku: Oh… I-I'm not afraid!

_(The lightning strikes and Rikku cowers again a bit, but stands up bravely and proclaims…)_

Rikku: I'm not afraid of you! No way! _(She runs outside with Tidus trailing after, dragging Auron with him.)_

---  
_(Continue outside along the road north until you reach another save sphere. Use that as well. After heading north a bit more after using the save sphere, Yuna will stop the whole crew in the middle of the road.)_

Rikku: What's wrong, Yunie?

Yuna: _(Turns to glare at her)_ My name…is not… 'Yunie' dammit…

Rikku: Kya!

Wakka: Umm…can't this wait til later?

Yuna: No! It can't! I have to say it now!

Lulu: Yuna…

Auron: _(Looks around and then points to a large sheltered tower)_ We'll go over there for the meanwhile.  
---  
Rikku: So…what is it…Yuna?

Yuna: …I'm going to marry Seymour…

Lulu: _(Sighs and rolls her eyes)_

Yuna: I saw that! _(She sighs as well.)_ But then I was thinking- if I did this, it would make everyone happy. I'll be the most respected woman in all of Spira as they celebrate and chant my name over and over again!

All: _She…she's sparkling…_

Yuna: So…I hope you won't mind…

All: …

Yuna: _(Glares)_ Do you?!

All: Oh no. Not at all! I mean, why would I? It's what Yuna-sama thinks is best for all of us! Just go along with it! I'm happy for you, Yunie!

Yuna: _(Glares at Rikku)_

Rikku: Kya!

Auron: But promise me one thing…

Yuna: Yes?

Auron: …That you won't quit your pilgrimage just for that little thing.

Yuna: …_(Vein pop)_ My marriage…is a 'little thing'…?

Auron: …Huh?

Yuna: I'll show you…what a 'little thing' is… _(Her eyes burn with fire as she cracks her whip.)_

Auron: KYA-A-A!! _(He runs away)_

All: … _(Sweat drop)_

Yuna: … _(She turns to the others) _Anyone **else** objects…?

All: _(Shakes heads in agreement)_

Yuna: Now, let's head towards Macalania Temple then! I'm going to give that Seymour Guado a piece of my **mind…** _(Her eyes glint)_

---  
Whoot. Another update because I was bored. XD Enjoy!


	19. The Serenade at Macalania Woods

**Disclaimer: **I still do not own anything Final Fantasy-related.

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**Act 19:** "The Serenade at Macalania Woods"- by Auron

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_(As the crew enters Macalania Woods, Auron slows down because Tidus was crying his little eyes out. He sighs.)_

Auron: Here, would you like to take my hand through this treacherous forest, **baby?** _(He lends his hand out)_

Tidus: R-really? _(He sniffles and is about to take Auron's hand- but the rest of the group is staring at him with anxious eyes. Tidus quickly rethinks about his decision and instead, slaps Auron's hand away, sniffles, and stands tall.)_ I don't need **your** sorry ass help! You're just doing that to make fun of me!

Auron: No, I'm not…!

Tidus: Well, I'm onto you, **Mister!** _(He sticks his nose out to the air and walks on proudly- but ends up tripping over a never-before-seen log!)_ D'oh!

Auron: _(Sighs)_ I was going to help him over that…

Tidus: But…but Auron! I need to talk to you about something…!

Auron: _(Comes back and crouches down next to him) _Is it about teenage pregnancy…?

Tidus: _(Vein pop)_ No, Auron… It's about Yuna's marriage.

Auron: Oh, that. Well, I've spoken to her about it.

Tidus: And…?

Auron: …She's decided to get pregnant with Seymour's sperm, the end. _(He tries to walk away quickly himself, but Tidus grabs onto his ankle, causing him to fall down as well.)_ Rawr! Why, you little…

Tidus: Why, **Mister!** Why?!

Auron: I was kidding, idiot. She says she's still getting married…but that's because of her own decision to negotiate something.

Tidus: What are they negotiating?

Auron: They're trying to decide who gets full custody of the child from their future sudden divorce.

Tidus: …You mean…Yuna and Seymour…**banged?** Oh, that's disgusting! Why can't she find a nice normal human man like every other girl?!

Yuna: I heard that! You better come over here before I blast your mother f'in ass! _(She points to them as the rest of the crew is shocked by her vocabulary.)_ What? I've been watching Ebonics lessons on youtube.

All: Oh…

_(Tidus gets himself back up and Auron whispers to him.)_

Auron: Remember, not a word…

Yuna: _(Glares at the two late arrivals.)_ Oh, running so late aren't you?

Rikku: Ooh! You're gonna get it! You know how Mistress Yunie is when you're dilly-dallying behind!

Yuna: Hmm… 'Mistress Yunie'- I like the sound of that. Plus five brownie points, slave!

Rikku: Tee hee! Thank you, Mistress! _(She bows)_

Lulu: _(Coughs) _Damnalbhedasskisser…

Rikku: Hey!

Yuna: You, slaves don't speak out of line!

Lulu: _(Rolls her eyes)_

Yuna: So, what were you talking about?

Auron: Uh…

Tidus: Umm…

Rikku: Ooh! Is it a "dirty little secret" between you two?

Yuna: Hmm…plus one for creativity!

Rikku: Yes! _(She turns to the rest of the "Slave" crew)_ I'm winning more points than all of you!

All: …We were having a contest? _(They stare back at Rikku)_

Rikku: …Oh, so it was a contest between me, myself, and Rikku 2?

All: …

Yuna: Anyhow…let us continue on so I may maul that Seymour- **personally.** _(She cracks her knuckles with a malicious grin)_

_(And so, the group continues on through Macalania Woods. Admire the scenery while you can folks- cause it'll be a long while before you can come back to enjoy it! Anyway, if you head over to your right, Lucil and Elma are blocking the entrance to the city of Bevelle, Yuna's birthplace.)_

Lucil: Lady Yuna, we've heard about your news! _(She swings her right arm across her chest)_ We congratulate you on behalf of the Chocobo Knights!

Yuna: _(Looks around)_ There's not even a half anymore…

Lucil: _(Sweat drop)_

Elma: So, it's true then, Lady Yuna? Like, oh my god! I am like, so excited for you! Tee hee!

All: …

Wakka: Uh…hi on Sin's toxin, ya?

Lucil: Oh dear, no. Elma's just a bit upset since Clasko dumped her.

All: …

Tidus: Wait a minute…Clasko actually got a **girl?** I always thought he was more into…you know, the chocolate birds.

All: …

Lucil: _(Sighs and shakes her head)_

Elma: Well, that's the reason he broke up with me, you dolt! It's all because of you!

All: _(Gasps)_

Tidus: W-what? How is it me?!

Auron: Yeah, I mean, he looks like a cho… …Oh. I see. Never mind, guys!

Tidus: What? I don't see! _(Pouts)_

Lucil: But anyway…Lady Yuna, I am sorry to inform you that you cannot pass through here. Your destination should be Macalania Temple, correct?

Yuna: Oh…are you telling me where I should be going now…?

Lucil: Umm…why…n-not at all, Lady Yuna!

Yuna: Really…? I thought I sensed a bit of **sarcasm** in your voice…Lucille Roberts.

Lulu: _(Smacks her forehead)_ That memory span of hers…

Lucil: …My name is, "Lucil", Lady Yuna.

Yuna: Oh, so now you're correcting me, eh? My, you have some nerve today, Lucy!

Lucil: _(Vein pop)_ It's…'Lucil'…ma'am…

Yuna: Correcting me again?! Why you little…!! _(She tried to lunge for Lucil, but Kimahri stops her in time to throw her over his shoulder and walks off back to the trail.)_ Argh! Stupid blue lion with a low paycheck!!

Kimahri: _(Scowls)_

Lucil: …I swear, you guys might have the wrong Yuna around…

Lulu: Oh, believe me you, I've been insisting that for a replacement, but they wouldn't give us one…

Lucil: Ah…I see. Well, may Yevon please be with you!

Lulu: Oh, I wish he was…

_(The rest of the crew continues on through the wood trails until Barthello shows up.)_

Barthello: Hey…! _(He runs up to them and then trips.)_

Tidus: Ooh…tripped over thin air? It's even worse than me!

Auron: Umm…no, it isn't. You tripped over a log we just placed there in a second.

Tidus: _(He starts whimpering)_ T-tell me that it isn't true!

Lulu: You were just the only one not to notice…

Wakka: Blondes, ya? Hahaha!

Tidus & Rikku: _(Touches their hair)_

Yuna: Oh, quiet you fools! We can't forget about this muscle man's sense of respect for noticing me, "Yuna, the Greatest Animal Master Tamer" in all of Spira! Ohohohohoho!!

All: … _(Sweat drop)_

Yuna: You may get up, fool.

Barthello: …Lady, if I was to be bowing, it would be to Sir Auron. He is the greatest Guardian alive, yo!

All: _'Yo'…?!_

Yuna: …It's Ebonics, guys.

All: Oh…

Auron: So, what is it, Barthello?

Barthello: Oh, sir Auron, it's terrible! Donna and I were just taking a stroll in the woods- until she disappeared!

Rikku: You mean…you lost her?

Barthello: Oh no. I could never lose Donna! She is the love of my life!

Yuna: _(Makes a funny face and points at him)_ Are you color blind…?

Lulu: Oh, Yuna. Color makes no difference. You just need glasses.

Yuna: Hey! Negative one hundred points!

Lulu: …Since when did I have that much…? _(Sweat drop)_

Auron: Calm down. Collect yourself. Panicking isn't going to get you anywhere… _(Note that he is speaking in monotone!)_

Tidus: Hey…those are things that Auron would never say to anyone!

Auron: No, just you.

Tidus: Ah! _(Cries in a corner)_

Barthello: _(He breathes deeply, and slowly collects himself)_ Y-you're right, Sir Auron. Gosh, you should start a Dr. Phil TV show in Spira!

Auron: Hmm…maybe I will…

Yuna: Hey! And quit your current job? I don't think so!

Auron: _(Sighs)_ I'll wait until the end… But you should start looking for her in the beginning.

Barthello: Yes, I will. Thank you so much, Sir Auron! _(He runs in the direction the crew just came from.)_

Rikku: You think he'll find her?

Wakka: Hmm…I don't know… I mean, have you seen his eyes? They're like, small, ya! He's probably the one that needs glasses! Haha!

All: _(Stares at him) Whoa…Wakka said something intelligent!!_

Wakka: Huh? What I do? Ooh! A butterfly! _(Chases it)_

All: _Never mind…it's still Wakka after all…_

Lulu: Hmm…I hope Yuna gets "lost" from us during this trip as well…

Yuna: Hey, you! No thinking out loud! Negative a hundred again!

Lulu: That's…really no more points then…

Kimahri: _(Nods in agreement)_

Tidus: Come to think about it, Kimahri, isn't that suit a bit hot?

Kimahri: No, but be it will soon.

Rikku: Yodalish?

Kimahri: _(Shakes his head)_

Tidus: Hey…I just noticed… How come we've never done a musical like all the other fan fictions around…?

Yuna: That's because you break windows. I heard you singing during that special chapter to Michael Jackson's song! It was **horrible!** You even broke my windows!

Tidus: Ah… Why can't we do one now?!

Auron: Ok, you want to do a song?! Then allow **me, **Empress Yuna! I shall express my feelings to my dear Exkii-san…

Yuna: _(Her eyes light up)_ 'Empress', huh… I like the sound of that. Plus sixty points!

Auron: _(He takes a microphone from nowhere, jumps onto a tree root, and snaps his finger to begin the background music to **Beyonce Knowle's Baby Boy**)_

_(Wakka ends up joining in to do **Sean Paul's** part…)_

**Auron – Baby Girl**

This Version by: Sean Paul

Wakka: _Not a bootleg!_

_A girl like her doesn't need you and she'd never cry and apologize_

_She dumped you right away- that was probably her policy, ya?_

_Wakka alongside- Sir Auron- Now hear what the man has to say!_

_Aurochs ya, Aurochs ya, Aurochs ya_

_Auron sing it now, man_

Auron: _Baby girl I need you_

_Fufill my erotic dreams_

(Wakka: _Keep telling her, man!_)

_I think about you all the time_

_I see you in my dreams_

_Baby girl not a day goes by_

_Without my erotic dreams_

_(C'mon Auron, tell her all about it!)_

_I think about you all the time_

_I see you in my dreams_

_Aah, ohh, my pride's been hurt, baby, no,_

_Yes, no, you hurt me too good, baby no,_

_I'm so, wrapped up in my beer, hold me close,  
help me breathe, come into my erotic dreams_

Wakka: _Ya, just give Auron the thing that really makes him alive_

_And he'll tell you all about the things that he's been dreaming about_

_He'll find his way to you every step of the way_

_He's going to follow his true feelings since they cannot be denied_

_Come check into an inn with him and you can get it amplified_

_But he knows it's not gonna be easy to get to you ya_

_And in the words of love he's got to get it certified_

_Or else this song wouldn't be worth doing, ya_

Auron: _Baby girl you stay on my mind_

_Fulfill my erotic dreams_

_I think about you all the time_

_I see you in my dreams_

_Baby girl not a day goes by_

_Without my erotic dreams_

_I think about you all the time_

_I see you in my dreams_

_We were just drinking together in that corner of the Luca café_

_Every time I close my eyes, it's like everyone else left, but you and me,_

_In our own little world, the music is that parrot/fox/fish trio, and the dance floor becomes Lake Macalania,_

_Feels, like, true paradise to me_

Chorus: _Baby girl you stay on his mind_

_Fulfill his erotic dreams_

_He thinks about you all the time_

_He sees you in his dreams_

_Baby girl not a day goes by_

_Without his erotic dreams_

_(by, by, by, by)_

_He thinks about you all the time_

_He sees you in his dreams_

_Baby girl you stay on his mind_

_Baby girl you are so damn fine_

_Baby girl why can't you be his?_

_Baby girl we want to stop this singing please!_

_Baby girl you stay on his mind_

_Baby girl you are so damn fine_

_Baby girl why can't you be his?_

_Baby girl we want to stop this singing please!_

Wakka: _Top, top- girl_

_You and him would've been a wrap- yes, you girl_

_Driving round town on a shoopuff with your top down- girl_

_You don't shock us- girl_

_Little more da Dutty- we'll rock Spira_

_Top, top- girl_

_You and him would've been a wrap- yes, you girl_

_Driving round town on a shoopuff with your top down- girl_

_You don't shock us- girl_

_Little more da Dutty- we'll rock Spira_

Auron: _Baby girl you stay on my mind_

_Fulfill my erotic dreams_

_I think about you all the time_

_I see you in my dreams_

_Baby girl not a day goes by_

_Without my erotic dreams_

_I think about you all the time_

_I see you in my dreams_

_I know you like me_

_I know you like me_

_So don't you fight it_

_So don't you fight it!_

_(After Auron and Wakka's song is done- the rest of the crew stares at them. The birds and crickets are heard.)_

Auron: …Wait, did all my inner thoughts of being sober all these years just come out…?

All: _(Nods)_

Auron: Aaw…I'm ruined!! _(He holds his head in his hands and cries)_

Exkii: Auron…

Auron: _(He quickly turns to see the authoress standing before him)_ E-Exkii-san! Y-you heard my song?

Exkii: _(Nods)_

Auron: D-did you like it? Were you touched?!

Exkii: …You have 'erotic dreams' about me…? That's…really disgusting.

Auron: … 'D-disgusting'…?

Exkii: Yea, and you sound like a total stalker. So please don't bother trying to call me or anything anymore. _(Bows and turns to the rest, bowing to them as well)_ Thank you for all your hard work.

All: Ah, no problem. _(Bows as well and she leaves)_

Auron: 'T-total stalker'…? _(He breaks down and cries)_

Yuna: …So, now that we all know that Auron's a total pedophile… Let's all continue…

All: Yea, I agree… _(They follow Yuna through the woods as Auron is left alone in his soberness)_

_(There is a mini game that will help in Kimahri's power-up of his ultimate weapon- The Butterfly Game, hosted by the parrot! Do not attempt to try this game now, do it later. When you hit that intersection with the Save Sphere nearby, Auron will tell the rest that there is something they must see.)_

Auron: I…I've always wanted to bring Exkii-san here… _(Sniffles)_

Yuna: Oh, quit whining already, stalker! What is it that you want us to see?

Auron: _(He sniffles every single piece of mucus and snot that he had left in his nasal passages, and then takes out his sword at the last intersection. He begins hacking away at the crystals that blocks the way. After he is done, he puts his sword away.)_ Come with me. _(He enters with everyone else following after him.)_

_(The group enters the frozen a beautiful crystal-frozen lake.)_

Auron: Th-this is umm…hmm, I forgot what I was going to say about this place… _(His index cards drop from the inside of his hanging sleeve.)_ Ah! Shimatta!

Rikku: _(Picks them up and starts reading from them)_ Apparently… "these crystal waters create the very spheres that we use. And…**fiends** are also attracted to this kind of place…" Huh? Why is that word highlighted and underlined so many times…?

_(The boss, Spherimorph, a blue blobby thing shows up from the waters.)_

All: _(Looks at Rikku)_

Rikku: Oh…I see now. Eh heh heh heh…

_(Engage in battle with Yuna as the Healer, Lulu as your Black Mage, and Rikku asd your Thief. The only reason a male character isn't out here is because physical attacks against this boss is useless, as only magic can weaken it. Well, you can use Wakka's Elemental Reels if you wish, but it'll be bad if you happen to hit the boss with an element that is in its favor! Yuna will of course be the Healer, and if your Aeons have Magic Spells, you can hit the boss with them. Lulu will be the one working most of the time, so make sure you keep her MP full. Rikku will be the Thief and the will use her Mix Overdrive to create elemental attacks to weaken the boss. _

_But first off, you need to aid all of your characters with Haste and Protect. Now, in order to figure out what element it is weak to, hit Spherimorph with a regular physical attack. He will counter with a spell of his own, leaving you to counter with the opposite. Keep doing this in order to figure out his weakness. Now, concerning those physical attacks of Spherimorph's…Protect should do a pretty decent job protecting you against it. His regular Stomp attack will attack one character, but his Press attack is what you have to look out for. It attacks all of your characters, and if hasted, have a higher chance of evading it. Now, after you are done…let us continue with the scene!)_

Rikku: W-whoa… That monster almost gave me a heart attack…

Yuna: Ooh, look! There's something shiny in the water! _(She immediately runs for it)_

All: …

Lulu: Maybe that fiend should've eaten her up…

All: _(Nods)_

Lulu: Oh, so we're back in the alliance now?

Yuna: You guys, stop quarreling over who's my favorite! I'm gonna drown…!! _(She beats her arms against the water like crazy)_

Rikku: Ah, Yuna-sama! You can touch the bottom y'know! _(She walks into the water and picks up the sphere)_ Ooh, I wonder what this is…

_(Everyone else approaches)_

Tidus: Turn it on.

_(Rikku does so.)_

_(The sphere shows Braska and Auron- and a familiar voice behind the works...)_

_Jecht: Ah ha! These things are fun, don't ya think?_

_Auron: Quit disrespecting his Lord Braska with your incoherent words, you imbecile!_

_Jecht: Huh? Wha…? Why are you speaking in such difficult words, Auron? Lighten up already! You've been as a stiff as a tree trunk ever since I came along._

_Braska: Ahaha. You two, stop fighting. We are all friends on the journey for a sole cause!_

_Auron: Ah, Lord Braska… I've been waiting for those wor-…_

_Braska: And besides, we're here to honor me, Lord Braska, the Greatest Master of Animal Tamers alive! I'll show all those other Summoners who the greatest truly is! Ahahahah!_

_Jecht: ... Uh, who are you?_

_Auron: You, hush! How could you understand Lord Braska's ambition as well as he does himself?_

_Braska: Yes, that is right you two. I am truly the greatest of the greatest, since I understand the nonsense that I am spouting! Ahahahaha! Onwards, troop of two pathetic men!_

_Auron: Ah, yes, Lord Braska! I'll follow you to the end of the world!_

_Jecht: Tch, boring fools. … (He takes a look at the sphere he was directing with and then turns it onto himself) Hello, son! Hey, if you've already seen the sphere that I've left here (including others)…then you must already be in Spira. Yup yup. Oh, and uh, boy… I uh…umm… …Ah, never mind. Just come visit me soon, alright? _

_(The sphere is turned off and Auron learns his second Overdrive, Shooting Star. Auron learns Overdrives by the amount of spheres that you collect throughout Spira that contains Braska, Auron, and Jecht's moments together. Good luck on finding them all!)_

Auron: Whoa… I feel incredible power surging through me! I feel like a new man!

Tidus: Uh…too much miracle pills for the middle-aged men?

All: _(Giggles)_

Auron: Hey, shut up! We don't have any of those here in Spira!

All: …

Auron: Umm…I mean… Ahem, let us continue guys.

Lulu: Now I know where Yuna got that attitude of hers…

Wakka: I agree, ya. It's crazy how genetics can mess you up, mon! Haha!

Yuna: Hey, you two! Minus two hundred points!

Wakka: Gah, that's a lot, ya?

Yuna: But yes, nevertheless, we should leave and continue onto our goal since we are so ever close! Onwards, troop! _(She leaves with everyone else but Tidus and Auron)_

Auron: Jecht, he really loved you.

Tidus: Eew, what's up with that kind of homoerotic love?

Auron: …God dammit child, don't you know the difference between homosexual and fatherly love?!

Tidus: _(Shrugs)_ Who knows? I've never been around him long enough to understand what "fatherly love" is.

Auron: Hey, if you really gay, he would be upset then.

Tidus: What?! But I'm not!

Auron: Uh huh, Wakka told me how you looked at all those men in the locker room. _(He leaves)_

Tidus: W-what? That's a lie! You heard me?! _(He leaves as well.)_

_(Use the Save Sphere before leaving to Lake Macalania.)_

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Whoa, the first update of the year, o7! Enjoy!


	20. Quarrel at Lake Macalania

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything related to Final Fantasy X- all rights are reserved to Square Enix.

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**Act 20:** Quarrel at Lake Macalania

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_(As the crew enters the Lake, Yuna is sneezing, sniffling, and rubbing both her arms at the same time to maintain heat.)_

Yuna: _(Sniffles)_ W-what kind of a place is this? I never knew Spira had a freezer!

Lulu: Apparently, Yuna, this is Lake Macalania- a place close to the temple of ice.

Yuna: Well, I knew **that.** I just mean figuratively, why Spira has such a place like this! You've obviously never had a hearing test done when you were little.

_(Lulu's vein pops as she tries to lunge for Yuna from behind, but Tidus and Wakka holds her back.)_

Lulu: Let…go of me…!!

Tidus: N-no, Lulu! Don't do it, Lulu! She has a baby inside of her, Lulu!

Lulu: What are you talking about?! And why do you keep repeating my name so many times?!

Wakka: Lu…

Lulu: What?!

Wakka: …Did your breasts get bigger? _(He's staring intently at Lulu's chest)_

Lulu: _(Her eyes begin to burn with a strange fire as Wakka's hair is lit.)_ Oh dear, Wakka, your hair is on **fire.** _(She smiles)_

Wakka: Huh, what? _(Sniffs the air with all his might and lets go of Lulu)_ Umm…I don't smell anything, ya?

Tidus: _(Lets go and does the same)_ Me neither.

Yuna: Neither can I!

Rikku: That's because you caught a one second cold, Mistress!

Yuna: Quiet, fool!

Auron: _(He is currently reading a newspaper article about Squall's second job and then looks up at them.) _Oh, Wakka, your hair is on fire. I can smell that shampoo a mile away.

Wakka: Huh? What? You know about my secretly scented shampoo from the Bahamas; the famous scent, Coconut Lime?! Ahh! _(He runs around in a panic as the wind blowing throughout the area increases the size of the flame on his head.)_ Aah! It's digging into my scalp! Help me, guys!!

All: Kya! _(They run away from Wakka's burning hair)_

Auron: _(Sighs and shakes his head. He throws his newspaper to the side, grabs Wakka by his collar, and shoves his head into a pile of snow. Smoke starts rising from the top of the snow pile. He lets go of Wakka and claps his hand together.) _Well then, we're done with him, aren't we?

Wakka: _(Picks his head back up and sneezes)_ Th-th-th-thank you, Sir Auron!

Auron: _(He shines as he grins)_ Anytime, poor peasant boy who can't afford any money to buy **real** shampoo! I mean, that's why my hair's so luscious! _(A bald spot on his head shines.)_

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Yuna: Isn't that because you secretly buy **Rogaine for Men** which is expired since they're secretly half-priced?

Auron: Ack…! H-how absurd!!

Tidus: Hey, it's that word again! _(Giggles)_ 'Ab-surd'. Heheh!

All: …

Tidus: Ooh, look, a chocolate bird! _(He runs over to Clasko with his Chocobo in the corner near the Al Bhed rest stop.)_

All: _(They follow Tidus as well.)_

Clasko: Oh, it's Lady Yuna and Tidus!

Tidus: Wow, normally, no one would notice me right behind Yuna.

Clasko: Heheh. Well, that's because… _(He kicks the snow up on the floor while looking down.)_

All: … _(Snickers)_

Tidus: Huh? Hey! What's wrong with noticing the main character for once?!

Yuna: Oh, grow up, chicken boy. _(Laughs)_ Anyhow, why are you here, Clasko?

Clasko: Oh, well, Captain Lucil and Elma left me behind again with this little guy.

Lulu: 'Little'?

Clasko: And well, I'm thinking about quitting the Chocobo Knights. I mean, there's no point in making birds bang when there's only one of him left, right? And the Mi'ihen Highroad doesn't have anymore left since we were the ones to take them.

Rikku: _(Gasps)_ So you were the one to destroy all those Chocobos' bright futures!

Chocobo: _(Licks the icicles that has formed on the top of the inn and gets its tongue stuck)_

Rikku: Oh, umm… Never mind.

Clasko: But lately, I've been thinking that in order for these birds to regain prosperity, I should become a Chocobo Breeder! What do you guys think?

Yuna: _(Looks at Clasko and then at Tidus)_ Sorry, I need him for a scene later.

Rikku: I think whatever Mistress Yunie thinks!

Lulu: Go for it.

Wakka: I dunno, ya! Why don't you blitz instead?

Kimahri: _(Looks away)_

Auron: I think you should become a Chocobo Breeder. After all, you would be the first and only, right?

Tidus: Yea, I guess.

Clasko: Ok! Thanks guys! I think I will.

_(You may go inside the inn to prepare for your next battle with some shopping, or proceed by going past the inn to encounter Tromell and his Guados.)_

Tromell: Lady Yuna, on behalf of the people, I have come here to pick you up. It is tradition.

Yuna: Hmph, well, I guess I have to give the people what they want, right?

Tromell: Umm, excuse me?

Yuna: Very well, I shall go along with you! Are we going to roll in style?

Tromell: Lady Yuna! What kind of profane words are these? Who taught you these violent things? _(He looks at the crew, who immediately looks away from Tromell.)_ But anyhow, I am sure that we will be able to **educate** you correctly once you have become Lord Seymour's wife. Now come, we shall be on our way.

Yuna: Hold up! I have a question for Seymour before we officially get "married". _(She looks at Auron, who nods at her to proceed with the question.)_ Will he…let me continue my pilgrimage once we get married?

Tromell: Why, of course! Lord Seymour cares for nothing more than your happiness. He will gladly agree to your terms. Now come, we are wasting time. _(He grabs Yuna's hand and begins taking her away.)_

Yuna: Ah!

Tidus: H-hey! You shouldn't be doing such a thing like that to a lady!

Voice: Dryd ec nekrd! Ihryht dra muja uv so meva, dra mujamo myto Yuna- ann... E sayh...zicd Myto_ Yuna_! Ihryht ran, oui vuum! (That is right! Unhand the love of my life, the lovely lady Yuna- err... I mean...just Lady Yuna! Unhand her, you fool!)

_(Everyone turns to see that same blonde Mohawk guy all the way from Chapter 2! He stands with a positive pose of a hero figure, perhaps Superman, with his finger pointing at Tromell. Everyone except for Tidus and Rikku tilts their heads to the side.)_

Tidus & Rikku: Ah! You!! _(Points back at him)_

All: …Umm, who are you?

_(The mysterious arrival falls anime style and then regains his composure in a matter of minutes. He chuckles lowly and stands up triumphantly once again, pointing back at Tromell.)_

Mohawk Guy: Hajan seht fru E ys, oui ajem tuan! E crymm mepanyda ouin vnaatus, Myto Yuna!! (Never mind who I am, you evil doer! I shall liberate your freedom, Lady Yuna!!)

Rikku: Oh no…

Tidus: What?

Rikku: He thinks Tromell is trying to hurt Mistress Yunie, and he's having one of his superhero fantasies again!

Tidus: What? He has that?! I do too! Who does he think he is now?

Rikku: Uh…Superman!

Mohawk Guy: Huf, E crymm mayja oui fedr y meddma bnacahd uv so ufh... Yddylg! (Now, I shall leave you with a little present of my own... Attack!)

_(A macchina appears from behind the man, knocks him out of the way, and jumps in front of the crew.)_

Tidus: Gya! What the heck is that?!

Wakka: Ah, damn those stupid machines!!

Auron: _(He turns to Tromell)_ Leave.

Tromell: Y-yes, come along now, Lady Yuna. _(He tries to drag Yuna with him to be on their way, but Yuna refuses to leave. She pushes Tromell away and runs back to the rest of the crew.)_ Lady Yuna!

Yuna: Guys, I came over to help you!

All: …

Yuna: Umm, what is it?

Tidus: Since when would Yuna change her mind and help us…?

Lulu: Yes, I was about to say that.

Yuna: Oh, never mind that you fool! Although I'm blessing you with my powers, you don't seem to be grateful at all!

Tidus: Ah, there's our Yuna…

_(Engage into battle with this machine, the big one, Crawler, and the flying thingy- Negator. Negator's sole purpose is to negate all magic and summons on the field. That means no spells can be cast and no Aeons can be called out. This is a problem for Yuna, who we usually need to stay out for the party's health. What we want to do first is get rid of Negator with Wakka's ball using the Thunder Elemental Reels, Rikku's Grenades, and using Tidus's Cheer to help defend against the Crawler's physical attacks. Once Negator has been destroyed, call Yuna out to summon her Aeons to attack. And, of course, to heal if needed and to cast Protect on your crew. _

_Oh, and please make sure to cast Haste as well since another Negator will appear to aid Crawler. When all of Yuna's Aeons are down and out, and Negator is still out, call Lulu out to cast Thunder spells. _

_When Negator returns, replace Tidus with Auron to use his Armor Break on Crawler to reduce the defense points that he has. Now, speaking about Crawler, his main attack is Assault, which deals around 800 damage to everyone. But once in awhile, when Crawler begins charging itself, it will release a devastating Mana Beam, which will wipe everyone out if not fully healed and well-protected against. So when you have one last turn before Crawler releases the devastating attack, put everyone in defense to reduce damage. If you've survived that attack, good job, now you have to reheal and recast spells once Negator is gone! But let's take a look during the battle...)_

Tidus: Whoa, is that a U.F.O. flying above Crawler's head?

Rikku: No, idiot! That's Negator, it negates all the hocus pocus we can use!

Wakka: Hey…why do you know so much about that macchina…?

Rikku: Huh? What? Oh, did I say anything about that? Heheh… I mean, yes, it's Big Brother! We have to get rid of it before it reports back to Bevelle that your hair is a wig right now, Wakka!

Wakka: Eek! The government will know about it?!

Rikku: A-and, Tidus, we have to get rid of it before the government knows that you have a Michael Jackson shrine in your closet!

Tidus: W-what? How'd you know about that anyway?!

Rikku: Eheh… Well, let me throw a little **something** at it… _(Her eyes glint and she grins maliciously, pulling the pin off a grenade in her hands.)_

Wakka: R-Rikku…where'd you get something so dangerous?

Rikku: Hmm? Oh, it's a present from Home! I was in the army before I came out to Spira.

Wakka: Oh…

Rikku: Now, take cover guys! _(She tosses the grenade at the enemies, which destroys the Negator.)_ Yunie, you can cast magic and summon Aeons now!

_(Yuna knocks Tidus out cold with her rod and drags him off into the snow. She shows up with an innocent smile on her face and summons Ixion. As she prays for Ixion to appear with both her hands clasped around her rod, she swings it into the air to summon the portal where Ixion's horn appears. Yuna begins to pull and pull, but Ixion wouldn't appear!)_

Yuna: H-hey! What's up with this stupid horse?! Why won't he come out?

Rikku: _(She hides behind Wakka as the lightning and thunder strikes)_ Eek! M-Mistress Yunie, maybe he's afraid of lightning! Eek!!

Yuna: You imbecile, how can he be afraid of his own element? Come on out, you stupid horse!! _(She pulls and pulls again, and finally, Ixion jumps out of the portal and the lightning gathers around his hooves. He rears into the air and neighs.)_ F-finally, you heavy beast! Hurry up and destroy that thing!

Ixion: _(Glares at Yuna and strikes her with a lightning bolt)_

Yuna: Ah! _(She runs around and forgets she can cast Nullshock on herself)_ Ahah! Fool! Hurry up and use Thors' Hammer on it!

Ixion: _(Neighs again and begins charging for his attack, throwing Crawler up into the air and holding it up with lightning- and then turning to Yuna to prepare to throw her up along with the rocks as part of the attack)_

Yuna: W-what are you doing? H-help you two! Save me already!!

Rikku: Ah, Mistress Yunie…!! _(She goes over to try to console the pony and occasionally falls to her knees as the lightning continues to strike.)_

_(It takes about half an hour to calm the pony down as Tidus intelligently suggested giving him a carrot, and finally Ixion completes his attack… Yuna though, is left with electrified hair and a black face after the battle.)_

Mohawk Guy: Rikku, ruf tyna oui tu cilr y drehk! Fyed ihdem E damm vydran! (Rikku, how dare you do such a thing! Wait until I tell father!)

Rikku: Pnudran, oui'na fnuhk! E ys huf Yuna's guardian. E femm ahcina ran cyvado uh ran zuinhao. Cu fedr sa ynuiht, cra femm tavehedamo hud pa eh tyhkan mega dra udranc! ku yrayt yht damm vydran drec drah. (Brother, you're wrong! I am now Yuna's Guardian. I will ensure her safety on her journey. So with me around, she will definitely not be in danger like the others! Go ahead and tell father this then.)

Brother: Cra paddan syga ed eh uha beala, un amca... (She better make it in one piece, or else... ) _(He craks his knuckles and points to Rikku, and makes his exit.)_

Rikku: There, everything should be fine now.

Wakka: Rikku, how come you know Al Bhed…?

Rikku: Hmm? Isn't it obvious just seeing that little scene?

Wakka: …

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ Please help her out dear, Wakka's always been on the slow side.

Kimahri: _(Nods in agreement)_

Rikku: Well, that's because I'm Al Bhed.

Wakka: What? Absurd! How could you deceive me?!

Tidus: Whoa, watch out guys, Wakka knows another word!

Wakka: Argh… That should be my line! Shut up, wuss!

Tidus: _(Gasps)_ W-why are you dragging me into this?!

Wakka: You two- no… _(He looks at Yuna, Lulu, and Auron as well.)_ **All** of you have been deceiving me! How could you…?

Yuna: That's because I get an extra slave.

Lulu: We asked Yuna.

Auron: Ditto.

Wakka: Disgusting…all of you guys are disgusting… _(He looks at Rikku.)_

Rikku: H-hey! Why are you insulting my race all of a sudden? What about your stupid wig?!

Wakka: _(Gasps)_ You promised not to mention that to anyone!! _(He holds his wig down.)_ And besides, it's your peoples' fault that Sin arose! It's because of all that stupid macchina that you people create that Sin is still in power. Yevon said that…-

Rikku: Argh! "Yevon this", "Yevon that"- can't you ever think for yourself for once?! You follow this thing that you've never seen like blind devotion, and immediately think that it's right! No wonder your head is full of nothing but coconuts!

Wakka: Hey, don't insult Yevon, you miscreant!

Rikku: _(Growls)_ Go kiss a squirrel, Wakka!

Tidus: I've done that before!

All: _(Stares at Tidus)_

Tidus: …Umm, I mean… Yeah, Wakka! Kiss a squirrel! _(Looks away)_

Tromell: Now, Lady Yuna…that was quite dangerous! Shall we go now?

Yuna: Hmm? Ah, oh yes. We shall. See y'all later! _(She waves and goes off with Tromell.)_

Tidus: Hey, how are **we** getting to the temple then?

Rikku: _(She looks around and sees the flying motorcycles that were left behind by the Al Bheds)_ Ah! They left these here. _(She heads over to them.) _Oh…they're a bit broken…

Wakka: Hah, unreliable now, aren't they?

Rikku: Hey, go kiss a squirrel already! I can fix this!

Wakka: Fine, I will! In fact, I'll find a holy squirrel at the temple, because I'm leaving! Hmph! _(He runs towards the temple)_

Tidus: Ah, Wakka!  
Lulu: Forget about him, Tidus. Wakka has the worst temper ever, like a child.

Auron: You've got that right.

_(Rikku fixes the flying motorcycles and the crew is off now. Tidus is riding with Lulu while Kimahri is with Rikku, and Auron is alone.)_

Tidus: So, why is it that Wakka hates the Al Bhed so much? Did you see the look on his face when he found out that Rikku is an Al Bhed!

Lulu: Well, it obviously has to do with Chappu's death because of Sin. You know Wakka, always blaming it on the Al Bheds with the macchina that gave birth to Sin. He's really way religious for our taste. _(Holds onto Tidus tighter)_

Tidus: _(Blushes)_ Umm…L-lulu…

Lulu: Hmm?

Tidus: A-aren't you being a bit promiscuous right now…?

Lulu: …Did you just say something intelligent right now…?

Tidus: So you are?!

Lulu: No, fool! _(She hits him on the back of the head)_

Tidus: Oww!

Lulu: Shut up and keep driving!

Tidus: Yes, ma'am…

_(And now, the crew is on their way to Macalania Temple, where Yuna will meet with Seymour. And along the way, they see Wakka- and Auron being the drunk that he is- accidentally runs him over.)_

Auron: O-oops. _(Hic)_

…_Yes, better luck next time, Wakka…  
_---


	21. Give it to Her

**Disclaimer:** Everything of Final Fantasy X does not belong to me. All rights are reserved to Square Enix.

---  
**Act 21:** "Give it to Her" – by Rikku

---

_(The crew gets off of their flying motorcycles to enter Macalania Temple. Two Guados stop Tidus who is leading the crew from entering.)_

Tidus: H-hey! What's the big deal?!

Guado #1: Are you on the V.I.P. list?

Tidus: Excuse me?

Guado #2: We can't let anyone in if they're not on the list. _(He eyes Tidus.)_

Tidus: Since when was there a list to enter a temple? I always waltzed in whenever I felt like it, like back at Besaid Temple! Right, Wakka? _(He turns to his Jamaican buddy for support.)_

Wakka: _(He comes crawling across the rug, covered in bruises and bandages.)_ Y-yes… That is…true…!! _(Faints)_

Rikku: Hey guys, shouldn't we…

Auron: No time, Rikku! It's his fault he wasn't using the pedestrian lane!

Lulu: _(Raises an eyebrow)_ Since when was there room in those crevasses to walk on?!

Auron: There never was, but he should've taken the detour! _(He approaches the Guados and clears his throat.)_ Auron, Sir Auron. I should've been on the list from 7 years ago.

Guado #1: _(Checks the list and nods)_ Alright, Sir Auron, you're in. Please have a good time. _(Claps his hand to let the doors open)_

Auron: Heheh. Well then, see ya suckers! _(He waves to the rest of the crew and runs into the temple. The doors close after he had entered.)_

Rikku: H-hey! Why can't we go in with him?

Tidus: Yeah! We're his homies!

Lulu: I definitely am not part of that vulgar crew…

Kimahri: _(Nods his head in agreement)_

Rikku: Dammit Kimahri, can't you anything else except for nodding your head to agree with Lulu?!

Kimahri: _(Thinks for a moment and then approaches the Guados. He glares at them and throws them one by one behind the crew, piling up on top of Wakka.)_ Please do. _(Grins and lets himself inside)_

All: …

Rikku: Hmm, I guess he can! _(She follows Kimahri inside.)_

Lulu: Well, I guess we can go in now since the doors are open. _(She starts walking towards the doors.)_

Tidus: Wait! What about Wakka?

Lulu: Hmm? _(She turns back to Tidus and looks at poor Wakka who has been knocked the hell out by Auron's reckless drunk driving, and the additional weight.)_ Oh, well, you can handle it, can't you? After all, you **are** the hero of the story. See ya inside! _(She enters as well, leaving Tidus _thinking_ about what to do about Wakka.)_

_(When Tidus had decided to carry Wakka on his back inside to the temple, his mouth dropped, his eyes went in awe, and he dropped Wakka as well.)_

Tidus: Holy…sh!

_(The whole temple was a club filled with music, drinks, girls, boys, Guados, priests, and whatever race you can name! Everyone else except for Auron from the crew was stunned as well.)_

Rikku: _(Raises her eyebrow)_ This is my first time being in a temple- but is **this** how it's supposed to be?

Lulu: No, only this one… _(Sighs)_ It must be Maester Seymour's way of celebrating his marriage with Yuna.

Tidus: _(Joins the rest of the crew, forgetting that Wakka was out on the floor)_ Hey, where's Auron?

_(The rest of the crew directs Tidus's attention to the stage, where Auron was trying to sing to his version of the song, **Baby Boy** again- but the bouncers are trying to pull him off. The music starts changing to **Nelly Furtado's Give it to Me** right after Auron has been successfully removed.)_

Rikku: _(Her eyes light up)_ Oh my god! I know this song!! Tidus, Wakka, and I always listen to this whenever we go to our swimming lessons!!

Lulu: _(Raises her eyebrow)_ I thought you three already knew how to swim…

Kimahri: Lie?

Rikku: Oh! Uh…

Tidus: N-no! We would never do such a thing! But hey, we're always the one fighting underwater, so why are you complaining?

Lulu: Hmm…true.

_(Wakka regains consciousness and makes his way up on stage, grabbing a nearby microphone. He clears his throat and looks at Tidus and Rikku.)_

Tidus: Hey, Wakka's alive!

Rikku: Ooh! He wants us to join him! Let's go, Tidus! _(She drags Tidus along to the stage to start the song.)_

Lulu: …Well, I guess Kimahri would be the only one without a song in this fanfiction.

Kimahri: _(Frowns)_

_(Rikku will do Nelly Furtado's part, Tidus will be Justin Timberlake, and Wakka once again does the rap- but this time, by Timbaland!)_

**Rikku – Give it to Her**

Rikku: _She's the type of girl that'll spit in your eye (eye)_

_She's as real as they come like those back in Lincoln's time_

_Seen ya try to creep away, but girl it ain't gonna happen_

_She's the slave woman, she's gonna get her wand_

_She's the summoner and master, si, master_

_Insults to each of us, got Tidus and Wakka on lock_

_You love her push up chest and small ass on the widescreen back at Luca_

_Her style is awfully cruel_

Chorus (Rikku): _If you see us in the club, we'll be badmouthing Yuna_

_If you see us on the floor, we'll finally be drinking all night_

_We can't even hurt nobody_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

_Wanna see her work her body_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

Wakka: _When Wakka is in the party nobody recognizes him_

_It's all because I have a wig for my hair, and everyone else is just all real_

_Never gonna see the day when I'll have beautiful hair_

_I'm respected from Besa-i-d, way down to Luca_

_I'm a real ball player and you just the benchwarmer_

_Your play gonna top the charts, I saw em, I'm not a fan_

_Aurochs talkin' easy, I'm the one who showed them how to talk like that_

_Somebody need to tell them they can't rock the speech like I can_

Chorus: _If you see us in the club, we'll be badmouthing Yuna_

_If you see us on the floor, we'll finally be drinking all night_

_We can't even hurt nobody_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

_Wanna see her work her body_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

Tidus: _Could you quit yelling, I can hear you just fine_

_I don't think you understand how I feel_

_Sitting on top, you can never hear us on the bottom_

_I saw you tryin' to act cute on tv just let me clear it for the press_

_We missed you on the Spiral Idol magazine last week_

_Damn, that's right, you would never be there_

_If "sexy" never left, then why's everybody bashing on me?_

_Don't hate on me just because I'm pretty, thanks to mom_

_So if you see us in the club, go on and pretend you never saw us!_

'_Cuz our run will then be over, and Yuna'll beat us so bad!_

Chorus: _If you see us in the club, we'll be badmouthing Yuna_

_If you see us on the floor, we'll finally be drinking all night_

_We can't even hurt nobody_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

_Wanna see her work her body_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

_If you see us in the club, we'll be badmouthing Yuna_

_If you see us on the floor, we'll finally be drinking all night_

_We can't even hurt nobody_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

_Wanna see her work her body_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

_If you see us in the club, we'll be badmouthing Yuna_

_If you see us on the floor, we'll finally be drinking all night_

_We can't even hurt nobody_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

_Wanna see her work her body_

_So give it to her, give it to her, give it to her_

_(The people in the club applauds and cheers for the trio on stage. The three gets off and rejoins Lulu and Kimahri.)_

Tidus: Hey, you know, if Yuna saw us doing our number up there, she would beat us up so badly! Haha!

Lulu: That's true, she would scratch your face out so badly, and that no one would ever recognize who you are.

All: _(Laughs)_

Tidus: _(Stops laughing)_ Hey…wait a minute!

_(Tromell then approaches the crew.)_

Tromell: Ah, here you guys are! Thank you for helping me out earlier…

Tidus: Hmm? We were?

Tromell: Yes, and as a token of my appreciation, please take this. _(He gives the crew a Shell Targe.)_

Rikku: Weren't we just doing that so we wouldn't get beat up ourselves…?

Wakka: Yeah, by Al Bhed macchina!

Rikku: Shut up! Why didn't you kiss that squirrel yet?!

_(Shelinda then approaches the crew.)_

Shelinda: Oh, you all made it! Isn't this a joyous occasion? All the Guados are celebrating so wildly!

Lulu: _(Sniffs the air)_ Shelinda, are you drunk?

Shelinda: Huh? Me? Get outta here! A Yevon worshipper would never do such a thing! Hic! _(Tosses the wine glass aside)_

All: _(Sweat drop)_

_(Auron then appears.)_

Auron: Yo, what's up? I heard you three doing a song just now. Did you honestly think that you would beat my song back at the woods?

Rikku: Uh, obviously, yes! Your song was about being a pervert!

Auron: _(Gasps)_ I am **not** a pervert!

_(A scream then pierces the air, a nun steps out of the room with a frightened look on her face. She falls on all fours.)_

Nun: I-in Lady Yuna's things… Lord Jyscal…!

All: What? _(They begin to panic.)_

Tidus: 'Lord Jyscal'? Wasn't he that guy back at the Farplane?

Auron: This isn't good then. Let's go see what she's talking about.

_(Everyone runs inside the room where the nun has exited.)_

Tidus: Hey! It's that sphere… _(Picks it up)_

Wakka: Well, turn it on!

Tidus: _(Turns it on to show Lord Jyscal on it.)_

Rikku: Whoa…it's like the real thing!

Wakka: Hmph. Uneducated buffoons…

Rikku: Hey! Stop it already!

Jyscal: Whoever is viewing this sphere means that I will have already left this world.

Tidus: _(Gasps) _It can't be!

Jyscal: However, my death had only one cause…which is the assassination dealt by my own son, Seymour!

Wakka: _(Screams)_ W-why would Maester Seymour do such a thing? Lord Jyscal was obviously lying!

Rikku: Why are you such an ignoramus?!

Jyscal: I can see the evilness in his heart. It is my fault for making him this way since he had no choice from the beginning. The way he was treated during his life was quite harsh, and proved to be hurtful to his development as a child to an adolescent as you can see here now.

Tidus: …What? Those are such difficult words!

Jyscal: So now, I implore you…please stop Seymour! Otherwise, he will bring destruction to the world…!

_(The sphere ends and Tidus stands up.)_

Tidus: Hey guys, doesn't that mean Yuna is alone…with a killer?

All: …

Rikku: Ah! Brother's going to be mad at me if she doesn't come home alive! Let's go, comrades!

Wakka: Oh, so now you're a communist!

Rikku: I'm just saying that each and everyone of us are equal when Yunie's not around! Why can't you accept what I'm saying for once, dammit?!

Wakka: Cause… …Hmm, you're right. Why don't I just listen to what you say for once…?

Lulu: Save the arguing for later. If Yuna is, let's just say- is "dead", wouldn't she come back and haunt everyone of us?

All: _(Thinks about it and frowns) I don't want that to happen…!!_

_(Go to the back of the room to open a chest. The crew will then immediately rush back outside to try to enter the Chamber of the Fayth, where the priests were already thrown to the sides by Kimahri.)_

Tidus: _(Whistles)_ Wow, Kimahri knows how to kung-fu fight!

Rikku: So he **can** do something else!

Auron: I never knew Squall was trained to do such a thing…

Lulu: Well, he **is** a SeeD.

Wakka: _(Starts humming to the tune of Kung-Fu Fighting)_

_(As the crew enters the path that will lead to the Chamber of the Fayth, Tidus stops and Auron turns to him.)_

Auron: Why aren't you moving? Yuna is in danger!

Tidus: Since when did **you** care?

Auron: Ever since I thought about all the possibilities that would happen if she was to haunt me! _(Shudders)_

Tidus: Oh… _(Shudders as well)_

Auron: And besides, it is our job as Guardians to protect our Summoners from **anyone-** even if he is a Maester.

Tidus: Oh, you're right. Let's go! _(He follows after Auron into the Chamber of the Fayth.)_

_(Inside the Chamber of the Fayth, Seymour turns to the crew who had just entered. He smiles.)_

Seymour: So, did you enjoy the party?

Tidus: Yes, I did. Rikku, Wakka, and I got to do our song and… Hey, wait a minute! I'm onto you! Don't try to swindle me with your words! _(He points at him.)_

Lulu: He wasn't doing such a thing though… You're just simple-minded.

Tidus: Whose side are you on, Lulu?!

Auron: Where is Yuna?

Seymour: She's praying to the fayth inside.

Wakka: Maester Seymour! Why did you do such a thing?

Seymour: Hmm? What 'thing'?

Rikku: Admit it, you big meanie! You killed your own pops!

Seymour: …What if I did?

Wakka: _(Gasps and has a heart attack)_

All: _(Ignores him)_

Auron: So now that your plan is accomplished, what do you wish to do now?

Seymour: Well, first, I will get Yuna pregnant so we'll have an offspring to continue my family name of course. Unfortunately though, he'll end up being 1/3 Guado and 2/3 Human…

All: _He already has everything planned out…!!_

Seymour: …And after our child is born, I will divorce her and use her powers only to accomplish what I need to after I killed my father!

All: _An evil plan?!_

Tidus: W-wait a second! How come you're not as lame and gay as you usually are when we see you?! _(He points to him.)_

Seymour: Hmm? Whatever do you mean? I was always like… Ooh! Yuna-sama!

_(Yuna then comes outside and stares at everyone.)_

Yuna: Seymour, it was so dark in there without my 12 K diamond necklace!

Seymour: Ah, well, I am having a new one made for you- in 24 K!

Yuna: Ooh, goody!

All: _A split personality in front of Yuna?!_

Yuna: Hmm? _(She realizes that the crew is present.) _Well, well, look who came to pick up their master!  
All: … _(Sweat drop)_

Lulu: Maybe we should've let her die after all…

All: _(Nods in agreement)_

Tidus: Yuna! Get away from him! He's evil!

Yuna: Oh? Do you have anything that'll persuade me to come over to your side?

Tidus: Uh…

Rikku: Mistress Yunie! We have cookies!

Yuna: … See ya later, Seymour! _(She comes down the stairs and goes back to her crew's side.)_

Seymour: But, Yuna-sama…!

Rikku: Heheh. It always works!

Tidus: Hah! Now that you don't have Yuna on your side, what're you gonna do about it?

Seymour: _(He starts chuckling lowly and then breaks out into a diabolical laughter that frightened Yuna and her whole crew.)_ I'll possess her once again, of course! I will swindle her heart with my flattery! _(He curls his hand into a fist as he says this.)_

All: … _(Their mouths drop.) He _does_ have a split personality without Yuna around…!!_

Lulu: Y-Yuna, did you know about this…?

Yuna: Hmm? Of course I did! Why did you think I followed him all the way out here?

All: Huh?!

Yuna: His old man Jyscal told me to stop his son, so, I will.

Tidus: Then, the marriage…?

Yuna: Oh, I just wanted some bling bling before I had to kill him. I already started a whole collection, you see!

All: _(Sweat drop) That's our Yuna…_

Seymour: What?! You played me like a fool, Yuna-sama?!

Yuna: Uh…duh! You actually thought that I **liked** you and **fell** for your flattery? Psh! Dream on, loser! I've seen better sucking-up than your cheap ass play!

All: Ouch…

_(Seymour's Pride Points go down by 100! His Pride Points are wiped out- causing him to swoon!)_

Seymour: Ah…I can't believe that my own precious, precious flower would do such a thing to me…! You've made an unfortunate enemy today, Lady Yuna. _(He regains his composure and smiles.)_

Yuna: Oh? You really think that today is the right day to challenge me…?

Seymour: Why, you don't think I wouldn't challenge you any time of the year…?

All: _A battle between summoners…_

Lulu: Yuna, please understand that this situation is quite dangerous with that Aeon of his…

Yuna: Quiet, fool! Do you underestimate my skills as a Master Animal Tamer Caller Person in such a situation?!

Lulu: …Actually, yes, I do…

Yuna: Shut up already! Go kiss a squirrel!

Rikku: Hey! I told Wakka to do that!

Tidus: And I actually did that before!

All: _(Stares at Tidus)_

Tidus: …Uh…dammit! Did I just admit to that again…? _(He turns around and grabs his hair in frustration.)_

Seymour: Then of course, I shall accept your challenge, Lady Yuna. Please do not give up in the middle.

_(The battle starts! Did you make sure your Yuna has all of the Null spells? If so, good! If not, well, you might be screwed unless you cast Shell on your cast!_

_Unfortunately, two of Seymour's Guado guards come in to block physical attacks that try to reach him, so don't even try hitting him. The Guado Guards will cast Protect on themselves to reduce the physical damage they take, and Seymour will cast Shell on himself to decrease the magic you try to throw on him. Problem, I think so! The Guado Guards also will use Auto Potion on themselves when their lives are down, so have Rikku come in to steal their items before you get rid of them. Of course, in this battle, you can actually _speak_ to Seymour! Only Tidus, Yuna, and Wakka have this Trigger Command. Let's watch what happens…)_

Tidus: Seymour! You're so gay! And you're much more of a suck-up than Rikku is!

Seymour: Why's it your problem, oh, mister, "I have a Michael Jackson shrine in my closet"?

Tidus: Sh-shut up! Why does everybody know about that now?! _(Tidus's strength increases in a fury to kill Seymour before he reveals anymore embarrassing secrets to the public!) _

Seymour: Yuna, come back to my side! I shall give you more riches than you can ever imagine!

Yuna: Oh…I don't know… Should I…? _(She turns to the rest of the crew who shakes their heads and holds up signs that says, "No". She then turns back to Seymour and strongly rejects his proposal.)_ They said that I can't come back to your side, so I won't!

Seymour: Hah, pity.

Yuna: Hey! Nobody insults me and gets away with it! _(Yuna's Magic Defense increases in a rage to kill Seymour for making fun of her power!)_

Wakka: M-Maester Seymour! Did you really do such a th…-?

Rikku: Oh, shut up Wakka! No one cares what you think! Look at him; he's not even going to give you an answer anyway!

_(Indeed, Seymour ignored Wakka's question by picking his ears!)_

Wakka: Argh, shut up, Rikku! You're from the sidelines anyway! _(Wakka's Magic Defense increases in a rage to kill Rikku for insulting his existence!)_

_(Anyway, back to what we were speaking about… Once you take down Seymour's Guado Guards, it is time to fight Seymour himself. Since Seymour does not have Protect on, you can have Tidus and Auron whack him down. But he will use these four spells in order during his turns: Blizzara, Thundara, Watera, Fira. Cast Yuna's Null spells in these orders to avoid damage. After you have depleted 3000 life points from Seymour, he will summon his Aeon, Anima.)_

Seymour: And now, I shall summon from the depths of hell…the one and only…Anima, my **mother!**

All: _(Their mouths drop as they stare at Seymour.)_

Rikku: D-did he just say…?

Wakka: …his 'mother'?

Tidus: Your mama's an Aeon?!

Yuna: How the heck did you get her to become an Aeon?!

Lulu: Did you bribe her?

Kimahri: Horrible…

Auron: Why are all of you so surprised? All Aeons were once human beings anyway.

All: _(Stares at Auron)_

Auron: Oh, whoops. Lemme go back to my sober life. _(He starts drinking his sake as Anima is summoned to the field.)_

_(Anima has only two attacks throughout the whole battle- Pain and Overdrive: Oblivion. Pain is a one hit KO to any of your party members, but if Aeons are summoned- they are immune to such attacks. So, yay! Summon the ??? Aeon that Tidus suggests when Anima appears…)_

Tidus: Hey, Yuna…

Yuna: Dammit, Tidus! What is it? Who said you can say my name so easily?!

Tidus: Whoa, chill already man… Didn't you get an Aeon from this temple already?

Yuna: Yea, what about it?

Tidus: Try calling it for help!

Yuna: Why should I?

Tidus: …Did you just not see its awesome eye power?!

Yuna: Ok…and?

Tidus: …Do we have to have Anima kill you just to prove my point?!

Wakka: Whoa, Tidus has a point?!

Tidus: Wakka shut up and go kiss that squirrel!

Wakka: Hmph!

Yuna: Ok, ok. I will summon that ???? Aeon! So behold my powers! Ahem! _(She begins the summoning by clasping her hands around the wand. She closes her eyes and then opens them as she crouches down to summon large icicles. A spirit is reflected in each one and it cracks, giving birth to a beautiful woman made of ice. She throws her veil into the air and Yuna catches it. Yuna steps aside to look at her.)_ Why…are you naked?

????: Hmm? How am I naked? Who's the one wearing a push up bra?

Yuna: _(Vein pop)_ What is up with your attitude? Don't you know who I am?!

????: Do you know who **I** am?

Yuna: Well, obviously not since your name is, "????"!

????: You should have more respect for me and all the other Aeons you call out. We were once human beings too, you know!

Yuna: You guys are nothing but animals, y'know! And I am the Great Yuna who will conquer you all! Mwahaha!

????: _(Vein pop as well)_ Oh yea? Well, take this! _(She kicks Yuna in the face.)_

All: _Ah, a challenger?!_

Yuna: Oww! Why you...-!

????: Oh, well, you better give me some commands before I leave for my date with my boyfriend later.

Yuna: ….You have a boyfriend?

????: Why can't I? Let me take care of this, idiot.

Yuna: Did she just call me an, 'idiot'?

_(You may use your Aeons and unleash their Overdrives to get rid of Anima. When an Aeon's life is going low, you may use their element spells to heal them! This only works for all the other Aeons except for Valefor. Once Anima is gone, it is time to face Seymour again. _

_Seymour will cast the same spells in the same order this time- but using Doublecast, which allows him to use it twice! Use Yuna's Null spells and heal whenever you need to. Once Seymour is finished, the crew will stare at his body…)_

Yuna: Oh, no… What have I done?!

Auron: You made the right choice, Yuna.

Yuna: No, that's not it! He promised me a 24 K diamond necklace before he died! Oh, Seymour! _(She cries.)_

All: …

_(Tromell and two Guados will come in now, seeing their lord's dead body on the ground.)_

Tromell: You…what have you done? _(He approaches Seymour's body with the Guados as Yuna takes out her wand.)_

Yuna: Oh, you came just in time, Trolly!

Tromell: 'T-Trolly'?!

Yuna: Don't move another step! I'm going to send Seymour to the other side for being so weak! _(She takes out her wand and prepares to stab Seymour straight in the chest.)_

Tidus: Y-Yuna, is that really the way to send someone…?!

Yuna: Quiet, fool! I can perform a Sending any way I want! And now, in the name of Yevon and all the other Maesters that are still "alive"… I shall pronounce Seymour…

Tromell: Stop it, Lady Yuna!

Yuna: You guys are so annoying. Don't you want Seymour to rest in the **happy place?**

All: _…Is there a 'Happy Place' once you're through with them…?_

_(Tromell comes with the two Guados to take Seymour away with them.)_

Tidus: W-wait! It was Seymour who attacked us!

Yuna: Actually, Seymour and I previously challenged each other before our battle started since he has this strange split personality. And ultimately, I defeated him fair and square.

All: _Why are you confessing so easily?!_

Tromell: We shall see about that… And to think, we respected you so much, Lady Yuna… _(He shakes his head and leaves the scene with the two Guados.)_

Rikku: But…it wasn't our fault!

Wakka: _(Sniffles)_ Why did I do such a thing…?

Auron: Don't worry about it; you didn't do a single thing since you were so weak.

Wakka: _(Cries)_

Lulu: But moreover, don't you think it's a bit suspicious?

Yuna: You mean about Seymour's homicide? They already know about it.

All: What?!

Yuna: Yea, they just don't care about it since they need a leader. Seymour was the only one with ambition and enough guts to take care of matters for the Guados. Hmm…come to think about it, I kinda **liked** him.

All: What?! _Yuna…likes someone?!_

Rikku: D-don't worry guys; it's just a matter of personality!

Lulu: Come to think about it, these two would've made a perfect couple…

Yuna: We **will.**

All: Eh?

Yuna: Seymour and I will get married as planned, and then I will destroy him! Bwahaha!

All: …

Yuna: Now, to get out of here…

_(Your new Aeon, known as "????" is Shiva! After your Aeon has been gained, start making your way out of the Cloister or Trials. Since I am way too lazy to try to help you with this, let us see what happened while the crew tried to figure this puzzle out…)_

Auron: Children, children…stop playing in the snow already!!

_(The scene shows Tidus, Rikku, and Wakka playing in the snow as Yuna, Auron, Lulu, and Kimahri aside tries to solve the puzzle. They ignore the hardworking team and continue with their games.)_

Yuna: _(Vein pop)_ Servants these days!

Tidus: Hey, Yuna! Watch out for that snowball that we're gonna chuck at you!

Yuna: … _(She looks around to see no snowball coming her way.)_

Tidus: Hah! Made you look! Ahahah!

_(The three laughs.)_

Yuna: … _(Vein pop) _Don't make me break out Ifrit…

All: Ah! _(They run away and end up slipping on the ice, and into each other, and eventually slide off into the abyss… Their screams are heard as they disappear.)_

All: …

Yuna: …Yes! And now, I shall take over this story as the main character! Mwahaha!

Lulu: But you're the main character of your own sequel game…

Yuna: …Oh, I am?

Lulu: Yes.

Yuna: Hmm…I see. Well, someone's gotta save them. _(She walks away, leaving the rest to try to figure out how to save their allies.)_

_(When everyone was together again, and the Cloister of Trials was completed, the crew was out at the temple lobby again. Things didn't look too good with Tromell and the Guados with torches in their hands.)_

Tidus: Uh…a m-mob?

Rikku: What century are we in?!

Wakka: Please listen to us! We didn't do anything!

Auron: Wakka, please be quiet. No one cares what you say.

Wakka: W-what?! _(He cries.)_

Rikku: That's right! The sphere! If we show them the sphere…

Tromell: You mean **this** thing? _(He takes Jyscal's sphere out and crushes it right in front of their eyes.)_

All: … _(Their mouths drop.)_

Yuna: Didn't I tell you that the Guados themselves don't care? "As long as the job is done", they all agree.

Tromell: Very good, Lady Yuna. I've suspected you of knowing Lord Seymour's plan for some time now.

Yuna: Hmph, he told me his plan already.

All: _So that's why she knows everything…!!_

Tromell: Yes, and because you know everything- I am sorry, but we must kill you all.

_(The mob approaches the crew slowly.)_

Auron: Run!

_(The crew runs through the mob to outside. Now, it is time to escape! Guados will pursue you every which way, so just keep running until they stop you for a battle. Once you get through all of those Guados, you will end up back at the path which you took to Macalania Temple on the flying motorcycles. Save at the Save Sphere and exit the crevasses.) _

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	22. Under the Lake

**Disclaimer:** Again, I do not own anything that is Final Fantasy-related. All rights are reserved to Square Enix.

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**Act 22: **Under the Lake  
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_(The Guados will have eventually chased you down back to Lake Macalania, where you will have to prepare for a showdown with them. Two Guados will battle you- along with their _little_ friend…)_

Tidus: Holy sh! What the f is that thing?! _(He points to the boss they are facing, Wendigo.)_

Yuna: Tidus! That is quite insulting to the ugly brute! Can't you see that his feelings are hurt?

Tidus: Whoa, you notice trivial things like that, Yuna?

Yuna: I was just born with a good pair of eyes, unlike you.

Tidus: How can someone else's pair of eyes be better than my own…?

Rikku: Guys, guys. He's not ugly! It's probably another suit job from an old Final Fantasy cast member whose popularity seemed to have dwindled! It might be Kimahri's relative! I mean, don't you guys just see the **resemblance** between the two?

All: _(Turns to look at Wendigo and then at Kimahri, and back and forth. They raise their eyebrows at Rikku, who seemed convinced that the two are definitely related.)_

Rikku: There's nothing wrong with **my** eyes!

Wakka: There's **plenty** wrong with you…

Rikku: Come over here and say that, Wakka! You Yevon ass kisser!

Wakka: Oh… That's it, Rikku! I'm not going to let you insult Yevon any longer!

Rikku: Oh yea? Bring it, punk!

_(The boss, Wendigo frowns and then punches Tidus as the two bickers at the sidelines. Tidus is sent flying back into a pile of snow! Everyone turns their attention back to Wendigo and then at Tidus.)_

Auron: Tidus! How can you have time to play in the snow? You have a boss to defeat!

Tidus: _(He gets himself up from the snow slowly since his stomach is in a bit of pain right now. His eyes widen and his mouth drops as he points back to the boss.)_ D-didn't you see what he did to me? He attacked me without giving us a signal!

Guados: _(Snickers)_

Tidus: _(He glares at them.)_ Ah…! My stomach is in so much pain… _(He falls over.)_

All: …

Yuna: …Ok, who's subbing in for him?

Rikku: I suggest the Yevonite since he fights only for his existence.

Wakka: Oh…I'll show you! Yuna, I will substitute for Tidus!

Yuna: Look here, Wakka, I honestly don't care who comes in, so just take over or you're fired!

Wakka: _(Looks defeated)_

Rikku: _(Snickers)_

_(This should actually be quite a cinch as long as your characters are ready with the right skills and magic. First, take down the two Guados, but have Rikku steal from them first. When they die, they will cast Beserk, Shell, and Protect on Wendigo as their farewell gifts. Unfortunately, the Shell and Protect will have an effect on you unless you cast Dispel on him. The Beserk only increases his attack power which he will continuously use. Cast Esuna on him if you wish to decrease that power. Have Wakka use his Dark Attack or Dark Buster skill on Wendigo so his attacks will miss as he tries to land one on your party. Of course, cast it over if it wears off with Wakka's Dark Buster and Yuna to continuously heal when needed. Rikku though can be switched out for another hitter such as Auron. With this team, as long as you do as you are told, you will be successful! Wendigo will eventually be down…)_

Wendigo: _(Growls at the crew and raises his arms up into the air)_

Rikku: Watch out!

_(The Wendigo starts crying like a baby!)_

All: … _(Stunned)_

Yuna: W-what's up with that thing, honestly?

Wakka: I…I think it's hurt.

All: _(Stares at Wakka)_

Wakka: Huh? Well, isn't it obvious?!

Lulu: You mean just physically, right?

Yuna: It must be, since he wasn't crying when we were bashing on his looks!

Rikku: _(Looks at Kimahri)_ Kimahri was though!

Kimahri: _(Sniffles and wipes his tears dry with a tissue)_

Yuna: That's different. Kimahri can actually defend himself.

Kimahri: _(Growls)_

Wendigo: _(Stops crying and then ends up growling, he raises his arms up again and brings them down with full force onto the ice, cracking it! The crack leads to where the crew is standing and begins splitting.)_

Yuna: W-what's happening?

Tidus: _(He stands up and smiles.)_ Well, I feel refreshed with a Hi-Potion! Did you beat that thing yet, guys?

Auron: You imbecile! The land is cracking! Moby Dick is back after me!

All: …

Auron: …Umm…I mean, right. Moby Dick is a fictional character in a book…

Rikku: _(Points to him) _You're fictional as well.

Auron: A-absurd!

Lulu: Do all of us have any last prayers before we die?

All: _(Starts praying)_

Tidus: _I've always wanted to be a porn star…_

Rikku: _I'm gonna make Wakka kiss that squirrel one day!_

Wakka: _I'm going to kiss that squirrel one day!_

Lulu: _I think I should've taken that Playboy model career first…_

Yuna: _I think I should've stolen a whole bunch of bling from Seymour's manor before leaving Guadosalam…_

Auron: _I need to get a life…_

Kimahri: _I should've quit when this movie started its first act…_

_(The crew falls through the ice and to the bottom of the lake…)_

Tidus: Ah…my head… It feels like I just woke up from a hangover…

Auron: Uh…shouldn't that be my line?

Kimahri: Kimahri need to…quit job while ahead.

Rikku: Ah…hey! There's a squirrel!

Wakka: What? Where?!

Yuna: Why are all of you on top of me when I am the Master of you all…?

Lulu: Wow, Yevon must love me so much to put me on top of this pileup!

Yuna: Yeah, or else your boobs would've deflated, right?

Lulu: Why, yes, how'd y-… Wait, no! That's not what I mean!!

_(The crew had landed in a pileup from their fall from the top of the lake. They get off of each other and take a few minutes to recuperate. Save at the Save Sphere and let us chat with everyone.)_

Tidus: Wakka, have you kissed that squirrel yet?

Wakka: No! Rikku was lying, brudda. There was no squirrel!

Tidus: Lulu, can I touch your boobs?

Lulu: …Why would you ask such a thing?

Tidus: I want to see if they'll really deflate!

Lulu: … _(She slaps Tidus and walks away.)_

Tidus: Auron, where are we?

Auron: We're at the bottom of the lake. See? _(He looks up into the distance to see the bottom of something strange.)_ That's Macalania Temple. And the fayth…you can clearly hear them singing.

Tidus: Wow, how do you know all this stuff anyway?

Auron: It's written in my script; I am to act intelligent since all of you are just youngsters. Just listen to the hymn…it'll calm you down a bit.

Tidus: Isn't that what Lulu was supposed to say to me?

Auron: Yea, but you decided to ask about her boobs instead.

Tidus: Rikku, why'd you lie about that squirrel?

Rikku: I just wanted to make Wakka look…

Tidus: Well, you totally fooled me!

Kimahri: …Kimahri failed as Yuna's Guardian… If Kimahri only came earlier… _(He shakes his head in shame.)_

Rikku: It's not your fault, Kimahri! It was Tidus'!

Tidus: What? Why is it my fault all of a sudden?!

Rikku: Cause', you're the main character of the story, and you ended up being way too slow for everyone's taste!

Tidus: …

_(Yuna then wakes up from the ground after taking her one minute beauty nap. She then stands up.)_

Lulu: Yuna!

Wakka: Hey, are you ok?

Yuna: … _(She raises her eyebrow.)_ You fool! What makes you think that I am ok?! Was it the fact that everyone decided to pile up on me that makes me all giddy?!

All: …

Auron: Whoa… Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Yuna: What kind of cheap ass bed is this? It's just…I don't even know what the hell this is! This is like leftover scenery from the last fantasy that played here! _(She picks up a piece of a Zidane billboard on the ground where she was sleeping on, and throws it to the side.)_ Anyway, aren't you all curious on why I went to Seymour?

Tidus: Nope, didn't you tell us that he bribed you with gifts and that Jyscal told you what happened and that Seymour told you his evil plan already?

Yuna: …That is correct. It is amazing that you have a brain- for once.

Tidus: Hey, why else would I have a head?

Yuna: That's what I've been wondering all this time.

Auron: Argh! I'm sick of all this crap!

Lulu: What are you talking about?

Auron: Why is Yuna trying to act like a goody-two shoes when we all know she only went with Seymour since he's rich?! Let's just destroy him, once and for all!

Rikku: Whoa, such brave words coming from the one who gets drunk half the time!

Auron: That's because I am drunk right now. Hic!

All: …

Auron: But not only Seymour! I know a secret about the four Maesters of Yevon

Rikku: Ooh! A secret? I love secrets!

Auron: But…the only way you get to learn of this secret…is by defying Yevon!

All: _(Gasps)_

Tidus: …I've been an Atheist all my life!

Rikku: Me too!

Kimahri: _(Nods)_

Wakka: T-Tidus? K-Kimahri?! How can you two side with that Al Bhed!

Tidus: Albino?

Rikku: Hey! What's wrong with siding with me? Yevon's a piece of crap anyway!

Auron: I agree with her.

Wakka: You too, Sir Auron?!

Auron: We must get rid of anyone who tries to stop Yuna's pilgrimage- even if it means defying Yevon himself.

Wakka: That's…that's crazy talk! It's taboo! Argh! I'm disappointed in you three- except for Rikku of course. Rikku, the nonbeliever!

Tidus: Hey, she doesn't believe in Sugarcandy Mountain?

All: …

Tidus: …Not that…I believe in such an imaginary thing… Eheh…

_(The crew will scatter around the area. Go ahead and have another chat with them.)_

Tidus: Wakka, I'm sorry about what I said earlier…

Wakka: Yea, that statement was a bit shocking for me, ya…

Tidus: But I've never believed in anything in all my life except for Sugarcandy Mountain!

Wakka: …

Tidus: Rikku, are you really a nonbeliever?

Rikku: What're you talking about? I've been to Sugarcandy Mountain before!

Tidus: _(Gasps) _Really?

Rikku: Tch, yea! Only nonbelievers can't get there! So therefore, Tidus, you must be a nonbeliever!

Tidus: _(Gasps)_ I-it can't be…!

Rikku: _(Nods)_

Tidus: Lulu, can I touch your boobs?

Lulu: Tidus, can you stop asking?

Tidus: Sorry, that is one function my brain can't seem to understand.

Lulu: _(Rolls her eyes and walks away)_

Tidus: Kimahri, are you still putting yourself down?

Kimahri: _(Nods)_

Tidus: Well, then you need to become a believer!

Yuna: Quit giving him ideas!

Tidus: Auron, I know this song…

Auron: So does your father and me. Jecht used to sing this hymn all the time.

Tidus: Yeah, I was about to say that! Dad sang that hymn all the time whenever he was home.

Auron: Well, I did too. I do it when I get a little homesick…

Tidus: 'Homesick'? You don't come from Zanarkand?

Auron: Pssh! Why would I want to come from such a dirty and polluted place like that? Yeesh! I'm lucky I wasn't born there where all the hospital equipments aren't sterilized!

_(The hymn stops playing. The ground starts to shake!)_

Rikku: W-what the?!

_(Sin has been awakened by the hymn… The ground that the crew has been standing on- was actually Sin's skin!)_

_Dad…you've been listening to the hymn too? Does it make you feel as nostalgic as I do about home?_

_(Since Sin is awake, he will take everyone for a ride! Hop on, because we're going to…who knows where we're going!)_  
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	23. LOST The Parody Island

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything that belongs to Square-Enix.

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**Act 23: **LOST- The Parody Island  
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_(Tidus wakes up in an Oasis, finding himself all alone.)_

Tidus: W-where am I…? Mistress? Sugarcandy Mountain-believer? Blue Lion? …Fake Jamaican Accent Man? Big Boobs? …Drunk Samurai? Anybody?!

_(No reply comes, but Tidus turns around to try to drink some of the fresh oasis water that was conveniently provided for him already. A treasure chest lies in the water- as well as his father.)_

Tidus: You be good now, you hear? _(He takes the contents of the chest and then turns around to leave. Be sure to use the Save Sphere though.)_

_As Tidus travels through the empty desert- a fiend attacks! It is a Zuu.  
(Tidus emerges into battle and screams.)_

Tidus: M-mommy!

_(Tidus gets butt-whooped until Lulu and Auron comes in. She strikes the fiend with a Thunder spell.)_

Lulu: You ok?

Tidus: Big Boobs!

_(Auron comes rushing in with a copy of Samurai Monthly in his arm.)_

Auron: _(Huff puff)_ Sorry for being late, but the magazine told me that, "all samurais should make dramatic entrances upon hearing trouble in the land."

Tidus & Lulu: …

Lulu: Umm…Sir Auron…

Tidus: …We can still see your magazine. _(He points to the 45th edition in his arm.)_

Auron: _(Gasps)_ Liar! _(He tosses it behind him in the sand.)_ Now, let's do this! I guess Crybaby Boy couldn't handle this on his own.

Lulu: _(Snickers)_

Tidus: _(Whimpers)_ Th-that's not true!

_(When the party defeats the Zuu, the three of them will gather in the sand.)_

Tidus: Phew. I thought that it'd never be over!

Lulu: Where are we anyway?

Auron: Oh my Yevon, woman! Can't you **see** where we are? Or do you need **enhancers** for your eyes as well?!

Lulu: _(Growls and glares at Auron. She then smiles.)_ Sir Auron, your **ass** seems to be **lit.**

Auron: Hmm? That's preposterous! Why would by 'ass' be 'lit' in such a place?

Tidus: Maybe cause the sun is shining on your butt like a lighter?

Auron: Hmm? _(He turns to look at his behind, which was, definitely, lit on fire.)_ Oh. I'll…be right back. _(He runs off in the direction which Tidus came from to sit in the water for a bit. He returns, dragging his wet butt along.) _Ok, shall we go?

_(As the group journeys forward, they eventually meet up with Wakka, who is enjoying himself under a tent.)_

Tidus: Wakka! Where did you get all these whores? The smoothie? And a freaking beach chair?!

_(Wakka is surrounded by three Al Bhed girls, who are servicing him like they would on a regular beach back in Besaid. He looks up at the trio and pulls his shades down.)_

Wakka: Ah, you guys made it!

Lulu: Just answer the question, you fool.

Wakka: Hey, hey, don't be jealous that you never got a chance to touch **this** _(He points to his abs) _when you had it. Right, girls?

Al Bhed's: _(Giggles and continues what they are doing.)_

All: …

Lulu: … Wakka, your hair is on fire.

Tidus: Ah! She's right.

Wakka: Hmm? What are you talking about? _(He tries to look up, but sees nothing.) _Hey…I smell some kind of funk… What about you guys?

_(The Al Bhed girls look at his hair, screams, and then runs away.)_

Wakka: H-hey! What happened, ladies?!

Auron: Yea…where _did_ you get the gil to hire whores?

Wakka: H-hey! They're Puerto Rican massage girls! Don't be hatin'! _(Crosses his arms)_

All: …

Wakka: …But umm…where's Yuna?

Tidus: Somewhere. But more importantly, Wakka, I can see your bald head since that wig of yours is burning…

Wakka: _(Gasps and panics)_ You can actually see my true baldness?! _(Screams and runs around in a circle.)_

All: …

Lulu: _(Casts Waterga on Wakka, causing him to be wet and dripping.)_ Better?

Wakka: Ah, yes. Thanks, Lu.

Auron: Son…

Wakka: You're not my father…

Auron: And that's what Tidus told S-…

Tidus: Ssh!

Auron: Ah, right. Anyway, if you detest the Al Bhed, Wakka, why did you hire Al Bhed stripper girls and stayed under an Al Bhed tent?

Wakka: Sir Auron! How could you accuse me of such a thing! I would never betray my principles and do such a thing!

All: …

Auron: Man, this guy is denser than Tidus…

Tidus: Hey!

_(The group regains Wakka and heads on their way to finding everyone else. Tidus opens the treasure chest and uses the Save Sphere.)_

Lulu: Oh my… Is that Squall Leonheart from Final Fantasy VIII?

All: What?! _(They all turn to see Squall trying to climb the sand dune- with his Kimahri zip-up outfit aside.)  
_Tidus: Whoa! It's Squall! I'm such a big fan of his! _(Fiddles with his fingers)_

Auron: How come you're not as cool as Squall and Cloud Strife then?

Tidus: Shut your face!

Auron: You know, you literally _can't_ 'shut your face'. Have you tried it before?

Tidus: … _(Looks down)_ Yes…

All: …

Wakka: Oi! Squall-sama!

Squall: _(Turns to them all and freezes.)_ Shit! I couldn't take anymore of this heat and actually stripped off my costume to show off my heavenly god-sent body…! Ah… Why must this happen to me…? _(He poses in the sunlight and glows radiantly.)_

All: … _(Sweat drop)_

Tidus: Is this some kind of private photo shoot…?

Lulu: But you must admit he looks rather dashing right now…

Auron: Fake abs.

Wakka: Hey, how'd you know?!

Tidus: Shouldn't you be putting that costume back on now, Squall-sama?

Squall: Never, and hide my gorgeous face from the rest of these Final Fantasy X fans? I am rebelling against the very fact that they have a blue lion on the set in the first place!

Lulu: He's a Ronso…

Auron: You don't get paid as "Squall Leonheart", you know. You're paid as, "Kimahri Ronso". So if you don't don that costume on the day that you're going to claim your paycheck- it's going to the drain.

Squall: Preposterous! Why would they do such a thing to me?

Wakka: Cause you're not popular, ya?

Squall: You mean…**anymore. **Just watch, I will regain my popularity on the polls! Bwahaha!

All: _(Sweat drop)_

Tidus: That's nice; just don your costume for our sake…

_(Five minutes later…)_

Kimahri: _(Shakes his head)_ Kimahri fail as Guardian. Kimahri couldn't protect Yuna.

Tidus: Well, it seems like someone else has other plans to take over, eh?

Kimahri: _(Nods)_

_(The crew continues on and eventually meets up with Rikku.)_

Rikku: Hey! You guys are alright! _Damn their high levels… _Hey…where's Yunie?

Tidus: Not here.

Rikku: Umm…guys, I think I know where we are…

Wakka: Tell us then!

Rikku: Nu uh, I don't tell anything to Yevonites like **Wakka!**

Wakka: What?! Damn you…

Lulu: We promise to keep Wakka out of your hair if you tell just us, Rikku.

Rikku: Hmm…do you believe in Yevon or Sugarcandy Mountain then?

Lulu: … 'Sugar…'- what? _(She looks at Tidus who nods, urging her to believe in the mountain. She turns back to Rikku and raises her eyebrow.)_ Umm…I suppose so…

Rikku: Ok, calm down when I tell this to you guys. But we're on Bikanel Island- where Home is.

Tidus: 'Home'?

Rikku: Uh huh. It's where all the Al Bheds live since Yevon shunned us from mainland Spira.

Wakka: That's right he did! _(Waves fist at Rikku)_

Rikku: _(Sighs)_ Anyhow, if Mistress came with us, she was probably picked up and brought to Home. We can find her there, guys!

Lulu: But I thought we liked the fact that she's missing…

Auron: Lulu! Have you ever read _Samurai Monthly, _Issue 99.9?

Lulu: _(Raises an eyebrow)_ Why is there a '.9' at the end?

Auron: Cause I didn't have enough money for Issue 100. But anyway-! _(Clears his throat)_ _Samurai Monthly_ said that we must treat any hostage as a priority- no matter whom or what it is.

Lulu: But I thought we rebelled against that idea when you showed us that backstage.

All: _(Turns to Auron)_

Rikku: Hey, samurais don't go back on their words ever! You're a fake!

Auron: _(Gasps)_ Preposterous!

Tidus: There we go with that word again…

Wakka: Well, the story can't go on without the heroine, ya? We should all go save her in the name of Yevon!

All: I refuse.

Wakka: Eh? What?! Why did you all deny Yevon just now?

Rikku: Alright! Then let's let Rikku lead the way! _(Strikes a pose)_

Lulu: Umm…Rikku, I've seen the way you've led in Final Fantasy X-2, and it's just not going to happen here…

Rikku: W-what? That time was just because everyone else was slow!!

Tidus: I think I'm gonna lead. Let's go, guys!

All: Impossible.

Tidus: What?!

Wakka: I've seen the way you've looked at a map before, bro. We didn't even make it to White Castle in the end…

All: …

Kimahri: Kimahri suggest Kimahri lead all to Home.

All: Even worst.

Kimahri: _(Growls)_

Rikku: Kimahri, you've never even been around here before like everyone else. You're even **less** applicable for the tour guide spot.

Auron: Then I shall use my knowledge of _Samurai Monthly_ to perform this deed…

All: No!

Auron: W-why…?

Lulu: Sir Auron, those maps in your magazines are only for **Japan,** the country. We'll end up in Korea if we tried following your maps.

Auron: Th-that's a lie! My magazines are full of "all-purpose maps"! It says so on the cover!

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ Then I'll lead us there with my secret weapon.

Tidus: Your boobies?

Lulu: _(Frowns)_ My GPS system.

All: What?!  
Rikku: Since when did we have those available in Spira?

Wakka: Does that mean you lied when you said you didn't know the way to White Castle that day, Lu?!

Lulu: _(Ignores Wakka and digs through her boobs to take out the GPS system.)_ Hmm…follow me, y'all. _(She begins walking)_

All: …

Tidus: So, we could've gone to White Castle…?

Auron: There is no White Castle in Spira, you fool!

Tidus & Wakka: Huh??

_(The crew will eventually come upon the sandpits with the plants and the treasure chests- without Rikku's help of course. Defeat each one of them in order to gain the treasures which you'll most likely need in this desert. Make sure you are fully prepared and healed before moving onto the next stage…)_

---  
**A/N:** Hey guys, have you ever wanted to see something funny happen to your favorite character? Maybe you just want to poke at them for fun, making fun of their qualities during battle and such? Well, if you have something you would like me to add into my future chapters, please do so after your full reviews! E-mail me your ideas and I'll be sure to check them. Thanks for supporting my fan fiction.


	24. The Truth Revealed

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything that is Final Fantasy-related. All rights are reserved to Square Enix.

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**Act 24: **The Truth Revealed  
---  
_We left off last chapter with our remaining heroes on top of a sand dune, overlooking The Al Bhed's Home. Unfortunately, the site isn't what they've expected…  
_Rikku: Oh my Yevon! Home is under attack!

Wakka: Wait, did you just say, 'Yevon'?

Rikku: Huh? What? Of course not, Wakka. Why would I say such a word that isn't in my vocabulary! I said, "Oh my **Charlie**"!

Wakka: …Who's 'Charlie'?

Rikku: Oh dear, oh dear…

_(The crew witnesses some Al Bhed being gored by the fiends and falling to their deaths, as others are attacking with their macchinas.)_

Wakka: Hah! Serves them right for using macchina! Yevon's finally giving them what they deserve! _(Laughs manically)_

All: …

Auron: Let's all leave Wakka and save the day!

All: Yea! _(They all rush towards Home.)_

Wakka: …Huh? Where'd everyone go?  
_(The crew arrives at Home, where Rikku goes over to an Al Bhed who had just fallen.)_

Rikku: Cdammy! Cdammy! Fryd'c rybbahehk? Ruf tet oui aht ib drec fyo? _(Stella! Stella! What's happening? How did you end up this way?)_

Err…Stella??: Neggi... Neggi, so muja... Veahtc... Dra kiytuc cahd uid... kuut...milg... E femm pa fyedehk vun oui...uh...udran ceta...! _(Rikku... Rikku, my love... Fiends... The Guados sent out... Good...luck... I will be waiting for you...on...other side...!) _

_(Stella dies.)_

Rikku: What…? Stella, no… Stella-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!!

All: …

Lulu: Umm…what just happened?

Tidus: _(Sniffles)_ This is better than a Korean Drama…

Rikku: Pops! _(She stands up, dropping her lover back on the ground.)_

Stella: Ah…

All: …

_(A bald man with a stern look on his face and wearing overalls appears. He looks at Rikku.)_

Rikku: Pops! What's happening? Why is Stella dead? Where were you when this was happening, you dolt?!

????: Sorry, Rikku. I was busy trying to use Rogaine for Men in the bathroom when this was all happening. Unfortunately, it didn't work, so when I stepped out of the bathroom with much disappointment upon my bald head, Stella jumped in front of me and took a shot to the stomach by a Dual Horn fiend.

All: _So straight forward…!!_

Rikku: _(Cries)_ I can't forgive you for trying to grow back your hair after so many years, Pops! I keep telling you that it was your problem for shaving your head bald just so you could swim faster in the water on our excavations!!

_(The crew approaches the two.)_

Tidus: Rikku, do you know this guy?

????: 'Know' me? Hah! I am Rikku's **father.** My name is Cid, leader of the Al Bhed.

All: _(Looks back and forth from Rikku to Cid)_ _Where's the resemblance?_

Kimahri: …Headmaster?

Cid: Hmm? Who's the blue fuzzball?

Lulu: Kimahri Ronso.

_(Kimahri strips off his suit to reveal Squall Leonheart.)_

Squall: Headmaster Cid! What are you doing in such a dangerous place like this? And I thought you and Matron never had children?

All: _(Looks back at Cid and then Rikku.)_ Oh…

Rikku: W-what? What is it, guys?!

Cid: Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about, kid. And since when did blue lions have another form?

All: …

Wakka: He must've been a blonde, ya?

All: _(Nods)_

Rikku: Oh! We have to save everyone! Mistress might be in danger too!

Cid: 'Mistress'? Who's that? _(Gasps and looks at Rikku)_ Rikku, don't tell me you're "the other woman"!

Rikku: Huh? What're you talking about, Pops?

Lulu: Well, someone's a bit promiscuous.

Rikku: Hey! Think before you say that!

Lulu: _(Raises eyebrow)_

Tidus: Hey, that's true! You had Chappu and Wakka! And then I remember Loser when Wakka punched him way back!

Auron: Umm…guys…

All: Shut up, Auron!

Auron: _(Gasps and cries)_ Wait a minute! _(He stops crying,)_ Samurai Monthly never said anything about such situations!

Tidus: Why do you still subscribe to those magazines, Auron?

Auron: Umm… Uh…

Rikku: Hey, is that where all our savings goes to?!

Auron: …Maybe.

All: …

Rikku: We'll deal with you later, Auron! Let's go, guys!

_(Check out the dead bodies for useful items and use the Save Sphere along the way. Make sure you use those healing items sparingly, because you'll definitely need them…)_

Lulu: Guys, quit robbing the corpses…

Wakka: No can do, Lu. This is what they did in World War I!

Lulu: …

_(The crew enters many different doors, in search of Mistress Yuna- and Charlie.)_

Tidus: _(Slams a door open)_ Charlie?!

Rikku: Why do you keep insisting on looking for Charlie?

Tidus: Cause…cause…I want to climb Sugarcandy Mountain too!

All: …

Auron: Straighten up here, boy. Sugarcandy Mountain purely **fictional.** It's just something that some guy made on youtube because he was bored. He doesn't exist in the world of Spira.

Tidus: Well, maybe if the authoress didn't take so long to finish this fanfiction, then we could all be at our retirement homes where we can watch youtube all day long!

_(A lightning bolt strikes Tidus.)_

Tidus: …S-sorry… _(Faints)_

_(Continue through all the doors until fighting fiend after fiend until you come upon the one with the treasure chests. You need to know your Al Bhed in order to get pass this one…)_

Rikku: Stand back, guys! I'm Al Bhed! _(She rolls up her invisible sleeves.)_

Wakka: Oh yea sure, tell us all when it's convenient for you, eh? _(Crosses his arms and starts to cry)_ Oh, the deception! You're not Hylian!

Lulu: Isn't that a Nintendo thing, Wakka?

Wakka: Well, what do you call Maester Seymour then? He has those funny elf ears himself!

Tidus: Whoa, take a chill pill there, Wakka. What's up with you having a B.F. all of a sudden?

Wakka: Oh, so Tidus thinks I can't have a bitch fit all of a sudden when I feel like it! What if I was PMS-ing?! Huh?!

All: …

Rikku: Oh… So that's why you're having a B.F… _(She goes to her thigh pocket thing and whips out a tampon.)_ Here you go, sweetie!

Wakka: _(Takes it and throws it to the side in a fury)_ How **dare** you make fun of me, Rikku! I challenge you to a duel! _(He points at her)_

Rikku: …Is this really the time to challenge me to a duel? And besides, I have some of the rarest cards in the world… _(Grins)_

_(The two stares each other down as pieces of the ceiling start falling down along with the various fires spreading.)_

Lulu: Umm…you two. Let's just solve this thing and get going already.

Auron: Forget those two. **I** shall solve this conundrum!_ (He crouches in front of the treasure chest.)_

Kimahri: ...Context right?

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ He's whipped out his Samurai Monthly magazine again…

_Indeed, Auron has whipped out his handy dandy Samurai Monthly magazine- this time, with an Al Bhed girl on the cover! What will he do next?_

Auron: Let's see… Ah! Alright guys, this question says, "Fryd ec so vyjuneda drehk eh dra funmt?"

Tidus/Lulu/Kimahri: And…?

Auron: Well, what is it?

Tidus: Auron, we don't even know the question! What do you think we are, "psycho"?

Lulu & Kimahri: _(Stares at Tidus)_

Tidus: What?

Lulu: The correct term would be, "psychic," Tidus.

Tidus: Yea, yea, it always is. _(Pouts)_

Auron: Hey, Tidus. Look at me. _(He begins giving Tidus weird eye signals.)_

Tidus: _(He does the same)_ Hmm…argh… Hmm…

Lulu: What is it, Tidus? Do you understand what he's saying?

Tidus: No, you fool! What the heck are you trying to say to me, Auron? You need to go use the potty?!

Auron: … _(Looks around and whistles)_

All: …

Tidus: Hey, Rikku, where's the nearest toilet around here?

Rikku: Not now, I just pulled out my Dark Magician card! _(She slaps down on the duel mat that came from nowhere on the ground.) _I also lay down this card… It's your move, Wakka!

Wakka: Grr…I'll attack with Curse of Dragon!

Rikku: Haha! It was a trap! You're gonna be done soon! Mwahaha!

Wakka: Argh! No, not Grandpa…!

All: …

Tidus: Wasn't this the first episode ever on Yu-Gi-Oh?

Lulu: Does anyone even still follow that anime?

Auron: …Ah! I got it, guys! The question is, "What is my favorite thing in the world?" _(He presses in the keypad, the answer.)_ P-o-…

Tidus: My god, Auron, "porn"? You're disgusting!

Auron: Huh? What are you talking about? I was just putting in, "popcorn".

All: … _(Looks at Tidus)_

Tidus: …Hey, I'm a healthy young man after all.

_(They go onto the next room.)_

Rikku: Ok, I can handle this one, guys.

Wakka: Isn't that what you said last time?

Rikku: And aren't you trying to imply what you said last time again?

_(The two have a stare down.)_

Auron: _(Sighs and does the same thing as he did in the last room.)_ Don't worry guys, I will use my intellect to try to solve this puzzle again!

Tidus/Lulu/Kimahri: _(Stares at Auron)_

Lulu: Are you sure you are capable of this, Sir Auron…?

Auron: Hey hey, do you doubt my senile intelligence?!

Tidus: Look, he admitted it! He's a snail! Haha!

All: …

Auron: Let's move on. Ok…let me decipher this… _(Takes out an Al Bhed dictionary)_

Lulu: If he had that in the beginning, why would he whip it out now?!

Tidus: It saves us time for the end of this act!

Auron: Ok guys, I did it again! Auron, the Magnificent Samurai of the 21st Century! _(He shines.)_

Tidus: …I thought Yuna was the only one with the titles.

Lulu: Shh! She'll kill us.

Auron: …Come on, guys. Praise me-e-e! _(He whines)_

Tidus & Lulu: …Kimahri, praise him.

Kimahri: …Good, Auron.

Auron: Yay! _(He jumps up and down)_

All: …

Tidus: What's the question read?

Auron: "Fryd ec ymcu so vyjuneda drehk eh dra funmt," or, "What is also my favorite thing in the world?"

Tidus: That's stupid. It's 'popcorn'!

Auron: Nope.

Tidus: What…

Rikku: _(Sighs)_ It's "porn".

All: … _(They all stare at Rikku.)_

Rikku: …What?

Wakka: Whoa, Rikku, I didn't know you were like that…

Rikku: No, you imbecile! These questions were all made by my Pops cause he was bored. He thought either Brother or I would be the only ones to take his beloved treasures with us in case of an emergency… H-hey! Why are you taking that sphere?! _(She points at Auron who is stashing it away in his sleeve.)_

Auron: Hmm? These weren't free?

Rikku: Didn't you just listen to my whole sob story?!

All: No. _(They leave Rikku to cry.)_

_(Save at the Save Sphere and continue on for another fight.)_

Rikku: _(She puts eye drops into her eyes as the camera closes in on her. She tosses the bottle aside and sobs loudly.)_ D-did you guys kn-know…that we Al Bhed used to live on an island…?

Wakka: Why would we care?

Rikku: _(Ignores him and continues)_ B-before Sin came along…I was just a wee little girl- yay high! _(She puts her hand on her hips.)_ But anyway, B-Brother was in the mist of his p-puberty age when S-Sin attacked! Pops still had hair back then too, but stress to rebuild Home here on Bikanel Island caused him to lose all of that. He used to be a blonde like me! _(She points to her own hair.)_

All: …

Rikku: But anyway! _(She sniffles.)_ It-it's just so sad to see all that hard work being thrown away again! All of us Al Bhed will never find a place to call 'home' as long as Sin is alive! _(She cries.)_

Wakka: Rikku…

Tidus: Hey, don't blame my old man for that!

All: Huh? _(They all look at Tidus.)_

Tidus: _(Freezes and chuckles nervously)_ Umm…did I say my, 'old man'? Please, why would that thing of a whale ever be my father? Hahah… _(Whistles)_

Auron: _(Shakes his head)_ Oh my!

All: Huh?! _(They all look at Auron this time.)_

Auron: Fiends!

All: _(Turns to see nothing)_

Auron: Ahaha, made you look! Tee hee!

All: …

Auron: Oh no! Look, look! There really are fiends this time, guys!

All: _(Ignores until Tidus is swept up by a Chimera.)_

Lulu: Geez, Sir Auron, why didn't you say something earlier?

Auron: W-what?!

Rikku: Yea, you dolt!

Wakka: Sir Auron, I just lost respect!

Kimahri: Shame. Auron.

Auron: _(Gasps)_ You guys are all just picking on me!

_During battle…_

Auron: Hey, why is that thing a wolf?

_(The enemies, indeed, are composed of a Guado, a Chimera- and the Big Bad Wolf?)_

Rikku: That's because you cried wolf too many times, Auron.

Auron: Absurd! I would never do such a thing!

Wakka: Oh ya? What about the time when we all went to McDonald's for a short coffee break and you told us that the authoress took you back?

Auron: But…but…she really did that time! I even serenaded her!

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ She rejected you and called you a pervert, remember?

Auron: Ah, don't remind me!! _(He crouches in a corner and cries.)_

Rikku: Karma!

_(The fiends are defeated and Rikku continues on with her narrating.)_

Rikku: We keep all the summoners in the Summoner Sanctum so we can demand for ransoms afterwards.

_(The crew follows Rikku in front of a door while she tries to find keys to open it.)_

All: What?!

Wakka: _(Gasps)_ So this is what you do for a living! And I was going to console you! _(Crosses his arms)_

Rikku: Hey, how else do you think I made that much money after Auron wasted it on his fake Samurai Monthly magazines?

Auron: _(Gasps)_ They are **not** fake! Your boobs are fake!

Tidus: …Like Lulu's! _(Snickers)_

Lulu: _(Frowns and lifts her boobs up)_ They bounce naturally.

All: …

Lulu: But anyhow, Kimahri and I thought that you whored yourself out every night whenever we're at an inn.

Kimahri: _(Nods)_

Rikku: Oh, no, I would never do such a thing. Gippal would be furious if he knew that I whored myself out every night behind his back!

All: …

Tidus: Did she just…

Lulu: …admit…

Wakka: …that she…

Auron: …whores herself…

Kimahri: …out?

Rikku: Haha! Kimahri still got a one-line job out of a full sentence!

Kimahri: _(Frowns)_

Rikku: But anyway, that's beside the point. We take them off their pilgrimage just to keep them safe really. _(She finally opens the door.)_

Wakka: Well, I kinda understand why you're doing this, but what's up with all this security, ya?

Rikku: Oh, that's just so they can't escape from our **experiments.** _(She grins.)_

All: _What 'experiments'?!_

Tidus: But why are you so cautious about the summoners going on their pilgrimages? If the Guardians do their jobs right, then there'd be nothing to worry about, right?

All: …

Tidus: Right?

_(Kimahri enters the room along with everyone else, but Tidus following him in.)_

Tidus: What…did I say wrong?

_(Head inside to discover many Dona and Issaru, along with his Guardians, Maroda and Pacce.)_

Tidus: Whoa, even Issaru got caught! And Maroda was the one to warn us.

Auron: Wow, you failed miserably then, kiddo.

Maroda: _(Bursts into tears)_

All: …

Dona: _(Sighs and shakes her head)_ I kept telling him the same thing until tears finally got to his eyes.

Issaru: Please don't mind Maroda… I really don't know how we're related…

Pacce: Huh? What are you talking about?

Issaru: Oh my Yevon…kid! We're talking about how that African and you, the Spic are related to me, the White man!

Pacce: _(Gasps)_ Big Brother…is **white?** Oh, that hurts!

All: …

Issaru: But anyhow, the Al Bheds gave their lives to protect us two, the only two Summoners in here.

Dona: The least we can do is give them a humble Sending for protecting us.

Pacce: Hey, why are all the summoners talking about themselves like they're going to "sacrifice" themselves?

Tidus: What…?

Pacce: Yeah, that's what they were trying to explain to me when we were kidnapped.

Tidus: … 'Sacrifice'? Hey, guys, what is this all about? If the Guardians just do their job correctly, then the Summoners would never be in danger! Why are the Al Bheds trying to stop us?

All: …

Lulu: You really don't know anything about Spira then…

Tidus: _(Rolls his eyes)_ I thought that's what we decided on in the beginning acts…

Lulu: _(Scoffs)_

Wakka: Whoa, sarcasm alert!

Rikku: Summoners… Guardians… Sin… The pilgrimage… It's all a fake!

Tidus: What?

Rikku: _(Cries)_ When the summoners reach Zanarkand to defeat Sin, they will receive the Final Aeon which can defeat him. But the price for that is the summoner's own life! Do you understand why we've been trying to stop them now?!

Tidus: …W-what…? Why…why would you all… If Sin would just be reborn… _(He yells and goes berserk, grabbing Wakka by the collar)_ Wakka! I thought Yuna was like a sister to you and Lulu! Why would you let her do such a stupid thing like that?

Wakka: H-hey. Calm down, Tidus. This was Yuna's decision from the beginning.

Lulu: She knew the consequences! And yet…she continued to follow her heart…

Tidus: …What…?

Wakka: She knew what she was doing, brudda. There was nothing we could do to change her mind.

Kimahri: _(Nods)_

Rikku: Then again, Yuna's always been a stubborn mule, deciding what we can and cannot do…

All: _(Nods)_

_(A Wendigo suddenly breaks into the room.)_

Auron: If we had told you what Yuna was really aiming for, wouldn't you have stopped her?

Tidus: Isn't that the obvious thing to do?!

Auron: Why can't you understand this already, you crybaby? Women are creatures you can't control! They make their decisions and keep to it until the end… L-like…Exkii-sama… Oh god! _(Cries uncontrollably)_

All: …

_(Issaru and Dona summons their Aeons and walks towards the Wendigo.)_

Tidus: No, you two! Don't sacrifice yourselves at such a young age!

_(Rikku and Kimahri hold Tidus back from trying to throw himself on them.)_

Dona: A Spira without Sin is every child's dream.

Issaru: I will do anything to bring that dream to the children, even if it will cost me my life!

All: _(Snickers)_

Dona & Issaru: …

Lulu: F-forgive us… But you two sound so…

Rikku: …Corny! Those are the corniest lines ever! Ahaha…!

Tidus: I mean, I gotta admit, I was all serious for a moment and all, but you guys just crack me up so much! _(Laughs until tears come out)_

Auron: …You sissy, why are you crying?

Tidus: What?! These aren't wuss tears, these are funny tears!

Auron: Uh huh… Deinail is the first step to admitting your problems, Tidus.

Tidus: Gah!

_(Kimahri lifts Tidus over his shoulders and continues on.)_

Tidus: What? Kimahri, put me down! We have to stop those two from committing suicide!!

Rikku: Just what part of that is 'suicide'?

Tidus: No-o-o-o-o-o-o-!!

_(The crew leaves to board the airship in which Cid had prepared to leave Home, Bikanel Island.)_


	25. Wedding Crashers Part I

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything Final Fantasy-related. All rights reserved to Square-Enix.

---  
**Act 25: **Wedding Crashers Part I

---

_As soon as the crew boarded the ship, Tidus was seen holding Cid up by his collar._

Tidus: Mistress! Where is the Mistress?

Cid: 'M-Mistress'? I thought that was Rikku!

Rikku: Pops, I'm a whore, not a man eater!

All: …

Cid: …Please do kill me, boy.

Tidus: _(Throws him back down)_ Where did you put Yuna?!

Cid: _(He gets up and brushes himself off.)_ Why should I tell you?

Rikku: Oh, Pops, just tell him that you don't know where Mistress Yunie is!

Cid: Dammit, Rikku! Why do you always ruin the suspense in everything?!

All: …

Wakka: Uh…are you adopted, Rikku?

Rikku: I think I was a lovechild, but DNA tests will be the judge of that! _(She laughs.)_

All: …

Cid: Well, now that Rikku ruined the suspense- again, what will you do once you find her, boy?

Tidus: I…I'll… _That's right… I don't even know what I'm going to say to her- besides that I demand to quit her little slave group!_ …I'll tell Yuna how sorry I am whenever I encouraged her to continue her pilgrimage… Yea… I want to apologize to Yuna for forcing her on this stupid trip like everyone else! I was young. I was naïve!

Auron: And…you still are, Tidus.

Tidus: _(Cries)_

Cid: Well…ok then. _(He walks away, but really turns back around to punch him in the face.)_

_(Tidus wheels backwards and falls on his behind!)_

Tidus: W-what was that for?!

Cid: That's for lying! You just want the Calm to come as soon as possible like all them Yevonites out there! Well, I won't let you harm my niece like that!

Rikku: Hey! Why didn't you do that when I was auditioning for Yuna's part before? _(Pouts)_

Cid: Oh. Umm…I don't know. Hmm… _(Scratches his bald head)_

Rikku: Ah!

Tidus: But that's not true! I didn't even come from this world. I didn't know what the 'Calm' was, what summoners do, and why Guardians were needed in the first place. I…just wanted to support her throughout the way. I won't let her die!

Cid: … Ok, I believe ya. _(He puts his hand on Tidus' shoulder.)_

All: What?!

Lulu: You can't be serious! Tidus was just spouting random words in his DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)!

Tidus: My wha?

Wakka: Y-ya! He hasn't been on his pills lately, ya?

Tidus: Mushrooms?

Auron: _(Sighs)_ Why is this first scene so long already…?

Cid: Well, I don't know where Yuna is…

All: _He's ignoring us?!_

Cid: …but that's why we're going to search for her! Son, love at such a young age definitely impairs the mind. You are a lucky young man.

Tidus: Pops…thank you…

Cid: Son…

Tidus: Pops!

_(They hug.)_

All: …

Rikku: I thought he was **my** dad?

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ You're better off without him.

Cid: And now…time for the finale. _(He pushes Tidus to the floor and turns to where Brother is in the control room.)_

Rikku: Oh no…

Tidus: Ah! _(He gets up.)_ What?

Cid: _(He grabs a microphone from where Brother's keypad stuff are.)_ Myteac yht kahdmasah... _(Ladies and gentlemen...)_

Rikku: Oh no!

Lulu: What is he going to do?

Kimahri: _(Eyes widen)_ Ah…

Cid: E ys ouin Ym Prat maytan, Let. _(I am your Al Bhed leader, Cid.)_

Rikku: He's going to do something very drastic soon…

Auron: What is it though, Rikku?

Cid: Cehla dra kiytu taletat du dnycr uin Rusa, E bnubuca fa tu cusadrehk dryd femm meja...eh ehvyso. _(Since the Guado decided to trash our Home, I propose we do something that will live...in infamy.)_

Rikku: Ah! It's about time! I can't believe he's going to do **that** again…!

Kimahri: 'That'?

Wakka: What is it, ya?

Rikku: Oh, can't you stop saying 'ya'!? You sound like an uneducated buffoon!

Tidus: You're a monkey?

Rikku: Just prepare yourselves…

Cid: …It's- hammer time! Oh-oh-!

All: … What the…?

_(The whole Airship is partying…?)_

Rikku: P-Pops…what is this? I thought everyone was full of tears for leaving Home- again?

Cid: Yeah, but we're way over that already, Rikku. Rin suggested that we start over from scratch to create a **super city** for us, the Al Bheds!

Wakka: I-I'm against that!

Rikku: _(Pushes Wakka aside)_ That's a **wonderful** idea, Pops! We can finally build a zoo like I've dreamed of!

Cids: No, Rikku, no 'zoos' are included in my dream of a new Home.

Rikku: What?! I refuse to go along with your plan then!

Cid: Rin's already got everything mapped out, sweetie. I can't just decide to add a zoo in there!

Rikku: _(Sniffles)_ Th-then, I want a zoo next time when we have to rebuild Home!

Cid: Ok honey. _(Pats her on the head)_

All: …

Tidus: W-where do you get all the money to keep rebuilding a Home anyway…?

Cid: The United Trusty Bank of the Al Bheds- run by Rin.

Tidus: That guy…?

Cid: And now, time for the grand finale… _(He grins as he moves his finger over to a red button.)_ Good bye, Home. _(The initiation of Cid's finger-pressing blows up Home into nothing but another part of the desert.)_

_(The crew is flying home-free…?)_

_After Home has been blown up by Cid, the crew stands around in the control room, deciding on what to do next._

Auron: …Like I was saying, Cid-san, we should install an Al Bhed brothel around the new Home…

Cid: Oh, that sounds quite naughty…but nevertheless, the money that we'll earn will all go to Rin's bank for our Home! That doesn't sound so bad…

Rikku: Pops, stop luring others into your new Home plans!!

Wakka: I agree with that idea though.

Lulu: Wakka… _(Glares)_

Kimahri: _(Shakes his head and sighs)_

Tidus: _Wow…these people… I think I'm gonna go explore a bit. This thing is huge!_

_(Tidus travels around the airship and eventually ends up in a hall with Issaru and Maroda.)_

Tidus: Hey. Where's the kid?

Maroda: Pacce is napping right now.

Issaru: …Ah! I can't believe I wasn't able to commit suicide in front of everyone's eyes! That way, I could've been revered as a hero in all of history…!

Tidus & Maroda: …

Maroda: Brother…-

Issaru: Stop calling me that! I'm not your 'brother'! You were simply picked up from the streets along with the short kid!!

Maroda: _(Gasps)_ I-it can't be…!!

Tidus: Umm…this is like some kind of Springer show…

Issaru: But nevertheless, _(Sighs) _Maroda has been constantly begging me not to continue my journey ever since the confession back at the summoner sanctum. Pacce was actually crying his little eyes out because of that.

Tidus: Well, I still think it's a stupid decision.

Issaru: Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do?

Tidus: …That's true. Well, sorry then.

_(Tidus moves on to encounter Rin.)_

Tidus: Ah! Rin! Ed'c paah cilr y muhk desa ymnayto. _(It's been such a long time already.)_

Rin: Ah. Tidus, E caa oui'ja paah cditoehk uin myhkiyka. Oui'ja esbnujat. _(I see you've been studying our language. You've improved.)_

Tidus: Ahaha. Rin, that whole little new Home plan of yours, are you really going to go on with it?

Rin: Heheh… Tidus, how wealthy do you think I am?

Tidus: Eh?

Rin: Come on, just guess.

Tidus: Umm…well, since I seem to visit you five times a day- I might say…a gillionaire?

Rin: Fufu… You…are correct! I am the richest man in all of Spira, no matter their status or lineage! I will always be at the top of all others! Bwahaha!

Tidus: …

Rin: So, would you like to take a look at my wares?

Tidus: Ok!

_(Tidus leaves Rin and comes upon Dona.)_

Dona: I'm quitting my pilgrimage.

Tidus: Oh, that's so sad… Would you like to be my slave instead…?

Dona: Hey, hey, just because I'm an African American doesn't mean that I believe in all of this, "white man slave trade" thing, alright? _(She storms off.)_

Tidus: …Wow. I was going to actually recruit her for Auron's idea of an Al Bhed hooker place for the new Home.

_(Tidus returns to the control room to see Auron and Cid arguing…)_

Cid: I'm telling ya, there's no way you're going to use my newly-established Home's hooker services free of charge- even if you were the one to suggest it!

Auron: Hey, hey, you know how many hookers would gladly join my idea since **I** was the one who suggested it? No one would follow such an old fogie like you!

Lulu: Like Exkii-sama said?

Auron: Gah! Don't remind me! My love…!

All: …

Cid: And listen, I can't send my niece to become a hooker in my brothel if she decides to quit her journey!

Tidus: _(Gasps)_ Auron, what are you suggesting?

Auron: Look, I'm tired of "Little Miss Perfect" trying to run our lives. I've decided, we'll just sell her contract over to Cid.

Lulu: That was actually **my** idea, thank you very much. _(Smiles)_

Tidus: Oh dear. But you guys do know that without Yuna, we can't exactly go on with the show… I can't be a poor actor living in a room full of smelly losers again!! No-o-o-o!... _(He holds his head.)_

Wakka: Don't worry about it, brudda. We've got it all under control… Al Bhed Psych!

_(The Al Bhed Psych blitzball team comes from the ceiling like ninjas!?)_

Tidus: W-what the…? Aren't you guys that kidnapped Yuna?!

Al Bhed Psych: Cen! _(Sir!)_

Wakka: Heheh… They are under my control since I bribed their leader with my personal Puerto Rican massage girls!

Lulu: Didn't they run away?

Brother: Vydran! E'ja vuiht ran! _(Father! I've found her!)_

Cid: Naymmo! Frana ec cra? _(Really! Where is she?)_

_Brother closes in on a video of Yuna in a wedding dress- chained?!, alongside Seymour._

Tidus: Whoa, Yuna?! That's…kinda kinky…

Lulu: She's at Bevelle.

Tidus: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's just break in and save the day!

Rikku: Yeah, we have to save Mistress Yunie!

Cid: You got it, kid.

Rikku: But why is Seymour right next to her…?

Auron: He's an unsent, his evil presence will just continue to linger on the surface.

Lulu: She might be…willing to go through with the wedding.

All: … Ah!

Kimahri: Yuna. Like Seymour.

All: _That's right…!!_

Rikku: B-but, that's not possible, is it? I thought he was just an idiot!

Lulu: Remember that strange personality disorder Seymour has? She might be falling in love with **that** side of him.

Wakka: …Hey, how do you think their kids will turn out?

All: _I don't even want to think about it…!!_

Auron: Well, it's Yuna's life, let's just go on with ours…-

Tidus: _(A fire burns in his eyes.)_ No way.

Auron: T-Tidus?

Tidus: I'm gonna get **my** mack on later! There's no way I'm gonna let someone else get to her before I do!

Rikku: What if she's not virgin?  
Tidus: …Aw man! That's disgusting, Rikku!

Cid: Stop arguing and get going! My neicy is in trouble there!

Rikku: Hey, how come you never care about me that way too, Pops?!

Cid: You're the lovechild, Rikku. I need not to care about you any longer.

Rikku: _(Cries)_

All: …

_Rin then runs in._

Rin: Bad news, some of the remaining Guados have snuck onto the airship!

Cid: What?! I'll show them… Kids, get going! No one messes with Cid and gets away with it!

Rin: Well then, would you like to shop Rin before leaving?

Tidus: I'll take…-

Wakka: Stop buying from him, Tidus! He's a bad man!

Tidus: What?

_(Leave the control room and head towards the deck. As you head up the stairs and go near the windows, something big comes up near the crew…)_

Tidus: Whoa! What is that thing?

_A dragon is seen._

Lulu: That's Evrare, the protector of Bevelle. He becomes quite hostile when we don't use the front doors…

Auron: …You think we can eat that?

All: _(Looks at Auron)_

Auron: Alright, if you must know, I am actually half Chinese- cause my eyes are like **this!** _(He stretches them horizontally.)_

All: … _(Leaves without him)_

Auron: …Hey, I was just admitting the truth. _(Shrugs)_

_(Tidus is about to enter the lift to the deck when…)_

Tidus: Gah! Rin! Why are you here? I thought Wakka told you that we didn't want to buy anything from you?

Wakka: That's right, brudda!

Rin: Tidus, it's inevitable- you can't hide from me.

Tidus: W-what? Why…?

Rin: Because…I am your…**father.**

Tidus: Kya-a-a-a!

Auron: That's not possible. I told Tidus that his father is Moby Dick.

Rin: Huh? Really? Oh, that's no fun! Well, I'll see you then. _(Waves and runs away)_

All: …

_(They proceed to the deck, where Evrare will swoop through the skies and end up next to the airship. It's time to commence battle!)_

Auron: I'm not kidding, can we eat that thing?

Tidus: Oh god, Auron. You Chinese are disgusting.

Cid: _(From megaphone)_ Kids! Give me the sign when you want to move away from that beastly Chinese dragon!

Rikku: Wow, it's a real Chinese dragon?! I thought these things only existed in fairy tales! _(Her eyes sparkle.)_

All: …

Evrae: Why do you humans keep saying that I am, 'Chinese'? I am a Spiran, just like all of you.

All: _He spoke…!!_

Rikku: Oh no, Evrae-sama, I am Al Bhed. I am different from those imbeciles!

All: Don't try to make yourself special!!

Evrae: Ah, an honest girl. Tell me, what is your desire? I can grant anything…

All: _A magic dragon?!_

Rikku: Ooh, goodie! Well, first…-

Tidus: _(Pushes her off the airship deck)_

Rikku: Kya-a-a-a-a-a…!!

Tidus: That thing is a fiend! _(Points at Evrare)_

Evrare: Eh?! Me?

Tidus: He only talks cause I'm on hallucinogens! Don't listen to a word he says!

All: …

Tidus: Didn't I tell you all that I went on a mushroom trip just yesterday?

Auron: _(Sighs) _Whatever he is trying to say, we have to get rid of Evrae, otherwise we cannot get into Bevelle.

Evrare: Oh dear… Darn you humans!

_(Evrae is murdered! What will happen next?!)_


	26. Wedding Crashers Part II

**Disclaimer:** I have no affiliation with Square-Enix- as usual. They own everything that is Final Fantasy-related in this fan fiction.

---  
**Act 26:** Wedding Crashers Part II  
---  
_(The mighty Chinese dragon has finally been smite by our brave heroes! What will happen next?)_

_As Evrae's body disintegrates in the air as pyreflies, the people attending the wedding look up into the sky. Why has their guardian beast suddenly died? _

Cid: Alright guys, good job! Now it's time to get this party started…

_The airship is hurling itself towards Bevelle! The crew hangs on for dear life as they cut through the air and towards Yuna and Seymour's wedding._

Kinoc: Shoot them!

_The soldiers point their guns at the airship and begin to shoot._

Yuna: Ugh. _(Shakes head)_ Why have they decided to come **now?** What happened to the time when I was selecting this wedding dress?

Seymour: But-but, Lady Yuna, you look **astonishing **in this wedding dress!

Yuna: No, fool! I was wondering why I didn't pick a more expensive one and listened to your stupid suggestion about this slut dress! Gosh, this is something Lulu would wear!

Seymour: …Come! _(He grabs Yuna by the hand and starts up the stairs as she drops her bouquet on the red carpet behind.)_

Yuna: Hey, hey, hey! Who do you think you're handling here?!

_The airship will release wire cables onto the grounds of Bevelle. The crew begins their skating from there…_

Tidus: Whoo hoo! This reminds me so much of that manga, **Air Gear!** They have those awesome rollerblades that does like two million little tricks!

All: …

Tidus: …Sorry.

Rikku: Where are my heelies when I need them?

Wakka: Hey, aren't those the things the little kids have nowadays, ya?

Rikku: …What's wrong if I own a pair of 'heelies'? I'm still a kid inside ya know. _(Crosses her arms)_ Oh, Wakka, watch out for that tree.

Wakka: Huh? What tree? _(Looks forward and ends up tripping over a loose wire, which causes him to fall off into the sky below)_

All: …

Rikku: Heheh…evil plan #549040964904690463- complete.

Auron: This is hic so much more fun than hic using a wheelchair! Hic!

Lulu: Sir Auron, have you been drinking again?

Auron: M-me, 'drink'? Preposterous!

Tidus: Monkey butt?

Lulu: That would be a, "posterior", Tidus.

Tidus: Like, squeeze me!

Lulu: …Kya! My dress is going up! Kimahri!

Kimahri: … _(Flips skirt more up)_

Lulu: Ah! What are you doing, you dimwit?! _(Whacks him)_

Kimahri: Oww…

Tidus: Forget it, Lu, animals are too dumb to understand human language. Isn't that right, stinky poo?

Kimahri: _(Growls and throws Lulu into Auron's arms to jump over and maul Tidus to pieces)_

Tidus: Gya-a-a-a-a-a…!!

All: …

Rikku: Wow, that was animal instinct-ish, wasn't it?

_(The crew finally lands on the grounds of Bevelle, where Lulu drop kicks the peeping tom soldiers, Tidus ends up in bandages, cast, and blood, and Wakka revives with an Auto-Life spell upon his head.)_

Wakka: Whew, I thought I was a goner for a moment there, ya.

Rikku: Dammit. _(Snaps fingers)_

Tidus: Ok, guys! What are we gonna do?

Rikku: Rescue Mistress Yunie?

Tidus: No!

Lulu: Skin Kimahri?

Kimahri: _(Growls)_

Tidus: Umm…no.

Auron: Hic Drink to good health and wonder why Exkii-sama won't marry me here? Hic

Tidus: Definitely not.

Wakka: I know! Ask the maesters nicely to stop their evil plan!

Tidus: …What are you in, kindergarten?!

Wakka: …Well, I obviously thought wrong! I haven't had nap time for two hours already! _(Sucks his thumb)_

All: …

Tidus: We are…going to crash the reception! That's why we came, guys!

Lulu: You mean…

Rikku: …we were here to crash Mistress Yunie's wedding? _(Gasps)_ That's horrible!

Auron: Is there going to be free beer?

Tidus: I thought you drank that oriental wine thing.

Auron: "Sake", it's called, 'sake'.

_(The soldiers start shooting.)_

Rikku: Get down, guys!

_(The crew ducks.)_

Wakka: We can't just sit here like…sitting ducks! Haha! 'Sitting ducks'! Get it? Haha!

All: …

Wakka: …Ok, so you guys don't appreciate my fine sense of humor? Hmph!

Lulu: For some reason, I always thought that Tidus would be the first one to say something like that…

Auron: I agree with you, toots.

Lulu: _(Vein pop)_ Don't call me, 'toots'!

Auron: _(Ignores)_ So, what do we do now?

Tidus: Well, don't we obviously run and rescue the mistress?

Rikku: Uh, hello! Didn't you see the weapons they were packing? _(She shows Tidus again.)_ C-4…missile launchers…grenade launchers…proximity mines…timed mines…automatic weapons… Do you know what 'automatic weapons' mean?

Tidus: Umm…

Rikku: It's when you're shot with one, you're **automatically** **dead!** Get it?!

Tidus: Eep!

Rikku: Don't worry, guys. I originally came from the army from back at Home. _(Grins)_ I know how to deal with this…

All: …

Wakka: Geez, where did you pick her up from?

Auron: She's one of those crack babies, isn't she?

All: …

_(And so, Rikku ends up leading the crew in a tank full of menacing weapons of mass destruction. She terrorizes Bevelle's soldiers as they make their way up the stairs.)_

Rikku: Bwahaha! Take that, you damn Yevonite! _(She throws a grenade at them.)_ That's for taking Stella's life!

Tidus: Who's 'Stella'?

_(And so, the crew finally descends from the tank when they reach the bottom of the last flight of stairs. They rush up to rescue Yuna- only to be stopped by Kinoc's men.)_

Rikku: Aw, shucks! Why do I always get caught up in the best moments?

Auron: I should've known you were behind this, Kinoc. You were always a mama's boy to begin with.

Kinoc: Hah. Auron, what profane words you spout endlessly!

Auron: Stop trying to sound smart just because you read the bible!

Kinoc: _(Gasps)_ I object!

Seymour: You…imbeciles… Why do you always ruin my moments of happiness whenever you have a chance?

Rikku: Hmph! It's our job!

Yuna: You idiots! How am I supposed to claim my free jewelry now?

Lulu: Yuna…how come you became so selfish?!

Yuna: _(Vein pop)_ Lulu… How **dare** you question my authority…

All: Uh oh…

Tidus: Umm…uh…Lulu, we offer you to be our sacrifice! _(Pushes her forward)_

Lulu: W-what?!

Rikku: Oh no! Mistress Yunie's going to have a B.F.!

Yuna: I'm not white!

Seymour: Whatever! _(Turns back to Yuna)_ There's no way you can escape Bevelle's maximum-level security, Yuna-sama.

Yuna: Oh yea? Then how come **they** broke in?

Seymour: … D'oh!

Yuna: You know what, I'm tired of you, Seymour! You are such a pain in my ass when I'm trying to rule the world! We can't have you meddling in my affairs now, can we? _(She takes out her wand.)_

Seymour: Oh? And what do you plan to do with that child's toy, Lady Yuna?

Yuna: 'Ch-child's toy'? Wait a minute… This isn't the 1,000,000 Gil Malleable Staff that I originally had!! Whose idea of a joke is this?!

Auron: …I sold the original one so I can buy Samurai Monthly Issue 1,999.9!

Yuna: You what?!

Tidus: …Auron, why **do **you still subscribe to that thing…?

Rikku: Ok, could we quit asking about what Auron does during his free time?! Good going, Mistress Yunie! Now get rid of him so we can go back…-

Mika: S-stop! _(He comes out in a wheelchair.)_

All: What…?

Wakka: Maester Mika! What happened to you?

Tidus: Quit treating him with so much formality!

Auron: Yeah, no one cares what you think or say anyway, Wakka.

Wakka: _(Cries)_

Mika: Forget what that wigged gentleman is saying…

Wakka: _(Gasps)_ How did you know…?

Mika: We are the government _(Smiles),_ we know **everything.**

Wakka: Ah!

Mika: Lady Yuna, would you like to witness the sight of a bittersweet death of your friends- or Seymour's final and fatal death?

Yuna: Whoa, those are like, the two hardest decisions to make in my life!

All: Hey!!

Yuna: _(She looks back and forth from Seymour and then to her servants.)_ Oh…this is such a hard choice!

Lulu: _(Vein pop)_ How difficult is it to choose between your friends or the strange Hylian thing?!

Wakka: Lulu, I thought you said that was a Nin-…

Lulu: Oh, put a sock in it, crybaby!

Wakka: W-what? _(His eyes begin to water.)_

Tidus: Wow, and I thought **I** was a baby.

Auron: You still are.

Tidus: N-no… Why, Auron?! Why?! _(Cries)_

Lulu: Listen, you freak. We've been behind you throughout this whole journey and haven't made a single complain until now. Are you telling me that you can't choose between us, your loyal subjects, and that strange blue-haired freak?

Seymour: Hey, hey, don't hate!

Yuna: Well…he has **blue hair.**

Lulu: What about Kimahri, that thing that's followed you ever since your father died?!

Kimahri: _(Sighs)_ Prejudice…

Lulu: Oh, shut up already! Your race isn't even real!

Yuna: …Lulu, I believe you. Therefore, I will marry this guy! _(Throws the staff overboard)_

All: What?!

Seymour: Hah! Yes! Score one for the bad guy! _(Does a little dance)_

All: …

Yuna: _(Rolls her eyes and takes Seymour by force)_

_The two engage in a very, very, private moment at the altar. Yevon's devoted subjects will applaud, but the crew will look on with disgust._

Tidus: _What a slut… Oh well, that's why she's easy._

Rikku: _Oh my god…what are they doing with their tongues?!_

Auron: _I wonder if they've mailed my subscription yet…_

Lulu: _No, no, Yuna! You're doing it all wrong!_

Kimahri: …

Wakka: _Oh em gee! Yuna's first kiss! How sweet…_

_They finally finish, leaving Yuna gasping for breath as Seymour pulls her in close._

Seymour: Kill them.

Yuna: _(Gasps)_

_The soldiers point their guns at the crew._

Auron: Dammit…why does it always end this way?

Yuna: Stop!

_Everyone turns to see Yuna standing at the edge of the altar. She backs up a bit more._

Tidus: Yuna, don't commit suicide like Dona and Issaru did…!

Yuna: What? They commited suicide?!

Lulu: No, don't pay attention to that fool. He's hi on hallucinogens again.

Yuna: Oh. Anyway _(She flicks her hair back),_ let them go!

All: _How heroic…_

Yuna: If you won't, I'll…jump!

Rikku: _(Gasps)_ Mistress Yunie, you would do such a thing for **us?**

Yuna: No, idiot. Why would I ever give up my own life for you? Yeesh.

Rikku: Aaw…

Seymour: Don't be silly, Yuna. Of course I was going to let them go, it was just a **slip of the tongue.** Now come back down and we can get on with our **first night** together.

Yuna: Oh god, no! I would rather die than do **anything** with you. My babies would turn out looking like freaks, thank you very much.

Seymour: _(Cries)_

Yuna: You guys, chop chop. Get going now.

Tidus: No, Yuna! We won't leave without you!

_(Everyone else but Tidus turns to leave.)_

Tidus: W-wait, guys! Why aren't we waiting for Yuna?

Auron: She can take care of herself.

Tidus: But, Yuna…?

Yuna: Don't worry, I can fly!

Wakka: Oh no! She's been drugged too, mon!

Yuna: No, I'm not kidding. I can **fly.** _(She backs up a bit.)_

All: _(Gasps)_

Yuna: _(She smiles at them all and falls backwards into the depths.)_

_Seymour and Mika will go check the scene out, seeing the feathers slipping from Yuna's wedding dress, and the summon circle which will call out Valefor. Valefor slips himself under Yuna on his belly and will carry her to safety._

Rikku: Oh…! I finally get a chance to use this! _(Grins)_ Everyone, cover your eyes! _(She throws something on the ground, creating a bright flash of light which catches Seymour offguard.)_

_The crew is escaping!_

Wakka: Whoa, what was that?

Rikku: It's an Al Bhed flash bomb!

Tidus: Argh…let me go!

Kimahri: Yuna said "leave".

Auron: Quick, to the temple!

Lulu: Ah, my dress got caught!

Tidus: Yuna-a-a-a-a-a…!

---


	27. Under Arrest

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything that is Final Fantasy-related. All rights are reserved by Sequare-Enix.

---  
**Act 27: **Under Arrest

---  
(_Tidus and the gang, following Auron's advice to escape to Bevelle Temple, had arrived- lost.)  
_All: _(Glares at Auron)_

Auron: W-what? It's your fault that you decided to finally listen to me! _(Folds his arms)_

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ I thought we told you that those maps in that silly magazine of yours are only of Japan!

Auron: Well, I also thought that it was the perfect time to put this 'silly' map to use, no matter what you said!

All: …

Rikku: Great, now we're lost in a whole temple of contraptions! _(She waves her arms in the air.)_

Tidus: Is that a new tribal dance? _(Does the same)_

Rikku: … Snap out of it, Tidus! _(Slaps him)_

Tidus: Oww! W-why would you do such a thing…? _(Whimpers)_

Auron: Aw man, look what you did, Rikku! Now he's going to cry!

Tidus: N-no, I won't!

Auron: Oh yea? _(Slaps him)_

Tidus: Oww! Why'd you do that too…? _(Sniffles)_

Auron: See?

Rikku: Well, slapping Tidus won't get us anywhere.

Tidus: What? It doesn't?! That's why I let you two slap me in the first place…

All: …

Rikku: Besides, Yevon contradicted itself pretty well, didn't it? This room is full of macchina which I can handle. _(She goes over to a machine and begins pressing buttons.)_

Wakka: Hmm. It sure is convenient to have an Al Bhed around.

Rikku: Hey, I'm not one of those one-night stand Al Bhed hookers, ok? I'm around 24/7!

All: …

Auron: Hmm…really…?

Tidus: Eew, Auron's got a case of pedophilia

All: _(Stares at Tidus)_

Tidus: W-what?

Wakka: Since when did you learn such big words, mon?

Tidus: Oh, it's something called the "dictionary", which, Wakka, you should be reading since the only words in **your** vocabulary are, "ya," "mon," and, "brudda". It's embarrassing to have to act on the same stage as you all the time.

Wakka: 'E-embarassing'?!

Lulu: Hmm…he **does** make a point.

Wakka: Lu?!

Lulu: I mean, what is up with that **horrid** shampoo? What was the scent?

Rikku: Coconut lime?

Lulu: Oh dear, yes. That **horrid stench!** I keep wondering when he's going to change his shampoo.

Wakka: But…I thought you liked it…?

Auron: She lied just to get you in bed!

All: _(Snickers)_

Wakka: N-no! That's not true! True **love** exists between Lulu and I! Ya? _(He turns to Lulu who was flirting with the coffee boy who was off-duty.)_ Hey, you mon! Get away from my woman! _(Waves fists at him)_

Lulu: _(Sighs and rolls her eyes)_

_(The coffee boy leaves.)_

Rikku: Wow, Lulu, you're so promiscuous!

Lulu: Hey, hey, are you only saying that just to fit a musical into this chapter?

Rikku: Like, totally! We haven't heard a song for a couple of acts already!

Tidus: Which do you prefer, _(Takes out his iPod)_ **Promiscuous Girl** or **Fergalicious?**

Lulu: Fergalicious.

**Fergalicious by Fergie**

**Feat. Will I Am**

_This Version by: Lulu_

_Feat. Tidus_

Tidus:_  
Two, five, nine, Charlie!_

_Listen up y'all, cuz this is it_

_The beat that I'm knockin' is scrump-i-tious_

Lulu:  
_Lulilicious definition make Spiran boys go loco_

_They want my naturals so they get their pleasures from their binoculars_

_You can see me, you can't squeeze me_

_I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy_

_I got reasons why I tease Wakka_

_Boys just come and go like fiends._

_Lululicious (So delicious)_

_But I ain't like Rikku_

_And if you was suspicious_

_All that shit is done by Square-Enix_

_I blow kisses (Mmmwwwaaahh)_

_That puts Wakka on rock, rock_

_And they be lining down the huts just to see what I got_

Chorus:  
_So delicious (It's hot, hot)  
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)  
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)  
Lululicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)_

Lulu:  
_Lululicious def- Lululicious def- Lululicious def- (Def fading echoes)_

_Lululicious definition makes Wakka go crazy_

_He always claims he knows me_

_Comin' to me call me Rikku (Hey Rikku)_

_I'm the L to the U, and L back to the U_

_And can't no other lady flaunt them out like me_

_I'm Lululicious (So delicious)_

_My boobs stay natural_

_I be up in the temple just working on my magic_

_He's my witness (Ooh wee)_

_I put yo boy on rock rock _

_And he be lying down the huts just to see what I got_

Chorus:

_So delicious (It's hot, hot)  
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)  
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)  
Lululicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)_

Lulu:

_Baby, baby, baby_

_If you really want me_

_Honey get some dough_

_Maybe then you'll get a feel_

_I'll be tasty, tasy, I'll be laced with lacey_

_It's so tasty, tasty, It'll make you crazy_

Tidus:  
_L to the O to the O O L O O and to the O girl you tasty, L to the O to the O O L O O and to the O girl you tasty,_

_N to the A to the T U R A and to the L, N to the A to the T U R A and to the L, hit it Lulu_

Lulu:

_All the time I turn around always brotha's gather round always looking at me up  
and down looking at my_

_(Aaahs)_

_I just wanna say it now I ain't tryin to round up all the Spiran brotha's mama I don't want to take your man _

_And I know I'm comin off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how_

_The boys want to feel them_

_But I'm tryin' to tell, that I can't be treated like Rikku_

_Cuz' they say she delicious_

Chorus:

_Lululicious (So delicious)_

_But I ain't like Rikku_

_And if you was suspicious_

_All that shit is done by Square-Enix_

_I blow kisses (Mmmwwwaaahh)_

_That puts Wakka on rock, rock_

_And they be lining down the huts just to see what I got_

_Four, tres, two, uno_

_My boobs stay natural_

_I be up in the temple just working on my magic_

_He's my witness (Ooh wee)_

_I put yo' man on rock, rock_

_And he be lining down the huts just to see what I got_

_(Repeat all the other nonsense.)_

All: …

Rikku: So Lulu really **is** promiscuous! And we thought she was just joking with those hooters all this time!

Lulu: _(Glares)_

Tidus: Hey, the door thing is open! Let's take the lift! _(Runs off)_

All: _(Follows)_

_(And so, the crew ends up wandering inside the temple- jumping off the lift into their perils for "fun".)_

Tidus: Whoa… Look at all those pretty colors, guys!

_(Rikku and Wakka goes over to Tidus' side of the lift to observe the ground.)_

Rikku: I've never seen this much complex macchina in my life before!

Wakka: Me neither. Yevon says our eyes would burn out if we stare at them for more than five minutes… _(Turns to Kimahri and Lulu)_ W-why aren't your eyes burning like mine!? _(His eyes water.)_

Lulu: That's because I sprayed mace in your eyes when you were staring at my area for too long.

Kimahri: _(Nods)_

Wakka: …Oh. So all that thing about looking at macchinas for too long was a lie…?

Lulu & Kimahri: _(Nods)_

Lulu: We just wanted to see how far that stupid head of yours would think.

Kimahri: _(Snickers)_

Wakka: W-why would you guys lie to me for so long?! _(Cries)_

All: …

Auron: Hey look! Yevon!

Wakka: Where?

Auron: There! _(Pushes him off the lift and snickers)_ Sucker…

Lulu: Sir Auron!

Tidus: W-Wakka?!

Rikku: Serves him right…

_(And so, Wakka is rescued and the team moves on to the Chamber of the Fayth.)_

Tidus: Kimahri, you lied again! Where's Yuna? _(He points to him.)_

Rikku: This doesn't have to do with the whole "White Castle" thing, right?

Tidus: I still won't forgive him for that!

All: …

Auron: I think that was me…

Tidus: … Right.

Kimahri: _(Heads over to the door of the Antechamber and lifts it up.)_

_(The whole crew enters to see Yuna praying in her wedding dress, in front of the little dude from the beginning and throughout the whole movie!)_

Tidus: _(Gasps)_ He was like a premonition!

All: …

Auron: That is so wrong context…

Yuna: _(She turns to the crew in shock.)_ You…you imbeciles! _(She stands up with fury in her eyes.)_

All: Gah!

Auron: Why are you so mad?

Yuna: Cause there's not enough space in this little room, fools! This is why Guardians can never come into the Antechamber with the Summoner!

All: Oh…

Yuna: Ah. _(She gasps.)_ This room…so stuffy… Hold me! _(She swoons into Tidus' arms.)_

Tidus: Ah! She's actually much heavier than she looks!

_(The crew leaves without Tidus and Yuna, but when they exit as well…)_

Rikku: No, don't come out!

_The crew is ambushed by Kinoc and his men!_

Rikku: Aw, poopie! This is why you guys should always listen to the blonde!

All: _(Snickers)_

Rikku: Hey! Why's is so funny?! _(Pouts)_

Kinoc: Auron and company…

Yuna: _(Wakes up and pushes Tidus aside)_ Hey! Hey hey! Why does **Auron's **name come first in front of 'company'? Who's the one leading this bunch of scavengers all across Spira?!

Lulu: 'Scavengers'?

Kinoc: Well…umm…I…

Tidus: Oh no! Hurry and revise your statement! Better yet- retract it!

_(Yuna comes closer and closer to Kinoc with an angry look.)_

Kinoc: Gah! Yevon! Help me! _(Cowers)_

Soldiers: _(Laughs)_

Kinoc: S-stop it! Stop it you all!

Auron: Kinoc's just too much of a pussy to say, "y'all".

All: _(Laughs)_

Kinoc: Th-that's not true! _(Sniffles)_

Auron: _(Sighs)_ Ah, yes, high school was so fun together, wasn't it Kinoc?

Kinoc: No it wasn't! Auron was such a bully that it wasn't funny!

Wakka: What? Sir Auron? _(Gasps)_ You were a high school bully?

Auron: _(Grins)_ Who ever knew?

Kinoc: But anyway…now it's time for **me** to be a bully! Lady Yuna and her gang of ill-mannered subjects- you are all under arrest for going against Yevon!

_(The soldiers point their guns at them.)_

Yuna: _(Scoffs)_ You, arrest **me?** Do you have any ides who **I am?**

Kinoc: Yes, yes. We all are aware of who you are. Now move along.  
Yuna: Ah…you're gonna get it… Hey! Watch the dress!  
Lulu: Mine too!

Tidus: _(Quivers)_ I-I…I hope no one tries to rape me in prison…

Auron: Relax, Wakka might end up doing that.

Tidus: Gah!

Wakka: Ah?!

Kimahri: _(Shakes his head)_

Rikku: I wonder how the food'll taste like… You think Seymour's going to serve us again?

---


	28. The Betrayal

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy X or anything else that is Final Fantasy-related. All rights are reserved to Square Enix.

---  
**Act 28: **The Betrayal  
---  
_The crew is assembled in court in front of the four Maesters of Yevon. Yuna is the defendant which will speak in court._

(Maester) Kelk Ronso: Summoner Yuna, you dare to appear in front of Yevon today after all the crimes that you have committed?

Yuna: Excuse me?

Kelk Ronso: Maester Seymour Guado has been killed, leaving nothing but the hands of justice pointing to all but you. Lady Yuna, how do you plead?

Yuna: _(Chuckles with a smile)_

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ That doesn't look like such a good answer…

Tidus: W-what are they gonna do to us…?

Lulu: We'll probably be sent to the most high security prison in all of Spira…!

Kelk Ronso: Lady Yuna! How dare you not admit the sin which you have committed upon Maester Seymour!

Yuna: Heh. Alright, fine. I admit it. I killed him- in fact, **all** of us did.

All: What?!

Yuna: _(Turns to them)_ Oh, don't say it like you didn't know! _(Returns to Kelk Ronso)_ Yes, we did kill Seymour and I was only going to do my job as a summoner and as a good citizen of Spira…

Rikku: Mistress is always so kind!

Kelk Ronso: Then you admit to your crimes?

Yuna: Well, didn't I just say, 'yes'? Besides, that's not all. The previous Guado maester of Spira- Lord Jyscal (R.I.P.), implored us to stop his son- Seymour Guado! Seymour assassinated his own father in order to achieve the role of 'maester' in all of Spira!

Kelk Ronso: _(Looks shocked and turns to the other maesters)_ I-is this true…?

Seymour: _(Shrugs with a nod)_ Pretty much.

Kelk Ronso: This is…this is all… _(Sighs and turns around to leave)_

Yuna: _(She points to Seymour in the back at the top.)_ Seymour Guado is an unsent! Isn't it the duty of a summoner to send anyone to relieve them of their pains?

Mika: _(Chuckles)_ Why is it so surprising?

_The pyreflies will swirl around the maesters Mika, Seymour, and Kinoc. The crew is surprised._

Yuna: W-what the heck…? What is the meaning of this, Mika?

Mika: Insolent child! Learn to accept the new changes which we, the maesters are bestowing upon you! Why should the dead be 'relieved' of their pains, their lives? We should be able to walk and live among the living like anyone else! We are still people, are we not?

Yuna: Yes, but you do know that if we were to accept death- then everyone who went against Sin…their deaths would've been in vain, right?

Mika: Oh ho… Please do not be surprised, dear Lady Yuna. But unfortunately, due to your treason and crime against Maester Seymour, we will have to send you to Via Purifico. Please do enjoy your stay. _(Smiles)_

Yuna: What?!

Rikku: Juvie?! I've never been arrested in my entire life before! Well, maybe just that one time when I was in the back seat of the caravan with this guy…

All: Stop it!

_Tidus and Auron are in a cage together. Where have the others gone?_

Tidus: Hey, let me out! I can't stay in here with a drunkard! _(Sniffles)_ I'm afraid of heights…

Auron: … Stiffen that upper lip boy. Hic. _(He ends up smacking Tidus with his sake jar.)_

Tidus: Gah! _(He looks back up at Auron with a bleeding forehead in pain from the ground.) _W-why would you do something like that?! _(Sniffles)_ And why are you still drinking at a time like this?

Auron: Hmm? Who? Me? Why would I drink at such an uncomfortable situation like **this?** _(He ends up swinging his jar into the bar, breaking it.)_ …Oh.

Tidus: Jeez, Auron! I could've died with that! _(He begins to wipe down his blood with his hands.)_

Auron: Ah, savvy, mate. Hic. But you seem to be forgetting that we can't exactly "die" in this video game. We actually "faint" like all the other series made. The only one who ever died that I know of was Aerith Gainsborough of Final Fantasy VII. Sweet girl she was, sad that her death was short and untimely. _(Sighs)_ Hic.

Tidus: Y-you think they're gonna kill off Yuna just like that?

Auron: Oh god. Oh god, no. Why would they kill off the heroine 'just like that'?

Tidus: But…I thought I was the main character of the story…?

Auron: You wanna bet?

_Kinoc arrives._

Auron: Oh, look. It's the one who couldn't take a wedgy as a joke back in high school! You know, Kinoc was such a crybaby…

Kinoc: Stop it already! Your sentences have been decided.

Auron: _(Glares at Kinoc)_ Who are **you** to tell **me** that **my** sentence has been decided? Hmm? You seem to be forgetting who was at the top of the food pyramid, **Kinoc.**

Kinoc: _(Gulps)_ W-whatever! I won't take anymore harassment from you any longer! Even in death I still have to be tormented by you…

Tidus: …Was your relationship that horrible?

Auron: So what? Are you going to kill us?

Kinoc: _(Chuckles)_ Auron…even if you've tormented that much back in high school- I wouldn't kill you for revenge!

Auron: Oh, I would.

Kinoc: …Moving along… Please do come with me.

_Tidus is thrown into the water in his part of Via Purifico._

Tidus: Hey! Let me back up!

Soldier: _(Laughs)_ No can do, kiddo. You can try- if you can make it through those things! _(Walks away with the others)_

Tidus: Argh…dammit… Kya-a-a-a-a-a!! _(Struggles in the water)_ Oh god! Something's got me! Help me, Yevon-n-n-n…!!

_(Wakka and Rikku surfaces up.)_

Tidus: Oh my god. It's you two! You've saved me!

Wakka: 1,000 Gil, Rikku.

Rikku: _(Rolls eyes)_ I didn't think that he'd betray Charlie that fast… _(Hands over a pouch to Wakka)_

Tidus: …Oh my god. Rikku, did you just sell me over to him? What time period is this?!

Rikku: Hey, hey, if I was to sell someone over, it'd probably be someone more useful than you.

Tidus: W-what…?

Wakka: Well, I guess it's just us three then.

Rikku: Gee, you think?

Wakka: Rhetorical question, Rikku. No doubt that you don't know what it means.

Rikku: Hmph. _Dammit! He's right, I don't! Where's my dictionary when I need it?_

Tidus: So, what are you two doing here?

Wakka: What do you think we're doing here, Tidus? Do you think we came here to swim for fun?!

Tidus: W-well… _(Looks down into the water)_ Oh hey look! Haha! I can see myself! Hello, stranger…

Wakka & Rikku: … _(Swims off without him)_

Tidus: W-wait up! What if that thing comes back for me again?! Gya! _(Follows them)_

_Meanwhile, as Tidus, Wakka, and Rikku are trying to find their way through the treacherous waters… The three out of four maesters of Yevon are found conversing._

Mika: It seems that Maester Kelk Ronso is a bit surprised.

Seymour: Of course, it's the first time that he's heard that I've killed my own father by my own hands.

Kinoc: …Gee, I'm glad that I didn't push **you** out of my vagina.

Mika & Seymour: _(Stares at him)_

Kinoc: …I mean, if I _had_ a vagina… _(Looks away)_

Seymour: Well then, I think I'll go meet Lady Yuna & Company at the exit, in case they find their way. _(He turns to leave.)_

Kinoc: Wait a minute! I will go with you.

Seymour: Oh? You don't trust me?

Kinoc: Would you trust a man that murdered his own father?

Seymour: _(Chuckles)_ Fair enough.

_And so, it is time for Yuna to be thrown into her part of the prison…_

Soldier: Lady Yuna, I'm really sorry about this.

Yuna: _(Turns around to give them a super death glare- Version 3.0!)_ Oh really? If you were truly 'sorry' about this, then why would you push **me,** Yuna, "the Greatest Animal Master Trainer" into this dirty piece of fifth?! I mean, would it **kill** you to just brighten the place up? _(Coughs)_ I'm allergic to dust!

Soldier: I-I'm sorry, ma'am! But there's nothing I can do about it! Could you please just go in so I won't lose my job? I have fifteen kids to feed!

Yuna: …Oh god, you must bang like rabbits!

Soldier: What…?

_(And so, Yuna is off into the perilous dark of Via Purifico! Make sure you do not leave this place until you find everyone from your party and pick up the treasures laid out for you.)_

Yuna: Oh god, this place is so dark and ugly and dirty… Eew. I mean, what's up with this tasteless statue? It looks just like Kimahri!

Kimahri: Yuna…

Yuna: Whoa, it just spoke! Are you here to guide the way?!

Kimahri: …Yuna, Kimahri here because Kimahri failed again.

Yuna: Oh yes, I know. Kimahri is such a failure! I don't even know why he's in my crew. I mean, "Blue magic"? What the heck is that? It's like fake magic between white and black!

Kimahri: … _(Growls, mumbles, and walks away)_

Yuna: Ah, it moves! Wait for me-e-e-e! _(She follows.)_

_The next place…_

Yuna: Wow, so, the so-called "great Sir Auron" has put himself in a conundrum as well?

Auron: _(Has his maps out again)_ I'm not like you, Yuna! I have maps! Aha!

Yuna & Kimahri: …

Yuna: How many times have we told you that those maps don't work?!

Kimahri: _(Nods)_

Auron: No, stop! They'll lead us out of here one day!

Yuna: …

_The next place…_

Yuna: Oh, look. She can't use the same magic she did before back in Luca to send us out of here.

Lulu: … Stop being sarcastic with me, missy!

Yuna: Don't yell back at me!

Lulu: This place has an anti-magic force field which can't be broken so easily from the inside.

Yuna: That's all a lie.

Lulu: I know. I thought that you would be dumb enough to agree with me for once.

Yuna: That's Tidus' job.

Lulu: True…

Auron: Hey, hey! Let's talk bad about them behind their backs while they're not here!

All: …

Auron: …Ok, ok. I'll go first. So, what's up with Wakka and his wig? I mean, does he really need hair that defied gravity?

Lulu: Oh my god, I know. I've been trying to shave that thing off his head since I was six years old…

All: …

Lulu: I thought we were going to talk about them…

_(Before you leave after all the treasures are found, charge up all your Aeons' overdrives to prepare for the next fight!)_

Issaru: Ah ha, so you all have made it through the treacherous maze of Via Purifico! I welcome you all.

All: …

Yuna: Uh…what's up with the lame speech, Issaru? I thought you quit.

Issaru: What? Who told you that?!

Lulu: That was Dona…

Yuna: Oh. Oh… Ahahaa! That hooker finally admitted defeat?!

Auron: No, that was Issaru who challenged you…

Issaru: _(Nods)_

Yuna: …Oh. Damn you idiots for looking alike!

Issaru: W-what?! How can I look like a black hooker 24/7?! I mean…

All: …

Issaru: …Umm…forget that! I see that you've made it through the never-returning jail!

Yuna: What are you talking about? All you have to do it walk north basically…

Issaru: …Oh. Well, I've never been here before…so let's go! Let's d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!

All: …

Auron: My god, child! You still watch that stuff?

Issaru: Umm…no! I don't… Oh, let's just battle.

_(And so, Yuna and Issaru battles each other with their Aeons. Yuna is the victor. Hurray!)_

Issaru: Ah…

Yuna: Issaru…

Issaru: Lady Yuna, go forth. You have won the right go journey on! Please do not worry about me.

Yuna: Issaru… I… …I wasn't going to worry about you, moron! Haha! Admit and taste defeat! Oh yea, score 9,000 for Yuna! Whoo!

All: …

Yuna: Let's go, guys!

_As Yuna, Kimahri, and Lulu leaves, Auron stops in front of Issaru._

Auron: Your journey is over.

Issaru: S-Sir Auron… Please don't excommunicate me yet!

Auron: …Huh? Since when was I promoted to Pope? …Oh well. Die, you fool! _(Knocks him out with a karate chop and follows the others out)_

_As Yuna and the land walkers escape from their part of Via Purifico, Tidus, Wakka, and Rikku are on their way for their own battle. They will eventually face the undead Evrare- the guardian of Bevelle. Since it's an undead, a few Phoenix Down's will kill him. So continue on, swim low to get some items, and leave this jail._

_Tidus' gang will meet up with Yuna's outside at the Gates of Bevelle._

Rikku: Yuna! _(Tries to jump in for a hug, but Yuna ends up dodging her hug and falls)_ Y-Yunie…?

Yuna: You ungrateful fool! Who gave you permission to touch me so freely? Yeesh, servants these days! _(Dusts herself off)_

Rikku: _(Cries)_

Wakka: Yuna, thank god you're ok!

Yuna: Well, obviously! Who else are you gonna thank, Yevon?  
Wakka: Well, I just thought that…

Yuna: Stop talking to me!

Wakka: _(Gasps)_

Tidus: Yuna…I…

Yuna: Don't worry about it, Tidus.

Tidus: For real?

Yuna: No, fool! Of course you have to be sorry! Who are you to tell me that you "understand" my situation?! You were the idiot who didn't understand anything of Spira until I was missing! How long does it take for you to realize anything?!

Tidus: Y-Yuna… Stop yelling at me! I'm too sensitive for this and I go to seven psychiatrists a day! _(Cries)_

All: …

Wakka: So that's why he's been missing lately.

_Seymour, his Guado guards, monks, and Kinoc will arrive. Kinoc's body will drop onto the ground though, letting the pyreflies fly about. Everyone else is surprised._

Auron: Kinoc…

Seymour: There you have it. I have released his soul.

Tidus: You sick…-

Yuna: _(Stops him)_ So, Seymour, what have you done that seems to be so intelligent this time?

Seymour: Oh! Then let me tell you, Lady Yuna! _(He smiles and giggles.)_

All: _Multiple personality…!!_

Seymour: You see, Kinoc has been dead for awhile like the rest of us. But the reason he was still living was because he craved power- but lived in fear. So now, he will rest for all eternity, living in peace and happiness. …Aren't I good, Lady Yuna?

All: _What is up with this guy…?!_

Yuna: Hmph. Amateur.

Seymour: What?!

Yuna: This isn't such a great plan when you need **me,** Yuna the Greatest Animal Master Trainer of all of Spira to accompany you. Instead you decided to try to kill my servants at our wedding and even imprison me! You think I'm going to follow you after all those things?!

All: Yuna…

Yuna: Don't be mistaken, I'm not doing this for you.

All: …Oh.

Seymour: But Yuna, if I do succeed, then no one else in Spira will have to suffer anymore. I will become the next Sin in order to save all mankind! _(Laughs evilly)_

All: _C-crazy monkey…!!_

Yuna: Hmm…that sounds like a good plan…

All: Don't agree with him so casually!!

Tidus: You're whack!

Seymour: For rizzles!

Wakka: Whoa…so ghetto.

_Kimahri then will rush up to Seymour, stabbing him with his lance. Seymour laughs and transforms into the next thing you don't want to see when you're old… He ends up using the others' life forces as he does!_

All: _(Gasps)_

Kimahri: Run! Protect Yuna!

Yuna: What? Kimahri!

Auron: Now.

_And so, the whole crew obeys Auron's words and flees he scene. But meanwhile on the Highbridge…_

Yuna: _(Stops running)_ I can't leave Kimahri behind!

Tidus: Wow, Yuna, this must be the first time that you've said something so nice!

Yuna: Well, obviously I will not leave that blue lion behind! I mean, who's going to carry all our bags?!

All: …

Tidus: Umm…well uh… We'll follow you…?

Yuna: What, you think I was gonna say, "No" for an answer? _(Folds her arms)_

Tidus: N-no, Mistress!

Yuna: Good, then let's go, crew!

_Yuna turns around, and Tidus as well. Wakka and Rikku look at each other, and also does the same. Lulu steps up to Auron._

Lulu: I'm going too. _(Runs)_

Auron: Pssh, these kids these days. Of course I will go- I mean, I've got the, "Best Samurai Guardian Title in all of Spira" Award! _(Follows everyone else)_

_The crew returns to join Kimahri in his quest to slay the evil maester! Kimahri shakes his head, but allows them to help._

Seymour: Yuna… The other side is calling you…

Yuna: Don't say my name so easily, fool!

_Yuna's Magic Defense increases!_

Tidus: Why are you trying to destroy Spira?!

Seymour: Because you took my Yuna away!

Tidus: Pssh, she was just easy…

_Tidus' physical attack power increases!_

Auron: What a foolish way to wipe me out.

Seymour: Ah, Sir Auron, the undead…

Auron: Hey! Who told you to spoil the story?! Now I'm mad!

_Auron's physical attack power increases!_

_When Seymour is wiped out, Yuna and the gang will have to escape into Macalania Woods._


	29. Love & Honesty

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy X. All rights are reserved to **Square Enix.**

---  
**Act 29: **Love & Honesty

---  
_The crew has escaped from Maester Seymour's evil grasps- this time! What will happen from there on…?_

Tidus: Wow…I can't believe Seymour has a Level 100 form! How does he keep getting these things anyway?!

Rikku: It…it must be… _(Looks shocked)_

Wakka: What? What is it, Rikku? What do you know that has to do with my beloved, Maester Seymour?!

All: _(Stares at Wakka)_

Wakka: Umm… Oh, hell no I didn't! I don't worship Maester Seymour and dream of becoming his bride everyday!

All: …

Wakka: …Hmm, why do I get the feeling that I should really keep my mouth shut sometimes? _(Walks away to a tree)_

Rikku: It could be the dress sphere change that was invented a few years later!

Lulu: _(Raises an eyebrow)_ You mean from the future?

Rikku: Yes! Seymour could've built a time machine and went to the future just so he can claim the powers for his own and use it against us! And from experience, those dress spheres are quite troublesome, yet convenient!

All: _(Stares at Rikku)_

Rikku: _(Looks around)_ What? _(Gasps)_ D-do you think that I just altered the future…?

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ I don't even think we were talking about that…

Rikku: Do not fear, guys! I will return to my time machine and be back in a jiffy! _(Goes off to a corner under a branch)_

All: …

Tidus: So umm… Guys, how do you feel about Yevon now? _(Takes out a microphone to Wakka)_

Wakka: Oh… Oh! Am I on TV? Hi Mom! _(Waves to an imaginary camera crew)_

Lulu: Wakka, your parents are dead.

Wakka: Oh. Hi Chappu! _(Waves again)_

Lulu: He's dead too.

Wakka: No…! _(Gasps)_ It can't be!

Lulu: Didn't Luzzu already tell you that way back when…?

Wakka: _(Cries)_ Yevon failed me!

Tidus: Awesome answer, although we already knew that. So, Lulu what do you think about Yevon today? _(Places microphone under her)_

Lulu: Well, there isn't really much we can do about it now, except for "wait and see".

Tidus: 'Wait and see' what?

Lulu: How Yevon will take his course now that we have disobeyed his teachings.

Tidus: Very philosophical, as expected of our black mage. Let us move on to Auron, the legendary Guardian! He was on the cover of Issue 99 of, "Spira's Top Guardians" magazine just 7 years ago! Auron?

Auron: Let me tell you, kid. I already **met** this Yevon guy!

All: _(Gasps)_

Tidus: Oh, 'met' you say? Are you sure you weren't drunk when you 'met' him?

Auron: …Or…that too.

Tidus: Ah, interesting. Rikku, how do you feel…?

Rikku: No time to talk! I must head back to the future and change history again!

Tidus: …Which wouldn't work because you're sitting under a branch.

Rikku: That's not true! Hey, look! The flowers are un-crystallizing!

Tidus: …No they aren't.

Rikku: Oh. Ok.

Tidus: And last but not least… Hey, where's Yuna and Kimahri?

Wakka: They're up at the lake. Why don't you go check on her?

Tidus: I sure will! _(Quickly leaves)_

All: …

Wakka: He…must be **real** excited.

_Yuna must've felt so betrayed by the faith she's been putting all her all in. How can Yevon just simply shake off its teachings just like that? Why would anyone allow that to happen? Yuna could've died in the end if we haven't really discovered Yevon's secret plot to overthrow the world with Rikku's time machine! Speaking of the 'time machine'- does it really work?_

_Tidus steps into the lake area where Kimahri is guarding at the back. He grunts and allows Tidus permission to approach the heartbroken summoner. He leaves._

Yuna: _(Sniffles)_

Tidus: Yuna, what's wrong…?

Yuna: _(Sniffles)_

Tidus: Don't worry, I'll always be here for you…

Yuna: Oh, who gives what you think you incompetent jerk!

Tidus: Gah! Y-Yuna! Why are you so mad at me?

Yuna: If it wasn't for you and your nonsense jibber jabbering, I wouldn't have to be so…so…

Tidus: …upset?

Yuna: _(Raises her eyebrow at him)_ Who told you such a thing?

Tidus: Uh…

Yuna: But anyway…how can…how can it all just fall apart like that? Why do they think that they can just ruin me like this? All these years of training for…**that?** My time and effort… I don't want to go to Zanarkand for such a pathetic ending in my fairy tale life!

Tidus: _Your life was a 'fairy tale'…? _Y-Yuna, I want to apologize for urging you to go on to Zanarkand.

Yuna: What?

Tidus: It's just that…I just wanted to see what happened to Zanarkand, you know. I know! Why don't we just all go to Zanarkand, **my** Zanarkand?

Yuna: _(Scoffs)_ Do you even have the deeds to the place?

Tidus: …Right…

Yuna: I do…want to see **your** Zanarkand though. _(Winks)_

Tidus: …Ohh right!

Yuna: _(Nods)_

Tidus: You want to see my city of lights!

Yuna: Uh huh…

Tidus: And my blitzball team right?

Yuna: Huh?

Tidus: Yea, I'm the star player of the Zanarkand Abes! I'll put on a show for you guys, just us! You, Lulu, Wakka, and everybody else! We'll party, we'll drink, and we'll never sleep because the lights never go off!

Yuna: …I…I like that idea too… Ah! But I can't…

Tidus: Why not?

Yuna: I can't just give up… I just can't… _(She starts crying.)_

_Tidus will approach Yuna as Rikki's _Suteki da ne _starts playing in the background. Tidus kisses Yuna, which stops her tears immediately. The two will start making out in the water (for some unexplainable reasons) until they are finished. They sit on the bank of the lake to chat._

Tidus: Yuna…I'll always be with you forever.

Yuna: …So?

Tidus: What do you mean, 'so'?

Yuna: _(Stands up and points back down at him)_ That was the **worst** make out session that I've ever tasted! Even **Seymour** does better than that!

Tidus: _(An arrow strikes him that says, "Worst"- along with "Seymour")_ S-Seymour? You compare **me** with **him?!**

Yuna: That's right. And don't expect for me to get into bed with you again offset!

Tidus: _(Stands up as well and looks down at her with a glare)_ W-well, fine! Don't expect to see **my** Zanarkand anywhere near **your** Bevelle then!

Yuna: They aren't, idiot. Zanarkand is like off the map.

Tidus: I **know** that! HMPH. _(He storms off until a whistle comes from behind him. He stops and sees Yuna taking his hand.)_ Eew! You have cooties!

Yuna: _(Shoots him a look)_ There's been stalkers around this area…so…

Tidus: I've seen you kung fu fighting against those Al Bheds before…

Yuna: I am a **lady** and therefore you must take me back to everyone else like a **gentle man.**

Tidus: Isn't that one word…?

Yuna: _(Groans)_

_The two walks off hand-in-hand back to where the crew was staying until morning. They leave for the Calm Lands._


	30. Disagreement

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything or anyone. All rights are reserved to **Square Enix.**

---  
**Act 30: **Disagreement**  
**---  
_The crew enters the Calm Lands, vast far plains that are full of nothing but grass, grass, rocks, and more grass. And look! Some chocobos as well._

Wakka: _(Sighs)_ Feelin' nostalgic yet, Lu?

Lulu: Yea, I remember when all three of us used to pick up grass and roll it around and…-

All: _(Stares at them both)_

Lulu: Umm…I mean… Wakka, stop trying to lure me into your bed at night! _(Walks off)_

Wakka: W-what? What does that have to do with anything?!

Yuna: And I thought Tidus was the slow one… _(Rolls her eyes)_

Tidus: Hey! My make out skills are **awesome!** It's the **best** in all of Spira! Here, watch this! _(Takes Rikku by force, who ends up kicking him in the spot. He falls to the ground in fetal position, whimpering.)_ Mommy…

All: …

Wakka: Well, anyway. This is the Calm Lands. Lots of summoners have given up here before, ya? Sin was defeated here supposedly all those other times before.

Tidus: Did they win?

Wakka: _(Sighs)_ Why do you think we have a calm now?

Tidus: … _(Shrugs)_

Rikku: Blonde blonde.

Tidus: Ooh! Look! It's the storyteller! _(Runs over to Maechen on the right)_

Rikku: He's only distracted by his abnormally-shaped hat! …Heheh… _(Bursts out into laughter)_

Wakka: R-Rikku, what's the matter, brudda?

Rikku: D-don't you guys think that the hat _looks_ like something?

All: …

Lulu: Let's keep the maturity level to _T_ for _Teen_ please.

Rikku: …Dammit.

_And so, Tidus goes off to listen to one of Machaen's stories. Once he is done, Belegimine should be around the area- along with an ex-summoner of Lulu & Wakka's!_

_(I forgot his name. Let's call him "X".)_

Wakka: Oh my god! Look, Lulu! Speak of Yevon!

Tidus: But we're not speaking about Yevon.

Wakka: Shut up already!

Tidus: Eep!

Wakka: Lulu, Lulu! Don't you remember him? We used to "you know what" with him all the time!

Rikku: "Three-way"? Damn!

All: … _(Stares at Rikku)_

Rikku: …Damn my hormones in this fifteen-year old body! _(Goes off to curse herself)_

Lulu: Ah, I remember now. We used to take the grass from the land and roll it up to burn and…-

All: …

Lulu: You know, why is it always so hard to speak of the past when everyone else is around?

X: Ah, Wakka. Lulu. How good it is to see you two again! How many years has it been?

Lulu: Too many to count.

Wakka: Wait! I think I can do it! _(Starts counting with his fingers)_ Err…how do you get up to 10?

All: …

X: Wakka? What happened to you? You used to be as smart as an ox!

Lulu: Umm, X, that's, "as dumb as an _ox"_.

X: …Oh. Oh, you're right! My mistake!

Tidus: Lulu, who's he?

Lulu: Oh. He is X, he used to be Wakka and my summoner to guard.

X: Haha… I gave up shamefully here though. It's been years since I've met up with you guys! We should really meet up sometime again to roll up the grass here and smoke it!

All: _(Their mouths drop open.)_ Lulu & Wakka did **weed?!**

Yuna: Hmm. That explains why my Jamaican subordinate is so stupid.

Tidus: Or it's in his genes.

All: _(Nods)_

Wakka: Hey guys! I finally counted to 11!

Yuna: It was supposed to be 10, **fool! **_(Whacks him with a rolled up newspaper)_

Wakka: _(Whimpers)_

X: And who is she?

Lulu: My new Summoner. She is Yuna, daughter of…-

Yuna: _(Pushes Lulu aside to introduce herself)_ Haha! It's funny that you ask! I am Yuna, "the Daughter of Lord Braska, the Ultimate Animal Master Caller Tamer in all of Spira"!

X: …I'm sorry, _who?_

All: _(Gasps)_

Rikku: No! Why did you say that?!

X: W-what?

Yuna: _(Chuckles)_

Tidus: Oh my god! She's gonna have a **B.F.!**

X: A what!? _(Panics)_

Lulu: A "Bitch fit"!

Yuna: Oh, I see how it is. Haven't you seen my picture in the _Spartan Times_ at all?!

X: …Don't you mean, "Spiran"?

Auron: No, no. It's 'Spartan'. _(Shows him the magazine with Yuna's face like a demon) _See. She's a Spartan.

All: …

Tidus: Do you…even read these things…?

Auron: …No. I just like collecting magazines actually.

All: …

Rikku: I bet you they're not free subscriptions either!

Yuna: Anyway, we must get on our way here. We can't afford to stop and chat with someone who doesn't appreciate who I am! Let us go, "Yuna & Company"! _(She leaves.)_

Tidus: Lady says to go. Well, see ya 'round, X!

_Everyone leaves X and goes after Yuna towards Mt. Gagazet._

_When everyone approaches the foot of the beginning of the mountain, two Guados appear. They are blocking the way._

Yuna: Hey! Don't you know whom I _am?_ I thought we met already!

Guado #1: I'm sorry, but we can't let you pass.

Guado #2: Lord Seymour wants us to take you back.

Tidus: Hey! We beat him fair and square already!

Rikku: Yeah! Why would we want to go back to that creep with the dress sphere change from the future?!

All: _(Looks at Rikku)_

Auron: _(Rolls his eyes and scoffs)_ You're _still_ going on about that "time machine" crap?

Rikku: Hey! It's not 'crap'! And yes, yes I am. I believe that the fate of Spira hangs from my very hands!

Tidus: Wait, this isn't your story.

Rikku: You know what, get your own story! Square-Enix is too cheap to get me my own and gave it to Yuna instead.

Yuna: _(Flicks her hair back)_ I deserve it for having to make out with that kid.

Tidus: I-I'm right here…

Yuna: I mean, he sucks at it so much! I can't believe they didn't give Gippal to me.

Rikku: _(Shoves Yuna)_ Hey! Gippal's _my_ man! Back off.

Yuna: _(Scoffs)_ Well, did you know that Gippal already gave me a lap dance at my birthday party?

Rikku: _(Gasps)_ He what?! You what!? You held a party without me?!

Yuna: That's right. We this. You that. And I didn't want to invite you anyway!

Rikku: _(Gasps again)_ Oh, is that so? _(Shoves her)_

Yuna: _(Gasps)_ You just touched me with your dirty-blooded hands! _(Shoves her back)_

Rikku: Hey! You're ½ blooded of that too! _(Pulls her hair)_

Yuna: Kya! You bitch!

_(The two commence into a cat fight as the guys gathered around.)_

Tidus: …I'll take Yuna. Five hundred gil!

Wakka: Hmm…I don't know. Rikku might have a chance in this. Seven hundred!

Auron: Yeah, I gotta go with Wakka on this one. Two hundred since I have to save up for my new magazines.

Kimahri: Yuna. Win. Definitely. One **thousand.**

All: Whoa-a-a-a.

Tidus: Kimahri's ballin'!

Guados #1&2: Hey! Stop ignoring us!

_(Yuna and Rikku both stop what they're doing. They apparently tied.)_

Yuna: _(Brushes herself off and mouths to Rikku)_ We'll finish this later.

Rikku: _(Brushes herself off as well and nods)_

Guado #1: We'll say it again.

Guado #2: Come back with us to Lord Seymour.

All: No.

Guado #1: Grr… It's ok! We don't need to take you back **alive.**

Guado #2: _(Whistles)_

_Defender X comes in to take the gang on! _

_(What shall become of our heroes?! Will they conquer? Will they lose? Find out in the next epic act of _Final Fantasy X: Unlimited Edition!


	31. The Dream that Warped

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything that is Final Fantasy-related.

---  
**Act 31: **The Dream that Warped  
---  
_…And of course, Yuna & Company conquered Defender X! but the two Guado's have mysteriously disappeared! Never mind that, onwards crew- to Mt. Gagazet!_

_The crew arrives at the next foot on Mt. Gagazet where the winds reach the cold snow mountain top. The Ronso's are all present, as well as Kelk Ronso, and a Ronso who blocks your way._

Kelk: Lord Braska's very own flesh and blood…

Yuna: Kelk.

Kelk: How dare you show yourself to the sacred mountain, Gagazet! Turn and leave at this moment. We do not welcome traitors.

Yuna: Oh, please. I can't be the only traitor around here! Shouldn't it be Yevon for deceiving all of us?

All: …

Auron: You know, Yuna actually makes sense today.

Yuna: What was that?

Auron: Nothing. _(Looks away and shows everyone his Samurai Monthly magazine, Issue 13394)_ You see, the magazine tells every samurai to "deny whatever wrong has been said" in order to agree with the ladies!

All: …

Rikku: Really, Auron. It's a waste of our lunch money.

Auron: _(Gasps)_ Is that why we're not allowed to eat anymore?!

All: …

Tidus: A-Auron, just so back to bed…

Auron: _(Scratches his head)_

Yuna: Anyhow… Maester Kelk Ronso, how can you say that to me when you already know who is at fault?

Kelk: … _(Sighs)_ Then let me ask you this, Lady Yuna, why do you keep going- even if your name has been shunned?

Yuna: … _(Chuckles)_

Kelk: …Lady…Yuna…?

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ Here we go again.

Tidus: What? Is she going to tell everyone her plan for world domination again?

Wakka: That always happens, ya. Remember that time at McDonalds…?

Rikku: Ah, that poor kid… He only need to make a few bucks to feed his fifteen children- but Yuna ended up giving him the whole blueprint for her world domination plan…

Lulu: He ran off scared pretty quickly.

Yuna: Haha… Kelk, my original answer would consist of only ruling Spira with my Spartan control and all- but that wouldn't be right, would it?

All: _(Gasps)_

Tidus: Y-Yuna! What are you saying…?

Lulu: Is she going to give a decent answer?

Rikku: Yunie! Did you hit your head?

Wakka: You're not feeling bad about that kid back at McDonalds, ya?

Kimahri: Yuna… Alright?

Auron: Oh my god! This wasn't written in any magazine!

Yuna: _(Sighs and gives her answer- in monotone)_ Because I wish for world peace for Spira, which can only be accomplished by bringing the Calm like my father once did. Whoo.

All: …

Kelk: W-was that sarcasm…?

Yuna: See? Look, I finally said something 'decent'. Let's get on our way then. _(Tries to walk past Kelk, but more Ronso's block her way)_ Hey! What's the big idea?!

Kelk: I demand a more truthful answer!

Yuna: Hey, who are you to 'demand' something from me?! I'll kick your ass all the way to Shanghai for being rude to me!

Auron: Hey! My hometown!

All: …

Tidus: You can't seriously be Chinese, Auron. You were made in Japan!

Rikku: So Auron's really Japanesey!

Wakka: _(Gasps)_ You've been deceiving us again!?

Auron: What? Wait! No! Mommy was Chinesey! Daddy said so! _(Tears)_

Rikku: Eew. Auron's a liar! We can't play with him anymore.

Tidus: Yea. Liars are bad! We're gonna tell the teacher!

Auron: What? No-o-o-o! _(Cries)_

Yuna: …Let me get on with this journey so I can finally defeat Yevon, defeat the lot of you Maesters, and finally conquer the world! I need to straighten Spirans up.

Lulu: _(Groans)_ I need some weed right about now… _(Walks away)_

Kelk: … Lady Yuna, why is it that you want to rule the world?

Yuna: …_(Thinks about it)_ Hmm. I don't know. It just sounds like a very fun idea that I've had in my mind ever since Daddy died. I blamed Spira for his death, which is partly true.

Kelk: Hmm. Have you seen a psychiatrist for that?

Tidus: I see seven a day!

All: No one cares!

Tidus: _(Cries)_

Wakka: Hey, everyone used to say that to me too!

All: We still don't!

Wakka: _(Cries)_

Lulu: We can't afford a psychiatrist since we moved to that poor island, Besaid.

Wakka: Hey! That place is not 'poor'! Besaid's my hometown!

Lulu: _(Shakes her head) _The only thing we could've afforded was the witch doctor- but they gave Wakka diarrhea once.

All: _(Laughs)_

Wakka: T-that's not true! Lu, what are you saying?! _(Turns red)_

Lulu: Oh yea, it was _so_ bad, that we had to evacuate the island to Kilika. And thank god that was _before_ Sin hit!

All: _(Laughs even more)_

Yuna: I was there! Ahaha!

Wakka: W-what… Guys… That…isn't….nice… _(Sniffles and ten runs away crying)_

Kelk: _(Wipes away the tears from his laughter and then sniffs)_ L-Lady Yuna… I believe that you are an honest soul who deserves passage into our sacred mount.

All: What!?

Yuna: Hmph. I thought so. And don't worry, Kelk, I'll take it easy on your little lions. _(Walks away)_

Tidus: Hah! I told you it would all work out!

Wakka: No, you didn't!

Tidus: Yes, I did.

_The two play fights- boxing style until it is time for them to leave as well._

_As the crew continues deeper and further up the altitude on sacred Mt. Gagazet- a problem proposes to them! Ronso's Biran & Yenke appear!_

All: Gah!

Yenke: Yo yo yo, homeboy. What's up?

Kimahri: _(Looks away)_

Biran: Hey y'all, what's up?

All: _(Takes a step back)_

Biran: Ah, aiight. I see how it is. Then let me tell all of y'all straight up, dawg! _(Points to Kimahri)_ Y'all can pass, 'cept for this one right herre.

Yuna: …Ok. _(Starts walking)_

Yenke: Hey hey, little miss, wait up. Let me hold one hundred gil.

Yuna: _(Raises an eyebrow)_ What did you just call me to do?

Wakka: Uh oh…

Rikku: Mistress! There's no need to fear-r-r-r…! _(She hands her a pouch of gil with the name, "Yenke" stitched on it.) _Take it. I work hard for my money!

Yuna: …I'm sure you do. _(Hands it to Yenke)_ That'll teach you to mess with me next time- **biznatch!** _(Continues walking)_

Yenke: _(Weighs the pouch in his hands)_ Eh. Whatever. Y'all can pass- 'cept for the little dude of course.

Kimahri: What Kimahri do so Kimahri pass?

_If you didn't hear the story about Kimahri and Biran down the mountain, it's this: The two fought ten years ago and Kimahri lost. Kimahri didn't admit his defeat, which therefore, ended the growth of his horn (Please get your mind out of the gutter). With shame and defeat, Kimahri left the mount, never to return again until this day._

Biran: Then let's have a dance off! I'm challenging you, yo. Let's do it old school style.

Kimahri: Kimahri do not accept this challenge. He does not "one two step" anymore.

All: _(Giggles)_

Biran: Hey hey! Don't be trippin' on me, aiight? Let's just battle!

Yenke: For serious, dawg!

_And so, Kimahri commences in the battle. He defeats them after looting and using Lancet on the both of them to collect Blue Magic spells! Hurray! Kimahri no longer needs to taste shame and defeat!_

Rikku: Yay! Kimahri can pass with us now!

Tidus: Wow. Kimahri defeated _both_ Biran & Yenke- the Great Ronso Warriors?!

Wakka: Celebrity status!

Auron: Oh, but has his face gotten on a cover of a magazine yet? _(Shows the magazine covers of both him and Yuna)_

_(A magazine falls between Lulu's knockers.)_

All: … _(Stares)_

Lulu: _(Groans)_ I need to get a size reduction soon… _(Takes it out and shows it to everyone)_ Wow, news does get around fast.

_(Indeed! Kimahri's face is on the cover of the Spiran Times!)_

Kimahri: _(Grins)_

Lulu: Ah, so's that little piece of him back at Bikanel Desert- bathing his nice 8 pack…

Kimahri?! _(Grabs the cover and sees right under his image on the bottom left corner- a little snapshot of Squall Leonheart)_ ….Grr…

Rikku: Ahah…anyhow! We'll get a move on then.

Biran: Ah…Kimahri has finally defeated me.

Yenke: Ooh, skills man!

Biran: Then I shall announce to the mountains… _(Clears throat)_ We have been defeated by Kimahri! He may now pass safely through the mountain! _(Turns back to Kimahri)_ And if you need back up, we're here for you. _(Puts hand out)_ Word up?

Kimahri: … Word…up. _(Shakes his hand)_

_And so, Kimahri and the Biran & Yenke pair have finally reconciled! Actually, Yenke is just a tagalong who had nothing to do with anything- but they're an inseparable pair! Onwards!_

_In the next screen, Ronso's will stop the crew, but only to sing the Fayth of the Hymn for them. They wish the crew good luck._

Yuna: Heheh… I knew they knew who I am! _(Laughs)_

All: …

Rikku: Oh no! Mistress has hit her head too hard again! _(Sniffles)_

Yuna: Quiet, fool!

Rikku: Kya!

_As the crew goes on up the mountain, they come across marks along the road._

Lulu: These mark the graves of the summoners who have failed to finish their journey.

_(While everyone else pays their respects, Yuna picks up a skull and chucks it down the mountain.)_

All: GAH!!!!

Wakka: Y-Y-Y-Yuna! Why would you do that, mon?

Rikku: Y-yeah! We're going to be haunted by everyone! Luckily, I took Chinese exorcism classes! _(Takes out a Chinese lantern, lights it, and begins swinging it around and chanting the words: "Yiu moh guay guai, fai jee joh!")_

All: …

Yuna: Oh relax. I'm just showing them who's boss now. _(Smiles)_

Tidus: You're horrible.

Yuna: I know. It's just that, I want to show these **idiots** who's going to be bringing the next Calm to all of Spira! _(Frolics)_

All: …

Auron: This can't be right… She touched that skull without hesitation and chucked it down?!

Tidus: Hey, Auron, you're not speaking like a drunk anymore!

Auron: Huh? What? _(Ends up tripping over the grave)_

All: GAH!!!!

Lulu: Why's Sir Auron in a stupor again? We didn't even mention "You-know-who's" name once!

Auron: Ah! Exkii-sama…!! Where art thou!?

All: …

Yuna: Let's keep going.

_The crew keeps going and eventually comes upon a Jecht sphere!_

Rikku: Turn it on!

_The sphere reveals not Jecht- but Braska!_

_Braska: Hello, my dear. If you're watching this video- then I'm not longer of this world. Yuna, I want you to do what you want. There's no need for you to senselessly kill yourself for the sake of these ignorant fools!_

All: Geh…?

_Braska: I mean, Spirans man. They don't do jack and they expect peace for a couple of years from hard workers like us! _

Yuna: Amen to that!

_Braska: Yuna, I will support you even if you want to kill the world off or rule it in your name! Just don't do a silly thing like I did for the sake of those idiots. Follow your heart. And if that weird Hylian kid tells you that I named you after Yunalesca- he's wrong! Man, that bitch is hard to beat! Auron can tell you all about it! TTFN, "Ta Ta For Now!"_

_The sphere ends._

Lulu: Now I know where she gets that from…

Rikku: Well, it definitely didn't come from Auntie!

Yuna: Now I shall fulfill my promise to my father and rule the world! And all of you shall be my slaves! _(Laughs)_

All: …

_Continue onwards to meet up with Wantz._

Yuna: Ah…

Wantz: AH...! Lady Yuna!

Yuna: …Who are you again?

Wantz: _(Shocked)_

Rikku: Yunie! He's that guy's brother who sold crack to me before!

Yuna: What?! Crack exists in Spira?

Rikku: …Oh, right. That was O'aka XXIII… Never mind! _(Skips away)_

All: …

Wakka: Hey, did you stalk us from Bevelle?

Wantz: N-no! My older brother, O'aka XXIII told me to help Lady Yuna out, even if he was imprisoned.

Tidus: You know…why should we bother to buy from him when we can rob him since he's all alone on this mountain…?

All: _(Looks at Wantz and grins)_

Wantz: N-no… W-why?! No-o-o-o-o-o-o…!!

_(Wantz is robbed and the crew continues once more.)_

_As Yuna & Company continues up the mountain, Tidus and Rikku holds their own little powwow._

Rikku: Psst! You! You never got back to me, did you?

Tidus: P-please, Rikku… Give me more time! How can you expect me to take their money when that drunk samurai is always diminishing it for his magazine subscriptions!?

Rikku: You know I can't give you more time, Tidus. It's not in the rules.

Tidus: What rules?!

Rikku: Tsk, tsk. Read the fine print next time, deary.

Tidus: F-fine! Give me just until we get to Zanarkand! I swear, my parents will pay everything off for me!

Rikku: Boy, are you still disillusioned by all that crap? Your parents are **dead.**

Tidus: W-what?! That's not true!

Rikku: _(Sighs)_ We all wanted to keep it quiet cause you're an idiot, but feel free to rejoice now since you only have two days until time's up. By the way, about Yuna… Did you find a way to stop her pilgrimage?

Tidus: No, not yet… But! I'll be sure to think of something soon! After all, I am the star player of the Zanarkand Abes!

Rikku: …Didn't I just tell you…-?

_Oh no! Seymour appears!_

Rikku: _(Gasps)_

Tidus: …Seymour, I thought we took care of you already!

Seymour: _(Chuckles)_ You're quite foolish, young Tidus of Zanarkand.

Tidus: Ah! He knows where I'm from! _(Smiles)_

Rikku: …I'll go and tell the others… _(Goes back)_

Tidus: Seymour, stop interfering already!

Seymour: Why? I only want Lady Yuna to appreciate what I am doing for her! After all, the two of us do _share_ the same goals. _(Grins)_

Tidus: Ruling the world together? Yeah right. That's never going to happen. Yuna's too much of an egoist to share the world for you. The world is not enough.

Seymour: You're not going to get all musical on me now, are you?

Tidus: Naw, I'm too tired of that crap already.

Seymour: Oh, ok. That's good.

_The crew comes in._

Yuna: Seymour!

Seymour: Ah! Lady Yuna! _(Giggles)_ You came to see Seymour today?

All: _Th-third person speech…!!_

Auron: His mom obviously didn't give enough love for him to be doing that.

Seymour: Hey! That's not true! Mother gave me more than enough love to turn into my Aeon!

All: _(Gasps)_

Wakka: Your mom became your **bitch?**

Tidus: Whoa, that's some nice choice of words there.

Rikku: Hey, didn't Biran and Yenke say that they'd give us backup?

Seymour: Hmm? Who? Those Ronso's? I slaughtered them- each and every one.

Kimahri: _(Growls)_

Tidus: Bastard.

Seymour: _(Laughs)_ I am going to become the next Sin of Spira and destroy everyone! So Tidus, Jecht will finally be free of his duties for life!

Tidus: Double bastard!

_The crew commences into a battle with Seymour once more. They defeat him. The truth has to be revealed now…_

Wakka: Tidus, w-what did he mean about Jecht and his duties…?

Tidus: …Yeah. Jecht, my father, is Sin.

All: …

Wakka: …You…bastard! **You** killed **Chappu, Luzzu, and my parents!!** _(Starts to choke him)_

All: Wakka!!

Tidus: Gah! M-my father did it, bastard!! _(Punches him off)_

Wakka: …Oh, right. Heheh. Sorry about that. Let's move on. Zanarkand is a long ways away!

All: …

_As they continue deeper up and into the mountain's cave, Tidus ends up falling asleep…_

"_This is my story."_

_Tidus ends up being in Zanarkand once more. _His_ Zanarkand. _His _home._

_He ends up going to his home again, where Wakka and Rikku seem to be trying to wake him up. He can't. He won't._

Tidus: I must be dreaming…

Fayth: Correction. You are a **dream.**

Tidus: What…?

_The fayth goes outside and Tidus follows him._

Tidus: W-what do you mean? I'm real, aren't I?

Fayth: "A thousand years ago, a war between

Bevelle and Zanarkand started. Bevelle's machina were so powerful, they

totally destroyed Zanarkand. The fayths decided to try to save Zanarkand, in

a dream. They all worked together to restore a Zanarkand in a dream. Every

buildings, roads, the whole city, the citizens, all dreams." (Came from here: http://db. )

Tidus: …I am…a dream…

_Tidus wakes up._


	32. Conspiracies

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is Final Fantasy-related.

---  
Act 32: Conspiracies  
---  
_The crew continues their epic journey onwards towards Zanarkand, Tidus' home. They enter Gagazet Cave, where it is all dark, quiet, and solidified by crystals._

Rikku: Whoa. Someone needs to do a little spring cleaning in here!

Yuna: _(Sneezes)_

Rikku: Pmacc oui! _(Bless you!)_

Yuna: Off with her head!

_(Tidus and Wakka grabs Rikku by one arm each.)_

Rikku: A-ah?! M-Mistress Yunie! What have I done to deserve this?!

Yuna: You used a foreign language on me which I suspect have to do with secretly contacting the Spiran government!

Rikku: W-what?!

Lulu: Uh…Yuna…

Yuna: What is it now, Lulu? I told you we don't have time to go get you your breast reduction surgery!

Lulu: _(Turns red)_ Not that, you imbecile!

Yuna: Oh, what is it then?

Lulu: _(Sighs)_ Never mind…

Yuna: Rikku, I hereby banish you…to that water over there which the rest of us cannot tread! _(Points to the flooded tunnel to the bottom right, next to the missing steps of a staircase)_

Rikku: B-but! The fiends here might have rabies!

Yuna: So does Tidus, but you don't seem to be complaining now.

Tidus: _(Nods)_ It's true. It came from that squirrel I kissed!

All: …

Tidus: Ah, dammit! We're not on that subject anymore, are we?

_Tidus, Wakka, and Rikku will submerge in the water to the left tunnel to find a little mini game._

Tidus: _Red light, green light?_

Wakka: _(Shoves him out of the way) Let me handle this!_

Tidus: _Why you?_

Wakka: _'Cause I'm Wakka!_

Tidus: _You haven't kissed that squirrel either, have you?_

Rikku: _Hey! We're all communicating telepathically!_

Tidus & Wakka: _(Rolls their eyes at Rikku)_

_Wakka ends up throwing his blitzball at the color-shifting spheres. When the three returns to surface, they discover that the stairs to the left have been completed! They head up the stairs and follow down a path to reach another flooded tunnel. It's time for the three to shine again!_

Tidus: _You know, I wonder…_

Rikku: _Whoa! You wonder?!_

Wakka: _Haha. That's a first._

Tidus: _(Cries)_

Rikku: _Ok. What is it?_

Tidus: _How come no one else takes swimming lessons like us?_

Wakka: _Well… Let' see. Lulu's knockers are too big to fit into a swimsuit. Kimahri has fur. Auron's fat. And Yuna…_

All: _... Yuna would never sacrifice herself for us!!_

_A new trial shows up. Three colored spheres. Three people. They all fit into their designated spots. The paths have been completed, so the crew can move on! Hurray!_

Yuna: _(Sighs)_ It took you guys long enough!

Rikku: But, Mistress Yunie! Forgive us for wasting so much time bickering about how fair you are

All: _Suck up!!_

Yuna: Hmm. Wait. Why would you bicker about such a thing?! I am the fairest of them all! Period. You lose negative points, Rikku.

Rikku: What!?

Tidus & Wakka: _(Snickers)_

Auron: Yuna.

Yuna: What is it now, Auron!?

Auron: _(Sniffles)_ I…I… I just wanted to warn you about the upcoming fiend!!

All: What?!

Yuna: Auron, what is this treachery that you are implying?!

Auron: _(Kneels fast)_ M-my lady! I am not betraying you!

Yuna: Then who is!? Speak the fiend's name!

Auron: It…it was…

All: _(Stares intently)_

Auron: It is…Lady Yunalesca herself, m'lady! She is testing your strength!

All: _(Gasps)_

Yuna: Hmph. How sly.

Tidus: My lady! How can this be? We have been very careful of her actions!

Yuna: _(Goes over to Kimahri and picks something from his fur. She shows it to everyone.)_ **This** here is the very reason why Yunalesca's been able to find us! _(She shows a little tracking device.)_ That fox! _(Crushes it)_

Kimahri: Y-Yuna… Kimahri…sorry Kimahri not notice! _(Kneels as well)_

Lulu: So it is her who has been sending us all these trials.

Wakka: _(Scratches his head)_ Is it just me, or all of you are acting like you're in a soap opera now?

All: …

Rikku: Wakka! You forgot your lines already?!

Yuna: _(Groans and rolls her eyes)_

Director: Cut! Coffee break! Wakka, come over here.

_(The crew scatters, but Wakka goes over to the Director who hits him on the head.)_

Wakka: Ow! Why?!

Director: We told you this was supposed to be a suspense scene!

Wakka: …Hmm…

Director: …

Wakka: I have no idea what you're talking about.

_(Act 32, Take 2.)_

Wakka: My gosh, Macbeth! Why hath thou done such a deed with such half-heartedness?!

All: …Huh?

Tidus: Wakka, this isn't the right tragedy…

Wakka: Oh. Whoops.

Auron: _(Sighs)_ It's ok, m'lady. You, on your pilgrimage to defeat the evil white bitch will make your father proud!

Yuna: Say what?

Auron: It's nothing that you can't defeat _(Skips away)_

All: …

Tidus: Is it just me, or does Auron get more **homo** every act?

All: _(Nods)_

_The crew goes outside to face Sanctuary Keeper, one of Yunalesca's minions. They defeat it._

Tidus: Man, since when does Yunalesca raise big puppies like that?

All: …_Idiot!!_

Tidus: Ah, but hark! Zanarkand is close by!

Lulu: Hmm. He's been reading his Shakespeare.

Auron: It's ok, Tidus. I know you want to change the world. Heck, I wanted to do that too when I was your age!

Tidus: And what happened?

Auron: Well, why do you think I still subscribe to a magazine that doesn't help us out and drink so much now?!

Tidus: …You've got a point there.

Rikku: And to think, this is where his future is going!

Kimahri: _(Nods)_

_The crew moves on and Zanarkand is seen._

Rikku: Mistress! There is still so much for you to do! Don't go on like this!! _(Holds onto her leg)_

Yuna: Shut up already! And get off my dress dammit!! _(Tries to shake Rikku off, and ends up shaking a sphere out of her sleeve. Tidus picks it up as Yuna and Rikku moves on first.)_

Tidus: Hmm. Ah! One of those sphere things! …I'm gonna turn it on…

_On it are the contents in which Yuna recorded for her Guardians to see…_

Yuna: _Hmph. All of you should be grateful that you even get to travel with _me!

Tidus: …

Yuna: _But you know…the times we've had together- was fun, I guess. Don't get me wrong! I'm not saying that I enjoyed your company or anything! It's just that it's not fun to go off alone, you know? Wakka, Lulu, and Kimahri. You three have been with me since I was little. …Well…thanks I guess… I'm not appreciating you, ok!?_

Tidus: So dishonest…

Yuna: _And…Tidus… …I don't regret meeting you…you dolt!!_

Tidus: Gah!

Yuna: _Well. See ya._

_The sphere ends. Tidus tucks it away and follows the rest to face Zanarkand at last._


	33. Jerry Springer Dramas

Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is Final Fantasy-related. All rights reserved by Square Enix.

Act 33: Jerry Springer Dramas

_The gang once again, arrives to the scene which was played in the beginning of the game. It is time to listen to his story- again._  
_Tidus stands up once again from the campfire and sighs deeply. _  
_(Tidus then…opens his mouth…)_  
Tidus: In the beginning of time, when dinosaurs roamed the earth…  
All: …  
Rikku: Uh, Tidus, is that what you're supposed to say?  
Tidus: No, but doesn't that sound cool? I was trying to imitate that movie guy who does all the trailers on commercial!  
All: …  
Wakka: But, brudda, that didn't sound nuttin' like him. You were just using your normal voice, ya?  
Yuna: Yea, and it's painful to listen to.  
All: _(Snickers)_  
Tidus: _(Sniffles)_ How come you guys are always on her side when she says something insulting?  
Yuna: It's because I am Yuna, the Greatest Animal Master Tamer in All of Spira! _(Cackles)_  
All: … _That was more frightening than all the other times!!_  
Tidus: _(Cries)_  
Rikku: Besides Tidus, it's great to have the gang all it around a nice campfire and roast marshmallows again… _(Sighs contently and eats her toasted marshmallow)_  
Lulu: _(Sniffs the air) _Guys, something smells funny…  
Yuna: _(Groans)_ Wakka, I told you stop using that stupid coconut lime formula for your hair! It does nothing but works wonders for balding idiots like you! …Which explains why you didn't read that fine print on the bottom of the bottle.  
Wakka: _(Holds onto his wig)_ Hey! Nobody ever say nuttin' about reading the _other_ side of a bottle before, ya? That's just ridiculous!  
Auron: Wakka, you're sounding more and more Jamaican by the day.  
Wakka: I was born and raised in Africa. _(Grins)_  
All: …  
Lulu: Wakka, that's the wrong continent…  
Wakka: Oh, that's probably why people wonder why I tell them that I'm from Jamaica in Africa…  
All: …  
Kimahri: _(Roars)_  
Rikku: K-Kimahri! What's wrong?  
_(Kimahri is seen running around in circles, trying to figure out what to do with his lit up tail!)_  
All: _(Gasp)  
_(Tidus returns while eating his toasted marshmallows.)_  
_Tidus: Hmm? Hey, why's Kimahri doing some spiritual ritual?  
Rikku: His tail got lit!  
Tidus: … Oh! So that wasn't my _marshmallow…_ That explains a lot now.  
All: …  
Auron: We've found the idiot who lit our furry mascot's behind. _(Shakes his head)_  
_(It took Lulu to extinguish the fire with a Blizzard spell- leaving Kimahri to strip off his costume to reveal Squall Leonheart- sneezing.)  
_Squall: Why is this kid starring at the main character anyway? How can we afford to _Achoo!_- to pay people like him to run the future of our gaming industry?  
Rikku: _(Whispers)_ What's he talking about?  
Wakka: _(Whispers) _It must be his monologue moment.  
_(Lulu is busy trying to seduce Squall Leonheart.)_  
Lulu: Oh, Squall honey! You simply can't use that old costume now. _(Lights it up into the next campfire with Firaga)_ Look, it's ruined! Oh, poor dear.  
Squall: _(His eyes widen and he quickly throws himself at the mercy of the new bonfire.)_ No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!! I still had two more down payments on it! What am I going to tell Rinoa now?! My girlfriend only knows how to spend money, you know! _(Cries)_  
_(The girls sympathize with him.)_  
Rikku: Oh, poor you! I know how you feel! D-Daddy only knows how to spend on his new gadgets and those Al Bhed whores with Auron!  
Auron: Hey!  
Yuna: Yea…I always end up spending more than I should. They spoil me like crazy. _(Looks at her newly-done nails)_  
Tidus: My wallet… _(Sniff)_  
Lulu: _(Sighs) _Wakka is still investing in those stupid coconut lime shampoos… _(Shakes his head)_ He still thinks they work.  
Wakka: B-but, they do! _(Sniffles)_  
Squall: Th-thank you, ladies…  
Tidus: Stop trying to steal our girls!  
Wakka: Yea!  
Auron: I'm not taking Rikku. They'll brand me as a pedophile- again.  
All: _(Turns to look at Auron)_  
Auron: …Hey! Times were different back then- when you're drunk…  
Yuna: Ugh, forget all of this stupid drama! It's time to get a move on. The campfire is dying. The night waits for no one. Let us depart.  
Tidus: You sound like a video game character.  
Yuna: As do you, idiot. Let's go.  
_(The crew gets a move on.)_  
Squall: Um, do I go with you all like this?  
Lulu: _(Takes him by the arm)_ Why, of course, Squall. Come. _(She leads him away.)  
And so, the crew continues their journey onto Zanarkand Ruins, they notice the vast amount of pyreflies- which resembles the Farplane.  
_Tidus: Hey, maybe I can see my great-great-great-great-great grandfather here!  
Yuna: I think he'd cry if he saw you now.  
Tidus: _(Sniffles)_ She always says things that hurts me where it hurts…  
Rikku: Eek!  
Auron: Not now, Rikku. I'm reading the map…  
Yuna: _(Takes the Samurai Monthly magazine Auron was trying to read, and dumps it on the floor. She grabs him by the collar and shakes him.)_ Didn't I tell you to stop investing in those silly things already?! We never get anywhere with those maps because we're not in _Japan,_ damn it! You're not even Japanese! You're _Spiran!_  
Auron: No! Don't say that! My ears-s-s…! _(Covers his ears with his hands)  
_Squall: What happened, Rikku?  
Rikku: _(Clings onto his leg)_ I saw a ghost!  
Yuna: _(Goes over to pick her up and slaps her) _Get used to it. _(Walks off)_  
Rikku: _(Sniffles)_ Owwie…  
Squall: Are you alright?  
Rikku: _(Nods)_  
Tidus: Ooh…Lulu, I think you have competition.  
Lulu: _(Glares at Tidus)_  
Yuna: Where is this ghost that you speak of, Rikku?  
Rikku: O-over there at the entrance of that big around building structure. _(She points.)  
(Yuna walks over to where Rikku spoke of, and a ghost pops up where pyreflies have been hovering over.)_  
Ghost: Hello.  
Yuna: Hello to you too. I heard there was a ghost here.  
Ghost: Oh, you must mean me. _(Bows)_ I am "Old Man", madam.  
Yuna: Oh, what manners you have. I am Yuna, the Greatest Animal Master Tamer of all of Spira. Surely, you must've heard of me to have bowed so deeply.  
Old Man: Oh, actually, I was just being polite…  
Yuna: _(Ignores)_ Anyhow, where is this place?  
Old Man: This is the blitzball stadium of Zanarkand. It was a fine place back in its days…  
Tidus: Hey, Uncle Mel!? _(Walks over to him)_  
Old Man: …No, I don't go by that name…  
Tidus: Yes, you do! You were that old man who used to give us candy in that dark alley right behind the stadium before I grew up to be the star player of the Zanarkand Abes!  
All: _(Stares at Old Man)_  
Old Man: Heheh… _(Chuckles nervously)_ S-sonny, why don't you just move along now…  
Tidus: But you never gave me my candy after I told Mommy that you kept telling us to come back the next day…  
Old Man: Boy, just move along! _(Runs away)_  
Auron: …Wow, even Tidus can do some smart things without knowing it.  
Yuna: …Rarely.  
_The gang moves on to be stopped by a memory of the pyreflies.  
A young child with familiar blue hair is seen with a woman. It should be his mother._  
Tidus: Hey, doesn't that blue hair seem familiar?  
Wakka: Ya, it looks like the head of someone we once worshipped so dearly… Rest in peace.  
Yuna: _(Hits him on the head)_ You mean _you _worshipped, you fool.  
Auron: Didn't we see him just recently?  
Rikku: Oh no, I think that was at that birthday party we forgot to invite him to.  
Lulu: It's because no one invited him and he came in to interrupt…  
_Child: Mother! Why are you doing this? You shouldn't!  
Mother: Seymour…I have to. I have to do this in order to save Spira._  
All: 'Seymour'!?  
Tidus: No wonder his hair annoyed me. Boo! _(Throws popcorn at the scene being played in front of them)_  
_Child: But Mother, I don't want you to become an Aeon! You can't!_  
Rikku: What?  
_Mother: Seymour, you will understand all in due time. I will become the fayth. It's the only way. So, come now!  
The scene ends.  
_Tidus: Wait, that just made no sense…  
Yuna: …Let's move on.  
_The crew moves on to only witness another scene from years ago. This time, they see Braska, Auron, and Jecht._  
Tidus: _(Gasps)_ Daddy! He's alive!  
Auron: _(Hits his head)_ You dolt of a child! He's been alive! Didn't you listen to what I said before?  
Tidus: _(Sniffles)_ But I've never seen him in human form after so long… Why must you deprive me of this happiness?!  
_Jecht: You know…once we get back, I'm going to the whore house.  
Auron: Oh, word?! Me too!  
Braska: (Sighs) Again? You guys are diminishing the gil in our savings account, you know…  
Auron: Well, how much do we have left?  
Braska: 10 of what we started with.  
Jecht: …100 gil?  
Braska: Precisely. Jecht, you must've done your homework!  
Jecht: Hehe. I try…  
Auron: Well, what are we waiting for then? Let's go see the Wizard of Oz!  
(The 3 skip off to "We're Off to Meet the Wizard".)  
_All: ... _(Stares at Auron)_  
Yuna: Please tell me you were drunk at that time.  
Auron: W-what? The Wizard of Oz was a hit back in my days! _(Grumbles)_  
All: _(Sighs)_  
_(They go on to see another scene of the 3, still "skipping to my lou".)  
Auron: Wait! Stop!  
(They stop skipping and unlink arms.)  
Jecht: Huh? What's wrong, Auron? We're almost there!  
Auron: Jecht, don't you understand? This is the end of the line.  
Jecht: W-what ever do you mean, Auron?  
Auron: Braska can't go on! He'll die!  
Jecht: I know.  
Auron & Braska: You what!?  
Jecht: Yea, I know. I know everything. Some Al Bhed whore told me. And needless to say, I am very shocked at you for letting this charade go on, Auron!  
Auron: What? How is this my fault?  
Jecht: You promised me that all 3 of us would go to the whore house after this together! But if Braska's going to die, how many people does that leave us?  
Auron: Uh…  
Jecht: Let me do the math for you- 3- and a half! Only 3 and a half to go to the whore house! Does that make 3?! Huh!?  
_All: …  
Yuna: Well, now we know where Tidus gets it from…  
Tidus: _(Sniffles)_ That's right, Dad! You do that math! _(Wails)_  
All: …  
_And so…they move on once again- only to be stopped by the Cloister of Trials._  
Tidus: W-what is this? Why are there so many panels on the floor?  
Rikku: Ooh! We can play hopscotch, guys!  
Yuna: Quiet, fool. Auron, you should know this thing well.  
Auron: E-excuse me?  
Yuna: You were here before. And these things never change. Go on. Get a move on already while we wait here for your return. _(Shoos him away)_  
Auron: Hey, this was never my forte! We always sent Jecht to do this stuff.  
Yuna: Don't you watch him do it?  
Auron: Of course not. Braska and I were always busy playing cards while he did all this stuff… _(Scratches his head)_ Or drinking…  
Yuna: What was that?  
Auron: Nothing!  
Tidus: Well, the faster we finish this, the sooner we can see you to your doom.  
Yuna: Excuse _me?_  
Tidus: Nothing! _(Walks away)_  
_The crew witnesses Jecht complaining about the Cloister of Trials here and continues on after they are done. And inside, they come face-to-face with…_  
Rikku: Oh my gosh! It's King Kong! _(Points to the beast, Spectral Keeper)_  
Spectral Keeper: Hey! Don't compare me to those American no-lives! I am far more superior than them.  
Tidus: Bad breath alert! _(Holds his nose)_  
Wakka: It smells more than my coconut lime shampoo!  
Yuna: I told you to stop using that stuff!  
Wakka: Never! My scalp can't live without it!  
Spectral Keeper: Hmph. How rude. I guess I should show you some manners like Lady Yunalesca ordered me to…  
Squall: Fear not! I shall save you all! _(Steps forward with his gunblade)_  
Lulu: Umm…Mr. Leonheart, honey…  
Squall: Yes?  
Lulu: This isn't exactly the kind of job you were created for… You should step back and let us handle this.  
Squall: Why? Do you fear that I am incapable of protecting you?  
Lulu: _(Blushes)_ Oh no! That's not it at all! I trust your skills very much.  
Wakka: …Lulu's not a virgin. _(Coughs)_  
Squall: What!?  
Lulu: _(Turns red and angry now)_ Wakka!  
Wakka: It's true. Check out the sequel! _(Runs off)_  
Squall: Ugh… I'm disgusted now.  
Lulu: No! Wait!  
Rikku: _(Clears her throat)_ If anything, Squall, I wouldn't mind having my knight in shining armor protecting me now… _(Digs her foot into the ground)_  
Auron: …I raped Rikku. _(Clears his throat)_  
Rikku: What?!  
Squall: What?! Ugh. What's wrong with you people? You're all disgusting. I'm out of here.  
Rikku: N-no! Wait, Squall! You've got this all wrong! _(Runs away crying)_  
All: … _(Stares at Auron)_  
Auron: …W-what? It's a joke. Haven't you all ever heard of one?! Heheh…hah… _(Runs off too)_  
_(It's true. Auron just made up the lie for the heck of it.)_  
Squall: Isn't there anyone else who's sane these days in this game?!  
Yuna: Shut up already! Man up! I'm off to kill him.  
Tidus: You can't do this on your own!  
Yuna: …You were molested by that guy.  
Tidus: W-what? What's that 'molest' word?!  
Squall: …At least someone's normal…  
Spectral Keeper: Hey! Why do you guys keep ignoring me and starting your own Jerry Springer dramas? I'm going to kill you all now!  
_They all kill the demon. Hurray!_

Tune in next time for another exciting adventure!


	34. What Hurts the Most

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Final Fantasy-related.

Act 34: What Hurts the Most

_The crew has finally reached their destination- Zanarkand. _

_(After all these painful shoots, day after day, hours after hours- they would finally be finished…or would they?)_

_They get off the elevator, only to be surprised by a certain somebody in the Chamber of the Fayth…_

All: Gah!

Tidus: Oh my gosh, it's you!

Luceil: Yes. It is I. How good it is to see that you've made it this far.

Tidus: Daddy!?

Luceil: Huh?!

Tidus: Daddy, it's me, Tidus! Your son! _(He hugs the Fayth.)_

Luceil: …Uh, what's going on?

Rikku: Uh…he's been getting the impression that everyone is his daddy.

Yuna: Sure…_sugar_ daddy.

All: _(Snickers)_

Tidus: _(Wails)_ See! That's what I mean! She's always making me feel so sad, Daddy

Luceil: Hahah… Umm, there, there… _(Tries to pry Tidus off, but to no avail. He stops and sighs.)_ Would you guys mind…?

Wakka: Oh, sure. _(Goes off to try to pull Tidus off)_

Tidus: N-no! They can't separate us again, Daddy! Daddy! Please!

Luceil: I'm too young to be your dad!

Yuna: That's not what Kevin Federline said…

Wakka: Ugh… He really is unpryable. Rikku, come over here and help out, ya?

Rikku: _(Sighs)_ Men. _(She walks over and tries to pull Tidus off along with Wakka.)_ Damn! What did this boy do, super glue himself to him when we weren't looking?

Luceil: Hahah… I do hope not…

Tidus: Why would you try to separate us when we've finally find each other at last? You demons! You guys are all conspiring against me, aren't you? You guys never really wanted me to be happy! Or- _(Gasp)_ you've never were on my side before, were you?!

Rikku: What? Ok, someone's going a bit _coo coo_ over here…

Tidus: I heard that!

Rikku: I meant for you too, idiot! _Damn it. I said things out loud again, didn't I?_

Wakka: _(Scratches his head)_ You even think too loudly too.

Rikku: _(Gasp)_ I need tin foil- stat! _(Walks away)_

Wakka: … 'Tin foil'?

Lulu: To stop the intermission of electromagnetic waves.

Auron: Ssh! We're religious folks here. We don't believe in all that science mumbo jumbo! You're wasting your breath, toots.

Luceil: Umm…Lady Yuna & company…? Could you…?

Yuna: No. Don't try to ask me for any favors, you slut.

Luceil: Wha… Excuse me?

Yuna: You heard me. Look at you, parading around in that swimsuit like it's summer all over again. Don't you have any shame? And of all things to wear- it's a _horrid_ green. What are you, a grasshopper?

Luceil _(Speechless)_ Why- I… Who are you?!

Yuna: Yuna, the Greatest Animal Master Tamer in all of Spira- in the flesh. _(Smirks)_

All: _(Shakes their head)_ Cruel cruel world…

Luceil: The Lady Yuna I knew was beautiful…

Yuna: Yep.

Luceil: …kind…

Yuna: Of course.

Luceil: …and so elegant! Where is she now?

Yuna: In your face, idiot. You don't have to look elsewhere for me.

Luceil: What? Why, I am most insulted.

Yuna: Yea, me too. I didn't know I would be _gracing_ a slut with my presence. My gosh, even in death, you're still a whore.

Luceil: _(Speechless)_

Tidus: She's always like that. It's best not to argue with her.

Luceil: _(Breathes deeply) _I see.

Lulu: So, Captain Luceil, why are you here? Is there something you need to tell us?

Luceil: As a matter of fact, yes. Just to tell you, there's no Fayth for the Final Aeon here.

Yuna: _(Rolls her eyes and scoffs) _Thanks for the late information. _(Steps on the glass floor)_ We can tell since we've been here for a good 10 minutes already without me summoning anything. Duh!

Luceil: _(Frowns)_

Wakka: So…we wasted our time coming here?

Luceil: Not exactly…

Auron: Of course we didn't, you fools! We got to spend so much quality time with Master Yuna!

Yuna: Oh, you flatter me so. Plus 10!

Auron: Oh, you are the one flattering me, Master Yuna! _(Bows)_

All: …Suck up.

Luceil: Please, if you all would step inside into Lady Yunalesca's chambers- you will understand. _(Fades away)_

Tidus: D-Daddy? Where'd you go?! Not again! I didn't lose you again, did I?! _(Cries)_

Rikku: Um, I think she's the one who lost _you._

Tidus: _(Wails)_

Yuna: _(Sighs)_ Alright. It's time to end this charade.

Wakka: _(Gasps)_ You mean…?

Lulu: _(Gulps)_ It's finally time…

Squall: I can finally collect that check with my name on it…

Auron: We can go to that whore house now…

Rikku: I can stop brain waves from telepathically entering others' heads…

Tidus: Daddy will come back…

Yuna: Let's go, gang.

_They all enter within the Chamber of the Fayth._

_Inside is vast deep space scenery, leaving nothing but ruins as landscape. Yunalesca stands before everyone who had entered._

Yunalesca: Ah, I see that it is little Yuna who had made it at last.

Yuna: Hmph. Yunalesca. _(Bows reluctantly)_

All: _(Gasps)_ _Did Yuna just bow to someone else?!_

Yuna: H-hey! Don't get me wrong! She's definitely my idol!

Yunalesca: Hahah… No need for the formalities. After all, your father did name you after me. Now, what is it that I can do for you?

Yuna: Where is that Final Aeon you promised us all?

Yunalesca: Oh? Didn't you read the fine print?

All: 'Fine print'?

Yunalesca: Yuna never told you all? She contracted herself in to becoming a Summoner.

All: There was a 'contract'?!

Yunalesca: Yes. And there was supposed to be a Final Aeon granted to her as her reward in order to "save mankind" in the end. Heh, funny how a child would obey so simply.

Yuna: _(Turns red)_

Auron: So…where is it?

Yunalesca: Oh, it's you again. I thought you would know at least the second time around, _Auron._

Auron: _(Growls)_

Yunalesca: _(Chuckles)_ Silly humans, there is no Fayth for the Final Aeon!

All: What?!

Rikku: Hey, what do you mean? Then why do Summoners die in the end?

Yunalesca: These stupid pilgrimages which you simple humans go on every time Sin is reborn…it's only to mask the truth. These… "Calms" which you call them, are all based on only one foundation. And that foundation is, "sacrifice".

Yuna: 'Sacrifice'…

Yunalesca: That's right. The only way you can get a Final Aeon is by summoning it- through one of your Guardians.

All: What?!

Yunalesca: You must choose one Guardian wisely to become your Fayth. You and that Guardian must have a strong bond. Your Guardian will become the Final Aeon himself.

Lulu: What is this madness?

Yunalesca: This is the secret which has never left this room before. I'm surprised you didn't tell them anything, Auron.

Auron: _(Shakes his head)_ I'm just a degenerate drunk who goes to whore houses and reads _Samurai Monthly_ magazines! Of course no one would listen to me!

All: …

Yunalesca: A thousand years ago, I also did the same thing. But I made my choice. I chose my husband, Lord Zaon to become my Final Aeon.

Yuna: You sacrificed him?

Yunalesca: He was the one I loved dearly… We had no regrets. _(Smiles)_

_A scene showing Braska, Auron, and Jecht shows. They are standing in front of Yunalesca themselves._

_Braska: This…can't be… I have to sacrifice one of my Guardians to become the Final Aeon?_

_Jecht: …Grr… I'll do it._

_Auron: What? No. Don't be rash. You have a wife and a kid back home._

_Jecht: Bah. My wife's probably moved on, and my kid's a wuss._

Tidus: _(Sniffles)_ That's not my daddy…

_Braska: …Jecht…_

_Jecht: Hey, there's no turning back for me now, y'know. (Turns to Auron) Sorry, buddy. I guess we can't go to that whore house we promised to go to after anymore. (Grins) I'll see ya on the flipside, I guess._

_Auron: No! Stop! Why should we have to do this? Why do you have to sacrifice yourselves since Sin will come back after every Calm? It's a waste! It's nonsense! This is ridiculous! We would've come this far for nothing!_

_Braska & Jecht: …_

_Auron: Guys? Come on. You're not really going to…_

_Braska: Good bye, Auron. Thank you for following me for so long. (Smiles) Please take care of my daughter for me._

_Jecht: Yea, and my little boy. He'll need someone after I'm gone. (Grins)_

_The two turn to leave Auron, and the present Auron, angry at himself with guilt and regret, will take out his sword and begin slashing at his past self._

_After the scene ends, everyone is left to discuss what to do._

Yuna: Well, this is the end, guys.

Lulu: …I'll do it.

Wakka: Ya mon. Count me in. _(Scratches his head)_

Yuna: You guys…

Lulu: We're only volunteering because we're like family- a family which never agreed with each other.

Yuna: …But, don't you and Wakka bang in the sequel?

All: … Eew…

Lulu: Ignore that!

Tidus: No way!

All: What?

Tidus: Hey, why should we have to go through all this if Sin will just keep coming back? We're wasting our time like everyone else!

Yuna: _(Grabs him by the collar)_ Do you know what you're saying? We can't stop Sin if we don't do this! Everyone's been waiting for the Calm, Tidus!

Lulu: _(Shakes her head)_ You can't always have everything in life, Tidus.

Wakka: Ya. We can't have Sin dead, and Yuna alive.

Yuna: Hey!

Tidus: No! We can have that!

Auron: Even if it means sacrificing your own father?

Tidus: …_ (Slowly nods his head and gulps)_ Yea, even if it means that. I will find a way! I promised you, right? Yuna…

Yuna: …

Tidus: Yuna, I promise you- I will find a way. I will make sure that happens!

Yunalesca: So, have you all made your decision?

All: Kya!

Yunalesca: …I've been standing here all along, you know…

Tidus: We're not doing this!

Yuna: Tidus!

Tidus: Ssh, let me do all the talking!

Yuna: _(Hits him on the head)_ You're only going to get us killed with your speeches! So shut up already.

Tidus: Oww…

Yunalesca: _(Sighs)_ Sin will always be reborn, whether you like it or not, boy. So you're the _son _of Sin. Hmph. How ironic.

Tidus: Hey! It's because they had no choice. Your tempted them with your loose clothing…

Auron: …That's probably why those two were so eager to go…

Rikku: So…does that mean you're gay, Auron?

All: _(Stares at him)_

Auron: W-what?! No! That's absurd! Don't listen to her! She's paranoid!

Squall: May I speak now?

All: No!

Squall: Aaw…

Lulu: But, if us humans atone for everything, Sin will be gone!

Wakka: Yea. Religion taught us that!

Yunalesca: No. Whatever they taught you are all just lies. Humans will never atone for anything. They are selfish and greedy creatures who know nothing but themselves. When do you think, will they try to atone? Hope, is the last resort for Spira.

Yuna: No. You're wrong!

Yunalesca: Excuse me?

Yuna: Daddy wanted to save Spira, not cover it up with lies! If he knew what he was going to get himself into, he wouldn't have signed that stupid contract! He was definitely not going to sacrifice himself to save our stupid world!

Rikku: Wow, Uncle was actually such a selfish person?

Squall: …You know, this would explain everything.

All: Like?

Squall: Well, since Tidus' father, Jecht, is currently Sin. He was the Final Aeon, right? So the Final Aeon would be Sin afterwards.

Yunalesca: Argh…

Squall: And then crazy Seymour, he wanted to be Yuna's bitch for so long- it was only to become the next Sin too.

Rikku: …You know, maybe Seymour would've been a better candidate to become the next Sin.

All: Yea…

Yunalesca: You! How dare you mock me!

Tidus: This is unfair to us! We're not pawns in your stupid game!

_Tidus, who exploded out of anger, rushes towards Yunalesca with his sword. The past Auron did the same thing too, but only to be struck down by her._

Yunalesca: _(Growls)_ Fools! How dare you not follow in everyones' footsteps! Very well, I challenge you to start something anew!

_The crew fights bitterly against Yunalesca and her 3 monstrous forms. They won. But alas, what can they do now…?_

_Yunalesca is being sent to the Farplane. But for her last words…_

Yunalesca: You fools! The only way to defeat Sin is gone! Since you've killed me, the Final Aeon is no more! You won't win against Sin even if you try, because Yu Yevon will just summon Sin again. And Yu Yevon is immortal…

All: …

_Although everyone is unsettled now, they leave the room. As everyone else heads towards the elevator, Auron stops Tidus in the Chamber of the Fayth._

Auron: Tidus, I too, am also an Unsent.

Tidus: What?

Auron: My emotional attachment kept me from leaving this world to the next, like Mika and Seymour. Yunalesca was the one who damaged me. So I made my way down to Mt. Gagazet, and eventually into Bevelle. That's when I met Kimahri, and told him to take care of Yuna. Those were my last words as a living man, as I fell into a dead. Ever since, I've been riding with Jecht to watch over you for 10 long years.

Tidus: But why…?

Auron: As I've said before, it's a promise to Jecht.

_A scene replays, showing Jecht telling Auron to watch over his son._

Tidus: _(Sniffles)_ That is so sad… So, where were you all the times when Uncle Mel was giving me candy?

Auron: Uh…

Tidus: I had to tell my _mom_ about it, you know. And what about my little blitzball league games? How come you never came?

Auron: Umm…I did…

Tidus: Really? What position did I play then?

Auron: Err…_star_ position?

Tidus: Yes, I know…

Auron: Ahem. Anyway, let's leave. They're waiting for us.

_When the crew leaves the temple, outside of the ruins, Sin is watching them from afar. He cries out. The airship then comes to pick them up._


	35. Makes Me Wonder

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Final Fantasy related.

Notes: Last chapter, I mentioned a 'Luceil' that greets them in the Chamber of the Fayth. I was wrong. I was probably on some kind of crack or sleepy at the time. The person is just "Unsent" or, "Daddy?".

Act 35: Makes Me Wonder

_The crew had finally defeated Yunalesca, the source of all the crazy pilgrimages! But has it all really _ended? _They all are picked up by the airship, where Yuna meets Uncle Cid…_

_(The two are staring each other down…)_

Rikku: Pops, this is your neice, my cousin- Yuna the Greatest Animal Master Trainer in All of Spira Ever!

Cid: … Rikku, why the long name? I thought her name was just 'Yuna'. Well, that's what my sister told me anyhow…

Yuna: Fool! How dare you mutter my honored mother's name so easily! Who do you think you are, _peasant?!_

All: _(Gasps)_

Rikku: B-but, Mistress Yuna! This is your beloved cousin, my father- Cid the Bald Guy Who Likes to Wear Jumpsuits and Commandeer Airships!

Cid: Hey!

Yuna: Hmph. I do not know of such a man.

Cid: _(Gasps)_ Oh! The heartbreak~ _(Looks away)_ Manaril! Forgive me! It is my fault for not attending your baby shower! I just didn't agree with your marriage with that white man…

Tidus: …Aren't you a white bread yourself…?

Wakka: That goes for you too, mon.

Rikku: Yea, Auron's the only one who's not white.

Auron: I'm Chinesey cause my eyes are like _this!_ _(Pulls his eyes to the side)_

Kimahri: _(Growls)_

RIkku: Right, Kimahri too.

Yuna: Enough! I will not tolerate any more foolishness! I will…retire to my room now. The gods have spoken to me!

Lulu: I thought you've quit that religion after what's happened…

Yuna: Silence! The gods have spoken! _(Leaves)_

Cid: _(Cries)_ That's not the Yuna I've heard about!

Tidus: Then what did you hear about?

Cid: Well, I heard she was calm, passive, kind, sincere, generous- and all these other good things… _(Twiddles thumbs)_

All: _Who told you all these lies?!_

Rikku: Well, now that Yunalesca is gone, what should we do now? All the other summoners who are going to Zanarkand are going to be disappointed.

Tidus: I'll go find Yuna.

Rikku: _(Gasps)_ Did you not hear? Mistress does not wish to be disturbed!

Tidus: Pssh. She can't do anything to me. I'm the main lead!

Wakka: Not in this movie you ain't.

All: _(Snickers)_

Tidus: H-hey! It's not my fault that I didn't know that the female lead was so domineering!

Auron: Uh oh! Back up! Tidus learned a new vocabulary word! Can you say, 'domineering'?

Tidus: No… It was only a one time thing.

Auron: … This is what happens when you take Playboy away from him.

Tidus: I refuse to look at Al Bhed women.

Rikku: Hey!

Tidus: No offense, but your people are pretty flat.

Rikku: _(Gasps)_ Blasphemy! _(Touches her chest)_ Yea, I think it's time to buy a Wonderbra.

All: …

Tidus: I mean, look at Yuna. She's only big because her father's a white man.

Wakka: And Lulu's ain't natural. _(Sniff)_ Makes a brother real sad, ya know?

Lulu: Didn't we say they were real?

Auron: You know, we said _so_ many things about them that we honestly don't know if they're real or not anymore.

Rikku: At least you still get male fans cause of those.

Lulu: _(Fixes them)_ And that is true.

Tidus: Uh… I'm going to see Yuna. _(Leaves)_

_He finds her in the cabin._

Tidus: Hey…

_(Yuna throws a sphere at him)_

Tidus: Oww! Hey! Why'd you do that to me? You know how many times I've gotten concussions just because you throw coffee cups at me!

Yuna: How dare you try to enter my room without permission! Do you know who I am?

Tidus: Uh…

Yuna: I'll tell you who! _(Flicks hair to the side)_ I am Yuna, the Greatest Animal Master Trainer in All of Spira Ever! _(Laughs manically)_

Tidus: … Yea, ok. We've been through this so many times already… So anyway, what should we do now- Mistress?

Yuna: Well, since we've finally rid of that skank, we can say that we are "free" to do as we please- but not really.

Tidus: Oh?

Yuna: Yu Yevon is still at large. He- or rather, _it_ still controls all of Spira through useless religious rants. It affects the peoples' daily lives without fail. We need to do something about it since we've been led astray by its teachings all this time!

Kimahri: Kimahri have idea.

Tidus: Whoa! _(Looks next to him)_ When did you get here, Kimahri?

Kimahri: Did Kimahri not tell you? Kimahri ninja. _(Does a pose)_

Tidus: …Why is everyone getting weirder and weirder?

Yuna: Go on.

Tidus: Hey! How come you didn't throw anything at him?! If I was you, I would- cause this guy looks _strange._

Kimahri: _(Growls)_

Yuna: He's a ninja. I can't detect his presence. You on the other hand, are a big bumbling oaf I can hear a mile away while you crash into walls every which way you walk.

Tidus: Hey, my hair was in the way! I think it's time for a haircut…

Yuna: _(Rolls her eyes)_ Anyhow, Kimahri, speak.

Kimahri: Bevelle. Mika might know what to do.

Yuna: Hah! Like I'd ask _him_ what to do! That sniveling wrinkling old crinkly bastard threw me into jail!

Kimahri: Mika leads Bevelle. We can take him prisoner.

Yuna: Hmm… That sounds good…

Tidus: But he's an old man!

Yuna: You shut up! Why are you still in here anyway?! Get out you fool! Out! _(Throws coffee cups at him)_

Tidus: Oww! Daddy! _(Runs out of the room)_

_Tidus returns to the bridge._

Rikku: Hey, Tidus! I have an idea!

Wakka: Uh… You mean _we_ have an idea.

Rikku: No. I'm taking all the credit so everyone would think you're still a useless idiot with an accent and bad hair.

Wakka: _(Sniffles)_ You didn't have to put it so blunt…

Rikku: Since we're going to fight Sin anyway, we should sing the Hymn of the Fayth!

Tidus: Why?

Rikku: Sin usually gets all fuzzy and warm when he hears it right? So we should sing it to calm him down! He'll be as harmless as a puppy!

Tidus: Hmm… I don't know Rikku, puppies have sharp teeth when they're young…

Rikku: Umm… That's not the point…

Auron: Oh, let it go. This boy is dense. We'll just stick to the plan.

Tidus: I'm not 'dense'! I just take some time to absorb what is being said to me.

Lulu: He means "slow", Sir Auron.

Auron: Ah, right.

Tidus: You guys are mean…

Cid: So boy, what'll it be?

Tidus: To Bevelle! We have some business to take care of!

_And so, the crew arrives at Bevelle's Highbridge…to be stopped by guards._

Tidus: Hey! What's the big deal!?

Rikku: Yea! Yuna, the Greatest Animal Master Trainer-…

Lulu: Rikku, shut the f**k up already will ya?!

All: _(Gasps)_

Lulu: I can't stand it anymore! She won't stop repeating the same f*****g line every single time! It's so annoying!

Yuna: Oh… So someone wishes to defy me…?

Lulu: _(Rolls eye) _You've been accusing me of that since the beginning, Yuna.

Yuna: Someone's just jealous that puberty made them unattractive… _(Scratches head)_

Lulu: _(Tries to lunge forward to hurt Yuna, but Wakka and Tidus hold her back)_

Guard #1: Umm… What do you guys want?

Guard #2: We don't welcome animal trainers anymore ever since the elephants pooped everywhere. It's so hard to clean off…

_Shelinda comes running._

Shelinda: Wait!

Rikku: Shelinda?

Shelinda: _(Catches her breath)_ Do not harm them!

Guard #1: Aren't they traitors?

Shelinda: They have been forgiven! Do not harm them!

Guard #2: Alright, Captain…-

Shelinda: DO NOT HARM THEM!

Guards: … We heard you already…

Shelinda: DO NOT-...

Yuna: _(Takes off her earphones)_ Can you hear me now?

Shelinda: Oh. Good. You guys are safe.

All: …

Shelinda: Welcome, Master Yuna. What is your reason for gracing us with your presence?

Yuna: Mika. Where is he?

Shelinda: Ah… You wish to see Maester Mika?

Tidus: Yea, and how come we're not branded as 'traitors' anymore? When did that happen?

Shelinda: Huh? When did that ever happen?

Tidus: Did you not watch tv!? We were all over the news when Mika said we were traitors of Spira!

Shelinda: But Maester Mika never proclaimed that fact! Oh no. You must've heard wrong.

Rikku: He threw us into the Via Purifico!

Shelinda: Oh, you must've been dreaming. Master Yuna would _never_ be a traitor! That's just a rumor you Al Bheds made up.

Rikku: What!?

Yuna: Oh? So Rikku, what are these talks of betrayal I'm hearing?

Rikku: N-no! It is not true, Master Yuna! _(Bows onto the ground)_ Oh, never I would speak those foul words! Never!

All: …

Auron: Kinoc is dead. Seymour's disappeared. And Kelk left Yevon. Mika's all on his own now. Who do you think will protect him if anything happened?

Tidus: Wow. You're actually smart once in awhile aren't you?

Auron: No. I'm reading my script actually.

Tidus: Oh.

Auron: "And that is why Yuna is his only hope. And which is why the Al Bhed are to blame."

Rikku: Ugh. That always happens.

Yuna: Hahah… He's looking to _me_ for help now. Very well, let us grace him with my presence then. Shelinda, lead the way!

Shelinda: As you wish, Master Yuna. Come, this way.

_She takes them into the inner court where Mika is waiting for them._

Mika: You! Why are you back again? Didn't you die already?

Yuna: _(Scoffs)_ Please, _me,_ die? Keep dreaming, Mika. What do you want? Why are you denying everything all of a sudden?

Mika: Pssh. Go off and fight Sin, then die alright? Why are you still here? Go already!

Yuna: We can't. We killed Yunalesca.

Mika: You what?! Yu Yevon cannot be destroyed through simple means! You've just destroyed the chances of defeating Sin! Good job, moron!

Yuna: What?! How dare you insult me!

Mika: Hah! Now that this world has no hope, I do not either. I take my leave.

_He sends himself to the Farplane._

Yuna: Wait a minute! How dare you leave on me like this! Coward!

_The Fayth shows up after Mika leaves. He invites Yuna & Tidus to his room._

Tidus: Kinda shady if you ask me…

Fayth: It is alright. I am but a mere child anyway. What will you do now, now that your chances of defeating Sin are gone?

Yuna: We're going to put an end to this. Why would you even ask such a stupid question?

Tidus: We actually had a plan. We wanted to sing the Hymn of the Fayth to Sin.

Yuna: …Who thought of this stupid idea?

Tidus: Umm…the others.

Yuna: Idiots…

Tidus: We can kill Yu Yevon like this!

Yuna: By singing a song?

Tidus: I don't know. _(Shrugs his shoulders)_ It _should_ work.

Fayth: Yu Yevon was a summoner once too. But now he is just summoning Sin. He is awake, but dreaming at the same time. He's actually not himself anymore. He's just constantly summoning Sin, his armor. Whenever Sin was defeated, Yu Yevon would just merge himself with that Ayeon's fayth in order to create a new Sin. It will keep repeating until you can go inside Sin and defeat Yu Yevon to put an end to all this. Only then will Sin be defeated.

Tidus & Yuna: …

Fayth: Did you get all that?

Tidus: …Huh? What happened? Did you say something?

Yuna: Yea, what was all that about?

Fayth: … _(Sighs)_ But once you defeat Yu Yevon, all dreams will cease living.

Tidus & Yuna: …

Tidus: Again, what?

Fayth: _(Sighs)_ Why is the fate of the world on their hands…?


	36. Nasty Breath

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Final Fantasy-related.

Act 36: Nasty Breath

_And so, the crew agrees with the Hymn of the Fayth plan. They try to put it to action as soon as possible._

Cid: Alright… I downloaded the latest volume of "Hey, Let's Sing Some Church Songs! Spira Edition". With that, we can put our plan to action to stop Sin!

All: …

Cid: What?

Rikku: Umm, are you sure that's the right song?

Cid: Of course I'm sure! It says 'Spira Edition'. Can't you read?!

Rikku: _(Takes a look on the computer screen)_ Umm. It says "Spiral". There's some dust on he screen. _(Brushes it off)_

Cid: …Oh. Ok. Give me a moment then, kids!

Wakka: _(Sighs)_

Tidus: What's up with you?

Wakka: Oh, nothing…

Tidus: No really, what's wrong?

Wakka: Nothing…

Tidus: But I want to know what's wrong.

Wakka: Stop asking me…

Tidus: But that's what friends do!

Wakka: What? 'Friends'? Who ever said that? Who lied to you!?

Tidus: _(Gasps)_ We're _not_ friends?!

Wakka: Of course not! I only used you because of your scrumptious booty…-

All: _(Stares at him)_

Wakka: W-what? I mean…you're the best blitzball player since Abe!

Lulu: I've never heard of an 'Abe' in your history of coaching…

Wakka: Ssh!

Auron: That would explain why he's stopped looking at Lulu's boobies for such a long time already.

Wakka: Hey! That's not true!

Lulu: Oh yea? Then what size are they?

Wakka: Double D's! I mean…

All: …

Rikku: Maybe he likes both girls _and _boys!

All: Eew…

Wakka: What?! You guys don't make any sense!

Cid: Ok children! I got it now! Let's put it on full blast…

_(The music that ends up playing is __**Marc Anthony – I Need to Know**__)_

All: …

Cid: Hmm… That'd odd…

Wakka: Ooh! That's my jam!

Rikku: Whoa! T.M.I.

Cid: Let me go look again…

Auron: Let me google that for you, Cid.

Yuna: _(Sighs)_

Tidus: What's wrong?

Yuna: Don't you dare ask me that! I'll tell you now that I'm not your friend either! I only approached you cause my period finished and I was feeling _really_ horny.

Tidus: …

Rikku: Ooh! Tidus was just a booty call!

Tidus: I was!?

Yuna: Oh yea. Why do you think I call you to my room every night once a month?

Tidus: _(Cries)_

Lulu: Wow, Yuna. That's a new low- even for you.

Yuna: What was that?

Auron: Ok guys, we finally got it- thanks to _me._

Rikku: So you finally did something useful for once besides those stupid Samurai Monthly magazines you keep?

Auron: I only have 2 subscriptions left!

Rikku: Why can't you just cancel them?!

Auron: Because I might waste the rest of our money on alcohol instead.

Rikku: You already buy sake on the side…

Auron: Oh, right. I'm not even finished. Hic! _(Walks away to drink)_

Cid: Ok! I finally got this right!

_The Hymn of the Fayth finally plays._

Tidus: _(Sighs)_ That means it's time…Dad.

_Sin is seen becoming destructive. But as the hymn continues playing, he eventually grows docile and is attracted to the source of the music. He comes towards the airship and the crew battles it out._

_After he is defeated, Sin's body gives up, and he ends up falling. _

All: Yay!

Tidus: We're done! We won!

Yuna: No. This is far from over.

Tidus: Why?

Yuna: We have to get inside of Sin and fight Yu Yevon before it is all over.

Tidus: Wow. Yuna, you sound so smart right now.

Yuna: _(Flicks his forehead)_

Tidus: Oww!

Yuna: I always am smart- _imbecile._

Tidus: But isn't Yu Yevon immortal in a way?

Yuna: Not quite. Yu Yevon takes the form of an aeon. I will summon my own, which are weak compared to Sin. Therefore, Yu Yevon will merge with them, weakening his "immortal" status. We can defeat him then.

Tidus: Wow. You're such a genius.

Yuna: I know. Don't flatter me anymore. Please. …But what about when he's gone… What will happen then… The fayth would stop dreaming after Yu Yevon is defeated… _(She looks at Tidus, who is busy picking his nose.)_ …Ok, that was a waste of my time. _(Scratches head)_

_Rikku makes an announcement to both Tidus & Yuna, telling them to report to the bridge. _

_Sin will ascend back to the airship's level for another round._

_After he is defeated, Sin's mouth will open, creating a path into the monster's body._

All: Eew! _(Holds their noses)_

Rikku: When was the last time he brushed?!

Tidus: Whales don't brush their teeth!

Wakka: Geez man! Someone needs to chew some Orbit!

Auron: Ugh… This must be what happens when you don't buy a toothbrush for some months on a pilgrimage…

Kimahri: _(Growls)_

Lulu: Maybe Waterga will help freshen his breath a bit…

Yuna: Ugh… Good thing he's going to die…

_As the airship enters Sin's mouth, a giant evil eye and a familiar evil laughter is heard._


	37. The Final

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Final Fantasy-related.

Act 37: The Final

_And so, the crew enters the insides of Sin's body. The airship lands itself on the ground._

_The crew descends._

Rikku: Eew! The floor's all squishy and wet!

Lulu: Ugh! My dress is dragging onto it…

Wakka: Eek! I can't handle all this squishiness at once!

Tidus: My shoes-s-s!

Kimahri: _(Growls)_ Kimahri no wear shoes…

Auron: So this is how the insides of a whale looks like…

Yuna: _(Holds her nose)_ It stinks.

Cid: _(Over the speakers)_ Ok children! Come back in an hour or so!

All: What? Why?

Cid: Cause I have to give the airship a good bath! _(He is on top of the airship on the roof actually, and is scrubbing it with a toothbrush.)_ Go on! I'll be done in an hour after you guys defeat Yu Yevon!

All: … _With a toothbrush!?_

Rikku: He must not be able to afford any window washers…

Tidus: Sure he can. He just needs to lure them over with tacos and burritos.

Auron: Hey… I've been fooled!

Wakka: Why, Sir Auron?

Auron: The insides of a whale look like…an endless sky full of clouds, waterfalls, and glass floors.

All: …

Yuna: Someone order a subscription of National Geographic for him.

Auron: Ooh! New magazines!

Lulu: Do we venture deeper?

Yuna: Duh! Use your brains, not boobs Lulu.

Lulu: _(Growls)_

Tidus: Why would Yu Yevon be in a place like this, Yuna?

Yuna: Uh…cause the Fayth said so?

Tidus: But it's the insides of a whale!

Yuna: Ok first off, this isn't a 'whale'. Second, didn't you listen to what the Fayth said throughout the game?

Tidus: No. You know you didn't either.

Yuna: …Yea, I know.

Wakka: This place is weird though. It's more of an endless maze than the insides of a whale.

Rikku: Yea. Have you guys checked out the mini map? _(Points to the top left corner)_ We're getting nowhere!

Auron: It's time for…-

All: No Samurai Monthly maps!

Auron: What are you guys talking about? _(Pulls out a _Final Fantasy X_ walkthrough) _Who would use such a thing? Yeesh.

All: _You!_

Auron: Hmm… Alright gang, follow me! This way please! _(Walks off with the book in his hands)_

All: …

Rikku: Should we…

Tidus: …follow him?

Yuna: It's a cheat. He might be onto something. Onwards! _(Follows Auron)_

_(And so, with Auron actually doing something useful with his life- the gang follows him through this crazy maze.)_

Tidus: Ooh! Look! Treasure!

Rikku: _(Gasps)_ Hold me back guys! I suffer from kleptomaniac-ism!

Auron: Hey! _(Touches his hips frantically)_ Where's my sake jar?!

Rikku: _(Looks in her hand)_ Oh. I'm holding it for you…for some reason… Heheh…

Auron: _(Glares at her and snatches it back from her)_ Are you alright, my precious-s-s-s?

All: …

Yuna: This place is strange. There are random waterfalls everywhere…

Auron: Well, this guidebook here tells me that these paths are random. If we try to grab a treasure chest, we can't go up or down the same way we can from. We'd have to go around again.

Lulu: And…we already have a victim.

All: 'Victim'? _(They all turn to see Rikku sliding down the little waterfall, trying to swim back up frantically to touch the treasure chest.)_

Rikku: _(Cries)_ G-go on without me! I'm suffering from kleptomaniac-ism!

_Everyone leaves Rikku to her helplessness._

Rikku: H-hey, wait up guys! _(She gets up immediately and chases after them.)_ I can change! I'll seek help! Please don't leave me-e-e!

_The crew continues their perilous journey through the Sea of Sorrow, aka the insides of Sin._

Tidus: Hey, you guys. Is it just me, or is this the really last act?

Lulu: What 'last act'?

Tidus: Well, the authoress hasn't touched this story for a long, long time, and apparently this is the last chapter she should've been working on before. Do you know how old this game is?

Wakka: Well, humor never grows old if anything. She's really stepped up her game since the first act, mon.

Auron: Yea, remember how she used to write using those stupid smiley faces? I mean, it's a fan fiction for god's sake! You don't use smiley faces in a fan fiction story!

Tidus: Hey, your sake is missing again.

Auron: Gah! _(He starts searching his hips frantically again.)_

Tidus: Karma much?

Kimahri: Kimahri no like "good bye's". _(Shakes his head)_

Rikku: Aw, cheer up! It's not "good bye" because there's a sequel!

Lulu: Well, the only ones who don't get to appear in the sequel are Tidus and Sir Auron anyway.

_Tidus and Auron embrace each other and cry._

Rikku: Is Auron crying because he doesn't get to appear in the sequel, or that he just found out that his sake bottle broke? _(He points to Auron's wet, soaked leg.)_

Lulu: I'm willing to bet my gil that it's on the sake.

Yuna: Hmph!

Lulu: What is it now, Yuna?

Yuna: That's alright. I don't have to see anymore sniveling imbeciles in my future embarks then! _(Flips her hair to the side)_

Wakka: Aww. _(Pokes her)_ Admit it, mon. You're gonna miss us!

Yuna: _(Smacks his hand away)_ No I will not. I'm tired of you slowpokes who keep delaying my journey! Don't you know who I am? _(She puts a hand on her chest.)_

Tidus: I know you might pop that balloon-filled bra of yours.

_They all laugh._

Yuna: Hah. Hah. Very funny. Just you wait! In 2 years, these will be bigger!

Rikku: She means the character developers decided to appease the male audience by giving her an extra cup size.

_They laugh again._

Auron: _(Clears his throat)_ Children! _(Taps on his broken sake bottle to get their attention)_ Yuna is right. We will not be seeing each other again after this last act gets posted onto . Furthermore, I think we should all get into a group hug formation right now.

All: Why?

Auron: _(Starts sniffling)_ B-because…I have a dependency disorder on you guys! Wah-h-h! _(Cries into Lulu's chest)_

Lulu: _(Pushes him off)_ I guess he's always been dependent on the comfort of my chest as the best place to look at when I speak.

Rikku: Um, that's actually what all the men think.

Lulu: Shut it, flatty.

Rikku: _(Gasps and cries into Kimahri's arms)_

Kimahri: _(Glares a Lulu and pats Rikku's back)_

_The crew eventually make their way to the foot of a staircase with a save sphere at it._

Tidus: Well, I would guess that this is the end of the line then.

Rikku: Our last battle together?

Auron: No more crazy singing trio?

Wakka: You mean quartet!

Tidus, Rikku, & Auron: No.

Wakka: _(Cries)_

_They continue up the stairs to meet their archrival again- Seymour Guado._

Seymour: Ah, Lady Yuna! You have come to bestow your final presence onto me, Seymour Guado? I am quite honored.

Yuna: _(Puts her palm to her face)_ I can't believe even in the last act we have to meet again, Seymour. Has anyone ever told you that you're very persistent in an obnoxious way?

Seymour: No one but you have bestowed such lovely words onto me before, Lady Yuna! Please! Say mean things about me some more!

All: _Is he a machoist…?_

Tidus: Why are you even here anyway? Are you trying to reenact the story of Pinocchio?

Seymour: _(Chuckles)_ Why of course not, silly boy. Sin absorbed me, and now I have become part of him! I will learn to harness Sin's powers and will control him to do my biddings!

Auron: This must've been his plan from the start.

Seymour: And thanks to you, Lady Yuna, there is nothing to stop me anymore. You killed Yunalesca, which means there are no Final Aeons to stop Sin from causing destructing to all of Spira.

Yuna: Hmm. For some reason, I knew it was a bad idea.

Seymour: Lady Yuna, will you not join me to lead the destruction of Spira?

Yuna: Umm…no. I'm sick of your freaky dream fetishes, Seymour. I get nightmares just sleeping on the idea that you'd still be alive somewhere in this world. I'm going to take care of you once and for all!

_And so the gang immerses in a battle against Seymour._

Tidus: Hey Yuna, why don't you try summoning that Aeon we got from Baaj Temple?

Yuna: Hm? Oh, _that_ Aeon?

Seymour: Hm? What aeon?

Yuna: Haha… Stand back! _(She summons her aeon.)_

_Anima appears and stares Seymour down._

Seymour: _(Gasps)_ M-mama?

Anima: Oh, so my own little boy knows who his mother is now all of a sudden hm? Where have you been all these years?

Seymour: I-I've been…studying…under Father to become a proper Maester…

Anima: Lies!

Seymour: _(Cringes)_ Eek!

Anima: Why haven't you come visit me even once at the temple? I didn't let you turn me into an Aeon just so you can freeload off my powers! What have I taught you all these years, huh!? What kind of a son are you, to be so disrespectful to the one who bore you? You know, back in my days, we would honor thy mother and father respectfully…

_And so, Anima lectures Seymour to death about being a dutiful son. Seymour's HP count: 0. The battle with Seymour is finally over._

All: …

Tidus: Wow, that was uh…unexpected.

Anima: You are welcome, young ones.

Yuna: Thanks a lot. I always knew you'd be a great mother-in-law.

Anima: Oh. _(Giggles)_ That's behind us all. Seymour got what he truly deserved. Now go; the fate of the world is still in your hands…

_The crew is shipped to a place that looks like old Zanarkand._

Tidus: H-hey! This looks like home!

Auron: It is merely an illusion. Nothing will ever revive Zanarkand again.

_The crew continues on through the confusing maze where they eventually are led to the area where the crystal spikes attack from the ground. They are then shipped to Zanarkand._

Tidus: This definitely looks like home now…

Auron: Let us meet our guest down there.

Tidus: 'Guest'?

_The crew proceeds to see Jecht, waiting for them on a platform._

Tidus: Dad.

Auron: Jecht.

Jecht: Auron. Lady Yuna and company.

Yuna: Sir Jecht.

Tidus: H-hey, what about me, Dad?

Jecht: I'm glad to see that you have all made it here finally.

Tidus: Why is he ignoring me?!

Jecht: It's been too long.

Auron: Yes, it has.

Rikku: Eew… Don't tell me that there's going to be some type of "bromance" going on.

_Auron and Jecht start crying._

All: ?!

Auron: W-we never really had a chance to go drinking again!

Jecht: A-are you still drinking that cheap Japanese liquor?

Auron: It's n-not cheap! They're expensive!

Jecht: Yea. I remember you used to spend all our savings on Japanese liquor.

Auron: Well, you always spent it on Al Bhed hookers.

Jecht: Hey hey, you get what you pay for, right?

All: …

Yuna: _(Clears her throat)_ I think we should get on with this. Jecht, I am here to vanquish you!

Jecht: Ah, that's fine with me. It's been…too long.

Rikku: No more sappy stories please!

Tidus: Dad, I was singing for you! Didn't you hear it?

Jecht: Hm? Oh. Oh! Hey, who brought this kid here?

Tidus: Dad, I've been standing here all this time.

Jecht: Who brought him here? Gosh, I can't let him see me like this! No! Don't look! I am ashamed of myself… _(Crawls into a little ball and cries)_

All: …

Jecht: _(Clears his throat and composes himself)_ Sorry. I get a bit emotional when I think I see my son. _(Tears) _I haven't seen him in so long!

Tidus: Dad, I'm right here.

Jecht: Oh. What?! Why are you here?

Tidus: I was the one who thought of the idea to sing the Hymn of the Fayth, Dad! Aren't you proud of me?

Jecht: Yea, kay whatever. I can't even hear it anymore. You wasted your time, son.

Tidus: _(Gasps)_

Yuna: Let's just do this.

Jecht: Bring it, little girl.

_Jecht transforms into his Aeon form. The crew defeats him. Yay._

Tidus: Dad!

Jecht: Ugh…! _(He falls to the ground where Tidus catches him.)_ Uh… Tidus? Is that you, my boy?

Tidus: Yes, yes it is, Dad! I'm right here. Don't worry. Everything will be fine.

Jecht: Ah… It's too late for me, Tidus. Nothing can save me now. I will be nothing but a dream…

Auron: We all are, Jecht.

_Yu Yevon appears._

Tidus: You leave him alone!

Lulu: It's here.

Wakka: Oh man, oh man! I haven't even been able invest in a lifetime supply of coconut oil shampoo yet! I can't die now, mon!

Rikku: And I haven't been cured of my illness yet!

Wakka: What would that be?

Rikku: Being a kleptomaniac.

Wakka: Hey, where's my shampoo?

Rikku: … _(Gives it back to him with a nervous smile)_

Wakka: _(Snatches it back from her with a glare)_

_Yu Yevon takes the crew to a place where no one else can be… It is the final frontier._

Yuna: Guys, remember the plan! I will summon the Aeons so he will merge with them.

Rikku: Then why did we bother to collect all the Aeons if we're going to just kill them?

Lulu: Hm. She's right, for once.

Wakka: God, why did we waste our lives doting on you and urging you to become the Final Summoner then? I could've been making babies with Lulu!

Lulu: I do not want your babies.

Wakka: Aw man.

Kimahri: Kimahri could've been living in the mountain.

Tidus: That's a loser's life, Kimahri.

Rikku: I could be seeing Oprah to cure me!

Wakka: She's cancelling her show.

Rikku: No-o-o-o-o! The world is lost! _(Cries)_

_And the crew continues on with their mission. They kill all the Aeons which Yu Yevon merged with._

Tidus: Hey guys, I have something to say. After this battle is over, I'm going to disappear.

All: Oh, good riddance. Finally. No more Tidus. Party!

Tidus: What?!

Yuna: _(Shrugs)_ You heard them.

_And so, they defeat Yu Yevon finally. Hurray. Let the final scene unravel._

_Yuna is sending all the Aeons to the Farplane, where they can finally rest in peace. Each one becomes a star in the sky, and the crew is amazed._

_Unfortunately, Yuna's Sending is also ending Tidus' existence. She realizes this and turns around to look at his transparent body._

Tidus: Yuna, I have to go.

Yuna: _(Shrugs)_ Ok.

Tidus: What? You're not gonna try and stop me?

Yuna: Why bother? You said you have to go, so just do it. I'm not stopping you, and neither is anyone else.

All: Yea. She's right. Nobody cares about you, Tidus. Good riddance. Bye. So long.

Tidus: _(Cries)_ How come nobody likes me-e-e? _(He turns to prepare to jump off the airship.)_

All: Wakka!

Tidus: Huh? Gah!

_Wakka tackles Tidus to the ground._

Tidus: Ew…get off! What's wrong with you? No homo!

Wakka: B-but I love you!

All: What?

Tidus: What happened to making babies with Lulu?

Wakka: That's just to cover up my homosexuality! Tidus, I love you! Don't leave me!

Tidus: Ok… Can we do a retake…?

_Kimahri pulls Wakka off of Tidus with one arm, and grabs Tidus in the other._

Kimahri: Kimahri will send Tidus off. _(He puts Wakka on the side and lifts Tidus with both arms over his head now at the edge of the airship.)_

Rikku: Um, Kimahri?

Kimahri: This. Is. Spira-a-a! _(Dumps Tidus overboard)_

Tidus: Gah-h-h-h!

_Tidus meets up with Braska, Auron, and Jecht as they fade away._

_Yuna is seen whistling at the pier in Luca._

Lulu: Yuna, it's time.

Yuna: …Ok.

_The airship picks Yuna up and takes her to the stadium where she makes her speech._

The End.


End file.
